Healing Separation Agreement: Fill & Download for Free

Does it bother a narcissist if you don’t act crazy or like you care?Yes, very much! The first sign of my NPD ex unmasking was a really strange event. I don’t remember the conversation before that led to me walking up the stairs with a dismissive comment to something he’d said but I will never forget the response. I was halfway up the stairs and he was standing below at the kitchen counter when he suddenly began to project his voice very loudly and in a way I’d never heard before. He began saying things, mentioning names and I just stopped and stared at him. I’d never heard those names before, I had no idea what on earth he was doing or talking about but he was very clearly trying to make it sound like there was some sort of argument going on where I was jealous. I thought he’d lost his mind and didn’t have the reaction he expected. Firstly because I have never been the jealous type about anything and secondly because I had no clue who he was talking about anyway.So I just looked at him and calmly said: “What are you doing?” It embarrassed him, he was trying to get a reaction and it didn’t work and he was left with egg on his face. He went over and sat on the sofa as I looked down on him from the stairs like he’d grown two heads. He again adopted a strangeness I’d never witnessed, he sat on the sofa with a full manspread, arms up and hands clasped behind his head saying to me “I’ve got a big surprise waiting for you.” His body language was nothing I’d ever seen from my sweet, mild and gentle husband. Well, he had a surprise waiting for me alright! It turns out those names were relevant, they were people he had latched onto while I was sick in bed during a severe illness and one was the 20-something girl he was walking out with every chance he got, when he was supposedly walking the dogs he was with them.But that wasn’t the surprise he had in mind when he’d said that, nope, he waited for the big one and planned it long and well. So, of course, after he’d said he had a surprise waiting for me he denied it, for 3 months he kept saying to me he didn’t know why he said that and there was no surprise but all the while he was getting stranger and stranger to the point I worried he’d developed a psychiatric illness. I mean, this was a guy I’d been married to for 26 years and had adored with my whole heart, we’d just gone through absolute hell with my illness so I worried it was stress cracking his brain.On the drive to a doctor appointment 3 months later he let me have my surprise. While going down the highway at speed he told me that he’d taken a new work colleague for sex the day before our wedding (who would become my ‘best friend’ for the first 3–1/2 years of married life!), that he’d wanted to leave me for her the whole time and was hoping to leave me at the altar… and on it went. By the time we got to the doctor's office, he barely had the vehicle stopped and I ran in a panic to the building in such a state they called an ambulance. I couldn’t stop shaking or crying and was literally cowering trying to hide from him. I had no way to process what just happened. I was just out of bed after almost 2 years and was very weak and shattered from my illness, there was no way I could cope with this, it broke my mind. He acted calm, composed and didn’t say anything but did offer to hold my purse while the ambulance took me away. What followed then were more months of his saying he had no idea why he’d said any of those things, he didn’t mean it, it wasn’t true, he couldn’t explain it, he wanted us to survive this. After months of working on me so I finally began to feel calm and not shake, the day that it became clear that I was recovering he sat down beside me and said he meant every word and no, he wasn’t sorry.By the time he was done playing with me I did act crazy, I was shattered six ways to Sunday and every day was a new assault. If I didn’t react he would just try harder, I was completely traumatized. My neurotransmitters and central nervous system were already a mess from my illness and my not being able to cope just fueled his cruelty. I was trapped because I was still physically quite ill and using a wheelchair, I had nowhere to run. I shook uncontrollably for 3 years and spent most of that time outdoors, 24/7 through the seasons beside a gas stove under blankets just to avoid him. As I physically healed and became stronger my mind also became clearer and I no longer engaged in panic, and for a while even tried to fight back, calling him out on all his narc tactics but that only got me physically abused, so I just stopped interacting as much as possible and the more I didn’t react the worse the emotional abuse got.I eventually was able to leave during a snowstorm one Saturday morning while he was in bed. I called the only person I knew, the gardener of all people! But he knew how isolated I was and had an idea there was a problem because every time he came to do work and would chat with me my ex would just stand and glare at him, not speaking a word. He took me to a motel and after that I have never set eyes on the vile creature I called husband for half my life or spoken another word to him. At the beginning I had to text but kept it as minimal as possible to arrange a vehicle transfer and to convince him to leave the house so I could return where all my healing stuff was that I needed (I’d only thrown a few things together in my haste and panic to flee), and so I could look after the dogs. During my two months away I went for as many short walks as I could every day to build my strength so I could look after the dogs because he’d threatened to give them away. The day his stuff was taken out by movers, my final words were simply “no more communication.” After that, it’s all been through lawyers as I divorced his odious ass. This bothered him too and he had his lawyer write that he should be allowed to communicate with me directly. That was just an invitation for more games because I’d done a very solid separation agreement that covered every single detail so there was zero need for there to be contact, he was just hoping for another opening to rattle me some more. Fuck that shit.

I would tell you to listen to your friends and family. I would also tell you that if he is not living with you now, keep it that way.Then I would tell you to speak to a good lawyer, find out your rights and have a legal separation agreement drawn up.I would also go to the bank and withdraw any money before he does.I would also suggest you give yourself a crash course in Narcissist 101. You can go to my blog which is Www.Lady with a truck. Com or many other good infomative sites and read all the info you can so you know what you are dealing with. Trust that you are not thinking clearly and your family and friends are seeing trying to protect you.You need to severe all contact with your husband and work on healing yourself. If he is a narcissist you have been emotionally abused and manipulated to the point of not knowing up from down.Without more details I really can't say much more about what you should do, but it is highly unlikely everyone is wrong.

communication have a chat with the spouse .convey your feelings .be an adult not a kidonce the emotional roller coaster settles down have a chat about assets ,children custody ,supportgo to a lawyer and make a separation agreement and sign it like adults .if you fight lawyers make the money out of the fight you only loose your equity to lawyers who make money in thousandsheal and move on dont keep grudges .if children are involved ,no one is indispensable in the world remember thatall will be good in the end