Attachment 1 - Soup Restaurant Group Limited: Fill & Download for Free

Short answer: It’s different.Long answer: (See below)1. Different ingredients (local Chinese produce, livestock, etc. vs. local American produce, livestock, etc.);2. Different ways food is treated (vegetables as the main dish vs. vegetables treated as the side dish);3. Different cooking methods (fried, steamed, pressure cooker/clay pot, hot pot, and bbq vs. raw, baked, microwaved, boiled, deep-fried, chilled, etc.);4. Different eating utensils (chopsticks vs. fork and knife);5. Different beverages (tea vs. ice water);6. Different starters (peanuts, popcorn, pickled vegetables, etc. vs. bread),7. Different people (various ethnic groups used to form "Chinese cuisine" vs. chiefly Cantonese and Szechuan (or Sichuan) people used to form American-Chinese cuisine).8. Different desserts (fruit-based vs. cream-based)1. Different ingredients.Sometimes, logistics is simply the answer to why things are the way they are.Examples of readily available foods in Chinaa.) Dragon fruit ("火龙果" or "huo long guo" in Mandarin), a watery fruit, which, after peeling away the tough exterior, is similar to a strawberry with its edible black seeds[Picture: Dragon fruit is common in grocery stores and farmers’ markets (or "wet markets"). Its price varies depending on the season. It may look scary, but it tastes oh so good (in my honest opinion).]b.) Durian, which has a strong "stinky" odor, but is loved by many (especially as a dessert)[Picture: Durian ("榴莲果" or "liu lian guo" in Mandarin) , the giant spiked fruit, is available in the supermarket, making the entire room smell bad (in my opinion).]c.) Chicken feet ("凤爪" or "feng zhao" in Mandarin). Wings, thighs, the head, feet…all parts of an animal are viewed the same way in China. They are meat, thus edible. The feet have tender meat, but lots of bones (so I am told)[Picture: Chicken feet cooked in a clay/ceramic pot and a bamboo basket, respectively.]d.) Liver/heart/brains/pig blood (organs/blood of animals are viewed just like any other meat of an animal. Not strange at all…)[Picture: Pig blood soup ("猪血汤" or “zhu xue tang” in Mandarin) from the Chinese fast-food chain Mian Dian Wang ("面點王"), which is also nicknamed the "Chinese McDonald’s".][Picture: Pig blood from another Chinese restaurant. Note: Pig blood is generally made to have a tofu-like consistency.][Picture: Pig kidney ("猪腰" or "zhu yao" in Mandarin) sliced up to look "fancy".][Picture: Pig brain soup ("猪脑汤" or "zhu nao tang" in Mandarin).]e.) Tofu skin ("豆腐皮" or "dou fu pi" in Mandarin). This tastes especially good when barbecued and coated in garlic or with hotpot.[Picture: Fried tofu skin ready for hotpot.][Picture: Tofu skin that was barbecued and then rolled up with garlic, scallions, and various spices. At night, various venders will prepare such food on the street. Note: The plate is wrapped with plastic so that it can be quickly be reused again without having to wash it for the next customer. Eat at your own risk.]f.) Rice rolls ("肠粉" or "chang fen" in Mandarin), a popular breakfast dish in southern China[Picture: Rice rolls mixed with eggs, vegetables, and soy sauce. Note: Rice-based dishes are more popular in South China while wheat-based dishes are more popular in North China mainly due to the availability of crops.][Picture: Plain rice rolls with soy sauce and sesame sauce. Take your pick.]g.) Frog ("田鸡" or "tian ji" in Mandarin), which is also known in Chinese as "the chicken of the field". It is often at the bottom of various soups.[Picture: Frog soup. Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean that it isn't there.]h.) Bones in almost all meat (especially chicken, which is often served chilled upon being cooked)[Picture: Fish with lots of bones. Don’t choke.]i.) Shark fin ("鱼翅" or "yu chi" in Mandarin), a popular, but expensive ingredient used in soup. It is believed by some (TCM followers) to have healing properties. (Beware: There are controversies and social stigmas attached in consuming this dish. In addition, sometimes, dishonest Chinese chefs will use vermicelli instead of actually slicing a shark's fin. Eat at your own risk.)[Picture: Shark fin soup at a wedding.]j.) Lychee ("荔枝" or "li zhi" in Mandarin). This is loved by many. Just watch out for the little worms that may be nestled inside, which are the same color as the lychee fruit…then again, what’s a little extra protein…Plus, if the worms are still alive after eating it, then you know it is safe for you as well...Chinese logic)[Picture: A lychee typically sold in China. First, you remove the outer rough layer. Then, you consume the white/translucent part (and spit out the pit in the center).]Note: Chinese food in China is also approximately one-third the cost of what it is sold in the U.S., which is why many Chinese families think there is a great opportunity to make money selling Chinese food in the U.S. So, if you think Chinese food in the U.S. is cheap, just wait until you arrive in China.Examples of readily available foods in the U.S.a.) Broccoli (not typically available in China unless imported);b.) Carrots (not typically available in China. White radishes are used instead);c.) White/red/yellow onions (Scallions are preferred);d.) Dairy/cow-based products (Cows are limited in China, thus more expensive. There is also a high percentage of Chinese who are lactose intolerant, so dairy-based products are typically avoided (Given the horrific milk scandals in China, who wants it anyway);e.) Fortune cookies (You will never receive a fortune cookie in an authentic Chinese restaurant. This is an American invention);f.) Sushi (This is traditionally part of the Japanese cuisine and not categorized as “Chinese food” in China);g.) Meat without bones (It is difficult to find a dish in China without bones. The Chinese believe cooking food on the bone makes it taste better and is more nutritious. Thus, be prepared to spit them out after chewing thoroughly…);h.) Battered meat (Meat is not coated in bread crumbs and eggs in China; however, it can be found marinated or tenderized with starch);Note: Sugar seems to be a staple of the American diet (perhaps thanks to the Fanjul brothers). Thus, American-style Chinese dishes often use sugar. In fact, in China, sugar is seen as rather unhealthy. Instead, salt is frequently used. Of course, there are some Chinese dishes that are the exception (chilled mung bean soup, chilled red bean soup, etc.), but they are usually consumed in moderation (just as a dessert) as opposed to the “salt dishes”.2. Different ways food is treatedAs stated, in China, vegetables are treated as main dishes. For general dining, food is often served "buffet style". Four or five dishes will be prepared (depending on how many people there are). Then, the dishes will be passed around (like Thanksgiving) with everyone adding a little of each dish to his/her plate. As you know, in the U.S., people generally order one dish for themselves, which they don’t typically share with anyone (which is probably why vegetables are included as side dishes and not as a main dish in the U.S.).3. Different cooking methodsIn China, food is typically prepared in the following methods:a.) fried (stir-fried using a wok);[Picture: Typical Chinese wok. Note: Although I managed to find carrots to cook with, most authentic Chinese dishes don’t use carrots.]b.) steamed (using bamboo baskets/a special steamer);[Picture: Various dishes cooked with bamboo steamers (with "cow stomach"/"tripe" ("牛肚" or "niu du" in Mandarin) in the top right basket).][Picture: Steamed dumplings with bamboo steamer and water spinach from Din Tai Fung ("鼎泰丰") (Note: As this is an internationally-known company, ice water is provided to those who request it).]c.) slowly cooked in a pressure cooker/clay pot/rice cooker (congee/porridge is an everyday food prepared using a clay pot or a pressure cooker);[Picture: A typical electronic rice cooker cooking plain congee (or, as I call it, "watery rice" (a.k.a. "粥" or "zhou" in Mandarin). Pretty much every Chinese family has something similar to this. Although it is called a "rice" cooker, it can be used to make many dishes other than just rice, like mung bean soup with sago, steamed vegetables, and so on.][Pictures: A typical stove-top pressure cooker. When the red button is down (always at the beginning and end), it indicates that the pot is depressurized and safe to open. When the red button pops up, it indicates the pot is pressurized and dangerous to open (always during cooking). This type of pot lets one cook rice/soup/etc. quickly (generally half the time it would take to cook in a regular rice cooker or with a regular pot lid). I usually put a towel around the top loosely in a circle to catch any liquid that spits out for faster clean up.]d.) hot pot (vegetables and meat are sliced thin and added to a boiling pot of soup over a small stove/flame. Food typically takes one to two minutes to cook, which you cook yourself (even in a restaurant) and then eat right away and repeat the process together with your friends/family.)[Picture: A typical hotpot at Hai Di Lao ("海底捞"). This modern restaurant lets you order various ingredients for your hotpot using an iPad. You just place an order with a few taps, and the servers will return from the kitchen with those dishes. You also can create your own dipping sauce by going to a little “self-service” counter and selecting the ingredients that you like the most. Once again, for foreigners in big cities, waiters will bring you water, possibly with lemon slices, if you ask nicely.]e.) bbq (various vegetables and meat are cooked on a barbecue either on the street or in a restaurant. The vegetables and meat typically come in two forms: spicy ("辣" or "la" in Mandarin) or not spicy ("不辣" or "bu la" in Mandarin). The food is then painted (with a cooking brush) with vegetable oil (which you hope is not recycled/used oil) and coated with various spices/garnishes like cumin, chives, garlic, chili powder, etc.)[Picture: Take-out bbq potato slices. It tastes almost like potato chips.][Picture: Bbq oysters. Tip: Make sure you watch the "chefs" open the shells. Some Chinese chefs will cheat and buy frozen oysters. Then, they will just refill the shells and sell them (and charge them) like they are fresh.]In the U.S., food is typically prepared in the following methods:a.) raw (The Chinese believe eating raw food is a quick way to get sick. As water is typically polluted, various chemicals (approved or not approved) are used as pesticides to treat plants (that may or may not wash away), and various diseases are still widespread, the Chinese believe the safest way to eat food is cooking it first. Thus, salad is rarely eaten. As the caveman realized in the Paleolithic age (and which the Chinese still deeply believe today), food is just better when cooked.b.) baked (ovens are rarely found in normal Chinese homes. Thus, food is rarely baked in an electric oven like in the U.S. Occasionally, those with land (farmers) might set up a makeshift stone oven/masonry oven or restaurants might invest in “Western” technology, but this is generally not the case or necessary for preparing Chinese food in the typical Chinese home.c.) microwaved (once again, microwave ovens are a Western invention, and thus not found or used in typical Chinese homes)d.) boiled (other than soup or for hot pot, food is thought to lose its flavor when boiled in water. Thus, boiling isn’t really that common)e.) deep-fried (too much oil is wasted, it’s dangerous, and it requires too much equipment. The Chinese prefer just to fry food in a wok and not a deep-fryer as it achieves pretty much the same effect and saves resources)f.) chilled (freezers and refrigerators are not that common in China; thus, the Chinese typically don’t typically freeze or refrigerate food. Perishable food in China is typically bought the day or the day before it is consumed (Note: Eggs also aren’t refrigerated like they are in the U.S. They are just left out in the pantry/kitchen for a week or two until consumed. Perhaps this is also why eggs are never eaten raw in China.))4. Different eating utensilsIn China, you use chopsticks to eat your Chinese food. You can even find stainless steel ones for easy cleaning.In the U.S., you use a fork and knife (unless you are trying to impress your friends, you might try to use the one-time use wooden ones that you are given in the American-style Chinese restaurant).5. Different beveragesIn China, tea (black tea, chrysanthemum tea, jasmine tea, oolong tea, etc.) is served before you place your order. In the U.S., ice water is served before you place your order. Of course, in both countries, you can always ask for an additional special beverage (soda, alcohol, etc.). In addition, depending on the restaurant, Chinese people will often rinse their utensils with hot tea before eating to ensure the dishes are clean. This process is not considered rude, and the restaurants will automatically provide a bowl to discard the tea used for washing.[Picture: Chrysanthemum tea.]6. Different startersIn China, peanuts, popcorn, pickled vegetables, etc. will appear on the table while you wait for your dishes to arrive. In the U.S., bread and butter/oil is given to you instead.(I usually pass on these starters. Eating peanuts with chopsticks takes great patience…)7. Different peopleIf you trace how Chinese food was started in the U.S., you will see that Cantonese-speaking people (from South China) were among the first to make their way to the U.S. and set the “Chinese food” trend there. Thus, the food associated with “Chinese food” in the U.S. is chiefly and historically Cantonese (with a few dishes deriving from Sichuan/Szechuan and other regions).Please realize that China is a large country full of many different ethnic groups that bring their own unique cuisine from all corners of the country. Therefore, the number of food possibilities are endless. Chinese food in China includes not only Cantonese cuisine, but also Teochew/Chaozhou cuisine, Hunan cuisine, Szechuan/Sichuan cuisine, Hong Kong cuisine (mixture of the East vs. the West), Taiwanese cuisine, Fujian cuisine, and so many more. Although many people group all the different cuisines into eight specific categories, you won’t see food labeled in China just under those eight categories. For example, although Chaozhou cuisine could conceivably be considered as part of Cantonese cuisine, few people view it as such. You will see restaurants that are just called a “Chaozhou restaurant” in various cities throughout China, which is totally different from a typical “Cantonese restaurant”.)8. Different dessertsAfter eating a Chinese dinner in China, you will typically eat some fruit for dessert (watermelon or a special fruit-/bean-based dish). Ice cream parlors aren't popular in China (other than the occasional one targeting foreigners and those well traveled/Westernized). After eating a Chinese dinner in the U.S., you will typically eat ice cream or some cream-based dessert (if anything). The common Chinese person prefers eating at a fruit-dessert shop or getting some herbal tea/turtle jelly.[Picture: A typical fruit dessert from Hui Lau Shan ("许留山"), which is a Chinese “fruit dessert” chain. This dish shows various fruit-flavored jell-o, a scoop of mango shaved ice, and some pieces of mango.][Picture: Another fruit dessert from Hui Lau Shan with kiwi and various melon balls.]Some final notes:The above is just based on my observations over the years living in China (mainly South China). It is not an exhaustive list, but hopefully sheds a little light on what Chinese food is like in China. As others mentioned, A Bite of China is a popular series (from CCTV) that shows popular Chinese dishes (though typically emphasizes northern Chinese food due to its bias towards Beijing). Some (if not all) episodes can be found on YouTube or CCTV's official website. You can also see some more comparisons of Chinese food vs. American-style Chinese food on Wikipedia's "American Chinese cuisine" page. Note: All pictures provided on Quora are my own.Updates:Some people mentioned that during festivals, Chinese restaurants/shops in China often sell some specialty/"holiday" foods, such as mooncake ("月饼" or "yue bing" in Mandarin) during the Mid-Autumn Festival and sticky rice dumplings (“粽子" or "zong zi" in Mandarin) during the Dragon Boat Festival. I think they are an interesting addition as I don't recall seeing American-Chinese restaurants having themes/limited time offers of traditional Chinese holiday food (or even recall learning about such holidays in school growing up). Even during American holidays, the food/menu of an American-Chinese restaurant would often remain consistent/unaffected for their customers (but perhaps others can offer their experience in such area).[Pictures: "Snowy mooncake" ("冰皮月饼" or "bing pi yue bing" in Mandarin) from Hong Kong with a custard filling and the company's logo "Taipan" ("大班" or "da ban" in Mandarin) printed on the "skin" of the cake][Pictures: Sticky rice dumpling ("粽子" or "zong zi" in Mandarin) wrapped and unwrapped in bamboo. I boiled mine since they were pre-made and frozen, but I think they are often steamed instead.]

The English language keeps changing and new English words are added to the dictionary. There are lots of new English words you can learn to improve your understanding of English. Whether you are a native speaker or learning English as a second language, this list of 100 new English words and their meaning will help you expand your vocabulary.How are new English words discovered? And how do you use new words?A new English word gets into a dictionary when it is used by many people. And all these people agree that it means the same thing. New words are used in conversation first. One person uses a word, then others pick it up. As a result, its use spreads. The more people use it, the more likely it will be noticed by dictionary editors, or lexicographers. The people work at dictionaries like Merriam-Webster or the Oxford English Dictionary.So, that doesn’t mean that all the new words in English are widely used in everyday life. Some are, many of them are not. For example, some new words are very specific to a particular occupation. Dentists might use the new word amelogenesis which means “the formation of tooth enamel by ameloblasts.”There are also words you already know. For instance, the latest update of the Oxford English Dictionary added new English words like banana bread, LOL and plant-based.Sometimes even slang, like LOL, makes it into the dictionaries as a new English word. Slang is very informal language or specific words used by a group of people. Usually you’ll hear slang in spoken language. You can also come across it in SMS or social media. However, you don’t use slang in formal written work. But, when a word is added to the dictionary as an official English word, you can also use it in written form, for example in your IELTS Writing test.More tips on preparing for IELTSFind an IELTS Test CentreList of 100 New English Words and MeaningsNew English WordMeaningA-gameOne’s highest level of performanceambigueAn ambiguous statement or expression.AnglosphereEnglish-speaking countries considered collectively (the United Kingdom, the United States, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, and Ireland).anti-suffragismOpposition to the extension of the right to vote in political elections to women; the political movement dedicated to this.AperolA proprietary name for an orange-coloured Italian aperitif flavoured with gentian, rhubarb, and a variety of herbs and roots.April Fool’sApril Fool’s Day (1 April), a day on which tricks or hoaxes are traditionally perpetratedarUsed to express a range of emotions or responses, esp. affirmation, assent, or agreement.arrIn humorous representations of the speech of pirates expressing approval, triumph, warning, etc.assault weaponA weapon designed for use in a large-scale military assault, esp. one used to attack a fortified or well-defended location.athleisureCasual, comfortable clothing or footwear designed to be suitable for both exercise and everyday wearAucklanderA native or inhabitant of city or region of Auckland, New Zealand.aweddeOvercome with anger, madness, or distress; insane, mentally disturbed.awe-inspiringlySo impressively, spectacularly, or formidably as to arouse or inspire awe.awesomesauceExtremely good; excellent.awfulizeTo class as awful or terribleawfyTerrible, dreadful; remarkable or notable.awfyAs simple intensive; very, exceedingly, extremely.bidie-inA person who lives with his or her partner in a non-marital relationship; a cohabiting partner.bigsieHaving an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance; arrogant, pretentious, conceited.bokA South AfricanbroigusAngry; irritatedbukateriaA roadside restaurant or street stall with a seating area, selling cooked food at low prices.by-catchA catch of unwanted fishcab savRed wine made from the Cabernet Sauvignon grapecancel cultureCall for the withdrawal of support from a public figure, usually in response to an accusation of a socially unacceptable action or comment.chicken fingerA narrow strip of chicken meat, esp. from the breast, coated in breadcrumbs or batter and deep-fried.chicken noodle soupA soup made with chicken and noodles, sometimes popularly regarded as a remedy for all ailments or valued for its restorative propertieschickieUsed as a term of endearment, especially for a child or womanchipmunkyResembling or characteristic of a chipmunk, typically with reference to a person having prominent cheeks or a perky, mischievous character.chuddiesShort trousers, shorts. Now it usually means underwear; underpants.contact tracingThe practice of identifying and monitoring individuals who may have had contact with an infectious personcontactlessNot involving contact (physical and technological meanings of contactless are being used much more frequently).coulrophobiaExtreme or irrational fear of clownsCovid-19An acute respiratory illness in humans caused by a coronavirus, which is capable of producing severe symptoms and death, esp. in the elderlydeepfakeAn image or recording that has been convincingly altered to misrepresent someone as doing or saying something that was not actually done or saidde-extinctionThe (proposed or imagined) revival of an extinct species, typically by cloning or selective breeding.deleterA person who or thing which deletes something.delicenseTo deprive (a person, business, vehicle, etc.) of a license providing official permission to operatedenialismThe policy or stance of denying the existence or reality of something, esp. something which is supported by the majority of scientific evidence.denialistA person who denies the existence or reality of something, esp. something which is supported by the majority of scientific or historical evidencedestigmatizingThe action or process of removing the negative connotation or social stigma associated with somethingdofStupid, dim-witted; uninformed, clueless.droningThe action of using a military drone or a similar commercially available devicee-bikeAn electric bikeeco-anxietyA state of stress caused by concern for the earth’s environmentenoughnessThe quality or fact of being enough; sufficiency, adequacy.Epidemic curveA visual representation in the form of a graph or chart depicting the onset and progression of an outbreak of disease in a particular populatione-wasteWorthless or inferior electronic text or contentfantooshFancy, showy, flashy; stylish, sophisticated; fashionable, exotic. Often used disparagingly, implying ostentation or pretentiousness.forehead thermometerA thermometer that is placed on, passed over, or pointed at the forehead to measure a person’s body temperature.frangerA condom.hair doughnutA doughnut-shaped sponge or similar material used as the support for a doughnut bun or similar updohenchOf a person having a powerful, muscular physique; fit, strong.hirUsed as a gender-neutral possessive adjective (his/her/hir watch). In later use often corresponding to the subjective pronoun ze (he/she/ze wears a watch).hyggeA Danish word for a quality of cosiness that comes from doing simple things such as lighting candles, baking, or spending time at home with your familyinfluencerSomeone who affects or changes the way that other people behave:jerkweedAn obnoxious, detestable, or stupid person (esp. a male). Often as a contemptuous form of address.kvellMeaning to talk admiringly, enthusiastically, or proudly about somethingkvetchyGiven to or characterized by complaining or criticizing; ill-tempered, irritable.LOLTo laugh out loud; to be amused.macaronA confection consisting of two small, round (usually colourful) biscuits with a meringue-like consistencyMacGyverTo construct, fix, or modify (something) in an improvised or inventive way, typically by making use of whatever items are at handmama putA street vendor, typically a woman, selling cooked food at low prices from a handcart or stall. Also a street stall or roadside restaurant.mentionitisA tendency towards repeatedly or habitually mentioning something (esp. the name of a person one is infatuated with), regardless of its relevance to the topic of conversationmicrotargetTo direct tailored advertisements, political messages, etc., at (people) based on detailed information about themmisgenderingThe action or fact of mistaking or misstating a person’s gender, esp. of addressing or referring to a transgender person in terms that do not reflect…next tomorrowThe day after tomorrow.oat milkA milky liquid prepared from oats, used as a drink and in cookingonboardingThe action or process of integrating a new employee into an organisation, team, etcpatient zeroIs defined as a person identified as the first to become infected with an illness or disease in an outbreakpronoidA person who is convinced of the goodwill of others towards himself or herselfpuggleA young or baby echidna or platypus.puggleA dog cross-bred from a pug and a beagle; such dogs considered collectively as a breed.quillingThe action or practice of bribing electors in order to gain their votes, especially by providing free alcoholrat tamerColloquial meaning for a psychologist or psychiatristreportAn employee accountable to a particular managersadfishingColloquial the practice adopted by some people, especially on social media, of exaggerating claims about their emotional problems to generate sympathysandboxingThe restriction of a piece of software or code to a specific environment in a computer system in which it can be run securelyschnittyColloquial a schnitzel, especially a chicken schnitzelSegwayA proprietary name for a two-wheeled motorised personal vehicleself-isolateTo isolate oneself from others deliberately; to undertake self-imposed isolation for a period of timesheroA female hero; a heroine.single-useDesigned to be used once and then disposed of or destroyedskunkedDrunk, intoxicated. In later use also under the influence of marijuanaslow-walkTo delay or prevent the progress of (something) by acting in a deliberately slow mannersocial distancingThe action of practice of maintaining a specified physical distance from other people, or of limiting access to and contact between peoplestepmonsterColloquial (humorous) (sometimes derogatory) a stepmothertag rugbyA non-contact, simplified form of rugby in which the removal of a tag attached to the ball carrier constitutes a tackletheonomousRuled, governed by, or subject to the authority of GodthirstryShowing a strong desire for attention, approval, or publicity.title barA horizontal bar at the top of a program window, used to display information such as the name of the program in use, the file or web page that is active.topophiliaLove of, or emotional connection to, a particular place or physical environmenttruthinessA seemingly truthful quality not supported by facts or evidenceUFOUnFinished Object: In knitting, sewing, quilting, etc.: an unfinished piece of workunfathomTo come to understand (something mysterious, puzzling, or complicated); to solve (a mystery, etc.)weak sauceThat lacks power, substance, or credibility; pathetic, worthless; stupid.WFHAn abbreviation for “working from home.”WIPWork in progresszoodleA spiralised strand of zucchini, sometimes used as a substitute for pastaLearning new English words allows you to expand your vocabularyUsing new English words from 2020 in a sentenceWhen you’ve read of list of new English words, you may have found some that you already know. Sometimes we hear these words a lot in the media before they make it into a dictionary. Like “contact tracing.” Yet, other words are less well-known. So, how do you use these words in a sentence?MacGyverLet’s start with a strange one: MacGyver. We always capitalise the word MacGyver because it derives from the name of a character in an American television show. You guessed it: the main character’s name is Angus MacGyver. This show ran from 1985 to 1992. MacGyver always managed to get himself out of tricky or dangerous situations by making an object or repairing an item with only the items at hand. So, when you MacGyver something it has been thrown together in an ingenious and improvised fashion. Have a look at the YouTube video below and try to remember the last time you MacGyvered something.Cancel cultureWithin the past five years, the rise of “cancel culture” and the idea of cancelling someone have become topics of debate. But what exactly does it mean? So, remember when a celebrity or other public figure does or says something offensive? A public backlash, often fuelled by politically progressive social media, ensues. After this, people call to “cancel” the person — that is, to effectively end their career. This can be done through boycotts of their work or disciplinary action from an employer. In 2019 alone, the list of people who faced being cancelled included alleged sexual predators like R. Kelly; and comedians like Kevin Hart and Shane Gillis, who each faced public backlash after social media users unearthed homophobic and racist jokes they’d made in the past.So, cancel culture refers to the popular practice of withdrawing support for (cancelling) public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive.IELTS is available across AustraliaThirstyWe all know the traditional meaning of the word thirsty: that feeling you have when a need to drink. Easy, right? But, it is also meaning something else. More recently, people started to use the word thirsty to mean “having or showing a strong desire for something.” Also, you can use it when you see people who need to gain fame and admiration through social media such as Instagram by posting “selfie” pictures to boost the self-esteem. They are thirsty for attention. Or, those suggestive, desperate-to-please selfies that people post to social media to elicit the certain response. We know this type of image as a “thirst trap.”But wait: you’ve heard “thirsty” use in this way well before 2020? You’re right. The New York Times shows that this meaning of the word thirsty goes back a while. However, lexicographers only added this meaning of the word to dictionaries only recently.Are all new English words actually new?The experts at the Merrian-Webster dictionary explain that new words like “hashtag” and “selfie” get a lot of attention as new words. But, many of the new words are just new meanings of words that are already in our language. For example, think of the recent meanings of “mouse” and “cookie.” They have nothing to do with rodents or baked goods. A verb that we use every day, “access,” was first entered in dictionaries in 1973. And they added a specific reference to computers was in 1993. These words may not make headlines, but they’re just as important as words that are newly coined.New words in Australian EnglishWe’ve shown you the 100 New English Words. But, most words don’t start off in dictionaries around the world. Some of these new international words we use in Australia, New Zealand, the US, Canada and the UK (and even in non-English speaking countries) originate from slang or popular usage.Slang words or phrases develop over time. Some die out because nobody uses them anymore. Others don’t get used because people move on to a new slang word. Sometimes, slang words are so popular that they are absorbed into the common language. So, that’s how language grows and evolves over time. New words are added to the dictionary. At the same time, old ones disappear. What about new slang words in 2019 and 2020?

It was/is something I had to be taught and re-evaluate to get right. It’s not a one step internal process as much as it’s an ongoing process like working out, or eating a healthy diet or even writing and publishing.Unfortunately I grew up with parents who experienced a lot of trauma in their lives. Fortunately though they were not only highly educated, having met in college but my mother majored in psychology. This meant that the idea of mental health, seeking mental health counseling and being conscious of feelings were all within the realm of possibility, very unusual for African Americans. I think what also helped was that my parents became adults, in college, post 1960s. There was still enough of “free thought” being pressed and Black Consciousness but it also meant that they were away from some more repressive parts of the larger society.The negative side to “freedom” was that they got involved in drugs and alcohol in distracting and addictive ways. Both of them had strong addictive issues but again luckily, due to education, I was well provided for so we never lived in poverty. This also meant that my mother was more aware of getting out of control and voluntarily went to rehab then shifted our lives away from father and addictive stepfathers. She was able to become self reflective enough to see herself, if not clearly, then as the architect of her own misery and rectify much of it.What this meant growing up was that on one hand I experienced a lot of freedom, not from necessarily neglect but as an only child there were less boundaries between myself and the adult world. Everything was honestly and graphically explained to me which then artificially advanced past other children my own age. In order though to be a child in an adult world, it was easier to take me along sometimes than find a babysitter,I became not a direct people pleaser but something similar, helpful, gracious, giving—-it took me years to learn appropriate giving in the sense that I gave as I wanted and not simply to make others happy, which creates an indirect shine back onto me. I now give because I genuinely want to. The good part about this is that I’ve ever been attached to an outcome from the giving, which means I’m not predatory about it. I’ve found though in balancing myself how non-giving so many people are and therefore how being giving made me stand out or has given me opportunities. In many ways those dysfunction of Swiss cheese boundaries forced me to establish a higher ideal about being generous and helpful. In corporate word this wasn’t such a big problem but becoming a teacher/educator it was and in personal relationships.Teaching/EducatorI worked as a TA for a university then corporate world for about a decade than slipped back into education at a charter school then several non-profits and eventually a university again. This meant that my students, 80% over 18, were closer to my age or older than not. I also spent years teaching workshops/counseling around sex and sexuality so this meant that I was intimately acquainted with personal and private issues from a lot of my students. What this meant was that worked for several organizations that had bad boundaries so I had to first notice this then adjust myself then understand I wasn’t being stand offish or rude by keeping myself, my personal life private but that it was the internalized corruption of agencies that had bad boundaries.Several agencies like GMAD, Gay Men of African Descent or Black Men’s Xchange normalized predatory sexual behaviors, unsafe sexual behaviors while being funded to be the opposite and fraudulent financial behaviors. It wasn’t until I worked for GMHC, Gay Men’s Health Crisis and Phoenix House, that I found healthy boundaries that aligned to my own internal ethics and morals. But this meant that I had to slowly weed out friends, clients, former students, former coworkers—-including directors and social workers—-from my life because of their drug/alcohol habits, predatory sexual habits towards younger people and their dissonance around safe sex and caring for the health of others.How I ChangedI had a friend from middle school, who started out male—-let’s call him K. It was pretty apparent that whatever K was going to be, a total geeky nerd that he wasn’t going to be conventionally heterosexual. He was just very light melanin wise and fey-—-so he stood out even among Black people. Eventually when we were about 20, K had gone to school in Buffalo and I was working at home, helping to pay off the mortgage while figuring out how to get to college myself, we had a discussion on the phone. I calmly said that I’d joined a gay dating service. I’d been in counseling with a high school counselor for years—-she started a group and had a relationship beyond friendship with my best friend—-come out to my family at 18, so K steadily more of a distant/visiting friend was the last to know. I was very nonchalant about it and that’s when K revealed he was trans. I was very nonchalant about that too. K peppered me with interruptions and questions until he—-transitioning to a she understood that I understood.By then my mother and I had done intensive therapy with meditation techniques, I still use today; I’d been in an Incest Anonymous group for over a year; I’d been to years of AA and NA meetings with my sober mother and I had the high school counseling. This is important because the conglomeration of those things forged a healthier sense of self within myself. K and I had diverged after high school, him getting the chance to move to absolute suburbia with his father and stepmother and then onto to college. We talked about his being sexually abused at 6 onward and how he thought and related to it as the best sexual experiences of his lifetime—-though the perpetrator was 10+ years older. My own sexual abuse experiences I was purposefully working to contextualize as separate from my sexuality and then identify my sexuality clearly and enact it healthily.I eventually went to the same university as K, who flunked out after 7 years and though I was trying to work downstate and the deal was K would keep my stuff in her apartment basement, I’d return, and we’d find a big place, in NYC, in December, K surprised moved in September. As sort of a passive revenge thing because I’d gone to PA, my mother’s house, then left there and was in Philadelphia working. In retrospect, I lost lots of stuff from Buffalo because I wasn’t taking care of K, I was taking care of myself. But I had accustomed myself to being the brother/caretaker role and with my high paying job helped K learn and get well paid too in NYC, using my credit to get us a big apartment.K though was out of control—-dressing female, purposefully taking illegal hormone pills and silicone injections under the muscles to create a female appearance but not eating so there was no fat to “shape”. K was literally working at an antithesis with herself. She was also constantly on a dick hunt, inviting vagrants into the apartment, to draw them naked or married men. It wasn't like one’s wild 20s where you’re dating and learning yeses and noes, K was like a bad remake of Looking for Mr. Goodbar, with increasingly more dangerous acts for both attention and self destruction.Finally 2 years into this roommate hell, we’re having a blow up over K leaving the front door open in the mad dash to get a married train conductor from the 7 train back to her bedroom, to blow, the previous night. Within the argument K explodes that for those 3 months I was working in Philadelphia, while I stayed in contact with her and family to let them know I was safe, I’d detached, not told anyone where I was.I realized that having taken time away from K and my money demanding parents/family—-a boundary—-had been seen as betrayal by K.I was also regularly listening to and reading Marianne Williamson and one of the things she’d said in a lecture was that if you find yourself in an argument and you think it’s insanity, that the other person is insane that is the intervention of God, in a holy instance, and that you too are insane.But that the most insane person must step back and the very next day get a therapist.The very next day I went and got a therapist. Elizabeth.Elizabeth, The Therapist. A Romulan.In our discussions we talked about my friend and family—-bad boundaries and more importantly how I was enraged—-no, like murderously enraged internally for the past few years. How I perhaps loved dysfunctional friends, family, relationships but deeply disliked them yet never got to call them out on their stuff.Elizabeth and I worked on basic boundaries—-like self worth care of my being on time—-that it was my self worth care to tell my idiot V boss that one day a week, I was working 100 hour weeks, I need a 90 minute lunch so that I would have time to get across town for our 60 minute appointment. Every minute I was late was cheating myself, did I think I was worth 1 hour in my own healing?Elizabeth actually looked like a Romulan—-she was as tall as Helen Hunt and cut her hair with a soup bowl. But she was sharp, incisive and called me out on the things I let pass or hurt me. She told me that within 6 months time, following her guidelines, I would change and K would notice, my family would notice. They would then be super nice to me to try and woo me back to my old ways, that would be when I had to choose—-old or new.Six months later my birthday came up and I decided to throw myself a huge birthday party at a favorite restaurant—-I invited 30 people with invites and notes about books, candles or incense being a great gift. I came home with sacks of gifts that I dumped in the living room and then promptly went on a fun brunch the next day as a first date.K noticed and tried to give me a gift but I told her no, thank, you , I actually already had it. I saw then how furnishing my bedroom, feeling guilty I then cajoled my mother into helping furnish K’s room as she gave me furniture from the big house in PA. That I should’ve left K sleeping on an air mattress with no furniture but I felt guilty about finding/buying a king sized bed, tables, chairs, a desk—-living like an adult.K was content, as she’d been in a room in Buffalo, to sleep on the floor, have a closet full of slutty clothes and skads of make-up and comic books. After 6 months with Elizabeth I was able to SEE who and what K really was and that I was an enabler/caretaker to this person.A few months later, I discovered K was purposefully not paying her half of the rent, cable, electric to tank the apartment, which would force the last 6 months of the lease to break. She of course had her parents house to go to, I had no family in NY so I would’ve effectively been homeless if I hadn’t noticed what was going on. I realized we’d played this game of bills, catch up, housing court because I was expected to act as the administrator/adult and attend to details and that privately, I never trusted K.I never trusted, after 15+ years of friendship, K because K never went to a psychologist as a trans person is suppose to, was doing all of these illegal drugs (even her stepmother confronted her with how are unregulated drugs changing her mentally plus the illegal silicone deposits in her body)—-I was in many ways managing my family’s addictions through K. Once I got that, I pulled my money together, kicked K out and lived in a gorgeous apartment with a fireplace until I was ready to move.Coincidentally the month after kicking K out I allowed my mother to visit—-to set her up with a job interview with my idiot boss, the VP as she was considering leaving my stepfather in Charlotte. She had moved in her boyfriend and began graphically describing on the LIRR their “exercise routine”. Yes, she moved in her boyfriend with her husband,. Then her last night as I’m counting my nickels and pennies so that I had the $5000 to get the apartment out of arrears (no, she brought no money)—-I was able to single out $75 on a tight budget to take her to dinner. I go into the living room and she, who had arrived with one bag, had several and boxes—-she’d gone shopping through my apartment for things she liked. First I peaceably tried to offer, I’ll buy/forward you stuff-books from Amazon then I finally said no. Took her one bag and her and kicked her out. It was 7pm, her train (which I’d paid for left at 7am—-I told her she’d have to sit at Amtrak and think about what she’d done.I was on a roll.When I told Elizabeth, the Romulan, calmly asked, knowing my mother’s dysfunction, why I invited her, paid for her to come at such an upheaval time? I groused at the little Romulan. But I understood her point.Carlene Hatcher Polite, the Pulitzer nominated writer and professor I’d worked for in Buffalo, had met K once at a concert. Later, after TA work/class she took me to lunch and gently, in her inimically, metaphor laden, word dancing, way asked if she could tell me something, offer me something? I was flummoxed because she was being so careful. I said yes.She said that she was surprised K and I were friends. She’d moved through many lives, over many continents, so she knew all kinds of people, all kinds of sexualities and such, but that being older she had looked deep into K in that short meeting. And knowing me, my character, wanted to know why I had such a “fragile” person as a friend.I was gobsmacked and silent. Blown away by her estimation of K.Three or four years, later when I’d thrown K (and my mother) out and was on the phone with Carlene describing how I’d been cleaning this 2000 square foot apartment from top to bottom, not my normal cleaning, but actually on the floor scrubbing the extra bedroom, opening windows all night, setting off all kinds of incense—-Carlene gently suggested to me: had I ever considered that what I was in actuality, unconsciously, spiritually doing was trying to get rid of the remnants of an unclean spirit?I was gobsmacked and silent. Blown away by her estimation of K. Again.I had gotten K work (at a salary level , $40k+ a year that she didn’t deserve or had earned), a home, furniture, food, emotional support and got very little of that back, instead I’d been undermining myself. Much the same with my family. During that time I’d sailed ahead in a good financial analyst career, had several healthy boyfriends and recognized my own dysfunctions.I saw Elizabeth for a total of a year then moved on, eventually to working in education and then took up anther therapist Allison, when I thought from my small business endeavor of earning so much money on the side, that I need counseling. It turned out I meant a life coach, which I got a few months later, and he helped me with moving on and away from the corrupted non-profit agencies that I worked for, that I didn’t want to leave because I, as a youth coordinator and teacher, didn’t want to leave my charges to the wolves.I helped those leave the program—-insanely recruiting up from zero to 80- then slowly pushing them out and away until there was only 1 left. He skipped out on his pick up to rehab and I left a few weeks later.I learned though that though I was hawkeyed on not getting in a dysfunctional romantic relationship, having set good boundaries with my friends and family—-that one’s job world could be a dysfunctional relationship.I left the job for GMHC, who’d been courting me for a year, confronted myself about what I was truly worth, took care of myself, refused contact or to allow certain people into my home, really thought about the dysfunctions some presented—-and like I did during the K times—-got a fucking life away from those work peers. What made it trickier though was that my work and personal social life—-parties, groups, etc. overlapped and I lived in the neighborhood of the agency. I had to learn to socialize elsewhere, make new friends, separate and compartmentalize a lot. My boss at GMAD, who eventually went on a sex spree infecting people with HIV while embezzling company money on crystal meth was actually mad at me when he laid me off ad I accepted teh GMHC offer the next day and was working there when he came begging for agency money a week later. he was mad at me for being okay. No, really, that’s how crazy the agency heads were.One friend, work peer, I called up and having pulled him along to several jobs, was asking how he was.No literally I said “Hi, how are you?And he said: “Well, I’m still depressed because I can’t find a man. No one wants me at my age so I’m not having sex which makes me feel awful about myself. I’m so lonely, I will never be happy.”I actually looked at the receiver—-all I said was Hi, how are you?I realized how mired in his own pain and drama he was but I also realized how he vomited it at everyone (which is why he’s single) before you got past general pleasantries. I saw the swamp he immediately threw up at you. Which precluded you or ME existing in his view. We were targets for his depression not real people that he could be supportive of or happy for. Which ironically is one of the reasons why he was unattractive.Another coworker, this one a social worker, saw me on the train years later and asked about my mother passing, did I get the house, did I get money? how much money?I was so shocked at such casual personal questions on a crowded train, that I asked about the guy half his age that he’d been a “therapist” for that he’d tried to seduce—-have you heard from him? I had. I’ gotten him teaching jobs. Then I asked about the social worker’s HIV+ status and how I’d seen/heard he’d been in the hospital for a brain infection and how he was constantly in and out of the hospital. How was that heath decline going?He was actually gobsmacked that I came back at him, his shit, so viciously. He said I hadn’t changed and got up and left, telling me to contact him.Before my mother died, in Charlotte, I called him because of his profession to ask him (and others) about elder programs in NYC. He left me a voicemail laughing, no elder info, and asking could I tell him how to do an Access Query?—-maybe a shot at my leaving GMAD and nearly doubling my salary at GMHC teaching computer certifications. I never forgot that. I think he was high too.)I realized with people, jobs, even family that I had made space for their insanity, allowed them to trounce across boundaries.Now I will hit you with a gentle but firm No—-I practice at stores, with vagrants—-I believe in looking people directly in the eye, no matter their station in life and saying No, thank you—-to their requests. Here in NYC it’s pushier vagrants so sometimes you have to say No a lot harder but it’s good boundary exercise.I’ve learned to give as I will and consider how the person received it, what I meant, what I didn’t mean. Some people have never been freely given to so when you give them a book they think it means you want a blowjob.No, I was just giving you a book.When I’ve won money sometimes I treat coworkers one or two at a time to lunch or tell them I’m headed to pick up my dinner, how many are in their family and bring a dinner for them.I can give. It’s cool and fun. Most people are gracious and accept and the giving comes back 10 fold from other sources—-like winning money occasionally! lolI learned to maintain boundaries with my mother so that I could loyally and lovingly be there for her and take care of her the 2 years it took for her to die. And I could admit relief that it was over.I’ve learned to separate abuse from my sexuality and curiosity——and I have had a fun, fun, fun fun time of loving with about 95% good men and women and occasionally small groups over the years. I’ve always practiced safe sex and never used drugs, no matter the emotional calamity I was in, and minimally engage alcohol.I could have been a hot mess so many things happened to me before 21 but even in her 80% sanity my mother and father dealing with his addiction and mentors like Carlene and others nudged me to be free, to explore myself and at the same time take care of myself.After 20s, My 30sI’ve been able to rededicate myself to writing for the past decade and publishing even greater than I had in the decade before, around the world. That's been slow, personal, slightly profitable and wholly my own. A funny thing is my family and dysfunctional friends and such have never bought, read or supported my writing. I’ve had big presentations, TV and radio interviews, countless emails of gratitude and such but my closest (supposedly) circle for years acted like I birthed dead babies and buried them in the yard, sometimes acknowledging I had written books but never saying I read it or I bought one.When I noticed this it dd hurt—-my mother saying that it was about sexuality—-why?—-she meant it in a shaming way and I pointed out she sold lingerie for years and then eventually put on fashion shows of men and women in underwear in nightclubs—-and my books on safe, healthy sex were scandalous?I realized this was another way to minimize me.Another friend coworker said my work was soft porn—-I summarily got rid of her for that comment and her simmering rage at her own life. I learned to value my work, good or bad, my creations as I would children, as worthy of praise and not just viciously critical stabs. Those people, like internet trolls, in person, must go.I realized too that the friends from GMAD and GMHC and BMX who all knew and loved me while I was a facilitator, ear to their problems, vanished when I needed help or perhaps some of their venom on trains had to do with the fact that I turned the work in those rooms into millions of dollars in books and TV shows. (Which ironically I’d suggested to all of the workshops they do, they blanched/laughed so I went and did it.)I’d first joined then stayed, then worked for those organizations, seeking male, Black, non-hetero mentors, and found plenty of anti-mentors and plenty of confused people. One of the big lessons I took was to in the terminal time, be with your dysfunctional parents as much as possible to facilitate closure. So many of the men in those rooms—-I’m talking hundreds—-have fucked up relationships with their parents, people, friends, bad lovers, practice unsafe self destructive sex because of not working out their shit. I got mentored by the experience not by the men, which was also disappointing in many ways.What I can tell you is that:I’ve spent 1 year for every decade of my life in therapy—-reviewing, working on that life stages’ issues.That I’ve done 2 years of Incest Anonymous to clarify and contextualize abuse, sex, sexuality, pleasure, coercive pleasure, and a liberated/libertine sexuality.I’ve done several group therapies and then went on to write magazine cover stories about them—-integrating what I learned and then reproducing it to help others.I’ve facilitated thousands of hours of workshops about…everything. Throw an apple at a library of subjects and I’ve taught a group./class about it. In many ways that dynamic challenge is why I’ve been able to write so many long and short non-fiction books and interesting fiction ones. My work, I eventually have transmuted into creativity and back again.Often I stand on corners in Manhattan, on way with my roller bag full of books and papers, to a school, program, etc. and I stop. Sometimes for as long as thirty minutes. and I just stand and watch people, vehicles, nature. I watch it move and go by. I think about who is attractive, who looks funny, what people are wearing, what people are thinking—-I just admire life and observe it, revel in it.About 98% of the time, I’m internally happy. Thinking about things, issues, solutions more than problems but happy. Content.It took me a long time to see how exes and K and family and others could be jealous, envious, spiteful of me:One, because I tried so hard to be good and supportive towards them—-I thought that negated spite.Two because I thought we were special to one another.And three, because I didn’t think I was worth those negative emotions, those attacks, such a reversal of esteem. I didn’t think I was good enough to be disliked. The ironic part is that was a perfect set up for a public-professional life of putting my work out there and getting everything from compliments to crank shots.Recently I’ve written to—-I’m big on the handwritten letter or sent emails—— to exes telling them the truth. It’s not about please love me but it’s about—-you know I loved you but didn’t like you, or I didn’t give you a fair chance or this is how I messed up and why and what I was thinking. Something between tying up loose ends, apologizing, releasing, atonement and closure.Yes, I used social media and acquaintanceship's and glimpsed K’s life now but didn’t make contact. She’s still in the same place—-a mover I’ve used for years moved her to a hovel in Harlem that he said he actually told her was bad, he didn’t want to leave her there—-still spartan, still no psychologist, still illegal hormones, still at the same job levels. Went back to school and I think realized how much time was wasted and dropped out again, creativity stunted against being trans—-something.The reason for this piece on boundaries was that I actually am certified by THINY Trans Health Initiative of New York so I was giving a workshop, talking about boundaries and issues and such. A lot of my time dodging corruption and insanity at GMAD, BMX and a little bit at GMHC was that I regularly found workshops and certificates to get—-I have a ton of them. lolWhat I found in finding boundaries and in writing about stuff—-hopefully it not only helps someone but all of my writing directly or indirectly goes into my teaching, thinking better and deeper about not just myself but issues to relate to, or publishing within books or on TV, is that I’m often singing a song in my head——la, la, la or now it’s Ole by John Coltrane—-I love it!——but that I’m not consumed as I was in undergrad or living with the highly dysfunctional K—which was dysfunctional and rocking myself to sleep every night with “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die.”I think it was a refrain against the insanity around me, childhood, etc. and not wanting to destroy myself but not knowing how to exorcise or re-contextualize my internal self to be happy.And happiness is a recontexualization.Later, after working on it, I was happy even with my family—-not because of them but happy within myself so that I could see them, deal with them, move on. I had to learn the hard lesson of distance from my family meant health. I used to think well, maybe if I jut did this or gave them more and more money or didn’t speak up and then each time, I got burnt or I felt like I was in a mental blender.I had to learn to accept that though 80% better, that was as good as it was going to get and to make time, space and emotional boundaries to walk away if necessary. Even in the hospital I limited my visits with my mother eventually to 15 minutes at a time, 30 minutes in the cafeteria, then back for another 15 minutes. You don’t have to sit there for hours on end to be a good son. In fact you don’t have to be a good son. You can be a good person who takes care of themselves even when the other person is dying. And still be a good person.I learned how to learn from the dysfunctional people around me. I learned that sometimes K was mad at me because I’d endeavored to go on 100 dates one year to learn how to date. And it was working, I was having fun, had a boyfriend. What I thought were clopping, awkward steps, K must’ve seen as freedom, bumbling unwitting freedom, and happiness.The same for my family—-abusive cousins, parents, stepfather, etc.—-I got away from them all. I’ve traveled and never looked back, rarely go back to family reunions, funerals, dinners, etc. because abusers were there or the questions were too prying or because bluntly, I didn’t like some of those people. And I have a good life, living well, money, got a little fat because of it—-it’s clear I’m not missing folk.I was recently writing about an ex, who wanted to go to Columbia Law and I mentioned interest too and one day, a couple of years later, he is walking up the block and I come out of the law school in my CU sweater, all beaming, in law classes, just having an intellectual orgy.That reminded me of another ex who wanted to go to Dartmouth, and we were to tandem help each other—-me to Princeton. He then ghosted me (when his girlfriend came back to town) and gossiped about me and one day I arrived in my Princeton sweatshirt—-professors having gathered and recommended me there.Back farther to another ex in high school who was just languishing and I was making all this money and finally found out I’d be held back 6 months so I took the GED and left. He didn’t. I felt so guilty at leaving him on so many levels and then a couple of years later going to Buffalo for undergrad.I have felt bad about my own successes—-that I have worked for on my own. Many times I minimized myself in relationships because of that. Now I’m all like—-whatever and sunbeams come out of my butt sometimes! lolI came to understand that I was all gung ho for them in relationships to the expense of me.o r that I also did what I did with my dysfunctional family—-gung ho for them, secretly do it for myself and then it might look to them like competition or like I was being deceptive. So I could be good and bad at the same time. That I couldn’t be gung ho for someone AND myself publicly, honestly and call them out when they weren’t cheering me on.That I deserved to be cheered on as much as I was cheering others on.Sometimes we learn to pretzel ourselves to be both good and gently vindictive or secretive or passively angry, while being seemingly good.Boundaries are also about learning how to withhold your own bullshit.Boundaries Are a CircleIt’s like a big circle. And in the circle is your entire life. Even your spirituality and how I relate to religions and religious people. (Manage your own crotch, I got mine. You don’t need to judge, criticize or assist in a non-sexual, consensual way. Anything else—-fuck off. Yes, my mother was also a pastor and got the take a religious hike speech,)But they keep coming up, new faces, new people. Less faces, less people. I don’t give off the Swiss cheese boundaries scent as much as I used to. I also don’t work or socialize in places where there’s a high concentration.(Funny aside—-I was at a professional networker and this German guy is going on about how horrible Germany is compared to America and then how horrible America is to Germany. I’m trying to be all suit and tie, sipping a ginger ale professional polite and he’s just—-annoying. Finally I said to him—-”You know what, I’m too old to subject myself to this kind of bullshit anymore. You’re an asshole. German, America, Americans, Germany, it’s all a mixed bag but you’re an asshole. If you’ll excuse me.” And I froze him out then and at subsequent meetings and then he vanished—-I actually told an asshole directly, spontaneously, to go away! Normally or professionally, I would tolerate, passive aggressively sidle away, become his best friend, hate him, hate him, hate him and then avoid him and he’d think I was an asshole. But decades of work, I now shoot folks down who don’t suit me.)That was a few months ago.The boundary challengers and fools and button pushers come up often or not so often or less often but it’s full planet, they will come up.I’m more direct in stores. I got followed by a security person in a store that I’ve been going to for 5 years and I told her, the manager and the overall store manager how ridiculous that was. How insulting that was. How it hurt my feelings and how humiliated I was to be treated so.Because under my ire and my own racial knowledge of such bs, I was hurt.Kyle’s feelings were hurt. and I can express that now. I can also say that I have a Manhattan based TV show that broadcasts to 500,000 people during a shutdown and I’m going to put your store on blast due to it and affect your bottom line. So many other stores I frequent, I’m an extremely polite large Black man of habit, treat me wonderfully, friendly, helpful, remember my orders and interests. I deserve to be treated well.I can be honest, vulnerable and take no prisoners—-I can remove myself or demand change or better behavior.Every day, you exercise the boundary work in new ways, small ways, big ways.Money, AgainA coworker, yes, I won some money, before I can offer,tells me what kind of lunch to buy her. I said okay then realized I didn’t have to do it. When I saw her next, no lunch on her desk, she asked me and I told her I left, passing the restaurant because I was busy and maybe next time I won I would do it. Or not. You know what happened? She silently went away.Tight boundaries with family as most of the ones I was closest to are dead. I don’t miss the others. At all. I stay in light contact with one, he’s in my will but the others. Pffft. I’m finally listening to my instincts about them and not overriding it with…but they’re my cousin, family,Stepfather, etc….Each day even with bosses—-though I think as a man you learn to be professionally more self-respecting, maybe because money is involved—-I decide what I want and need.Each day, each way, even managing a small business, deadlines and vendors and marketing (my bane!) and such I push myself a bit more, try a little harder, speak up more and more. It seems big to the casual observer now but it was a thousand single bricks put in place at a time. I also don’t shy way from saying, in a gracious way (I don’t like the term humble or feeling—-maybe because I spent so long being limbo dancer under a broom low, that I prefer now to politely stand) but I talk about my work.I talk about my work.It wasn’t a secret before but it was close. I’m proud of it, protective of it, I like it. I like me doing it, creating it. I like thinking up good, helpful, valuable things to teach and write about and wild fiction to create with. I like my talents that’ve worked for decades to develop. No, it’s no lightning bolt gifts from the heavens above—-it’s day after day after day slogging along, to write, to create, to start a business, to write a book, to design a blog, to produce a TV show. Work, hours, thousands of hours. Me. Work. .I made this.Boundaries are also about expanding your sense of self or self worth. We think of it like a wall but in truth it’s like one of those half and half back doors. Sometimes you open the top, sometimes the bottom, sometimes both. But it is under your choice and control, no matter who or what is knocking.Hey, I like that metaphor! lol#KylePhoenix#TheKylePhoenixShow