Your Child Has Now Reached One Of Those Many Milestones That Will: Fill & Download for Free

Do you know what it takes to become a professional League of Legends player? No, really, do you?Time spentIn the strongest regions, it takes a talented individual around 6,000 to 10,000 hours to get to Master tier. This tier consists of the top 1000 players of a region. Examples of strong regions are Western Europe, Korea and North America.Personally, I quit my endeavor after having played the game for around 4,000 hours and having peaked at Diamond 4. This is an above-average learning curve. In both chess and League of Legends, it takes on average around 4,000 hours of practice to reach 2,000 Elo. In League, that converts roughly to Diamond 5. So really, 4,000 hours is not enough. I have no exact numbers on this, but I hope this is somewhat convincing that you’re not going to be a professional with “just” a few thousand hours of practice.Resulting scheduleNow think about those numbers. And, of course, remember that for every person who gets to Diamond, there is another person who spends just as much time at the game but gets stuck in the previous tiers. This means that if we assume your son is truly dedicated to his goals and his practice, it takes about 4 years of playing 40 hours per week to get to either Master or Challenger tier. That means wake up, do some homework, go to school, work hard at school so you have less homework to do, do your homework in the school library, go home, play until dinner, play until you go to bed, repeat. Weekends: play at least 10 hours on both days. That’s 40 hours spent on League and around 40 hours spent on school.It’s up to you on how to interpret that. My main concern is with conveying the reality of the situation to you and your child, because chances are your child has no idea that these are the actual demands of becoming a professional gamer of any sort.Boredom and intellectNow think about how fun League is. It’s one of the most boring experiences I’ve had in my life. Think about your son’s cognitive capacities. If he gets straight A’s in school, chances are League is not his best choice. If he wants a job in the service industry or entertainment business, he has a much higher chance of succeeding. In order to succeed at League, you need to not have any desire to do more cognitively entertaining activities like reading, writing, designing and thinking. League is largely based on visual processing. The strategic elements of the game tend to naturally follow from the ability to process the game’s visual cues very rapidly from repeated exposure to them. So don’t be like me and try to become a pro if you’re smart. As the external rewards from climbing the ranks flatten out due to the logarithmic nature of learning curves, your intrinsic motivation for the game will have to carry you through the rest of your journey. If instead you experience cognitive dissonance from a lack of intellectual challenge, which happened to me, then you’re doomed to fail.Social lifeSo let’s say you aren’t foolish like me and you’ve made sure your aspirations align with your abilities. You’re dedicated, average or average+ intelligence but not more than that, you have proper expectations of around how long it takes to get to certain milestones and you’re on your way to Challenger. Will you be able to maintain good grades and a social life? No. You will not have a social life during practice. You will spend every minute of time you have at something mandatory or the game. Even if you could achieve good results with less, not trying to play every chance you get would be a sign you don’t have the dedication required. Remember, there’s a reason nobody just casually decides to become a professional. It’s something people do despite all the risks and difficulties. You cannot become exceptional in your teens while getting decent grades and maintaining a social life. Something will have to budge: your performance, grades or social life. Usually it’s the former or latter that people are most willing to concede. If you want to become a professional League player, be prepared to choose the latter.Rewards?Alright, so now you’ve faced all these obstacles successfully: you conceded your social life, have average or average+ intelligence, you’re dedicated, have proper expectations and managed to reach Challenger after 4 years of grueling practice. Now what? Now the “job hunting” begins. You try to befriend fellow Challengers. You try to contact team managers who need more team members and ask them if they are kind enough to consider your application. You try to become even better. You expand your champion pool to stay up-to-date with the meta at all times. Otherwise, you could just as well be on your way back down.Then, if you’re lucky, you get into a team. If you’re really lucky, that team is reasonably successful. If you’re really lucky, that team enters the LCS and you’re now a professional League player. If your team disbands, you’ll have the fame and reputation from LCS to get back in much easier and do something else like cast or stream much easier as well. But there are many adolescents and adults in Challenger who never get there. Many of them start coaching, casting, pursue more mainstream interests, fall back down. In other words, the return on investment of playing League is terrible. Most professionals got to where they are against their parental advice.AdviceBe a supportive parent. Allow your child to make mistakes within certain reasonable boundaries. In reality, he should probably quit League because it has a terrible return on investment in terms of a professional career and most players become either massively upset with the toxic environment or boring nature of the game. However, that doesn’t mean you should tell him this. Allow him to discover the truth for himself. Otherwise, you end up with a child that spends the rest of his life wondering what could’ve been, feeling like his career choice is actually his second choice.And then there’s that one in ten thousand chance he actually will keep enjoying the game and reaches the professional level. Just realize for your own sanity exactly how improbable it is for him to succeed if he goes down this path. There are success stories, but there are many, many more stories of failure. Be prepared for that.Hopefully that puts things into perspective. I mainly wrote this because if I had known these things in the past, I would have had much more healthy and realistic expectations of my future.Oh, and one last thing. The world needs more parents like you!

I just turned 40 this year and these are some things that I have discovered. But if it's tl;dr I will sum it all up for you in one sentence: life is short, start living NOW.The list below is just my advice (not myths) for people just starting out in their 20s and everyone else that might find it useful.1. If you have big dreams, pursue them NOW. So many times people put things on the back burner and tell themselves that they will get to it tomorrow, like finding their dream job or becoming an entrepreneur and start a new business. I'm not even talking about the psychological fears of doing those things. I'm assuming that by 40 you will have worked on some of these fears and have decided if you are able to take the risk. I'm talking about how many people just keep putting things off. By the time they're ready to "go for it", they are 65 years old and it's too late! Chase your dreams NOW. Don't wait. You're not immortal.2. Marriage doesn't just "happen", you've got to work on finding a good partner and building a relationship that can lead to marriage. I realize now as an adult that I am not from my mother's generation and that women don't just automatically get married these days. Marriage doesn't just "happen" like it does in societies with arranged marriages or where everyone just chooses any partner to be sure they don't become female and male spinsters by the time they turn 30. The world I live in is very different from the world my mother lived in when she had me. Now, many people are single, and many of us don't realize that marriage doesn't just "happen". You need to put in the effort to find a good partner and work on getting married like you do in getting a job.3. Mistakes you made when you were in your 20s are not irreparable later on. I see younger people worry and fret about making mistakes professionally and not being able to fix them later on. I'm going to tell you right now that most of the professional mistakes you make now CAN be fixed later on in life. Ok, you didn't go to a target school and didn't get an offer from Goldman Sachs right out of college. You'll be able to get it later through other means. Ok, you didn't get accepted to Harvard Medical School, so you won't be shortlisted for Chief Cardiac Surgeon at Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital in 15 years. You'll still find a way to a Chief Surgeon position through other means. I couldn't figure what career I wanted in my 20s, so joined the Peace Corps, took graduate courses in economics and sociology, and frittered a lot of time away making and breaking career plans. In my early 30s I came to some understanding of who I was and decided on a career. Of course, I picked an extremely difficult scientific career and now 8 years later I am still working on reaching some basic milestones. But, I am determined and I know I will get to where I want to go. This relates back to #1--if you have big dreams, pursue them NOW. Don't waste time.4. It's difficult to find close friends after college. I am a moderately social person and even I could not make more than one close friend after I graduated from college. This friend is the child of one of my dad's closest friends, so, she started off almost like a family member. In retrospect, I wish I had worked harder on maintaining my friendships from high school and college. I am starting to do it more now and have been reaching out to high school / college friends but it's kind of late, everyone has grown up, many have families and live on the other side of the country now and many of those friendships have languished so much that the friendship is now just an friendly acquaintanceship. Moral: cultivate a bunch of important friendships from college and high school, nurture them, and pray they don't disintegrate through neglect because these friendships are extremely difficult to replace!5. You parents and older family members will start to die. Spend more time with them. Once again, the mortality issue. At 20 you think you will live forever and you have all the time in the world. You take the good things in life for granted, such as healthy parents that nag you about getting a good job. I know you do experience grandparents passing away, but we tend to be closer to our parents and nothing is more of a wake-up call telling you that you and the people you love are not immortal than one of your parents passing away from an age-related illness. Cherish your family members while you can still see them.

Even if no one else says it in these responses, I will: I am sorry for the replies you are receiving here that blames you for everything. Even if they are not big enough to apologize to you, I will happily do it for them. The only thing that outshines a lot of these replies is the type of responses internet trolls leave. Blame is not the answer to anything.Listen, sometimes, children have different temperaments. My husband and are both in the psychological field, and our first child made it easy for us. He was quite, funny, he loved his binky, and spent a lot of time staring and observing. We didn’t let him cry much, always attending to his needs. He is a level-headed young man who is very loving and understanding.My daughter is our ray of sunshine. Her smile lights up everyone around her. However, up until four years old, she was one of those kids who would cry at the drop of a hat. She would not take a binky, but I wish she did because I know it helped my son get through teething.The mornings were most challenging. She would wake up and cry every single day.My husband and I became better at reading her needs. We realized early on that she is a very sensitive person. She actually shook in my arms as an infant when I walked from a well-lit room to a darkened hallway. Really loud sounds made her shake and cry. She only tolerated certain foods because she had a very strong gag reflex.We also noticed that she was quite inflexible. When it was time to go on and do something else, she would cry.Because she was so sensitive, teething was a terrible challenge for her. Things like chewing biscuits only exasperated the pain.Forget ever cooking onions in my house. Strong smells made her run and cry.So, touch, sight, sound, smell, and hearing. All five senses had the capability of sending her into a crying fit. Add that in with the simple challenges and discomfort of growing, and she seemed to cry about everything. I believe the inflexibility came about when she realized she needed certain conditions in order to feel comfortable.In working with her, we helped her learn to cope better with her body’s constitution. If her nervous system was hyper sensitive, so be it. We taught her techniques to learn how to cope.It took many years, a lot of hugs to comfort (my favorite part), but it seemed that she either learned to tolerate external stimuli better and/or her sensitivities decreased.She was also very sensitive emotionally as well. She couldn’t stand to be corrected and would cry if she thought we were mad. We so very rarely are.Waking up in the mornings even until she was four and crying, though, was something we could not explain. It nearly broke my heart that she would wake up crying every single morning and would take at least twenty minutes of comforting to calm her down. I so wanted her to remember a childhood full of laughter rather than tears.That is, until we got a cat. Well, the cat got us. We found her on our property living underneath a trailer we have. She seemed to be in great condition. She was small and very hungry, but her coat was nice and shiny. I invited the cat into the house, and we decided we would take this kitten into our home.My daughter initially was not happy about the idea of the cat. She would not get down on the floor if the cat was running around. If I pet the cat, my daughter immediately became jealous and told us she didn’t want it. She hated it. But then, due to the fact my daughter is so tactile, she found that the cat was indeed very, very soft. It helped when we did something about the cat’s claws so none of us would get scratched.When we got the cat settled in and fixed, when my daughter woke up every morning, she would begin to cry, until I would point out something funny and kitten-spastic our little furball did. The cat would kind of scamper, meow (our cat has so much to say… very verbal), or do something else, and she wound up laughing. So, the AM crying went away after that.We were lucky because the cat was nearly starved, but otherwise healthy. I think she really appreciates the fact that we didn’t let her starve because she is very attentive to my daughter for me. When my daughter is upset, she comes over to comfort her. She plants herself on my daughter’s lap every day. It’s unbelievable how bonded the two are now. My daughter even loves wearing cat ears. She has cats all over her clothing. She is most definitely a cat person.I think the cat helped distract her from what was making her cry in the mornings.My daughter is ten now, and I asked her just recently, so, why did you used to cry every morning? She said it was because of the fact that when she woke up, she wouldn’t see me, and then she worried about me and missed me, and it would make her cry. I said, awww, my poor little baby, and I gave her a hug and said, well, thank goodness you’re older now, and you realize I’m always in the house when you wake up. It seemed to resolve all of those months of tears for her.Parenting is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. Each child is different and has different needs. The reason for the apology in the beginning of this letter was to try and dissolve whatever judgmental statement has been made on this forum for a complete lack of understanding of child rearing, human nature, sensitivity, and this means for you too, who reached out for advice and instead received a lot of shaming and criticism, even from a lot of the so-called professionals who responded.Four is not the same as 24. Children even at 4 years old, even though they are not quite babies anymore, is not nearly old enough for them to take a deep breath and say in a calm manner, you know, that really hurt my feelings. A lot of the responses here either blame you because your child has been crying a lot, or blame your child, accusing him or her of willfully throwing tantrums to get his or her way. Adults throw tantrums, tantrums, as in, willful acts of misbehavior just to get their way, and I’m sure many of the people who responded here still do.Children, instead, get overloaded very easily and do not have the communication skills yet to express what they need. What’s the easiest way to communicate to the frantic adult who is trying her best to meet her needs? Name all of the things they are doing or seeing as the problem. Children do not yet have the capacity to identify their most inner feelings or even their physical discomfort, so they simply do their best at that moment.Children at four years old are growing. They are still trying to figure out how to tell you they are thirsty or hungry. Or, even more difficult, they are trying to figure out how to tell you how they feel so you can help them. Or, maybe they just need some comfort and a darn hug and don’t know how to say it. God forbid!So, your child might be crying about something, but you may not learn for a little while what the real reason is.You will certainly need to try and figure out the riddle that is your child, but I know what worked for my little riddle :).Become an observer, a detective of sorts. Is your child’s face flush? Is your child putting his fingers in his mouth? Maybe he’s growing some molars. However, this can also be a sign that he’s hungry too.So, basically, try and go to the physical reasons first. See if you can offer him water or a biscuit of some sort, or some grapes.See if there is a specific time your child cries. Around nap time, waking time, and bed time are all prime for crying because your child is more tired at those times, and it’s harder for him or her to cope.So, food, water, and sleep. Then look for physical comfort. Is he too hot? Too cold? Is the clothing material too soft? Too itchy? My daughter also has difficulty tolerating certain materials. Her skin is very sensitive. One time, we went swimming in a lake, and she was the only one who got blisters all over her body from a reaction from the water. We went swimming near sunset, so it wasn’t sun poisoning. This one was not a shock because my husband and I both have them too. I nearly passed out the last time I tried to wear a wool sweater.If those don’t work, then try to take time to play and hug before you and your child have to run off together or engage in your day. I would have to say that if your child just needs hugs at certain times, offering them before he melts down might help break the habit of crying for comfort.Someone else had mentioned giving your child choices. Two kids later, and I have to say that’s always a good idea and a tactic that works. If your child has certain things he or she wants to have, then let him have it, as long as it doesn’t hurt him :).So, for crying time, try and remain calm, and say, what’s the matter? How can I help you? Are you frustrated? Are you angry? Are you sad? Maybe that will get your child to stop and think.If it doesn’t, here’s another tactic. Both my husband and I have gotten three children to speak this way. One was around five years old and belonged to a large family. He completely shut down when his family moved and wouldn’t talk. He was in our Cub Scout troop. My husband was working with him one day. They were doing some sort of activity, and my husband said something really strange about rabbits. That boy wrinkled his nose and said, Rabbits? Nooo, that’s not right! Then he proceeded to tell my husband what the right answer was, and he just started talking again! The family was very grateful.I had the pleasure to perform this magic myself when I was counseling at a center. My client had a toddler who stopped talking after the father committed a violent act in his presence, which resulted in the child becoming covered in glass. One day, in session, the child pointed to something, and I asked, what’s that? The child told me what it was, and then pointed to other things he wanted to know how to say. I said them, and he repeated me. What a wonderful moment that was.Here’s more that specifically pertains to crying. When I was babysitting in my early twenties, the parents told me they had a lot of trouble leaving the four-year-old with a babysitter because she would cry the entire time and they had to come home.When I arrived at the place, I noticed an older woman, one of their friends, spoke to the cute little girl like a baby and very loudly. The girl cowered and hid behind her mother.I decided right then and there that I would speak to her like a normal person. I had read that baby-talking to children was not a good thing to do anyway.She did start crying the moment she saw her parents go out the door. So, I looked at her and said, “Hey, how’s it going?”She stopped, sniffed, and looked at me.“What kind of animals do you like?”She sniffed again and thought for a moment. “I like bunny rabbits,” she replied.“Oh, yeah, those are really cute. Do you like horses? I like horses.”She nodded. And did not cry.Several months later, her parents would shove off, and one time, her mother said, “Hey, girls, I’m going now! Hello?”They barely looked up from the television to say goodbye to their parents. No crying after that first day.The point of these three stories: say something really strange, just strange enough to break whatever thought pattern is going on that upsets your child.Oh, and the mother of all parenting tools: making a strange, unexpected noise. You’ll have to gauge which one will work with your child. Oh, what a well-placed snort will do! If your child stops and look at you strangely, you could just look surprised and hold your hand to your mouth and say, what was that, and make the funniest face you can muster. I have found that this works time and time again if your child keeps ruminating on something and is leading to an unhealthy behavior pattern. It might be difficult to keep your wits about you so you can be silly during those upsetting times, and there might be times it doesn’t work, but this tactic has saved me so many hours of aggravation by simply lightening the mood. It’s a distraction method I have used successfully a lot.So, prevention and distraction really work with kids this age. The distraction worked for my daughter to break the habit of crying every morning until she was able to tell me herself why she was crying.Most of all, just keep at it. Some children cry more than others. That’s just the way of it. If your child is hitting all of the milestones, then there isn’t a need to worry. Just hang on tight and try to work it out. The real reason is there, but at four years old, you’ll just have to dig around for it. You’re a great parent to put your question out like this to the general public and risk receiving the type of nonsense you had gotten as a reply. I wish you and your dear young one all of the best.UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the comments and upvotes! I just wanted to share our story because I think we have an over tendency to diagnose children and get them into an illness or disorder mindset. This should never be the default setting as we solve problems as parents. It might be possible that our daughter could have been diagnosed with a sensory disorder of some sort, but she seems to have outgrown or overcome a lot of her early difficulties. I think the lesson here is that four years old is only a moment in time, and your child is still quite young. Also, keep in mind that in order to bill insurance companies, doctors and even psychologists need to put in a code that relates to a diagnosis; otherwise, the mental health professional or the doctor risks not getting paid for the appointment.So, here are a few more possibilities to consider. Gauge your own reaction. Do you yell a lot? Yelling can trigger this type of behavior.I checked with a fellow therapist for this one: See if there is someone who is always around when this behavior occurs.Here’s something to say while the crying happens: “I’m sorry you’re upset. Would you like a hug, or would you like to calm down in your bedroom? When you calm down, we can talk about the problem and see what we can do to solve it together.”This will get your four-year-old into the mindset that he can work out his feelings. First step, calm down. Second step (if needed), talk about what was upsetting with a trusted adult. Third step, apply a solution. This will teach him to independently solve his problems.We taught our daughter that if she has a problem, she doesn’t need to get upset over it. It doesn’t help in solving it. This takes time, like all skills, to teach, but over the years, she does express herself a lot better and copes a lot better. She can be a tough nut to crack, occasionally, but as she ages, I emphasis that we are friends, and that she can rely on me to be there for her. It’s just what her sensitive little heart appreciates hearing :).Okay, before I lay this to rest, here is a resource: The Highly Sensitive Person. Here is a quote from that site:Sensitive kidsA highly sensitive child is one of the fifteen to twenty percent of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything. This makes them quick to grasp subtle changes, prefer to reflect deeply before acting, and generally behave conscientiously.Here is an article, too, that explains this very, very nicely:Understanding highly sensitive childrenNot all kids who are highly sensitive are autistic, and it’s not healthy to automatically run and think your child needs a diagnosis. Like many responses you received here (They weren’t all bad.), some kids just go through this, and then they come out all right after all.However, if things get worse, or if you begin to notice some of the social aspects of autism or language processing difficulties, it is important to get a diagnosis so you can obtain professional help, resources, and an individualized education plan for your child if necessary.As the CDC states, the social aspect of the disorder is the most common symptom, and also, they point out that just because people might have these symptoms, it doesn’t mean that they have autism at all. Here is the site so you can read the list of possible symptoms.Signs & Symptoms | Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | NCBDDD | CDCEven though I have training and education, I still felt better when I read resources that gave me some tips on how to help my daughter cope without making her feel “less than” and without ignoring her when she went into crying fits.Just to let you know, my mother ignored me when I cried when I was having a physical issue she ignored to that point. I was hungry, thirsty, but I didn’t know how to tell her about my discomfort. Or, she forced me to wear some pants or stockings that nearly drove me out of my mind with itchiness. Just imaging a thousand ants crawling all over you, and you can appreciate what it’s like when you’re stuck in the wrong outfit with the wrong material.What happened as a result of ignoring me? I felt that my feelings were not important, so I should not speak about them. As I grew, I felt that I was not important. I also could not trust many other people, and I never was able to speak about my feelings.My husband is a psychologist and a talented therapist, and he and I conferred with each other and discussed how to best handle my daughter, her behaviors, and her needs. He helped repair the damage my parents created. They used a lot of those older techniques that are outdated and don’t work, like ignoring your child and a lot of the old misconceptions, that you’re “feeding” into his ploy for attention or to take control of your relationship.The above is what we learned in our journey, and it has been wonderful to see her blossom. It hasn’t been easy, and it challenged us, but we learned and grew from it.