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When I was on ER surgery call one night, the ER doc called me because he had a patient who’d recently undergone gallbladder surgery in Juárez, Mexico, who had come up to our southern NM hospital for a second opinion. Following his surgery, he’d developed abdominal swelling & jaundice. His surgeon there told him he had jaundice & needed to take a diuretic & restrict his fluid intake, but even so, he was going to die. We sent him for an abdominal ultrasound, which showed a large amount of fluid in his belly AND multiple large stones in his bile duct. In other words, his symptoms & findings were the result of the surgeon’s failure to find the common bile duct stones at the time of his gallbladder surgery plus failure to make a proper diagnosis afterward, complicated by his sending home to die a patient who was suffering a complication of his surgery that should have been diagnosed & treated by that surgeon. I was totally taken aback!!! This man in his early fifties was being sent home TO DIE in order to protect the negligent surgeon’s reputation!!!I

So a “futuristic civilization” is sending me back in time to 1945 to make sure Germany wins … they surrendered in May that year but honestly I just need a few weeks, this leaves a lot of leeway …Let’s go with Nazis in Space as the civilization(s) as they could have a vested interest at least in this silliness.First up the Galactic Empire …Since it’s 1945 and Germany is reduced to well basically Germany … I’d ask for a single star destroyer with a full compliment of ground forces.We’d park the ship in low orbit over central Europe, nothing can touch it but it can project power quickly to any point over Germany. Once the fronts are stabilized we’d attack the weaker west and push the Americans and British back into the Atlantic. To hold the east I’d deploy the ground forces to the front for the week or two it takes to knock out the Allies.One of Germany’s biggest problems at the end was the Allied bombing campaign and air superiority, well that’s over …The Star Destroyer would then cruise over the channel and sweep it of allied ships …Next it’s lights out for … London. If they still have fight left in them, it’s on to New York and DC.Once the allies are dealt with, time to turn towards the east. First order (pun intended) is to send the Star Destroyer over Moscow and take out Stalin and the Soviet rail hubs to disrupt supplies and spread chaos. The eastern front is big and they have 8 million or so combat troops still running around. Since the Star Destroyer can’t be everywhere at once, might as well keep the ground troops deployed with the Heer in rolling the Soviets back. Good news is Hitler probably dies from delight after seeing an AT-AT in action as it makes his obsession with giant tanks seem small …War is over in a month … Lord Vader takes command of the Third Reich “provisionally”, Rommel becomes deputy Fuhrer (they bond over their hatred for sand) and Hugo Boss is awarded a contract to produce uniforms for the Galactic Empire’s officers.Can I go home now?No? OK then, up next the Empire of Man …I’ll keep his one simple and just send in a “small” contingent of the imperial guard to deal with the eastern front. Some are already even dressed for the part and small in the 40k universe would have them outnumber the Soviets a million to 1 …I’m pretty sure they don’t even need air support as their “flash light” lasguns can take out any planes that come their way. You call that a human wave uncle Joe?We can go “easy” on the allies and hit them with a few tactical strikes with space Aryans - I mean marines - to take out the American and British leadership.The Fuhrer just better make sure he accepts the imperial truth when this is done …Are we good? No … damn OK …How about meteor blitzkrieg … Nazis from the dark side of the moon come in peace …With pieces of meteors that is … that they airdrop on the enemies of the Reich … from space Zeppelins.No? How about something sneaky from the pointy-eared variety of space Nazis … like teleporting the leaders and general staff of all allied nations into the cold void of space?Then running the new world order through a puppet Nazi government …Satisfied … not yet? Damn I’m running out of space Nazis.How about unleashing Mecha Hitler …Or a zombie plague … that can’t go wrong.Wait I know … I have the perfect solution.Boom … take me home Doc …

14 years ago, I was in an accident at work, and fell about 25 feet - landing right on my butt. I ended up in the hospital with a fractured pelvis, T-12 vertebrae, and shattered tailbone. The pelvic fracture was a relatively “minor” open book fracture of the front of the pelvic ring (I basically snapped the thinner part at the front of the pelvis). Surgery wasn’t needed for any of my injuries, just rest. After a few days lying in the hospital, the doctor said if I could get walk to the bathroom (10 steps or so) they would pull the catheter, then as soon as I could walk to the end of the hall, and navigate the little 3 step staircase there, I could go home. Doc said he would send in someone to help me get up and moving - baby steps, right?A few minutes later, in bounce a couple of cute little nurse trainees (I was in a teaching hospital attached to the University). Neither one was over 5′2″ tall, nor weighed more than 110 lbs. Fresh faced and pony-tailed, these two little trainees cheerily tell me they are supposed to get me up and walking around. Keep in mind that I’m 6′ tall and at that time weighed about 260 lbs. I’m only wearing a hospital gown that doesn’t come close to closing in the back. I’m also heavily medicated (morphine) for the pain.The 2 little trainees unhook me from all the monitors, hang my catheter bag from the IV pole, and help me swing my legs over the side of the bed. I should have known something was not quite right about the whole thing when it took both of them to pull me to a sitting position, but through my medicated haze, it didn’t compute. They lowered the bed and helped me to stand, using the IV pole for balance. The IV pole was on wheels, probably not the best thing to be using as a support, but it was my only option.At this point, I had both trainees in front of me, one on either side, lightly holding on to my arm to help me with my balance. One of them asked if I was ready to take a step. I replied in the affirmative. I shifted my weight to my left foot and slid my right foot forward. A little painful, but not bad. As I shifted my weight onto my right foot, pain shot through me, and my right leg started to buckle. I tried to use the IV pole for support, but it shot away from me, taking my catheter bag with it - separating it from the tube running into my bladder.I began falling face first towards the floor- and a puddle of my own urine. These two little trainees fought valiantly to keep me upright, but it was a battle they had no prayer of winning. In the struggle, my barley adequate gown comes completely undone at the back and unsnaps at the left shoulder. Naked, save for my right shoulder, I fall to the pee covered floor with both nurses underneath me. I cannot get up (I can’t even roll over) and they cannot get out from underneath my considerable bulk.Here I am, naked, on top of 2 young urine soaked nurses-in-training, writhing around on the floor, when in walks my wife, followed closely by the attending physician and a group of medical students. They all spring into action and get me up off the floor, freeing the trainees, and back in bed with a dry gown. The doctor looks me over finds I’m no worse for the wear and deadpans to my wife. “Wow, he’s already chasing down students. We’d better get him out of here he can catch a real nurse.”