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How does it feel to lose a parent in your teens?

Devastating. My mother was murdered by a stranger one day while I was at school. I was 15 years old. It was a kidnap for ransom scheme targeting her because of my dad's job as a bank manager. Instead of showing up to claim the cash he had demanded, the man killed her and fled.My world simply imploded. I was unable to process what had happened to my family. And I had the misguided idea that I must carry on as if nothing had changed, or risk my peers thinking I was "weak" or somehow not right in the head. I slipped firmly into what grief experts call Denial, and remained there for about 5 years.It soon became clear that I hardly knew my remaining parent. Mom had been the primary "hands on" parent, while Dad provided for the family. He and I had no idea how to communicate with each other.Once I left home for college, things got really bad. Having lost the person who I was closest to in the world, I desperately sought the feeling of being loved -- which led to some very short, very unhealthy dating relationships. Finally I hit bottom. I was drinking too much, making very poor grades, and barely holding on emotionally. My dad, recently remarried, hauled me home from the university and sent me to both the local college and some intensive counseling. I recall nights spent huddled in my bed, crying for hours, just wishing for sleep to come.Finally, I stopped running from grief and turned to face it. Just a little bit, at first. I didn't feel that I was "out on the other side" until my late twenties - over 10 years after my mom's death. There were several very good counsellors who guided me along the internal journey of distilling who my mother was and what her loss meant to me.I miss her still, but in a strange, disconnected way. I have no idea what our relationship would have become as I grew into an adult, so I long for something imagined rather than something lost. Now that my daughter is nearly 16 I find myself with no parenting blueprint to follow, since my role model for mothering was no longer present when I was that age.So far, I've outlived my mom by 4 years. My life is far more joyful than sad, in spite of the awful pain I suffered and the empty spot that remains. I have found that life's normal trials do not upset me as much as they do others. I've been through hell, so they just don't seem that big a deal. And I never fail to tell my family how much I love them. One never knows when it might be the last chance.

Can I get a pro-gun conservative's sincere views on how to stop school shootings in the US? Can it really be done without introducing strict gun laws?

This is what I wrote to my local state rep. It fell on deaf ears:Dear Jonathan,Congratulations on winning the primary and thank you for inviting me to write you regarding the recent gun violence. I am encouraged by the dialogue. I believe that the current bills in the state legislature will be effective in curbing the legal procurement of firearms, but have no direct impact on curbing violence.We both want to reduce violence among youth. I feel that gun control legislation is currently "fashionable," but it is ineffective. Prior to sharing my ideas on how to curb violence, I would like to communicate that I am more than just a constituent who is pro-gun. I have specific experience in public safety, and would like to share a summary of my expertise.I have a bachelor’s and master’s degree in Criminal Justice, and am a graduate of Northwestern University’s School of Police Staff and Command. Professionally, I was the security staff coordinator at Children’s Memorial Hospital, an Advisor to the Skokie, Illinois, Police Department’s Explorer Program, a school security consultant to the Westchester, Illinois Police Department, and I worked a crisis intervention professional in a multiple needs special education classroom, where the primary diagnoses of students was Autism, Fragile X Syndrome, and Mild Mental Impairment. I created behavior management plans for the students who were violent.I also worked as the Safety and Security Director for a large suburban school district. While there, I centralized security functions and implemented non-invasive security protocols, formulated a Security Director network with other schools, presented prevention of school violence at an IASA conference, and taught “Violence in American Schools” as an Adjunct Instructor at Roosevelt University’s Education Department.I am a published author in professional journals on managing violence and am a court recognized expert witness in security related issues. I have also authored law enforcement policies and procedures involving· Missing Juveniles· Dealing with Persons with Mental Illness· School Bus Accidents· All Hazards Plan (including school violence)· Abduction of Students· School Bomb Threats· School Hazardous Materials· Civil Disturbances and School Security· Hostage Situations in Schools· Intruders in the SchoolI have also had training in topics including but not limited to:· Building Drug and Alcohol Abuse Prevention Programs for Youth· Bomb Threats/Explosive Safety· Emergency Planning· Non-Violent Crisis Intervention· Threats in the Workplace, Investigation of Workplace Violence· The Community’s Role in Community Policing: A Violence Prevention Strategy· Conflict Resolution and Peer Mediation Strategies· Youth Violence· Emergency Preparedness· School Violence· Runaway Training· Terrorism Overview· Emergency Operations Center—Unified Command· FEMA Training (suite of Incident Command)· Multi-Victim Incident Management· Homeland Security comprehensive Assessment Model Risk and Vulnerability Assessment· Multi-Hazard Planning for Schools· Building Effective Public/Private Partnership· Counter Terrorism Strategies Applied LocallyI have taught classes in:· Managing Violent People· Control and Restraint· Psychopathy vs Evil· Youth Violence and Emergency Preparedness for Educational Institutions· Causes of Youth Violence· Violence in American Schools· All Hazard PlanningI realize that was a lot to read, but I wanted to establish myself as an expert in the area of school security and youth violence.As I stated earlier, I am against gun control, but that is not why I am writing. I am not going to try or be successful in changing your mind about gun control. Rather, I would like to propose the following ideas on how to curb youth violence, instead of enacting gun control legislation. It is a multi-faceted problem, which must have a multi-faceted solution.Solution 1: Locking Mechanisms for FirearmsCurrently, the law reads that if a youth under the age of 14 gains access to a firearm because it is unsecured, the firearm owner is responsible for the crimes (or negligence) committed by that youth. (Note if the firearm was obtained during the course of a crime, i.e., burglary, the firearm owner is not held responsible).This is a reactive stance. A better option would be to require that firearms be secured when there are non-FOID holders or those under 21 present. Require gun owners to have a safe, cable lock, trigger lock, or other mechanism. Currently, Federal Law requires that gun sales include a lock and a pamphlet. For those who oppose this, there are quick release safes on the market that allow rapid access to a firearm, in case of an emergency.Solution 2: Walk-Through Metal Detectors in SchoolsInner city schools have metal detectors. I am unaware of any mass shootings at inner city schools. School shootings have occurred at schools with open doors in non-urban areas. When I was the Security Director at a school, we had a hand held metal detector that was not used during my tenure there.Making students, adults and visitors pass through metal detectors (such as the ones in government buildings) will prevent firearms from being present in schools. Opponents will say that they don’t want their schools to be prisons. However on the spectrum of safety, convenience is at one end and security is at the other. If this makes the child safe, then it is reasonable.Solution 3: Create/Enhance State-Level Security Guidance for SchoolsCrime Prevention through Environmental Design is a concept that is about 30 years old. I accomplished this by placing security personnel at each entrance when school opened in the morning, and locking all doors but one during first period. The one open door was staffed by security who made visitors and students show ID and sign in with an expiring sticker/badge, which would last the day, but not be visible the next day.Solution 4: Armed Personnel at SchoolsI am NOT saying that we should arm teachers. However, there should be an armed security function at the school with instructions to engage the target (and not wait outside). Rapid Deployment is a concept in law enforcement to go into the school in 3-4 person teams, sweeping for the offender. This could be accomplished by hiring police officers, School Resource Officers, or Veterans who have a higher level of training. It could even be accomplished by having school security personnel with concealed firearms.Solution 5: Increased Training for TeachersThere is at least one lock down drill a year for public schools. Teachers are taught to barricade themselves in their rooms with the lights off. This training is minimal at best. The FBI has a video about “Run, Hide, Fight” for active shooters. Emergency training should be more extensive for teachers. They should know how to get out of a classroom with a window (even have a glass hammer, similar to what is available for cars) and take other actions, as well.Solution 6: Grants for programs such as “Character Counts” and “Making Healthy Choices”Currently, the Illinois Criminal Justice Information Authority makes grants available for law enforcement. Expand their grant giving initiatives to schools for “Walk Up” programs (walk up to the loners, walk UP to the students who are troubled), to involve them in their school communities.While with the Glencoe Police Departments, I worked with Glencoe School District 35, and obtained a Juvenile Accountability Incentive Block Grant for $20,000. We purchased anti-drug materials, hired motivational speakers and funded a program that went beyond being anti-drug, but taught students to make healthy choices.Solution 7: Social WorkTroubled youth graduate from high schools. There should be a link to community organizations who provide free services (i.e., via township offices), so that 18 year olds can receive continuity of mental health care. Cases should be transferred to community organizations (i.e., Township Offices) to continue to help these individuals.Solution 8: Mandatory Reporting of Straw PurchasesOne way that firearms get into the hands of criminals is through straw purchases. The law should have harsher penalties and minimum penalties for those who legally purchase firearms with the intent to provide them to a non-FOID holder. Just like there is a mandatory reporting requirement for those who work with children to report suspected abuse to be investigated by DCFS, there should be a mandatory reporting requirements for gun stores to report suspected straw purchases to law enforcement in real time, while the customer is still in the store.Solution 9: PenaltiesCurrently, the judicial system has too much leeway in sentencing. In a recent case, a person convicted of making straw purchases was sentenced to 4 months in jail. This is way too light of a sentence. There should be mandatory minimum sentencing of these criminals with much longer amounts of incarceration. This is where to start.Solution 10: Make Judges AccountableIn conjunction with Solution 9, Judges should be made accountable for light sentencing of offenders who use firearms. There is too much leeway and light sentencing occurring, with high recidivism rates.Other ideas and solutions that I have are geared towards the Federal Level. I would be happy to meet with you to discuss these further and work on proposed legislation within the scope of this email.Thank you for giving your attention to this matter.

What's the hardest thing about being smart?

The thrice-goddamned communication range. It makes you effectively an outsider. We play a completely different ball game than the normies.In a nutshell, the “communication range” is the bracket of IQ (up and down from your own IQ) where any meaningful human interaction is possible. It has been estimated +/- 30 points (Hollingworth) to +/- 15 points (Simonton). Dean Keith Simonton calls it “window of comprehension”. Communication with people outside of the range grows increasingly strenuous. When the IQ difference is too big, some ideas cannot be communicated at all, no matter how much time the more intelligent of two dialogue partners invests.It does not, however, matter if your IQ is higher or lower than the other guy; what matters is that the gap in-between is not too big.The communication range is a limit that people with a standard IQ rarely experience. A person with an IQ of 100 can easily communicate with others in the 85..115 range, which is about two thirds of the population. He or she may get along with people with IQ of 70 to 130. But once the other guy’s IQ is lower than 70 or higher than 130, problems ensue.The bad thing is that with growing IQ, the window becomes smaller and smaller. It effectively moves right on the Gaussian curve, with less and less people falling under the curve. A person with an IQ of 132 (Mensa limit) is "compatible" with about 50% of the population - but with an IQ of 148, (Triple Nine limit) this number has decreased to less than 6%. And even worse is to follow. At IQ of 164 (Mega Society limit) it is less than 1%.Good luck finding any meaningful human interaction - including friends, mates, sexual partners, employment, hobbies, just anything. Because you are going to need that luck. Your peers are few and far in-between.Of course this range disregards age, gender, and chemistry, so even if you are very optimistic, you have to reduce the numbers further to get a realistic real-life approximation. The function grows exponentially, because high IQs grow exponentially rare. E.g., at 155 (which is 1 out of 8131, or 897,000 people world-wide), you already have to meet almost 250 people to find an intellectual peer - yet still taking the optimistic approach.A graph on people needed to socialize with to meet intellectual peersSo what options are there? The first which comes to mind to everyone, is, of course, “dumbing down”, i.e. adjusting your behaviour, demeanour and other stuff on the level of the normies. The bad thing is that it is incredibly consuming and exhausting and leaves a $hitty taste in your mouth. Doing it for years is not going to do any good for your dignity and sanity either. Dumbing down may work for some people and might be good advice when it comes to social occasions. In a professional setting, though, this strategy may lead to perpetual boredom, resulting in underachievement and burnout. Even more importantly, adapting to the slow pace of the main stream does not solve the problem of intellectual disconnection from the people around you, more than often resulting in a sense of emotional disconnection, anxiety, and depression.Making a virtue out of the sense of disconnection and just accepting that the world is a fierce and unintellectual place may sound like a reasonable idea but comes, of course, with its own dangers, most notably a complete disconnection from the shared reality of the general population and living in a reality of one's own, i.e. a dream world. This may be unavoidable in order to maintain some degree of mental sanity in a world that does not understand one, but is certainly nothing to strive for.Adopting a benevolent attitude towards those who do not understand you may be a better approach, but its success depends largely on the kind of feedback you receive. Imagine yourself living as an adult among children with access to credit cards, SUV's, drugs and, where law permits, guns. In such a setting it seems wise to choose your peers carefully.Getting drunk when dealing with the normies is yet another strategy. Drunkenness lowers IQ, and the communication range effectively shifts left. I have noticed getting blasted an excellent strategy. The things normies like begin suddenly making sense. This strategy is, however, dangerous; you are not really yourself when drunk, and there are the legal and medical aspects involved. But yes, many high IQ people are really, really heavy drinkers.And even worse is to follow. If the discrepancy is great enough, the reaction of the lower IQ person is invariably hostile. I almost got in a knife fight at the military boot camp. It isn’t the dumbest who are bullied, harassed, ostracized and terrorized, but the brightest. Children are little psychopaths, and sometimes this persecution may lead the brighter being driven into suicide.And yet even worse is to follow. The communication range denotes only the people who are intellectually your peers. It doesn’t mean they would be agreeable in any other aspects. They may be completely incompatible with you on any other aspects. See Mismatches That Create Red Flags | Love and Compatibility Resources.What is the result? It is that highly intelligent people tend to be incredibly lonely. But the reverse applies as well: if you have never faced the terrible loneliness which is part and parcel of high IQ, the chances are your IQ isn’t really that high.Things get better only when you find your own tribe. The group of reference where the average IQ of the members is within your communication range - either up or down, it really doesn’t matter. There you can relate to people with the same level, face to face, without any pretense and find people who are just like you are. I have two: sailors and skydivers. They both tend to be incredibly bright lot.Your tribe is out there. Go and find it. Once you have found it, enjoy and never leave it. Remember the only option on socializing with normies is failure.If you think you are the smartest person in the room, you most likely are. In that case, you are in a wrong room. Go and find another room where you aren’t the smartest. You all will benefit from it. The old room will get rid of an incomprehensible nerd, you will get rid of moronic dullards and the new room will get a new, fresh and valuable member.

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