Each Common Cause: Fill & Download for Free

Because most people marry after the storm has passed !Unlike earlier when people used to marry early. While they were creating a career. While they had dreams. While they yet had to buy their dream house. While they had to yet get their dream job or their dream car. People married and dreamed together !They struggled together. They valued each other more because they lived good and bad times together. Their partner really was their better half.Today everyone is whole. They build their dreams before marriage. They have their dream job, car and house before marriage. When all the dust has settled, and their life is settled into a comfortable bed of roses, they get married.The ones who have not held your hand at your worst, will never live their lives understanding you, because there is nothing left to understand about you. They flinch at the slightest crack in your boat and label it incompatibility.Divorces are caused due to a lack of soul in the marriage.

One day a girl named sunita( not real name) came to me.Said she is feeling very neglected in her in-law's family. Any news, any invitation, any function, everything is informed to her husband. They never call her directly. Never invite her personally. Her question is in that scenario why she has to attend those? Why she has to go to inlaws house? Let her husband attend it. She feels she is not part of that family.Ok! I said.I kept another case infront of her. Asked her to go through that and give her own suggestion to the problem.The case is,Raji( not real name) is getting offended because her husband never attends any function or event in her parents house. Because only Raji is invited by her people. Not her husband. It's not they don't want Raji's husband just always informs through Raji. Never a straight personal invitation. After first few visits he stopped going to their house.Raji's parents and siblings come to Raji's house. Every event they are invited by Raji. But, Raji's husband would be indifferent to them. He just greets them that's it. Sometimes he would go somewhere and won't comeback till they leave. His complaint is, they never follow any formality of inviting son in-law.They think they informed their daughter so, her husband should follow her. He says he has his own self respect. He needs to be invited then only would go to his inlaws house. He says for Raji's parents she is only important. They know their daughter doesn't care her husband. So, they don't bother about him. Their daughter is enough for them.What and all Raji has is from his side. It may be name, share in property, jewellery, inheritance everything. Her parents didn't give her anything. He says he doesn't want anything from them but atleast they should give him respect as son in law. For his inlaws only Raji matters. He doesn't have any problem if Raji goes to them. She should not force him to accompany her.Raji says he behaves like son in-law only. He should open up and behave like son to her parents. Then they also would consider him important and treat him as their son. Just because he is a son in-law they need not keep him on his head. He represents patriarchal society's ego.’Raji is suffering in between parents and husband and inlaws. Her inlaws also taunt her, they are seeing first-time in their life ‘a family for whom only their daughter is important. Not son in law. They too have a daughter. They respect son in law. Raji's parents should learn from them.’ Raji gets irked.I asked Sunita ‘what's your opinion?It never happens in India. May be they are exceptional and weird. In India inlaws keep their son in law on head!I said ' forget about India.’Raji is alive. She has this problem. Common or exception is different matter. Just I want to listen your opinion. All son in laws are not carried on head. All daughters in law are not burnt alive. Still we generalise and talk. Isn't it?We always talk about exceptions only thinking they are generally happening every where.What kind of suggestion you give to Raji's husband, same thing would be applicable to you also.Sunita didn't like my suggestion. Got irritated.She said Raji's husband is a man.’ his behaviour might be accepted. I am daughter in law. If I don't attend, people talk about me. My husband is also not happy with me. Life is not that easy for women'.I said. ‘Easy or tough it depends on us. How we handle . Did your inlaws ask you anytime ‘why you came? Insulted you in any manner? Behaved as if you are an unwanted guest? Then you are right. Don't go there. If they ask why you don't come to their house, you can tell those reasons.You and Raji's husband both are same according to me.You both thought you and your spouse are separate. Not one. You want individual recognition. Earlier generations never knew this formal life. Once married wife and husband are not separate entities. ‘Purnam’. Complete. Only one. They may not be knowing this formalities, rules, etc.If you are really hurt , could have conveyed them in jovial manner.‘See! Mom (or mil whatever you call!) I would be there even if you don't invite'.‘Hmm. This is my house. Your son may forget. He may be in need of your invitation. Not me! See! I came before him.’In your marriage oath, you say, from that moment onwards you accept him and his family as yours. Then why you feel you are not that family member? Just two years old marriage. How come you decided everything? Won't it take time to understand each side people?Yes. You can fight and ignore if they are mean, harass you, insult you, degrade you, when you go to their house without their invitation. You can have a firm talk with your husband also. This rule is applicable to everyone. May be parents, may be inlaws, may be friends. Any one.Otherwise, don't feel it's a big problem. If it's a problem, it should be solved. Not to run away from it.Sunita didn't accept. Said I am a brand ambassador of patriarchal thinking. Left in a huff!Even I left a sigh.Almost all after six months I met her in a function unexpectedly. I don't know she is a relative of them.She wore a beautiful temple necklace set. Came running to me. ‘Hai aunty! How are you? She asked.I smiled and said ‘your ear hangings are really pretty. (Jhumki).‘Ohho!! This? My Mil gave this necklace on their 50 th wedding anniversary to all the girls in the family. Me, my co sister, and sister in law. Her antique pieces. Some 40 years back designs.‘Only necklace part aunty. I mix and matched and bought these jhumkies and made it as a set. You liked it? Every one saying the same thing.’ thank you.’ Sunita is very happy.I didn't feel any need to ask her further.What is main cause for unhappiness?1.expectations.2.we try to find happiness from outside sources.3. Generally same reason will be there for happiness and unhappiness. It depends on the person and situation.Example.There is a plate full of sweets. That is the only option available there.For a starving person it's the very happiest thing to find it.For a diabetic, it's hell! Though he likes it, can't eat.Problem is not in sweet. In the situation and in the persons.Accept life as it is. Try to bring changes if possible and make it to your advantage if you don't like anything. You can keep boundaries too.

House: Are you using your inhaler?Patient: All the time. Go through one a week.House: *frowns* You sure you’re using it right?Patient: Do I look like an idiot?House: Nope. Why don’t you show me how your inhaler works?Patient: *Takes inhaler and spray once each side of her neck like perfume*[1]You’ll be surprised how often real-life patients get their inhaler techniques wrong. Poor technique is one of the most common causes for poor response to ventolin inhaler.I’ve heard stories from my professors where the patient simply sprayed the air in front of him and then proceeded to ‘sniff’ at the air.I, myself, came across a patient who had badly controlled asthma with over 5 exacerbations a week. When I asked him to demonstrate using his puffer, he sprayed the medication into his nose instead and got into a sneezing fit.Footnotes[1] Dr House asthma inhaler