Dear New Fourth Graders: Fill & Download for Free

This is the best thing I read recently and it's totally worth sharing.An ambitious nine-year-old boy has penned a letter to NASA applying to become the space agency’s Planetary Protection Officer.The fourth grader from New Jersey said he was suitable as “my sister says I am an alien”, he added: “I am so young, so I can learn to think like an alien.”The letter in full:“Dear Nasa,“My name is Jack Davis and I would like to apply for the planetary protection officer job. I may be nine but I think I would be fit for the job.“One of the reasons is my sister says I am an alien, also I have seen almost all the space alien movies I can see.“I have also seen the show Marvel Agents of Shield and hope to see the movie Men In Black.“I am young so can learn to think like an alien.”He signed off the letter with “Jack Davis, Guardian of the Galaxy.”Nasa’s Planetary Science Director Jim Green replied:I'm pretty sure he'll be in NASA.Hatts off Jack Davis :)~PEACE~

I can hear them now:“Whattya expect! He’s our leader-we gotta protect him! Smart man—we don’t want anybody attacking our leader. And turning out the lights saves Americans money!”As my wife says, “It don’t matter!” (she really said, “doesn’t”, but either way “IDM”) To the Baby Impeached Prez’s (B-IMPOTUS) supporters, IDM that he whines like Calvin (as in Calvin and Hobbs), lies like a bad rug, bullies others like a 14-year-old fourth-grader, manipulates his entourage like a middle school drama queen playing her BFFs off each other, wields power like Henry VIII (self-indulgent wife murderer and tyrant — substitute adulterer for murderer, only because he can’t quite get away with murder yet), etc. And to all his supporters and enablers, especially dear Kellyanne, Shawn H., most of the Republican senators, et al, please stop drinking the Orange Koolaid and grow the balls to tell the B-IMPOTUS that his new clothes are invisible. In his most lucid moments (I cannot believe I am using lucid and Trump in the same sentence) even Trump recognizes that what spews forth from his mouth is a series of lies—he just doesn’t remember saying them! “Master of all — responsible for none.”And the President calmly inspiring hope? Oh yeah, that man left about 3 and a half years ago.***Urgent update***“It was a false report…I went down during the day and I was there for a tiny , little short period of time and it was more of an inspection.” — D.J. Trump aka Baby IMPOTUSThere ya have it, folks, nothing to see here—just the Inspector-in-chief checking out the plumbing—keep moving along.

Dear Mom,I’m sorry that you’ve never met the real me, and I’m sorry that you never will. No matter how much you say “I know you very well,” the reality is that your mind creates an idealistic, fucked up fantasy of what you want my life to be—something you will never get. You are the reason I am counting down the days until I turn eighteen.I really don’t give a shit what you say about certain things, because I know they are not true. Furthermore, I will defy you secretly anyway, because that’s just what happens when you pull the leash too hard: the dog runs even farther. Such things include the following:I don’t know why you have this mindset, but tampons are not dirty or impure. They are not used to derive sexual pleasure, and are not reserved exclusively for non-virgins. Tampons are a medical supply, and the fact that you won’t let me use them because of some antiquated belief and connotation really makes my life difficult. However, I refuse to let you dictate what I do or don’t put in my body, and that is why I have a stash of over 30 tampons stuffed inside a bird puppet in my room.There is a line between normal clothing and revealing clothing. Skinny jeans, denim shorts cut above the knee, running shorts, bikinis, and spaghetti strap dresses are considered normal, not slutty. Obviously, some such articles of clothing are considered inappropriate for a girl of 14, but hint: forcing your daughter to dress like a conservative prude will attract more attention than the clothing that you deem “inappropriate.” I am not desperate to show skin; I merely desire the option of wearing normal clothing that will allow me to blend in with my peers.Shaving is not body mutilation, nor is it a sign of sexual promiscuity. Shaving is a responsibility forced upon women by society disguised as hygiene. Women who do not shave are considered barbaric and unkempt. I don’t know what you have against simply removing body hair, because that’s really all there is to it. I refuse to go in public with hairy legs and armpits just because of your backward beliefs. That’s why I have a secret stash of razors.I really hate it when you brag about being humble. You are a selfish woman, and you should either accept that or change it. Don’t pretend to be something you are not, because in the end, you are materialistic, care about money too much, and overlook relationships due to greed.Your parents are the same as you, if not worse, but I pretend to love them because I don’t want to hurt your feelings, and I don’t want to be viewed by the rest of the family as a pariah, because we all know that I am very near that status.Yelling at the top of your lungs, verbally and physically threatening me, and insulting me makes you seem like a child. I know some remarkable fourth graders who are a lot more tactful and kind than you. When you yell at customer service representatives over the phone, you are not only exasperating them, but embarrassing yourself.I trust all of my friends more than I trust you. I relate to them better, and they are not judgmental, forceful, or commanding. They give me sound advice, companionship, and joy. They have the decency not to talk shit about you, even though they have every reason to, so you should stop talking shit about them.In fact, there are some friends whom I care for more than you, and I’ve never even met them. That girl that lives all the way in New Zealand? She relates to many of my struggles and is a source of support for me, more than you ever will be. That boy that lives in Louisiana? I’ve had many conversations with him that I’d be way too scared to have with you, and that has provided me with more stability and understanding in my life.Oh, and just because I talk to or text a boy, doesn’t mean that I’m romantically interested in them or vice versa. Many, if not most of my platonic friendships are with boys, and just because someone has different genitals than you doesn’t mean they’re automatically trying to get in your pants. Your rules about dating are stupid, and the reason I don’t trust you with details about my love life is because of that one time in sixth grade when you found out that I liked someone, and not only angrily yelled at me, but ridiculed and embarrassed me.I’ve lied to you on many occasions to go hang out with guys because you won’t let me. They were my friends, nothing more, and yet you can’t seem to understand that. In fact, you slut shamed the girls that danced with their guy friends at our graduation dinner dance. Well, guess what? I’m just praying you don’t find the photos of me dancing with my male friends, because I’ll fear for my emotional wellbeing when that happens.I know it sounds like I exaggerated many details in this answer, but I promise you, everything I’ve written is true.For the people who want to make the argument that my mom is trying to protect me, I would rather not argue with about this. I’ll just say right now that what she does isn’t done out of love; her actions are based on saving face and making me conform to the way she was raised.