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As children we are encouraged to “Be ourselves.” We certainly can do this, but if we do, don’t expect others to always like us. We may lose friends, career promotions, and be alienated from family. The truth is that people often prefer the fake versions of us, depending upon whether we naturally have an agreeable personality or not.The Boy Scouts of America just went bankrupt and dissolved due to lawsuits based on tens of thousands of incidents of sexual abuse of young boys. Pedophile priests and pastors ran rampant in the Catholic Church for decades. The truth is you cannot trust your son or daughter with strangers, even members of your own family.There are some people who are dead inside. There is no hidden good person inside of them.Many people cannot realize the absurdity of the rat race until they have completed the maze.Some people are scapegoated by their families for no reasons of their own. So many years and tears are wasted trying to “resolve” differences which have nothing to do with what the scapegoat has done. He/she hasn’t “done” anything. They are victims of an unwinnable lottery. If you are a scapegoat in your family nothing you say or do can change that. You cannot “work out your differences,” “lay out your heart,” and have it change anything. In fact, they will use your vulnerabilities against you. There is only one way out—get out and don’t look back.As a parent with three children you see the enormous power of genetics. Parents help nurture their children, but 80% of who we are is the product of the random combination of genes. My fraternal twins might as well be from different planets—looks, height, intelligence, hair color, and interests—all radically different.[1] Studies of identical twins reared apart show the huge influence of genes on several aspects of our personality, intelligence, height, preferences, etc.[2]One man’s heaven is another man’s hell.Trust your gut. It usually ends up being right, and you realize this after you ignore it and give ______ suspicious person your trust.Everything is politics—even your family. Next, you can be the most competent person in the world, but if you aren’t political, you will be passed over, bullied, or ignored.The strongest form of violence is mass quiet assent.Update:#5 does not mean every family scapegoats. Most don’t. But for those that do, sometimes the only resolution is leaving. Next, many family conflicts are caused by misunderstandings that can be resolved. I am referring here to those which cannot be resolved by “talking it out.”#8 Trusting your gut doesn’t mean all people are bad. Nor does it mean that your gut is always right. Some people have poor instincts related to people so their “guts” are not very good guides. I am referring to your average person.#9 means the interaction between people. Politics is “us,” not just what happens in Washington DC or London. It is the dynamics of human interaction.#10 Mass quiet assent is what enables the few or many to conduct acts of violence. It was the neighbors of Jews in Eastern Europe calling on their Jewish neighbors to be arrested and taken to concentration camps. It was the silence of the German people. It is the silence of American citizens (and the outright support) of children being separated from their parents at the Southern border.Footnotes[1] Minnesota Center for Twin and Family Research[2] Minnesota Center for Twin and Family Research

To me the biggest one is the separation between ‘Aboriginal Australia’ and ‘normal’ Australia.Watching the USA explode into race riots this week has been chilling. It’s like seeing an entire nation go insane. There are so many narratives - so much wanton hate - that every attempt at reconciliation seems to be drowned out by nihilistic noise. Domestic terrorism is the new norm, it seems.We’ve never seen such stuff in Australia, and I wondered why. Sadly, I think it’s because oppression of Aboriginal people has been so much more effective, and more subtle in some ways.I suppose I saw this most obviously in my one workmate whom I got to know over a few years. She was one of our medical receptionists, and a physiotherapist in training during her time at the practice. She had already had one career, and was a truly impressive woman in every way - intelligent, articulate and genuine. She was also quite beautiful.Patients would ask me where she was from. Despite her broad Aussie accent, people assumed her family came from overseas. Was she Sri Lankan? African of some variety? West Indian?Nope. Her whole heritage was from the Koori Coast. She was more Australian than anyone else in the practice could really claim to be:The horrifying thing for me was how people’s attitudes sometimes slightly altered when they learned she was Aboriginal. Our predominantly white, rich cosmopolitans were happy to appreciate ‘exotic’ influences, but not so much the people we invaded. You see, we never had slavery in Australia. It was never quite that genteel. Aboriginal people were slaughtered - as animals, and kept on ‘reserves’ that weren’t really brokered along the lines of Native American parallels, but rather consisted of herding people into areas that graziers didn’t want.From what little I’ve garnered from Koori and Budgelung families I have known, the difference between Australian racism and the more media-prevalent American type is simply that Australia is younger, and that a British Commonwealth was even less willing to treat its ‘blacks’ as humans than a rebel colony bent on individual rights. It seems everyone here is only a couple of family links away from one of the Stolen Generation, and far less of the world knows what that is in comparison to Martin Luther King’s name.Hence, I’d say that the biggest cultural issue in Australia is the comfortable denial of the basic foundation our British heritage was founded on. We do ‘welcome to country’ as if the centuries of sandstone laid on top of it wasn’t a pertinent denial of exactly that. We talk about ‘closing the gap’, when I feel like hardly any of us whitefellas even knew what ‘the gap’ was in the first place.‘Aboriginal culture’ is deep and complex - the stuff of ‘poison cousins’ and skin names. In fact ‘Aboriginal Australia’ doesn’t exist - there are as many ‘Aboriginal’ cultures scattered across the ancient island as there are Aboriginal languages, somewhere around 300 and falling. However, they all have one thing in common: dispossession. Ironically, Aboriginal cultures don’t tend to ‘own’ any land. They are part of the land, and ‘country’ is as much part of the Aboriginal spirit as the ANZAC myth is part of colonial Australia’s. In fact, much more so.The thing is that I don’t have an answer, and I don’t know who does. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it, and ‘giving back what was taken’ amounts to the same sort of dispossession of generations of Australians as the crime it is meant to correct. There’s never Terra Nullius - ever. Just like fighting fire with fire in Minnesota just leaves everything burning so too I doubt there can ever be ‘reconciliation’ in any way that doesn't amount to assimilation.And if that’s not a cultural issue then I don’t know what is.

Disgust is too strong an emotion. Instead of identifying ourselves as South Indian, North Indian, Asian, Mexican etc, it is high time we start identifying ourselves as global citizens. I feel more at home in Minnesota than in India. Half of my family is here. Cousins, family, friends ,career everything is here. And I can say this with a little bit of conviction that there are a lot of people whose families have settled abroad. My question is then why not become a citizen? People, need not necessarily develop a sense of pan-Indian belonging just because they were born in India. You need to feel at home wherever you are. When that is the case, why not become a citizen in your "home" country. If USA is the place then so be it.