Date Pastor'S Name Church Name Street Address City - The Wilds: Fill & Download for Free

Is it wrong to have sex if you are not married as long as you go to church and engaged?1 Corinthians 71Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.6But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.7For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.8I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.16For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Be honest.With yourself, and with your pastor.Legally, and morally perhaps, if you are both single adults and free to date, there may be no problem.Ethically, however, there are some issues.A pastor dating a congregant is a lot like a doctor dating a patient, or a professor dating a student. There is an imbalanced relationship at the outset that gives the pastor an element of control and power. He really should be dating outside his congregation. Confusing relationships can get messy, fast.Perhaps he is so head over heels with you that he’s willing to work out how this would work, which might be you seeking another pastor or him seeking another congregation so that you can pursue a relationship. If that’s the case he should be honest about the ethical conflict, and open with you every step of the way figuring it out.It also depends what you mean by ‘your pastor’ - if he is the leader of the congregation you belong to, its senior minister, or your personal spiritual advisor, all of what I just said certainly applies. If, however, he is a minister on staff of your congregation, but in an area that does not directly affect you, say, if he is the youth pastor (and you are not a youth!) or if he is the music/worship leader and you’re not in the choir, then there may be no ethical issues.Of course, if you don’t want to date, say so.If he accepts it, great. (And if he asks ‘why’ that is still acceptance. It is often helpful to explain. If you feel like it. If not, just say so - don’t lie.)If he does not, and uses his power or influence as pastor to make your life difficult in the church, report him to whomever you report this to: his bishop, the church council, a denominational ombudsman, etc.If you do date and it doesn’t work out, it can cause awkwardness in the congregation, at the very least between you two, which is one of the reasons why pastors are not supposed to date people under their care.If you do date, and it does work out, congratulations.

A lot of good advice has already been offered, from across the spectrum (some say she’s “off the clock” after the blessing, which you know is not true, and some subtly undercut her valid ministry by suggesting that it’s not biblical. You know how to sort the wheat from the chaff).But you also need to recognize that a pastor of the church you attend first sees herself as a professional. In my world, she has a Master’s degree and the approval of several levels of church hierarchy. She is not just a girl who is looking for a hot date as soon as she slides off her preaching robes.And, if she is your pastor, she has added constraints of professional distance. Same as for any pastor.So, above all, be clear. I have female pastor friends who have been blindsided by parishioners who asked to “meet for coffee” who discovered when they arrived that they were expected to be on a date. Don’t set her up for that situation, please, please, please.In my denomination (trying very hard to avoid situations of ambiguity that in previous years led to people being abused and taken advantage of), you would be wise to speak with her, and then ask how the church hierarchy should be advised. This signals a change from “parishioner” to “potential date material.” Of course it sounds like a buzz-kill, but we live in a time when we are all trying to be caring and cautious because for many years we have been neither.Like all human beings, pastors have a wide range of relationship needs (especially if we have moved hundreds of miles away from our family in order to serve the people of God). So, communicate your intentions and where you are emotionally. As a pastor, I am desperate for deep friendships and deeply appreciate them — but that does not mean I am open to involve sexual attraction. Other times, I MIGHT be open to an exclusive committed relationship. Don’t you dare assume what I want without communicating first, second, and always.As a male pastor, some of the most blessed servants I have known in my life are the (male) spouses of female clergy. But it is not a calling for everyone.