This Is Your Simple Guide To Living United As An Employee: Fill & Download for Free

SARC OFFI’ll tell you my thoughts about Russia while showing you around two new suburbs in the south of Moscow. Warning: it is going to be a long, hard read but I’d appreciate to have your full attention and I promise to do my best to reward it.My colleague Evgeni and I hit the road on Monday evening. At 10.57 pm we were drove south from the city center where we both live. Despite the late hour, there was heavy traffic heading for Simferopol Highway.It was in large part due to new suburbs of giant panel buildings (called ‘micro-regions’) housing hundreds of thousands of people with new ones sprouting like mushrooms along the length of the highway.We took the exit to Western Butovo, a new suburb populated by approximately 30,000 people.This is the only access road connecting the suburb with the highway. There are no markings, no road shoulder and lightings. Every morning the traffic jam begins from the courtyards of the apartment blocks and stretches for about 10-12 kilometres, barely creeping along, all the way to the city center where most of the offices located.Electric poles and brightly colored PIK towers (more expensive type of housing, with modern interior design) were visible from the road. We decided to come here at night to beat the traffic and not to get beaten by local residents for taking photos of their homes.Immediately the parking situation became obvious. There were many trucks parked helter-skelter, which doesn’t mean that this is a working class suburb at all. There are all types of people that live here, but they all neatly fall into bottom 80% in terms of financial prowess.The parking situation in the courtyard was, to put it mildly, dire. There are no underground parking or multi-storey parking in Western Butovo. Cars are double and triple parked. Past midnight there was not a single spot left vacant for us.If there was a fire, no fire truck would manage to get through. Or ambulance. Maybe residents never get sick?Perpendicular parking is very popular.We gave up on finding a vacant spot and double parked. I got out of the car. It was raining and snowing in turn with wind blowing hard. March 30th is still very much winter in Moscow.Architects of Western Butovo took inspiration from Tetris. As we walked around, we couldn’t find any bus stop. There is no train link or metro/subway either. There’re just one highway and a narrow road linking the suburb with the civilisation.The courtyard of the Tetris panel building.“It’s VR” said Evgeni.“No, you are looking at the future of Russia,” I said. “The whole country will look like Western Butovo in ten years. Maybe Russia will be renamed to Ebutovo.”A one-bedroom apartment in WB costs 7 million rubles. Mortgage will see you through 30,000 rubles/month payments. Average salary in Moscow is around 60,000 rubles.I read the results of a poll where it said that more than ninety per cent of Russians consider 100,000 month ‘the dream salary’. In Moscow, the dream figure is 150,000 rubles/month.This will see you through 50,000 rubles/month mortgage in 2 or 3 bedroom apartment in WB. As you can see this is not a working class neighborhood at all.Many truckers and taxi driver rent apartments here which they share with friends and colleagues and send money home to families.On the other side of the Tetris building, there are less expensive buildings built according to Soviet standards. Ironically their courtyards are more spacious. Apartments are far less comfortable there. The apartment blocks stood like a giant wall without any clearing between them.A handicapped parking space was a bad joke. First, it was occupied by a random car, second, you couldn’t get out of there in a wheel chair and even if you did, you’d have a hard time getting into the building entry.No wonder that the majority of handicapped people in Russia spend all their lives trapped in their apartments.To too many people in Russia, death comes as a long-awaited release. Russia leads the world in male suicides.Where the tall buildings end, a forest begins. The forest stretches for hundreds of kilometres, uninterrupted by any human activity.At school, I have been told a million times that I should be proud to live in the largest country in the world. What’s the point of its enormous size if people still have to live on top of each other as if we have a country the size of Hong Kong?Building codes and apartment designs for this building were written forty years ago. And yet construction companies keep building them unchanged. People buy apartments there, in fact snatch them like hot potatoes, so why bother investing time, money and energy into improving them?At this point, I began to think about what kind of people would sell their apartment in the regions and buy a concrete box that would need to be fitted out in this slum?Desperate? Dumb?Perhaps none of the above.We have an employee at our office, a woman in her late 20s. Came from Omsk, a city in Siberia.Tatyana ‘Glasses’ is well educated, a professional, who works in the R&D department of a pharmaceutical company. Tatyana says that when she bought an apartment in the PIK building of a similar suburb in Moscow, it was a dream come true. Her studio is 28 square meters. It’s like a hotel room.“But what if you decide to have a child? Or a boyfriend?” Evgeniy asked her.“I’m happy with my dog.”This is the only school in WB. Gigantic, big-s$$ box five times larger than the size of an average school in Moscow. It resembles a military barrack so children get used to army from early age.We didn’t see any kindergartens - perhaps residents don’t want to have children either and the ones that attend school they had had before moving to WB?No clinics. No hospitals. No post office. This suburb seems to have been built to sleep, watch TV and leave for work.It wasn’t built for fully functional human beings that have life outside of gobbling up propaganda and swilling beer.School playground: mud everywhere. They didn’t care to pave over it. Manholes are not sunk and protrude about half a foot above the ground even in the middle of the roads.This is a private kindergarten. Entrepreneurs rent out ground floor space, hire a couple of random women, buy a few toys from IKEA and here we go - kids.will.have.fun. Or not. Kids cannot eat there because that requires a license which is hard to get.Diagonally stacked apartment blocks. They are built at a breakneck speed using unprofessional labor of illegal immigrants from Uzbekistan and Tadzhikistan.Construction workers fall from great height or get electrocuted but their deaths go unreported because of harsh laws or huge bribes that need to be paid for the case to go away.So what the developers do they throw dead bodies of Tadjiks and Uzbeks into trucks and bury them in the fields or forest outside of the suburbs.Some of those graves get unearthed without any investigation to follow, but most of them don’t.Sometimes they bury construction workers who are still alive, but seriously injured. Oftentimes, local cops receive payments from developers to turn a blind eye on dead Tadjiks. With 4 births per woman in Tadjikistan, developers can easily get replacements.A stage for performances. Dark and gloomy with wires sticking out of the open electric box.A much brutalsky (as everything else) kids’ playground. Ice and melted water everywhere. A few random units of play equipment thrown together for the developers to show potential buyers that their suburb is suited for children. Or rather not.The only fully grown tree was a Christmas tree planted right in the middle of the central promenade.Uneven paving. Cheapest materials. In a few years, there will be a dirt track in its place.Look at the size of these trees. How many years should the residents wait till they have a shadow for six hot summer days?At around 9 pm when you finally made it home and found a parking spot for your car, you run to Two Axes to buy three litres of beer. Get drunk and forget about the world that doesn’t care if you live or die.No matter how bad it looks, it’s important to remember that residents were not forced to move here but did so willingly. They were not given any incentive by the government to buy those apartments.Apartments are expensive and prices are going up at about 10–15% a year, while salaries are stagnant. Apartments in these panel buildings are unaffordable to most of the Russian citizens.I guess developers wanted to create a public space. Most of the year it either rains or snows, but it never crossed their minds to provide a cover.Benches spaced out to prevent socialising. There’s minimum socialising going on in those suburbs. Everybody is simply stuck in his/her apartment and then jump into the car. No eye contact.With so little parking one would assume that subcompact and compact cars are the order of the day. The opposite is the case: a car is a phallic projection (or compensation) and must be big and imposing. That’s what the cars are for.No public toilets, of course.Slums looked like sh!t and it felt like it didn’t matter where to piss - in the mud, puddles, cracked pavement. I was about to piss under the Christmas tree, but at 2 am there were people walking around in the mud.This is when I noticed a half-empty parking lot. It cost only 3,000 rubles a month to secure a spot for your car, but residents preferred to park in the courtyards bumper to bumper rather than pay what they blow on a football bet or a parking ticket.Evgeni, a medical doctor by training, said those people need to seek psychiatric help.In the distance we saw what looked like 30-storey apartment blocks and decided to drive there.The only access road to the recently built Bulatnikovskoe vertically integrated slums was a narrow strip submerged in darkness. Fifteen or twenty thousand people use it every day. If there’s an accident in the morning, none of them will get to work.The parking situation in Brutalskoe was even worse. However since it was located closer to Moscow, cars were more expensive as well as the price for a square meter. This was an upper middle class suburb.Roads were ankle-deep in water. Dumpsters were overfilled with trash.The passage between the two rows of parked cars was so narrow that at times we barely managed to get though.It totally looks like a giant 3D Tetris game. Russians call them “matchboxes.” Pavement was covered with dogs’ feces. Owners didn’t care to pick them up - the whole outside was a poisoned, dirty dump anyways.I calculated that if developers continue to build apartment blocks at this speed, every person in Russia will have an apartment in 22+ storey Tetris block within fifteen years.Russia will become a Tetris game!This is my prediction.The elites will move all the 100 million proles - or God knows how many there are out there - to Tetris buildings and install 24/7 surveillance to monitor their activities. Proles will be so happy to live in Tetris buildings, they will think they live in the best possible worlds and fall love with their elites all over again.PIK will build GULAGs that will look very similar, maybe only slightly better to imprison divergents. They’ll shut down international borders. Who needs abroad when there’re Crimea and Tetris?TV will be bombarding proles with “You are a great people. Fatherly leader takes care of you.” The elites will live in heavily guided gated communities of single family houses and have their own healthcare, education system employing expat teachers and will be allowed to travel overseas.Back to Brutalskoe. Melting frozen dogs’ feces: I hopped and skipped between the turds. I began to agree that this place was rather a stupid video game.There were cars in the fenced field. How did they get there? A nice Tetris block but doesn’t seem to fit in.If only one could delete the whole thing. The blocks. The cars. And if somebody did, would anyone shed a tear?A corrugated metal fence hiding an empty field from eyesight. A bench to sit and enjoy leaden sky.This is Doville, a Moscow gated community where Russian elites live. No offence, but there’s no fence. Where are the cars by the way?And we’re back to Brutalskoe. A new building entrance but already falling apart. Just a concrete porch, a metal door with a square window. Would anyone want to bring a child to this neighbourhood?Can one experience joy and happiness in this much-desired zip code? This is a very good population control device.If you think that poor people live here - take a look at the cars. Many of them cost 2–3 million rubles, while apartment cost from 8 to 15 million rubles, unaffordable to the majority of Russians.2 am and there is traffic on the road. A pizza delivery guy blocked the road with his Oka. There was another car behind us. To the right - a dead end. We had to wait for the pizza guy to return. Imagine the traffic here when everyone comes back from work.Big dirty piles of snow on the lawns nobody cares to clear. And cars are everywhere.Some very pricey cars by Russian standards. Unsurprisingly, they are many scratches and dents as they barely fit into the little space available.Imagine your kids playing outside in this carmageddon.Oka started moving but there was a Mercedes with blinking lights at the end of the driveway. For at least half a minute the driver expected we would just back off a hundred meters and drive in reverse another three hundred meters through the narrow passage. Finally, reluctantly the Mercedes driver let us through.I was beginning to feel in equal measures claustrophobic and depressed. This was a very badly planned nightmare.Once we got out of the driveway, we saw a giant, absolutely empty pay-to-park parking lot. There wasn’t a single car there.Those dimwits would rather park their brand new SUVs next to their building entrance and get it scratched and dented, an obstacle to a thousand people, including their own kids, who share the courtyard, than pay fifty bucks a month to park it in a designated place a hundred meters away from their building entrance.“Kinda makes sense why 8 out of 10 best selling medicines in Russia are placebos,” I said.“Why TV propaganda is for the intellectual level of 6th graders and they still fall for it,” Yevgeny responded.“Why they stand in line for hours to kiss Virgin Mary’s belt and then dress their little kids in Soviet army uniform for military parades.”We found the only bus stop in Brutalskoe.You can’t do any sports in this suburb because there are no sports centres or swimming pools or fitness centers. No shopping malls. No library. No clubs for interests.What do you do here on weekends? You try to get out of here, to the city center, forming another gigantic traffic jam on Saturdays. Otherwise you are stuck in your concrete box watching tv and drinking beer.Every Saturday they get into their cars and head for Gorky Park or Red Square to see buildings of human proportions, promenades and parks where it’s pleasant to walk and there’s no dogs’ sh!t under the feet and puddles and mud.I bet they don’t even understand their own need to get out of here to the city center (they are the reason why there’s as much traffic on Saturdays now as on weekdays).A lone birch tree is a symbol that one day, perhaps in a thousand years this nation will be great indeed, a country for human beings, not debased serfs and their wolfish masters, a place where people are happy and have many things to be proud of.We left the claustrophobic vertically integrated slums, and in about half an hour (3 hours on a good day) found ourselves inside the Ring Road. It was 2.30 am. Dementia dressed in concrete and glass, like spores of hallucinogen mushrooms, sprouted in the nooks and crannies of the city.“The English Quarters,” a luxurious apartment block. This is how Russians see England: a 15-storey apartment block with a dodgy street clock by the entrance and a super-tall gate as if it is a royal palace.On the other side from the English Quarters is this monstrosity. Unanchored from the West, Russia has fallen back to its default claustrophobia, fear, and darkness.Look at the space between the buildings - it’s like they are having a threesome under a checkered blanket.I have tutored dozens of kids of the rich, educated Russian families. Their goal has always been to put emotional, intellectual and physical distance, an impregnable barrier, between the residents of symbolic Western eButovo and themselves, the residents of gated communities.Their kids would speak English as the first language and get their education in the West where they will all eventually move to - Russia is only good enough to make money.Such is the elites Russians have chosen for themselves - not only they are greatly Westernized and culturally different from them, they don’t care about and quite openly loathe the common people and consider them savages, not much different from wild animals.The elites build vertical slums for them and hope they will stay there for good and will never leave.It’s March 30, but there are still New Year sparkly lights along Tverskaya Street all the way to Lubyanka. Mayor Sobynanin said he didn’t want to take them off in order not to feel sad. Let’s burn kilotons of electricity for the mayor to feel jolly. And so it’s New Year all year round.Lyubyanka Building, the FSB headquarters. The entire length of Lyubyanka Street are buildings with agents and special FSB departments.They keep the proles in check, monitor their activities and jail when they overstep. In the future, when the population is resettled into Tetris panel buildings along the two highways, their job will be made simple.Chinese comrades will help them out with this patriotic and useful activity.We left the car at a proper parking lot. The night ride was over.

So let me get this straight. You’re telling me that I get paid $4 an hour just to sit on my ass and do nothing but watch the security monitors?Yup. 12–6 AM. Checkout no sooner, no later. And whatever you do, stay in this chair and do absolutely nothing but push random buttons.Wait, why?Because we’re not paying you to go out there and walk around. Plus, you’ll be fired if you do.Uh, OK. So, is there anything else I should know before I start?Yes. First of all, we had the original guy in your position create some voice-tapes to help you with your first week here. Second, don’t touch the fan. It will cut your finger off.Got it.And finally, under no circumstances should you touch the animatronics or try anything else with them. Freddy Fazbear’s is not responsible for death or dismemberment.Wait, what?Good luck!NIGHT ONEPhone Guy: Uh, hello, welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzaria: A place for kids and grown ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life.Uh, this is so boring. Why do I have to sit in this chair and do nothing?Phone Guy: Oh yeah, and the animatronics tend to get a bit quirky at night. You see, at first the animatronics were free to walk around in the daytime. Then there was the bite of 87.What? The boss never mentioned anything about THAT.Phone Guy: I’m not sure about all of the details, but it had something to do with an employee being bitten by an animatronic and having to get their entire frontal lobe removed. What’s even more shocking was that the victim survived. I didn’t even know the human body can live without a frontal lobe.SAY WHAT??Phone Guy: Now they they can only move around at night because their suits will get locked off if turned off for too long . Apparently, if they find you they will think that you are an endo-skeleton without their costume on. That’s against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear’s, so they will try to forcefully stuff you in an animatronic suit.That doesn’t sound SO bad.Phone Guy: Oh, and don’t think you’ll be fine when that happens. Turns out the suits are filled with tons of wires, crossbeams and many dangerous things, so you’ll probably die once that happens. The only parts that will stick out are your eyeballs and teeth. Yeah, they don’t tell you about these things when you sign up.Oh s***. Why the hell did I even start working here? Oh yeah, they said they’d give me as much free pizza as I wanted.(Looks at the monitor, sees this)AAHH!! They know I’m watching them! Oh s***, oh s***, oh s***, what the hell is this?(When he checks back, he sees just Freddy standing there, and Bonnie and Chica have left the room)WHAT?? Where did they go? Oh my god, I gotta get out of here.(Realizes something)Wait, if I try to leave, won’t the animatronics just find me and kill me? UUHH, might as well try to survive here.(Frantically looks over monitors, check the lights and finds Bonnie near the door)S***! (Closes door) That’s it. After tonight, I’m done. Hey, there’s the power level here. Wait, why is it that it drains power to keep a door closed? Shouldn’t it drain power to keep a door open? That’s totally how doors work-(Power goes out)(Freddy’s Theme song plays)Wait… is that… Carmen?? What does a 19th century French Carmen have anything to do with murderous-OH DAMN!Edit: Added some photosEdit 2: This got many views, so I’ll do the rest of the story.It is now 6 AM. You may now leave.Wait, what? Why isn’t Freddy attacking me? Oh, whatever, after what I’ve seen tonight, I’m quitting.NIGHT TWOHey, what am I doing back here again? I said I quit!Phone Guy: Hello. If you’re listening to this, then congratulations on surviving your first night. Now let’s talk about your second.Yeah, no thanks to those animatronics.Phone Guy: I suggest you should check for the animatronics as you’re listening to this. They tend to get more active as the week progresses.Well that’s just typical. Might as well check.NOPE. Not today, Los Pollos Hermanos!(Shuts the door)Ok, I need to figure out how to quit my job. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.NIGHT THREEAGAIN?! Come on, why can’t I just quit already?!Phone Guy: Hello again, welcome to your third night. I’m honestly surprised you’ve survived this long. I know because I checked the records of some of the other security guards who worked here before me.I’m afraid to ask what happened to them.Phone Guy: So yeah, if you do get killed by one of these robots, we just bleach the carpets and file a missing person report within 100 days. It’s messed up, I know.Like I needed THAT right now.Phone Guy: Oh, and one more thing. Around this time, Freddy starts to move around the pizzeria. Whatever you do, keep an eye on him, he’ll only move if you’re not looking. Also, there’s a fourth animatronic, Foxy, who’s in the out of order place at Pirate’s Cove. Make sure you check up on him, too, because if given the chance, he’ll just run straight at you.Huh? Wait, where is the fox?OH S***!! (Slams door) God, that thing can run.(Foxy banging on the door, stops after a while)(Opens the door, Foxy is gone) OK. Now I just have to check up on the others before they get me.NIGHT FOUROK, this is getting ridiculous. Why do I keep coming back to a job where I get little pay, can’t move and can easily die?Phone Guy: Hey! Guess what? Tonight’s my second last night here at Freddy Fazbear’s. Which means that next week, you’ll probably already be filling my spot here. I hope I’ve taught you right so far.Well, I guess I can be thankful he’s told me all I need to know.Phone Guy: Well, I hope you’ll do as well as I di- Wait? What was that? Oh no, OH NO, OH NO, OH GOD NO.Wait, what’s happening?Phone Guy: They found me. Oh my god, this can’t be happening. OK, I’m trying to get the power back on but it looks like they’re already on their way. Please God, let me be safe.This is not good at all.Phone Guy: Come on, come on. OH NO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH-(Cuts to static, the animatronics can be heard in the backround)OH MY GOD. I’m screwed without this guy. How am I gonna survive the rest of the shift?NIGHT FIVEOk. Enough of that telephone guy. It’s up to me now. I have to make sure I get out of this alive.(None of the robots are there, they’ve all moved)S***, ok ,this isn’t a problem. I just gotta find them. Come on, where are you metal motherf******?Both Bonnie and Chica try to run at both sides of the door.Oh God! (Slams both doors, frantically paces)They leave. However, Freddy tries to come back.AAAHHH!! (Tries to slam door, but Freddy is caught inbetween)Come on!! COME ON!!!! (Repeatedly opens and closes door until Freddy becomes a pile of junk) This isn’t in the game, but I wanted to write itAlright, anyone else I have to deal with?Suddenly, a weird Freddy-like animatronic comes out of nowhere.HOLY S***. HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!Golden Freddy just sits there, shaking, shaking, shaking…It is now 6 AM. You are permitted to leave.YEEESSSSSS!! WOOOOH!!! HAHAHA! Suck it, Winnie the Pooh! WOOH!Edit 4: Decided to continue the story because, why not?NIGHT SIXHA! Even the content within the game overstays it’s welcome. I better be getting paid overtime for this.Checks Monitor, Bonnie is coming in.Uh, not you again. (Tries to close door, it jams)What? Why isn’t this working?AAAAHHHHH!!!The door finally works, closing just in time to stop BonnieThank God.NIGHT SEVENReally? What’s the point in calling it “Five Nights at Freddy’s” if you can crank it to seven nights?THE VERY NEXT DAYBoss: Mike, you’re fired.THANK YOU! Thank you so much, now I don’t have to work at this godforsaken Chucky Cheese ever again!Boss: Oh, here’s your paycheck for all your hard work.Finall- wait. $120 paycheck? With only 50 cents of overtime?!Boss: Hey, this is the 90’s. This was the average paycheck back then. By the way, if you tell the police about what you saw, we’ll find you. And you won’t like what happens next.Alright, good enough for me.Edit 5: Someone asked for comments on Cawthon’s other games, so here we go. I’ll finish it when I have more time.Now for the prequel (FNAF 2)Ok, is this basically the same as last time? I just get paid $4 an hour just to do what I did last time?No. This time you get even LESS money than before.What?! Seriously? Why?Because this is 1987.OH. So I just have to work here, check for animatronics and close the doors when needed, right?No, again. This time we removed doors, because why would a security office need doors?Maybe if a serial killer broke in and I had nowhere else to escape, that’s why.Shut up. You’re the employee. Do your work, Jeremy.Night OneOk, so this is the same thing as last time. Only now I have no doors. So how do I keep the robots from killing me?Phone Guy: Hi, welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s. Congratulations on getting hired.Wait, Phone Guy?! Didn’t you die last time I checked? Oh that’s right, this is a prequel.Phone Guy: There are no doors here because we had to cut the budget for some of our other things here. Now that our restaurant will be reopening soon, we need to make sure you know what you’re doing.Reopening? What happened that made it close down?Phone Guy: You’re actually the second person to work at this position. The first guy complained about some of the… conditions of his job. One of them included the animatronics trying to get into his office, so we moved him to the day shift. Lucky you, right?Not lucky me. Not lucky at all.Phone Guy: Listen carefully. If you want to make it through the week, you might want to wear the Freddy mask I left for you on the table. In case one of the animatronics comes near you, just put it on. They have a facial recognition software that will mistake you for an endoskeleton without their costume on, but for some reason it only happens at night. In daytime they’re just fine. With the mask on, they’ll think you’re one of them. As such, they won’t try to stuff you into a suit. So, good luck on your first night.Well, thanks for the tip. I better put it on. (Puts on mask)Balloon Boy: Hello?What was that?(Checks Monitor)(Puts on Mask)Balloon Boy: Ok. I’m bored.Well, it looks like it’s working.(Toy Bonnie leaves)Hey, this is easy! I never thought this job would be this simple!Night Two(Brings up 80’s arcade game to play)Wait, what? Why do I have to play this boring game? Well, it beats surviving the night with killer robots on my tail.(While playing the game, the screen shows this)Wait, who is that kid crying out there, and who’s the purple-OH MY GOD, is that kid getting murdered out there?! Stop, let me help that kid!(Shows Puppet Jumpscare)AH! Why did that purple guy kill that kid?Never mind. All I have to do to survive the night is to put on the Freddy mask and pretend to be another animatronic. I should probably make it for the rest of the week.Phone Guy: Hello. This is me calling to tell you that the mask alone will not save you.HUH?! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW??!!Phone Guy: There is an animatronic called the Puppet that is in the gift box by the prize section. You need to make sure to play the music box so that the Puppet doesn’t get out of the box. If it does, there’s not going to be much to save you. Plus, she’s not fooled by the mask, so she’ll likely kill you.Wait, isn’t that the animatronic that jump-scared me before? And how come she’s not fooled by the Freddy mask? What’s next, then?Checks Monitor, sees this:Uh, OK, now would be a good time to rewind that music box.(Tries to rewind music box)Come on, how long must I rewind this thing?(After a while, it’s successful, and Puppet goes back in the box)OK, I guess that’s done.(Gets off Monitor, and sees this:)OH S***! (Puts on mask)(Mangle doesn’t seem to mind, then it walks away)What the hell happened to that animatronic? It looks like it came straight out of a horror film. Whatever, as long as I keep rewinding the music box for the Puppet and put on the Freddy mask when the animatronics are around, I’ll be safe.Night ThreeWhat was I thinking when I signed up for this job? At least the last time I was here, I had doors to keep me safe.(Brings up second arcade game)OK, so it seems that these arcade games reveal something about this place’s past, so I’d better pay attention.It looks like I’m Freddy and there’s lots of blood everywhere, that can’t be a good sign. Also, I’m supposed to follow the Puppet somewhere.(Arcade game ends)Wait, that’s it? This was so much less intriguing than the last mini-game. Oh well, better start my shift again.Phone Guy: Hello. I’m here to remind you about something you might not be aware of when you started working here.Seriously? Why am I even surprised anymore?Phone Guy: Make sure to watch out for the old animatronics from Fredbear’s Family Diner. They were salvaged in case they needed to be repaired in the future, and were put away after a little incident in 1983.Fredbear’s? Is that the same as Freddy’s? But what happened in 1983?Phone Guy: OK, long story short, they look creepy as hell and are also not fooled by the mask. Try to keep the music wound up to make sure they don’t find you.Great, now there’s more problems I have to deal with.(Checks the monitors again, sees this across the monitor:)DEAR GOD, where are Chica’s arms? And why does Freddy look so creepy?(Rewinds Music-Box, animatronics go away)(sigh of relief)Phone Guy: Did...uh... Did Foxy ever appear in the hallway? Probably not.Thanks for reminding me. I’ll have to check for him.Phone Guy: I was just curious. Like I said, he was always my favorite.He was always my favorite, too.Phone Guy: They tried to remake Foxy, ya know? Uh, they thought the first one was too scary, so they redesigned him to be more kid-friendly and put him in Kid's Cove. To keep the toddlers entertained, you know... But kids these days just can't keep their hands to themselves. The staff literally has to put Foxy back together after every shift. So eventually they stopped trying and left him as some 'take apart and put back together' attraction. Now he's just a mess of parts. I think the employees refer to him as just "The Mangle."Wait, are you telling me that a bunch of kids beat up that animatronic I saw earlier? How did they even do that?! Oh forget it.(Gets off monitor to see this)AHH!! GO AWAY!!Withered Bonnie: Hello. I am like Bonnie but more broken down.Wait, you can talk? But what happened to your face and arm?Withered Bonnie: I have crippling depression but I am going to make a pun anyway.OH, I get it. (Fake laugh)Withered Bonnie: Was that funny?(Trying to buy time) Uh, yes ,YES, it was very funny!Withered Bonnie: Oh, well-It is now 6 AM. You may now leave.Withered Bonnie: Are you kidding- (powers down)Night FourWell, time to play another mini-game. Let’s see, it looks like I’m the puppet and- wait, why am I giving gifts to the endoskeletons? Wait, are those dead bodies?? Because that makes this even more creepy.Give life? What does this mean? So is the Puppet stuffing the bodies of dead children inside the animatronics? Why is she even doing-(Golden Freddy Jumpscare)AAHH!! Well, it’s been quite a while since I last saw you.Ok, so are these animatronics possessed by the ghosts of these kids? How does that work? And who exactly is that purple guy who killed them?Phone Guy: Hello? Welcome to your fourth night! I knew you’d get the hang of it by now!I got the hang of this a long time ago, man. Wait… could he be…Phone Guy: OK, so just to update you, there’s recently been an investigation going on. We might have to close for a couple of days after this thing blows over. Fazbear Entertainment denies any wrongdoing.Investigation? Probably because there’s a child murderer on the loose, that’s why!Phone Guy: Oh, and just as a last tip, don’t make direct eye contact with any of the animatronics. They have been acting unusually hostile towards the employee staff. They’re fine when around kids, but if any of them are near an adult, they just… stare at them. And not in a good way.Well, time to go back to work, I guess. Let’s see who we got today.UH… Who approved this design for kids?? Why does Chica look like that? And where is her beak? Well, they also thought the Puppet was child-appropriate, but that thing creeps me out.(Goes through the other camera screens)Not this clown again. And it looks like he brought his friend with him. Why does that merry-go-round look so weird, anyway?(Rewinds Music Box, checks for animatronics with flashlight)Come on, this is the world’s least power-efficient flashlight. I hate this place so much.Night FiveOk, screw the minigame. I still have the next day to play it. If this is like last time, then the game isn’t going to be over in exactly FIVE nights.Phone Guy: Hello! Keep a close eye on things here tonight. From what I hear, the building has been put on temporary lockdown, no one is allowed in or out, especially concerning any former employees.What does that have to do with anything?Phone Guy: But I have good news: when we get this whole situation sorted out, perhaps we can move you to the dayshift.(Drops phone) You can?! Now I can finally work here in peace.Phone Guy: Yeah, a new position just became available. We don’t have a replacement for your shift, but we’re working on it. In the meantime, we’re trying to contact the owner of the original restaurant, Fredbear’s Family Diner. But that’s been closed for years now. Well, just get through one more night. Hang in there!Ok, I just need to get through tonight and the next night and I’m home free.OH HOLY S***! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!Shadow Bonnie: Ha Ha Ha! This is gonna piss you off!What’s going to piss me off?(Shadow Bonnie gives the employee the finger, crashes the game)YOU MOTHERF—(It comes back on)Huh? Oh, whatever. At least it didn’t completely shut down my game. Now I just need to make sure I go through this again without getting that shadow near me.(Checks Monitor)Wait, is that the inside of an animatronic? And why does he remind me of a discount metal gremlin?(Ok, you probably get it by now. He checks the monitor for animatronics, puts the mask on if any are around, rewinds the music box and so on and so on. Sorry, I just really want to get to the sixth night because that is the part when the story starts to take a dramatic turn.)Night SixDamn it, I forgot to play that last arcade game. Well, I hope that they don’t mind if I just sneak in to play this before I leave.There’s that purple guy again! I’m gonna kill you for what you did to those- wait, go? Come on, this guy is in my arms reach right now! Whatever, might as well see where it goes. (Gasps) It’s the children! Come on, Foxy, MOVE IT!HOLY S***! And right in my face, too! Uh, to hell with these animatronics, I’m gonna head out.Phone Guy: Hello? Dude, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?! Didn’t you get the memo? The place is on temporary LOCKDOWN until further notice! I told you all of this yesterday!Well, I didn’t think 5 minutes would be that big of a deal.Phone Guy: Do you have any idea what happened here today? An employee used one of the old suits from Fredbear’s, I think it was one of the yellow ones. No, not the Golden Freddy or a Chica suit, this was a different suit. Now none of the animatronics are working properly. They’re all acting dangerously aggressive now. Not even the Balloon Boy is acting normal.I’m pretty sure that purple guy was the one who used the suit. Other than Golden Freddy and the Chica models, what other yellow animatronics are there, anyway?Phone Guy: Never mind. You’ll be lucky if Mr. Henry doesn’t fire you on the spot for this. Well, since you are here anyway, I think there might be something else you can do to help.Wait, my boss is named Henry? What can I do to help?Phone Guy: Listen to me. Tomorrow there’s going to be a birthday party hosted here, and it’s going to be one of the biggest of the year. We just need you to get your security outfit, be there by 12 PM, not AM, and help with security there. Odds are you won’t have to deal with any more animatronics trying to kill you, so I would take it if I were you.Yeah, odds are I’m gonna get fired for sneaking in like this. At least tomorrow I’ll be getting paid to do work that doesn’t involve surviving the night shift.Phone Guy: Don’t worry about your night shift replacement. Odds are I will have to go take this shift myself. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. Anyways, good luck surviving one final night, and remember to be at that party tomorrow!Poor guy. He doesn’t know what lies ahead of him.(I’ll finish this when I have the time)Now for the official sequel to the first FNAF. (Sister Location)Wait, hold on, we didn’t even finish FNAF 2’s explanation yet. Why are we moving on to Sister Location?Don’t worry, we’ll get to the ending, but I promised I’d do another FNAF explanation if the post reached 500 upvotes, and it has more than that now, and I don’t want to go back on my promise.Well, Ok, but isn’t FNAF 3 technically the next game in the franchise?Oh no, Sister Location chronologically takes place after FNAF 1 and FNAF 3 takes place after Sister Location. And FNAF 4 takes place before FNAF 2. And FNAF: Pizzeria Simulator (AKA 6) takes place after FNAF 3.So how many more of these do you want me to make? I don’t know how much longer I can take this!Only time will tell that one, buddy.This makes about as much sense as the FNAF timeline without any Game Theory videos to help explain it.Yeah, pretty much. Let’s just get to the explanation already.PROLOGUE___________________________________________________________________________________There’s no doubting what you’ve achieved on a technical level. These machines you’ve built are clearly state-of-the-art. There’s just certain…uh…”design choices” that we don’t fully understand, sir. We were hoping you could possibly explain them.She can dance, she can sing. She’s even equipped with a full helium tank, and can inflate balloons right at her fingertips. She can take song requests, and she can even dispense ice cream. It’s really quite amazing what these animatronics can do.Yeah…with all do respect, those weren’t the design choices we were curious about, Mr. Afton._______________________________________________________________________________________NIGHT ONEHand-Unit: Welcome to the first day of your new exciting career! Whether you were approached at a job fair, read our ad in Screws, Bolts and Hairpins, or if this is the result of a dare, we welcome you!All of those situations sound pretty plausible to me, to be honest.Hand-Unit: I will be your personal guide to help you get started. I am a model five of the Handyman’s Robotics and Unit Repair System, but you can just call me “Hand-Unit”. Your new career offers challenge, intrigue, and ENDLESS janitorial opportunities. Please enter your name as seen above the keypad. This CANNOT be changed later, so please be careful.Hey, my name’s on it. Wait, so am I the same guy from the first game, or am I some different guy named “Mike”? Because I don’t know how many guys named “Mike” there are in here, anyway. Wait, how the hell do you expect me to type in my name with this much glitching? Come on, M, I, K, E, S, A, damn it! Typo!Hand-Unit: It seems you’ve had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type in, and I will auto-correct it for you.Well, that’s a relief.Hand-Unit: Welcome, Eggs Benedict.Stupid autocorrect! How is “Eggs Benedict” even close to Mike Schmidt? Or is my last name even Schmidt? Who knows, maybe it’s some other Mike I’m not aware of. Hell, I don’t know, and this game clearly isn’t letting me know.(Will continue to work on it later)I wanted to write about other video games as well, so I decided to write about something different.(DDLC’s crazy explanation has been deleted, please comment below if you would like to see me write about it)-So what kind of game are you explaining to me, exactly?Look, this is going to be a long explanation, so just be ready to sit back, relax, and grab your Mountain Dew. You’re gonna need it.You know people are going to be pissed off that you changed the format from the gameplay explanation to the actual conversation explanation, right?Yeah, but this game is REALLY long. In fact, Youtubers make several hour-long episodes just for this game, so going through it gameplay style would take forever to write, and read as well.Alright, you got a point there. Just tell me what this game is about.Well, you start off falling from the surface world down into some sort of cave. Luckily, you land right in the middle of a bed of flowers.Doesn’t sound so crazy yet.Then you meet this little talking flower guy, who claims to be your best friend.What’s his name?Flowey.Ok, that’s actually pretty lazy naming for a character, and George R.R Martin had a dragon named Drogon of all things.Regardless, he says he will share some “love” XP with you through the form of little white friendliness pellets.Friendliness pellets? What is this game?But then Flowey tricks you and reveals he’s actually a homicidal maniac who believes that survival is based on kill or be killed.WOAH. Things went from 0 to 100 really fast!Then Flowey surrounds you with his deadly pellets and tries to kill you, but then he gets his ass kicked by a fireball.Well, thank God. That’s the last we’ll see of him.Oh no, he’s going to show up again later in the game, so don’t count him out just yet.Well, anyways, tell me what happens next.So you then get saved by some sort of cow from Sesame Street that everyone just calls “Goat Mom.”Goat Mom??Yeah, she’s one of the sweetest characters in the game, and she’s kind of the closest thing the player has to a mother-like character in the story. By the way, her name is Toriel.So what does she do?(I’ll finish this one too when I have the time.)Thanks for reading!P.S. - IF THIS ANSWER GETS 500 UPVOTES, I WILL DO ANOTHER FNAF EXPLANATION. (Maybe Sister Location)Edit 7: OK. This got 500 upvotes. I promise I will start working on the next FNAF explanation, but I haven’t decided if it’s going to be FNAF 3 or Sister Location. I’ll have to finish writing my fan fiction before I can go back to this.Edit 3: Added the “doors” joke.Edit 5: 400 Upvotes! Thanks!Edit 6: Decided to add in some more content.

As a contrarian who went from babysitter’s daughter to millionaire by 30, I achieved it by avoiding as MUCH conventional advice as I could in each circumstance.Of course, I couldn’t dodge every bullet, so here are the best worst advice that people commonly give:#1. Pursue a stable job.Assuming you grew up in a stable home with career-oriented or somewhat decently successful parents, for those of us in the middle class and above, your parents are likely to make life all about finding this mystery stable job. As to if stability is even guaranteed in our rapidly changing world is even possible or not, they pay no mind. Society wants you to strive for safety.Instead of encouraging children to leverage their natural strengths and inclinations, the process of brainwashing people to abide by strictly dictated behaviors for “guaranteed” success and stability is foisted upon every generation.#2. In order to obtain said stable job, you must attend college, most likely pursuing a “worthwhile” degree which largely is related to a technical field.The moment I was born, my family pegged me for Harvard. We moved countries, cities, and states to get closer to Harvard. Like many other immigrants, my parents’ biggest dream was for me to become a lawyer or doctor so that my life will finally be “set for life”.Through pain, suffering, and a terrible relationship with my family throughout my childhood and adolescence, I emerged scared, miserable, and totally unhappy with my life because my parents’ overly aggressive obsession with academic success and overbearing treatment suffocated me.Due to my parents and society breeding the fear of failure into me, I didn’t have the courage to do what I really wanted to do (music school and sing). I take full responsibility for my lack of courage in my adolescence. Instead, I decided to take the safe route of business school. I chose Finance as my major, a subject I had no interest in beyond the fact that it “pays well”.#3. Not only do most people commit to exorbitant undergrad college debt, but many people also double and triple down to continue accumulating degrees*.*Unless you’re 100% committed to a career that mandates through the authorities and government that you NEED the degree to work in that industry (i.e. MD, JD, RN), you should really think twice about delaying your entry into the workforce.I was lucky my parents had the wherewithal to help pay for college, which thankfully wasn’t much due to the significant amount of grants and scholarships I had. Before I could even take a breath after graduation, my mom was right on that horse again, pressuring me to attend law school.I flatly refused. I spent my entire college education experimenting with entrepreneurial ventures with little care or interest in academia. Despite how little I studied, I did relatively well, which only proved to be the lack of value college systems provide, especially for people like myself who know how to generate revenue without needing a 9–5.The only thing I enjoyed about college was the freedom away from my family and more importantly, the exposure to meeting rich peoples’ children. Since I was at a private business school, I met international rich kids who drove fancy cars and had nice things. I didn’t want to wait, I wanted those riches for myself.In college, I was a budding entrepreneur already. Being surrounded by riches made me hungry for money. I worked hard at my internships, hospitality jobs, and straight hustling, becoming a power seller on eBay, trading stocks, learning all types of sales jobs. I knew that I no longer needed any more school. I was ready for the real world.#4. Upon graduating, you’ll be encouraged by your school, family, and society to work (and stay) in a specific field with no change in plan.I hated my corporate internships! I couldn’t imagine committing to the future my internships showed was possible in boring 9–5 environments on a fixed salary I considered too low. Unlike the realities of many of my working-class classmates, I was lucky that I had 1 year after school to figure out what I wanted to do.My family abandoned our family business (Chinese restaurant) due to poor planning and decision-making. I was stuck with the responsibility to keep our entire business and home afloat. During this year of free labor in a show of filial piety, I read a lot of books trying to find my path in life.The answer came to me: enter a job/career that would allow young people to make money in order to escape the dreaded future of decades of slaving away for “the man” or forever having to please my parents.Against my parents’ wishes, I entered the career of headhunting and agency recruitment which is a sales job. At 23, I moved to NYC on a base salary of $35k in 2011 to start my new life in a shared apartment with random strangers I braved a winter storm to secure. From here on out, I will be the master of my own destiny.#5. As many people enter the workforce, their priority is to strive for work-life balance and are terrified of burning out.Of course working very hard at a job you hate will very quickly lead to burnout, however, I LOVED (still love) recruiting. Immediately, I worked my butt off and was recognized, becoming top biller my entire career and obtaining many career opportunities for advancement.Instead of prioritizing dating, socializing, or the -life half of the “work-life balance” myth, I focused my life around my work. I overweighted on the work half instead and it paid off handsomely. In the process, I became a widely recognized leader and expert in my career of headhunting on a global and national level, earning over $215k by the time I was 25. This eventually allowed me to open my own recruiting firm, DG Recruit, in 2018.When you prioritize work and career success as your “one” thing, you actually experience higher long-term happiness rather than short-term instant gratification.#6. At a certain age, you must settle down*.*This especially penalizes women.As a financially and professionally successful woman, I don’t actually need a man. However, due to heavy parental and societal pressure as evidenced by social media, I felt like I wasn’t living up to my full potential by being single. I lived my whole life living off of the assumption that I would magically end up happily married with kids by 30, as that’s when your biological clock starts malfunctioning (more on this later).As I got older, I kept trying to “beat the buzzer” by dating, often settling with people just for the sake of moving the needle closer to marriage. With whom or for what purpose was not the point; I just wanted to win.I wanted to prove to others that I was wanted and I was valuable. Wouldn’t I need a man to evidence that? Thankfully, due to my financial independence and A-type personality, I just really couldn’t tolerate people unfit for my needs past a certain time frame. Even now, I’m still single at 30, proving to myself that my childhood assumptions need to be questioned and perhaps guided me wrong.Don’t feel like you HAVE to find someone or that you’re undesirable if you don’t have someone willing to live in your home of the opposite sex. I’ve seen my parents have a horrific marriage throughout my entire life, thus I know the fundamental truth that it’s actually better being single than with someone unfit. This further means, if you’re LGBTQ, don’t suppress it - have the courage to live your life.#7. Get a primary residence; stop wasting money on rent and buy*.*This especially penalizes those who live in high-cost real estate markets where the rental value of a home is much lower than the monthly all-in costs to buy the same property, a phenomenon especially troublesome in A-tier cities and rapidly-scaling B-tier cities.Wow. There is no financial/investing advice as horrible and uneducated as this! For those who by default take their salaries, go to a bank, get approved for a loan, and pick the first house close enough to work within their pre-approved amount, they’re committing blindly to a financial investment that could potentially lead to a lot of long-term misery.I could write a book about all the emotional, financial, and career-wise issues primary housing presents (i.e. you can’t relocate for better opportunities and you’re stuck or worse yet you lose your job and you foreclose). As a headhunter, I see how housing constraints career and financial development. People win the battle but lose the war.Long story short, most people treat real estate like the same issue with college: they don’t think, they just go for it. What ends up happening is the inevitable boom and bust that benefits investors like myself who actually know what we’re doing and understand real estate valuation.In certain countries like China for instance, children expect their parents to buy them primary residences or it’s hard for them to find spouses. They’re living mainstream upon mainstream, just following others’ examples with no rhyme or real reason, to everyone’s combined misery.#8. Save and you’ll be rich.I became a millionaire by 30, largely through investing and earning - NOT saving. I only save enough so that I can invest the majority of my cash into REAL assets that are inflation-protected like residential real estate (my main poison), stocks, crypto, etc. To save, people write books, do shady things, and think along the lines of someone who will perpetually be actually poor.Investing is the real activity that will take you out of the middle-class. You’ll never get there if you hoard cash under your mattress or in your bank account (same thing). If you rely on your 401k, then you’ll be relying on those systems and the “value of compound interest” when the stock market has been anything but guaranteed to be steady.Yes it does go up over time, but how many 90-year-olds do you know who are rich off of 401ks? Pensions are irrelevant for those of us not related to governments or traditional blue-chip companies, thus what do we have left? Using investments to carry us through of course!This is where you have to pick your own poison. I realized early in the game when I started trading stocks at age 19 that I was NOT good at it and I HATED the daily fluctuations. Since my mom made some good money investing in real estate abroad and in the US, I studied real estate valuation on the weekends and bought my own properties since I was 25 up and down the US east coast.#9. Have your own children because (1) it’s your duty to your parents (2) you “should” (3) everyone else is doing it (4) what else is there to do after marriage? (5) abortion is bad for religious reasons (6) you’re not a true man/woman/adult until you have your own biological progeny.This is arrogant in thinking that (1) everyone is physically capable of reproducing (2) those who can’t are somehow less valuable members of society and/or (3) those who can’t or don’t want to aren’t ever going to be fulfilled - they’re forever destined to be never “really experiencing life”.In reality, pregnancy oftentimes is the ultimate jail sentence for many women (and men), especially those who accidentally conceived, were raped, were taken advantage of, or have aspirations to be more than just parents.Then society guilt-trips you or legally forces you to have a child you weren’t ready for mentally, physically, professionally, and financially. Ultimately, you’re robbed of the future you actually wanted for yourself, which may make you resent your life, society, and your family.While I’m certainly not advocating for everyone to reject mother/fatherhood, I’m simply posing a simple question: do you truly want a child or are you doing it for reasons outside of your will or serious consideration?The process of insemination takes sometimes 1 minute, but the after-effects of such a big decision last literally entire lifetimes, those of you, your spouse if you have one, your extended family, and your child(ren). Have you seriously given it the thought you need to be a responsible and effective parent despite the astronomical increase in costs of maintaining a family’s wellbeing?Especially in the US where the current administration is against female reproductive rights, women are pressured to keep their baby instead of abortion. Yet, time and time again, those same people bemoan the single-moms and the “breakdown” of the family unit.The sadder thing is that, instead of adopting children locally and around the world who are abused, neglected, and desperate for love, people pay tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for surrogates, in-vitro whatchamacallit, and fertility treatments just for the sake of nothing else other their genetic ego.Not to mention, there are countless women and children who suffer domestic violence and a lifelong of misery due to unhealthy home environments; they are shackled by their reality of deciding to create an 18-year-long tether to an undesirable situation/spouse.I am still daily pressured by strangers, family, and friends to make sure I keep my mind open about having biological progeny when nothing about the pregnancy process makes me excited. As a businesswoman, I’m focusing my “maternal” instincts on growing my business as my priority right now. Never say never, but I won’t bust out a baby to beat the clock or to force it. I can always always adopt.In ConclusionIf you’re still reading, I’m grateful that you gave my thoughts some thought. I suffered immensely and still suffer daily with these subject matters because most people think very differently than me and constantly want to subjugate me to their will (ahem, mom and dad, I love you).No matter how old we are, whether we’re 15 or 55, we need to constantly question why things are the way they are:Why do governments want civilians to reproduce more? Is it moral or is it because they want to earn votes and reap taxes off of our income and prop up the future need for housing? Also get access to labor forces that increase GDP and can fight wars for them?Why do companies want people to reproduce (consumerism and real estate industries) and fall in love (holidays, movies, retail/fashion, dating, plastic surgery, luxury goods, gym services, and makeup products)?Why do your parents want you to go to college? Because they too are blinded by generations of indoctrination by companies (yay, free educated employees, and exclusion of those born to non-college households) and schools who profit off of education.If you can see the hidden objectives behind every traditional piece of advice, then perhaps, you can create a life of your own that makes you intrinsically and organically happier than what could have been.