Comprehensive Addictions And Psychological Evaluation 5: Fill & Download for Free

How is it I was such a strong person with self-love and boundaries prior to meeting the narcissist and then became a shell of a person? Why wasn’t I able to execute these strengths with him?I thought this exact same thing. It was a question I needed to answer. I needed to answer it for two reasons. First is to convince myself (and others) that I was not some flawed codependent weakling that just lets everyone get around me and abuse me. Secondly, I wanted to make sure I did everything I needed to prevent revictimization in the future. Thank God for hangouts and emails. Eventually, I was able to recover all the stuff she had deleted and found a lot of details I had been gaslighted into remembering differently or forgetting altogether. It painted a very vile picture of just how cunning and depraved she is. I will outline some of the things that likely happened to you.One thing I found is that I did execute my strengths and my boundaries and I was assertive. She trampled over it though and over time you become a husk. The answer I found is that good boundaries and assertiveness is NOT enough. You need special defenses. Why? Because by the time it is all clear that you are being abused you are good and trapped in the relationship and you cannot detach. They then have open season on eroding your boundaries and chipping away at your identity and self-esteem and you are unable to escape and they damn well know that.Let's look at some of the key factors contributing to your captivity but first a few points:Some victims come from families of narcissistic parents or abusive childhoods and are drawn to these relationships in part due to abuse re-enactment.Victims/Survivors will have varying degrees of assertiveness and boundaries before the abusive relationship.There could have been a series of abusive relationships. The trauma is cumulative and contributes again to a reenactment type of scenarioAnyone can be exploited regardlessNothing is wrong with you. It is not your fault in any way for being abused.Everyone will have some work to do on themselves but that is not because of a moral failing or lack of willpower on your part. Once again don’t buy into the false dichotomy that somehow some of the responsibility for being abused is yours. It is simply not true and it is ridiculous. That is like saying it is a woman's fault for getting raped because her dress was to short.There is no gender advantage on an attack on humanity. Anyone can fall. There is no shame in being human either. Having empathy, compassion, and trust are not character defects. Helping others is not a character defect. It is not the victim's fault for being abused!The word victim is not and should not be considered dirty in my opinion. Making it so is just one more way to try and take the focus off the fact there is also an abuser or victimizer in this who is not being held accountable. It is another way to blame and shame and further traumatize the real victim. A victim is exactly what you are and I hope by the end of this, that is abundantly clear. At some point, you will not be so raw and vulnerable and will take back your identity, confidence, and power and you will naturally most likely move into more of a survivor mentality. That is fantastic but never forget where you came from and have some compassion for those new into it. Being allowed to be a victim when you damn well are and you have been repetitively exposed to torture, abuse and trauma which forced you into adopting defense mechanisms that made you look crazy just makes you human. You did what you had to to survive.Stick one of these fucking victim blamers/shamers into your shoes during this thing without those defense mechanisms in place and I give them 5 min to find the nearest balcony and jump right the fuck off. Seriously you are STRONG to have made it and you did what you had to. You have work to do on yourself but you are not sharing the blame in this whatsoever. You should not accept any shit that tells you that you are weak or flawed for surviving the trauma and being victimized. You should not be ashamed of being a victim or being a survivor and which of those you are right now is decided by where you are at in this fucked up recovery process and I wouldn’t let anyone tell you to ‘get over it’ or pressure you to adopt some new word that you are not ready to.I am going to quote some stuff from one of the answers that I will link, later on, this excerpt is from Shahida Arabi’s book:“most [survivors] suffer from agonizing shame about the actions they took to survive and maintain a connection with the person who abused them” (Van der Kolk, p.13, 2015).“Society must unlearn this idea that we should "get over" trauma as this only adds to the effects of emotional numbing and repression that causes so much damage to our hearts, minds and bodies. While victim-blaming and victim-shaming individuals judge survivors as weak-minded, their own small-mindedness prevents them from being compassionate towards individuals who need it the most. According to Bessel van der Kolk, MD (2015), the changes produced by trauma explain why those who are traumatized experience a form of hypervigilance as well as paralysis or what Maeir and Seligman (1967) call “learned helplessness,” that disrupts their lives.”“According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score, “We now know that their behaviors are not the result of moral failings or signs of lack of willpower or bad character – they are caused by actual changes in the brain” (Van der Kolk, 2015, p. 2). You don’t have to endure inescapable electrical shocks in order to feel a sense of helplessness – nor do you have to be held in captivity or subject to the most extreme cases of physical violence.”Some of the key factors contributing to how you got stuck/trapped in the relationship, which led to you being systematically dismantled into a husk are the following:You are human.Naivety, ignorance, and innocence about character disorder and the depth of depravity of these people.You were deceived into thinking you found your twin flame. Your soul mate. It is not an easy thing to walk away from even if you were thinking straight by that point.Intensity (vs intimacy)Covert emotional and psychological manipulation. It is covert in that you didn’t know it was happening and it was gradually applied over time. You were unfamiliar with all the tactics.Seduction. Once again you were not familiar with it.Neurobiology - The brain was not your friend here and the worked some serious fuckery from this angle. People don’t comprehend how their own mind and body was affected and influenced/turned against them. They are unaware of the things that happened. It both helps you to heal and to forgive yourself to understand it though. I suggest taking the time to read my answers on the subject they reference lots of research, it is not just me rambling.Traumatic BondingCognitive dissonanceLearned HelplessnessAddictionMagical Thinking and PollyannaismIsolation/Emotional Dependence (NOT codependence)You ignored your gut, intuition and red flags.You repetitively endured abuses that are classified as techniques of torture. You came out of that with no closure, no understanding of what you had been through and were/are going through, you receive no empathy or compassion from others even medical professionals, you found yourself alone and isolated, you were/are victim/blamed shamed even by those that were/are supposed to be helping you, you likely have CPTSD, you received no justice, you got handed a crazy set of grieving stages that baffles the mind.We could go on and on but let's start with these. It would be much more than a single answer to do justice to most of those factors. I will give a brief overview of each instead.I link answers where I can where I have covered things in more detail. I understand it is not the Quorian way to follow links but many of these answers I put some time into and they reference research. For me, it was important to understand the reality of things and people telling you that ‘you were trauma bonded’ really does not explain anything or make you feel much better. I try to break it down into something digestible and back it with references and research so that it is clear I am not just making things up. If you don’t have the time try and come back later and learn more about this stuff.You are HumanLike I said there is no shame in that. Even psychopaths and those professionals closest to them with special training can be manipulated and hoodwinked/abused. Once again these are not character flaws or weaknesses you have they are your humanity. Do you have some work to do on your defenses to make sure you cannot be exploited in these same ways in the future? Absolutely but that is self-improvement to make you stronger against these evil fuckers’ mechanizations, it is not correcting some defect or deficiency with who you are as a human being. There should be no shame that you were victimized. That could have happened to anyone.Naivety, ignorance, and innocence about character disorder and the depth of depravity of these people.First and foremost, like most of the world, you were innocent. You were naive and ignorant about personality disorders. You didn’t know people like this were in your purview and you had no grasp on their depth of depravity. You had up to that point been lucky with giving people the benefit of the doubt and assuming people were more or less like you (having some degree of empathy, compassion, and conscience). The fact a person that could do this sort of thing existed was not something you could cognitively accept/grasp/believe. That was the biggest factor that was exploited and being intimately aware of them now is one of your biggest defenses going forward. Ignorance is bliss until it isn’t…Even if you had good boundaries and were assertive as I clearly was in my old messages you can be easily pressed into giving a little here and a little there when your brain does not account for the possibility that this person you honestly like/love is devoid of humanity and simply means to exploit you and destroy you. I had no problem ending relationships previously to this. I was not a relationship jumper and I was perfectly content on my own for large periods of time as well. That is probably why I got a two year grooming period. As they say, if a vulnerability does not exist then one will be created. Anyone can be exploited.You were deceived into thinking you found your twin flame. Your soul mate. It is not an easy thing to walk away from even if you were thinking straight by that point.Like so many things all these topics bleed together. It was manipulation, deception, and seduction that brought you to this point. It was an intensity that made sure you were not thinking straight. It was not thinking straight and not wanting to let go of your soul mate that led you to ignore red flags and gut feelings. It created massive amounts of cognitive dissonance trying to make sense of whether this person was the soul mate you remembered or the abusive ass clown treating you so despicably etc. It is one big ball of mud.You can see some of the manipulation tactics in action in this answer:William Gorder's answer to What tactics does a narcissist utilize to get his or her significant other to fall in love as soon as possible?Intensity (vs intimacy)I covered this in an answer I will link, but you are not thinking straight and are caught up in the deception. It is also triggering those addictive chemicals in your brain which I will talk about later.According to Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. in her book, Dane of Intimacy, “Intensity is being completely lost in the emotion of unreasoning desire. It is marked by urgency, sexual desire, anxiety, high-risk choices and the reckless abandonment of what was once valued. All-consuming euphoria similar to recreational drug use (addictive chemical reactions in the brain)…. loss of ability to make rational evaluations of what is true, valuable and worthy. Desire to always be close to that person at any cost.”William Gorder's answer to How can you tell the difference between a traumatic bond and being in love with a narcissist?Covert emotional and psychological manipulation. It is covert in that you didn’t know it was happening and it was gradually applied over time. You were unfamiliar with all the tactics.I have lots of manipulation related answers about but not one comprehensively covering all the tactics. I am familiar with over 100 of them. Manipulation is by definition making someone act, or believe in a way they otherwise would not where doing so is not in their best interest but rather in the manipulator's best interest. I have a much more comprehensive definition elsewhere but clearly the point is you are being made to act against your own will and self-interests without your knowledge or consent. I covered a few tactics in the last link.This also contributes to husking you out. This is abuse and it wears you down and breaks you down psychologically and emotionally eventually overtime manifesting itself physically as well. I cover more on the detrimental effects of psychological and emotional abuse in a later answer I will link. Pathological manipulators employ dozens of tactics in a mere minute. For an example of how that looks check this answer:William Gorder's answer to What tactics do narcissists utilize to prevent discussions from reaching a conclusion?Seduction. Once again you were not familiar with it.This is an art that is worth becoming familiar with. They use it for sure and it will make you sick once you realize how it works. I don’t have any answers on this right now.Neurobiology / Addiction / Effects of victim-blaming/shaming and psychological and emotional abuse on the brain and bodyThere is a lot on this topic. I cover some of it here with references/research how that applies to become addicted to your abuser (going into literal withdrawals when they leave), traumatic bonding, power differentials and intermittent reinforcement, victim-blaming, emotional and psychological trauma and how serious it really is, it can even cause physical brain damage, etc. Have a look at these two answers. If you don’t follow any other links at least check out these two.Covers Drug Addiction and Intermittent reinforcement/power differentialsWilliam Gorder's answer to Does being in a long-term relationship with a narcissist change the chemicals in your brain?Covers the restWilliam Gorder's answer to What can you tell narcissistic abuse survivors about the brain damage narcissistic abuse can cause? Can it be repaired?Traumatic BondingThis is a huge topic with many facets. I covered it a little bit especially the addiction aspect of it in my last 2 links. It is worth noting that we have known about this for a long time. We see this in POW victims it is known as Stockholm syndrome. We see it in kidnapping victims and in domestic violence (battered wife syndrome etc). This is intermittent reinforcement + abuse in repetitive cycles with many other factors contributing to the strength of the bond. I will not cover it in great detail here but this is straight-up torture. It is illegal now to do this shit to POW’s yet our domestic laws don’t protect us at home from it. Looking at just the intermittent reinforcement without the abuse and trauma, you have enough addictive motivators from the tactic. In fact, it is that very thing that underlies gambling addiction (think of slot machines and their intermittent payouts). This is something you absolutely should learn all about. I cover it quite a bit in the last section. This bond and its corresponding addiction etc. trap you well and good in the relationship with the abuser. This is why you don’t leave and obsess about these people. This is why the anhedonia etc. This is why your boundaries and assertiveness couldn’t save you. You couldn’t leave you had no power backing your struggle to maintain those boundaries and they knew it.Cognitive dissonanceThis is essentially thought disagreement. It is when your brain holds two conflicting thoughts or ideas and justifications must be made to accept one as a reality. When you are unable to escape your abusive situation as you can imagine some fucked up shit must happen to explain this stuff to yourself.Cognitive dissonance is a psychological defense mechanism used to survive trauma and abuse. It motivates victims through their unconscious minds to justify doing things they otherwise would have considered wrong, make something seem more or less important then it really is, create new reasons for doing something that goes against better judgment and denies, ignores or avoids information that conflicts with already accepted beliefs. It is somewhat of a lie we tell ourselves to deny reality and twist it into something that we can survive and cope with restoring some semblance of equilibrium.It is no wonder that by the end of this we seem so illogical and irrational to everyone else. The addiction aspects talked about in length in my previous linked answer also contribute to this nonsense.Learned HelplessnessI covered the neurobiological aspect of this some in my previous linked answer but learned helplessness is a conditioning of the brain to be helpless after realizing you cannot escape a situation. Eventually, you just stop trying altogether. Even if a path out becomes readily available, you will not take it. You have been beat down and conditioned to accept this reality. There is lots of research on this effect as well.Magical Thinking and PollyannaismDespite rationale or evidence to the contrary, the naive childlike mind wishes to have a happy ending so thinks things like:There must be some good in them, nobody is all badThey cannot possibly be that manipulativeThey are just a product of their upbringingThey can changeIf I love them better it will get betterThey don’t want to hurt me, they just need helpThey didn’t mean itThings will get betterConvincing yourself of these things keeps you stuck as well. It plays into the innocence and naivety they exploited as well.Isolation/Emotional Dependence (NOT codependence)You were isolated from friends and family and made to become emotionally (drug) dependent on this demon. Codependence is vastly misused and regardless of what you were before this relationship, this is exactly what you will be by the end. Codependence almost certainly does not apply but even medical professionals have forgotten what it actually meansWilliam Gorder's answer to Do partners of narcissists develop codependency?You ignored your gut, intuition and red flags.If you have been reading everything to this point, hopefully, you can start to see how that happened in an environment loaded with intensity and seduction and manipulation.You suffered severe traumaYou were repetitively subjected to abuse and techniques of torture and you found yourself unable to escape or flee from it. You did the best you could to survive and you walked out of that with CPTSD/PTSD. You are traumatized but not weak. You were never weak.William Gorder's answer to What are the symptoms of PTSD when healing from narcissistic abuse?

Thank you Quora for popping this up on my suggestion list.What are some interesting psychological questions to judge people?Allow me to reiterate your question: “What are some interesting psychological questions to understand people personalities?”Psychology is an intriguing subject which don’t advocate “Judging People”, rather:Disclaimer: The below set of questions are my personal choice to gauge someone’ s personality, by keeping an open mind.Let’s get back to the requested list:About Saying‘NO’:Are you good at saying "No”?Do you like to say a "No”? (or you feel the guilt afterwards?)How often do you say "No”?Reason: We all understand The Power of NoHigh agreeableness is often seen as naive or submissive. Low agreeableness personalities are often competitive or challenging people, which can be seen as argumentative or untrustworthyImportant trait evaluation: “Self-awareness/Agreeableness”.2. About Community Involvement:How you are involved into community?How do you describe community involvement?What help us involving in community?Reason: It gives us an over view of their though process, sensitivity, responsibility and wittiness.Important trait evaluation: “Extraversion”3. About Definition of Competition:What is success-failure as per you?How you handle extreme success or extreme failure?What is your opinion about our competitive lifestyle?Reason: It helps us with a fair idea of person’s aspiration, ambition and goals. To be organized, self-disciplined, aim for achievement etc.Important trait evaluation: “Conscientiousness”4. About Emotions:Have you ever came across extreme hatred? If yes, how was your experience?What do you think, why love is considered to be most vital among all emotions?How you handle emotional outrages? what is your recipe to cope with emotional conflicts?Reason:The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and vulnerabilityImportant trait evaluation: “Neuroticism”5. About Habits/ Hobbies:How do you pass your time, when alone?What is that one thing, that you never forget before leaving home?What is that interest you mostly?How would you explain your routine-life in word word? Explain, the word with an instance.Reason: It helps one to get a sneak-peek in someone’s life for a brief moment. One can easily find addictions or understand their passion, by set of follow-up question to one mentioned above.Important trait evaluation: “Openness to experience”Psychology helps us to unravel the mysteries of human personalities. Hence my 2 basic tips:Tip 1: Always consider these 5 things:Socio-cultural environmentIndividual ’s comfort/convenience during communicationCircumstance/ State of MindCultural backgroundEquation with reviewer.Tip 2: With time, personalities get influenced with dynamic circumstance and therefore we cannot categorize people till eternity.(Image Source: Screen shot of Wikipedia summary)Edit: Thank you User for suggestion and edit request. I did try my best to re-write it in more comprehensive manner.Cheers! Hope this information is of some help.

Firstly, allow me to present a short biographical “story” (followed by an explanatory, yet perhaps a bit lengthy, opine).In the past (70s and early 80s), “Uncle Sam” had a place for “problem children”; sometimes conscripted…soldiering. (“soldiers” ~trained and capable of defending our way of life…albeit, sometimes “national interest” became difficult to discern from “someone’s pocket book’s interest”)Having been conscripted by DoD in the 70’s, by the early 80’s the rank of E-5 was achieved. Then by some unforeseen twist of fate, the effectiveness of leadership had been noted ~said reached someone’s eye in the “flag officer” group. Shortly thereafter, a long period of physical and psychological evaluations began; said led to becoming a Commissioned Officer.It was during the psy eval portion (seemed like an eternity…) wherein life’s purpose would be “chosen” and by selection, assignment to a specific area of specialties destined; requisite of certain MBTI percentage parameters noted as being “of small understanding of the vastness of emotions” (read; “capable of not feeling when necessary”)…trying to learn what the things “felt” are after a life of choosing to…well, frankly… choosing to ignore emotions for one reason or another. (Myers-Briggs Typology in depth tested and studied; not “internet quizzed” and “wannabe self-anointed” so as to proclaim some “better” by rarity)…(*note; my intention is not to step on toes nor invalidate anyone’s anything; this is the internet; I don’t “know” you ~ you don’t “know” me…that’s reality folks).…scientifically derived “types” had to sometimes face the reality of “being rare” in “yesteryears”, as “virtual” didn’t exist ~the real was very real; seeming to not “fit in” very well with much of society) … (becoming lost in an iPhone or Android doesn’t count as not fitting in ). Sadly, “electronic gadgetry addiction” appears causative of far too many to “feel” not of the real world ( …if one creates a virtual world and chooses to “live” in it; the “real” world may readily become seeming as uncharted territory to the mind. ) ~ in the world of human “gregariosity”…”rare” does not always reflect nor present as something one should desire to be (?).After having learned of the Myers-Briggs portion (keep in mind please; at that point of life, while majoring in “girl-ology”…my thoughts were rather simple; “Jung? …who?” …yes, a lot to learn; and the Defense Agency affiliated schools made certain the learning was done over the coming years. Then “work assignments” began to become very much real-life versus hypothesis of a defense intel lecture.Fast forward 40 years. As a result of “connecting”, many now tirelessly dream of the “internet of things” magically transforming their real lives (which may suck I suppose?) into a “virtual life” they’ve created for themselves on PCs/Lap-tops/Hand-Held-Devices “labeled” as “phones” (which in truth are extremely powerful computers capable of emulating the actions of a “telephone” without being one. For those who’ve never used a real “Ma-Bell” phone and heard the voice “on the other end of the line” as clear as a bell…as if sitting in the chair beside you…I pity (or perhaps covet?) the naivete )……anyway, 40 years passes. Training in various aspects led to Research and Development of compounds to benefit the health of humanity, vs the “blow things up = fun” of a soldier’s youthful folly.The research partner with whom a current research project is shared is an “INFJ”; thus, providing the ability to answer this question…(yes, at post, post-grad level research, the “INFJ” is not “internet discovered”; it was a part of medical school…truly of the 2 in 1,000 people who meet the actual full testing program identifiers and professionally “labeled” INFJ…strangely, by statistics, only a few exist, yet the “internet” seems filled with “self-anointed” INFJs …thankfully, I have cherished a limited few who are indeed of such the “type”, “real” and “virtual” having “met”…their writing and behavior equate precisely to studied “types”…. a true blessing when I’ve crossed paths with them.*Note: In “real world”, I have met three confirmed INFJs to my knowledge; two of whom were/are doctors, the other a bio-molecular scientist…not one “proclaimed” their type until synchronization harmonized conversations presented the query of “which type?”. I’ve now crossed “virtual” paths with a few who are also very clearly meeting of the presentations of a valid “INFJ” (the internet does have the wonderful ability to “shrink the world”, and thus “to know” a lot more people; tho I choose to not refer to as “I know them” until the in person hand-shake…(personal choice; I prefer to not accept as “fact” many things “I see” or “hear” on the internet )……continuing: The research partner (INFJ) has an uncanny ability to “see through”, just as does an “INTJ” (albeit, more INTJs exist than INFJs…however, not near as many as the “IWBR” types (I Wanna Be Rare).Rare isn’t always some delightful thing as so many seem on this “internet” thing to assert through their viewing from the mundane unto what they perceive as to be “the excitement”. Assuredly, were the bullets to actually fly and the ducks start to shoot back, the “dynasty” folk would no longer seem as brave. “When bullets fly; people run”……Please; know who and what you are (learn), and be thankful..! …do not spend your life wishing to be something you’ve read on the internet.The INFJ female…damned if she isn’t just as capable of evaluating the situation and astoundingly stifling her “Feelings” portion…bringing the ability of logic forward.; all the while realizing every thought ~and misunderstood feeling~ which is running through the “thought train” of this INTJ..!I find such the trait to be both brilliant and amazing; such the ability to see within “me”…not typically possible…yet...(?)…some things I simply must accept without gaining a complete comprehension of.In summation: “the ability to truly see within my mind”……and neither “pretending” of anything being what it is not (accepting “fact”, with knowledge of neither thoughts nor feelings always equate to “facts”) nor judging of…i.e., accepting of the intellectual accomplishments with humility and reserved inner celebration of “job well done” ~nothing to flaunt; tho’ she definitely has “it”…seems unimportant to flaunt what simply “IS” …(when our research has shown efficacious and promising of helping others.).The uncanny ability of the INFJ to see within the impenetrable INTJ mind ~accepting of who and what is there…truly, a beautiful thing.*note: altho’ the persons ‘inferred/referred to herein’ are very real people ( not “virtual” ) …let’s call it “based upon a true story” for the safety of the “emotions” ~whatever those damned things are?~ of all involved.