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I don’t diagnose. So I’ll call her an asshole instead.Mine was a guy who i had known maybe 3 years before who had just vanished. Turned out he went back to prison.I got a message late one night from him. was out and wanted to see me. ok, so i did. he was living in his mother’s house, and she had rules. which he hated. so could he stay with me? Ok. so we were like instant boyfriends.It seemed a little too convenient to me. But I didn’t really have to ponder it much for very long. About 2 months in, he was expecting to go back in. He couldn’t behave hinmself at all at the parole meetings. I went on a business trip for 3 weeks. The last few days i was gone i could not reach him. Turned out he was fucking around.I got home and there was hardly time to have a fit. He went to the meeting. And back inside he was for 9 months.During the following 2 weeks he had no phone to call me. He had left his phone connected to the wifi and his “dating” accounts open. I figured using my equipment to cheat on me, the data was my property. It said that this had been planned for a few weeks.So, when he did call, begging me to not abandon him, I went along. I wanted to know what had gone on. But the excuse of not being able to get upset over it in prision kept me from pushing it too hard. I did from time to time. I wanted him to know that I would back off, but not forget.By the time he was out i knew it was over. But I gave one last chance to see just how much bullshit the cant talk while inside was. I had bought a laptop for him to use. Two days after he was out, we sat one night. I don’t know what brought this on, but he was showing me how clean the logs on the pc were. As he went through them, an item “hornet” signup, showed up. At first his attitude was oops, error. But as the minutes went by, he changed to like i’ll do that if i want.It went downhill rapidly from there. I was determined to get an explanation and some reason to believe that it would not happen again. He wasn’t going for it. I kept asking. My plan was either get an answer or get him the fuck gone. I had told him I’d pay his car insurance and car payments to his mom. I was determined to know what was what before I paid the first dime.The last time I saw him before i threw him out was up in his area. We were in a parking lot. He was pissy because I would tell him when I saw messages from other guys on his phone while he was next to me. He swore nothing like that happened. He suddenly pushed his phone at me and said “here, check it”. I knew that there are ways to hide that stuff. so i just held it. And at that moment it pinged with a message. He said “go ahead, see what it says”. So I did.“Hey Josh. This is Josh from grindr. You still have that bf ?”By that time it meant little to me. He said “what does it say?”I slowly read it back. He has a good poker face, but not this time. He waited a few seconds and then asked to see it.I already had the new locks in my office drawer. On my way home I picked them up and changed them, and then called him to tell him I had.I didn’t ask, but he volunteered that he was only on grindr because we had not spoken for three days a week ago. We actually had. Every day. He said he wanted to see if why i wasn’t contacting him was because i was on grindr.Now technically he had only been visiting this time, unlike the last time. He was staying at his dad’s house in the attic.I had been expecting this a long time. So while it was a bit difficult, most of that was spread out over that time. But he did not know that. The explanations i had asked for were ignored. He said to work it out myself.I already had.I knew how he worked, so I predicted I’d get a call in 3–4 months. I was in Vegas - I work there. A friend called me and asked if heard from him. I said no. He said you will.In a week he messaged. All perky like nothing had happened. I responded the next day. He was fishing to see about moving back to my house. I pretty much told him to fuck off.I was back two months and I again heard from him. He was desperate (he said). Hated living with his dad. I know that dear ol’ dad wont let any guys up in the attic with him. Musta been hell. Wanted to know if he could stay with me. I told him we would talk first. I’m sure he knew what that meant. He abandoned that try.Four months later, again. This time he stopped by. All full of red bumps. Somehow centipedes got into the attic and he woke up covered with them, he said. Oh well. Still the same answer. Talk then we’ll see. He was gone.What i wanted was to fill in details so I would konw what happened. But during that time, little things came out from friends so I got what I wanted. The rest I filled in and made my conclusions. There was no more need to talk. And that mean absolutely zero chance to come back to my house.About a year after he was out, he again called desperate to get out of the attic. I didin’t mention talking this time. I said he could come by, but that’s it. He failed to show. Two weeks later he knocked on my door at about 1 am. He sat down and I guess he was ready to trade the info I had asked for for a place other than the attic I heard what he said. Fell in love with a guy in prison. He got out and after a while decided to contact that guy. Who didn’t return calls. The guy has a kid and a girlfriend. The friend who had called me almost a year before had told me this already. That was why he knew that ex was going to call me.I listened to his story then he left. After an hour i had thought about it all. I texted him that I knew all about the guy in prison because the friend had told me. And that I did not consider either him or this other guy to be friends.He was pissed off, but that did not stop another surprise visit about 4 months later. But, what he did not know that was in effect during even the last visit was that the point of no return had been officially reached. I reasoned that I needed no more info from him. What I surmised was deadly accurate. He was telling me only what I had predicted. I told him that there was no way he was living at my house again, and that I no longer needed to have that talk.Another 6 months he texted, saying he missed having me around. I think some of that was true. But the big thing was get out of the attic. The thing was, I did not miss having him around. The bottom line was I was not having someone in my house who I did not trust.I did not reply to that text. But in a week he was knocking on the door at 8 pm. He brought his dog, I guess some kind of self-bolstering thing to tell himself he could make me say ok. He got to the point. Hated the attic. And his dad. Was goign to drive off the bridge (you cant, I checked). He sat across the room, and said “before you say no, I can’t pay you the first couple weeks, but i’ll gradually pay you rent. I stopped him. I said “look, um…i have other “friends” and am starting to make more new ones. they will be coming here sometimes. I .. um .. don’t want you to be here”.He got up without a word, got his dog, and left.Now, whether these people are “narcs” or just the assholes I call them, they somehow think they can just do this shit. Both your guy and mine marked us as suckers to be played from the get go. And, since we were suckers, we would remain suckers. The trouble is, we didn’t. We saw what happened and actually moved on. They press the button but nothing happens. Nothing is being withheld. There’s just nothing to happen.i’m fairly good at getting to the heart of what is going on. I know that he set out to play me. But I also know that the way I did it he got to see what it’s like for someone to actually care about him. And then he caused the rug to get yanked.I’d guess that 80% of his motive last visit was to get in here. But 20% was that missing me being around. i could see it in his posture as he got up to leave. That I did not give one single fuck hurt him. And it was obvious to him, and to me, that he’s no long a factor. How he feels is no longer a factor. I’m acting for me now. What he had from me can’t happen again. I guess I was looking for a closure of sorts. What I wanted was a sketch of why. I was able to get that without him. After this amount of time it’s like the statutes of limitations - memories fade. Evidence becomes stale. The need or ability to prosecute is really gone. I dont need him in any way. So I got that “closure” by myself.This guy’s 34. He’s not going anywhere, and he pretty much knows it. Despite being pissed off about the cheating, I still felt badly for him the first few months. I don’t now. From what he did say and his friend said, I got all the proof I need that I did everthing exactly right. I have no regrets other than the wasted time. I do not care what befalls him. I don’t want to know about either failures or successes.Yours and mind both brought it upon themselves. It’s no longer our problem. Anyone on the outside who knew the details would say we’re nuts for going this long.I think you don’t need closure because you made your own. Better known as actually moving on.Obviously it’s a personal choice. But I’m good with what you are doing.