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An English accent does’t mean they are posh and certainly never be fooled into believing they are educated. Some of the dumbest people I know can speak words in a posh accent, sometimes even full sentences without a hint of knowledge or understanding behind the crap that spews out.If someone says to you they are going out for a ‘fag’ try not to be too disappointed if you join them outside . (Word of advice - don’t make the first move & it’s doubtful they’re just playing hard to get)When a Geordie says not to worry they passed their STD test means they proved positive, possibly even lead to the discovery of a few new types. It is likely to be the first time they passed any test in their life so they remain positive and try collect them all.When a Scouser says ‘calm down, calm down’ panic because shits about to happen and it’s a safe bet you’re standing in it. What ever happens, don’t get bitten, and never, ever play dead! It’s not a bear attack and besides bears would never try hump a corpse.Don’t be foolish to ask around or search for a Glasgow smile, just be thankful you have no idea what that is and lock your doors and stay inside on old firm day.When you are told they live on an estate, dont think Down Town Abby, think 30 Days Later or Planet of the Apes. There are experts who study council estates hoping to spot the missing link living there on the human evolutionary ladder. My guess would have to be Liverpool, maybe Glasgow.Do not expect a greeting entering any beverage establishment or even common curtsy, just make sure to give it and dont even think about ordering anything fruit flavored and remember lager tops counts as a cocktail here. If you stand out as a foreigner it is custom to be insulted openly for being so by the local patrons.Trunk belongs on the front of an elephant not the arse of a car. Not everything in the UK has been dumbed down to it’s simplest form. It is classic Darwinism at work, we’re hoping road sign, warning symbols will weed out those too stupid to be alive.The age of consent is 16 despite all the kids you see with a pimped out double wide pram like a sport car pushed about by a kid that looks 8 months into spawning another one.In this country we will stand by and watch some poor guy get ambushed and knocked senseless by a group of youths, but we will not tolerate any visiting foreigners do the same. In Britain we beat the shit out our own folks right! Ask that dude that drove into an airport in Scotland, they beat the shit out of him despite him being a blazing fireball melting in front of them. They really refuse to tolerate parking in the drop of zone to avoid paying for a parking ticket, that cheap bastard.In Britain there is more shame felt working for a living at a place like McDonald's than there is sitting on unemployment on nothing but misguided sense of respect.The reason an alter boys voice is able to hit those high notes are not because he is a eunuch…Obesity is not a persons fault if they become this fat and lazy unable to fit employment between eating schedules. In the UK we sponsor these over grown beasts gluttony with a sense of pride. It is custom to call their neglect towards personal responsibility for their own health and hygiene to even label it a ‘disability’ sparing them from the sense of shame a regular size human would have to live this existence.A husband could murder his wife and serve his sentence out twice over before the social justice system will get rounds to enforcing his visitation rights.Paying child support suggests every parent has the responsibility to pay support for their children, not in Britain. Child support only is rightfully enforced upon fathers however mothers get a free pass.You see a children's play park always remember others see a place to release a dog to shit in, kids love shit, as they always manage to step in it.They are not ‘trash cans’ and ‘dumpsters’ are those skeleton looking tarts at street corners wearing what most would consider underwear. They are called dustbins or rubbish bins and they’re for youths to set fire to for warmth.Being called a ‘cunt’ can often be a sign of affection. “I f*cking love this cunt of a guy like ye ken?..” (In Glasgow, someone calls you cunt, dont worry, should they call you “Eh pal”.. you’re fucked!)Murder gets you about 6–10 years but that only means serving 4 tops.A.S.B.O is a bit like the B.A.F.T.A awards, only it is given out to the most deserving criminal delinquents living in the local estate.Become a drunk alcoholic or drug addict and receive a get out of jail free card every time you get caught mugging some poor old woman or shoplifting! Even if you get ordered to rehab, its better than having to pay for a holiday at Butlins! Plus, they say never drink alone. Where better than a rehab center? There’s bound to be booze and you’re guaranteed to be around like minded people.Forget this fantasy of a mutual break up where everything's split equally because a guy couldn’t give a shite about hair curlers, wedding dresses, china sets, its all the good shit like flat screens, cars, and laptops they’re talking about splitting. All the shit you brought into the relationship. Dont even ask about rings…Sports clothing and joggers are not for working out in a gym. Here you’ll find it’s worn by chavs too high to button trouser or grotesquely overweight folk you’ve clearly never seen a gym.When you cover all the costs on dates, hold open the door, you are a gentleman, asking her to tidy her shit and clear out some shoes you’re a male chauvinist pig!Those too cowardly or pathetic examples of scum adopt the persona of a Bond villain. Exchanging elaborate secret complex for a deteriorated slum and instead of exotic pet shark or tiger for protection, they are escorted by a huge head and disturbing large protruding set of balls the creature drags behind it.It is love when a woman you are with demands to check all your text & emails and should she go bat shit and throw things you made her because you were not listening, but if you make the mistake of asking who she was out with means you are overstepping boundaries and controlling.If a burglar is caused harm while breaking into your property, for example cut on barbed wire, they can legally sue you for damages. So don’t even think about keeping your property safe, you have the right to be stolen from.Britain is a mix of all racial communities and celebrates equality. Unless you are black/mixed race, religious, gay, or even worse, if you are poor! Council estates were originally build to contain the poorest commoners from sight of city centers. Unfortunately it became part of their culture to mark city centers like a cat pissing in everything claiming their territory. Instead it’s more common to use globs of snot gobbed out over any pave canvas outside any off license, job center and of course at every doorway of McDonalds.Britain has Red Nose Day an annual charity event we televise it where we liberate some randoms from rehabs once a C-list celebrity ‘one hit wonders’ form the 90’s then get them to dance like monkeys for us! They round up some kids for the predatory presenter to chase. All to raise charity funds to reimburse the many nations of the world we once invaded, murdered, enslaved, pillaged at one point in time. Healing the world with t-shirts and plastic noses with the irony of the poor kids forced to make the bloody things lost to us as we pat ourselves on the back.Britain is a democracy, but the Queen is head of government and has final say over everything, but we are promised that our vote totally counted.Got famous for all the wrong things like murdering some kids? Don’t worry, your grounded for a few years and when you’ve thought long and hard about what you’ve done we’ll release you with a secret identity. They’ll never see you coming!Exclusive social clubs and private members only groups are a place for the wealthy elite to stroke each others ego, brag pretentiously, but usually just as a cover for sordid affairs, cuckolding & wife swaps without exposing harmful judgement to their social reputations.We value our prisoners rights to have good, decent food so much we pay more for our incarcerated to eat well than we do to the soldiers that serve in the armed forces, respect. Some even protest the living conditions of murderers and rapists, but nothing said about the poor bastard in the desert shot to shit for little over minimum wage. No worries, if he/she loses a leg they get priority seating on public buses! By then they may have a rapist murderer sat next for them to talk to. What a system we have.Passenger 1: I did 7 years in Helmand…Passenger 2: Yeah? I did 4 years for knocking up a school girlWearing any gold or silver colored jewelry is not a sign of wealth. Most likely fake or stolen. It is how the poor attempt to use rings, chains and piercings because they have no self worth so wearing this jewelry at least lets them adopt the material worth of the items worn.Worked 75 years? Managed to purchase your own home? Hoping to pass it on as inheritance to loved ones after you go? Well not if you ever need help as an old age pensioner! Hell no, sell the damn house give up all you worked for. You dont get help until you’ve been cleared of all you own. That’s how society respects the great generation.Baseball caps are not a sporting item and nobody knows or cares what baseball is. In the UK baseball caps are a sign of unemployment and general scum of society to be vigilant around.When a stranger greets you in the street or asks you for the time or a lighter. One of two things will happen. The first you are about to be pick pocketed, or second, if you are lucky they’ll just have no self dignity at all and beg you for some money openly in the street.Struggling to find a career choice? Go down to the job center you’ll find loads of examples to earn money, such as pump out a kid, then another and another until they house you in your own tower block, or just get so fat because you’re not lazy just obese. Perhaps getting shitfaced is your idea of fun, become an alcoholic and they will pay you to get pissed! Sorted.Any can of alcohol with the world ‘Special’ is code for the cheapest high alcohol chemical content available in single cans or plastic bottles to prevent anyone getting glassed later on.If all else fails, and your whole life was a complete waste, even if you were a total c*nt. On the funeral we will all sit and hear what a great, loving, generous person you were and how the loss of will be felt as another human turd we thought that you were is now gone.A police officer in the UK is basically a term used for babysitter for society there to break up drunken couple fighting, passed out teen in the park from choking on vomit and console the victims of crime by doodling in a note pad to fool people into believing they are relevant and justice will be served.Authority figures that govern over society in the UK as pitifully incompetent. Sheriffs unable to keep the child molester or rapist in prison, police officers armed with a can of Lynx and retractable stick designed to break the tensions by presenting it as a prop in hopes humor will resolve the situation - or risk getting a whack that may even cause a slight sting.Public displays of affection are for slutty teens in parks, but full grown adults are expected to be more dignified and use the public toilets. They have the option to use a cubicle for some privacy or be a discreet place to ‘bang a minger’ or hide from the discovery of homosexual transgressions.Private schools are where the wealthy send children to experiment molestation, sexuality cleverly hiding this with sports like cricket or polo. These traditional institutions educate the next generation of the elite and several key skills such as how to earn without ever working, tax evasion loopholes, soliciting all their perversions discretely, domestic violence on the trophy wife without damaging the goods, and most of all master the etiquette of being one of the worlds most detestable cunts.