Her Narrative Reason For Separation Of Personality Disorder Be: Fill & Download for Free

Thanks for the request. This instance I know all too well, and struggle with it daily. My ex-wife and I have been separated/divorced for over a year, and during that time, she met someone rather quickly (Far quicker than she will ever admit). I can tell you that she did not want the divorce and or separation, that even after we sold the house and moved out, while we were pending the divorce, I still had not made the correlation that our issues/her issues were the result of her BPD, Histrionic, and Narcissistic personality traits. She split on my 9 year old child (her step child) and during a drunk/hate filled episode, where she went after and screamed at her, cussed at her, and basically behaved toward her that she had at me when she was angry or drunk for the past several years. For me, that was it, and the motions for separation and divorce were set and to quote Thanos “Inevitable”.The hard part was that she and I share a 3 year old. Who was visible to that same barrage and had seen her act out many times before, albeit, not towards her in any way, just at me. During this whole time, she was very “remorseful”, as remorseful as a someone with an unstable identity and personality can be anyway. In my mind, I thought this separation would possibly be the catalyst for her to re-evaluate her behavior and get help for it. She had been taking depression pills, and decided that was to blame for all the emotional issues she was having. Come to find out, it wasn’t depression at all, but I digress.During this time, I was of course reevaluating, trying to understand what the heck happened to cause this situation. I did the standard codependent blame myself mind trick, and proceeded to work on me as a person, man, and to hopefully find out why I failed as a husband. When her diagnosis came to light and I was able to study and research it, there was definitely a sense of relief at first. I could explain everything, and she would understand her place in all of it, so I told my self. Mind you, past experience was proof enough, that she did not ever take responsibility for anything and that nothing has ever really been her fault. The desire to have a better marriage and a more stable marriage was a very foreign topic to her, because in actuality she rather enjoyed and thrived off the chaos that was our life. The daily egg shell walks, the fighting, drama, blaming, projecting, the ups and downs of life she seemed to be able to thrive in, but were slowing killing my soul…Yet, deep inside, due to the severe trauma bond and total enmeshment (not sure if that is a word, but you catch my drift), a part of me always hoped we would/she would “figure” it out.While I was in counseling, building, learning, and growing during this time, she was “allegedly” doing the same. However, come to find out, she was already involved with someone else. I mean, duh, I was only the love of her life and she wanted nothing more than to reconcile and save our marriage, she told me. (I’m shaking my head as I write this, what a fool I was). That was a brutal lesson I learned about the nuances of personality disordered. I mean, they can say anything to you, and that part of you that wants to see them as good people, cause your that way, has to accept that they say anything but it’s their actions that you have to really pay attention to. So when I found out, I knew it was done, and the pain of that realization was almost unbearable. At times, I thought i would never come out the other side during those first few months. I was in therapy and she was with a new guy, who was far wealthier and to quote her “He is everything you aren’t” and we are having the best time together. So she basically jumped in with him for several months, however, during child exchanges, she would try to kiss me, tell me she loved me, shit like that. Now mind you, this is after bragging and rubbing my face in her new “love”.At this time I had yet to file for divorce, even though we were living separately, I had sold the house, gave her half, as I said I would, and despite all that, I STILL could not let go, see that shit is/was on me, not her. That is what a strong trauma bond based on ABUSE and lack of self esteem creates…it sure as fuck is not Love. So she calls me and tells me lets file and get this shit done ASAP. We go and file together, sign it, no animosity, she didn’t ask for a nickel of support of any kind, nothing of my retirement or bank accounts, she just wanted to be done with me. As i have come to learn here, this aspect of my divorce is very lucky, as she wanted nothing more to get away from me (during this time) and I thoroughly believe it was because she was hitching her caboose to the new dudes train. So despite the pain inside, I obliged and decided to get on with my life.I lost 40 lbs, got into the best shape of my life. She and I would meet up for exchanges with no issues, it seemed like she was happy. However, every so often I would get the “I love you” texts, “How are you” texts. It was like she always needed a reason to have contact every so often. If I could have, I would have gone NC. It is the absolute best way to break the trauma bonds with a Cluster B. I can tell you, that the journey to breaking those bonds has been far more perilous because we have to have co parenting contact. Just gives her more chances to hoover, reflect, spin the narrative.So now a year and half later, her hoovering is relentless, its a constant daily barrage of texting and references to our past, this despite her having a new guy(s). It’s half naked pics of her taken by the flavor of the month, it’s “I’m calling cause you child wants to talk to you”, she is relentless…From what I have been told, it’s because I left, and I made the decision, thus depriving her the luxury of leaving…well I’ll tell you, knowing what I know now, I’d much rather her take the initiative and leave, because then I would be hopeful she would leave me alone….

There are some theories that talk about what you are asking. Still, it’s controversial to affirm that pwBPD have no identity. I think they lack a strong sense of self, which is not the same. Still, according to the DSM IV, identity disturbance was one of the nine criteria for borderline personality disorder. That’s why many studies tried to find out the reason. The DSM 5 changed it for “Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self”For the sake of responding to your question, and to help to understand the former idea, I’ll list here some of the theories that agreed with what you affirm in your question; that pwBPD struggle developing a clear identity.Theory of MindOne is that they lack Theory of Mind (ToM). Theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states — beliefs, intents, desires, emotions, knowledge, etc. — to oneself and to others. ToM is necessary to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that are different from yours. That is also called “cognitive empathy.”Impairments in the ability to infer the thoughts, emotions and intentions of others—or social cognition or mentalization—are present in a number of mental disorders. Social cognition includes emotion processing, social perception, ToM/mental state attribution, and attributional style/bias (Vaskinn et al, 2015). It seems that interpersonal dysfunction can be an effect of irregularities in social cognition. This perspective assumes that because pwBPD suffer from hypervigilance, they are extra sensitive to social cues overly attributing intentions, and therefore, committing overmentalizing errors.In summary, what it means is that pwBPD are so concerned about how to be safe (and attached) that they put all the energy in trying to understand others, and since they are most often wrong, they can’t develop an understanding of who people are including themselves.DissociationpwBPD have abnormal autobiographical memory functioning; for instance, they show memory biases in autobiographical recall. Their memory deficits have been connected to problems with their narrative selves. Memory problems have been examined in the context of dissociative experiences, where the subjects may have large gaps in their memories, may be bothered by how much they have forgotten and may not remember what they did or said when angry (Gold et al, 2017).Dissociation involves the disruption of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception of the environment. pwBPD normally suffer from pathological dissociation, with dissociative amnesia leading to characteristic mental holes or blind spots in their autobiographical memories, which interferes with a narrative self.Additionally, pwBPD processing of self‐relevant information is influenced by impulsivity, emotion‐focused coping strategies, and tendencies to rely on an external locus of control, which causes the characteristic mental holes or blind spots that can show in the autobiographical memoriesThis theory assumes that the pwBPD can’t develop a coherent narrative of the self, and therefore can’t form an identity.FragmentationThe easier to understand is the one that talks about how pwBPD have a fragmented self due to the splitting between loving and fearing the caregiver.This is another type of dissociation that confuses the child on who s[h]e is, since s[h]e experiences such polarization of emotions and conflicts with his/her need to attach. Therefore, the emotional states grow separated stoping the person to develop a sense of unity, and therefore, of an identity.——-Of course, everything is connected with failures in executive functions since the attachment rupture that may be common to almost all pwBPD highjacks the development of the prefrontal cortex.

Chance, thanks for your A2A, I have been trying to answer questions as fast as I am able. Nevertheless, I apologize for taking as long as I have to respond.In your question, you allude to you ex girlfriend with BPD. Therefore, I assume you are asking whether your ex was truthful in regard to the things she told you at the time you and she were together. I can not speak to your ex’s veracity as I do not know her. However, I can hopefully give you some insight based on my personal experience.You may have noticed that many men who have dated women with BPD question whether their exe’s were being truthful while they were together. I think the genesis this question has to do with the difference in how NT significant others and their non-treating BPD girlfriends react once their relationship concludes.Euphoric RecallWhen I think about my relationship with my ex, my mind has a penchant for recalling the good times and the special connection we had. My “euphoric recall” is not negatively impacted by recollections of challenging times as I know they naturally occur in all relationships.When I harken back to memories of my ex imparting to me that I had been instrumental in helping relieve her acute pain she had been experiencing for years, I smile. This was very important to me because although she may had tried to hide her inner angst and vulnerability, it pained me to observe her suffering in silence. When she acknowledged her gratitude and love, I believe the sentiments were heartfelt.I need to note that in the beginning of the relationship I could sense that my ex was often living moment to moment, and it was a struggle for her maintain serenity when we were not in one another’s company. Consequently, despite the fact she may have felt rest assured that all was well just moments before, minutes later her emotions and perceptions were subject to drastic “tectonic shifts” when separations were imminent or occurring.Kaleidoscope of FeelingsWhen we first dated, it seemed to me that, in general, her feelings and emotions were reminiscent of looking into a kaleidoscope. Just as the sizes and organizational patterns of the geometric shapes within the kaleidoscope are in perpetual flux, her feelings from moment to moment would rapidly “change shape” and vacillate. As a consequence, what she may have perceived as “truth” and “reality”’would be subject to alteration and amendments— particularly when confronted with situations in which there was ambiguity, time constraints, and over stimulation.Throw having difficulty with trust into the mix, and I have a feeling it would be difficult to understand one’s own reality. I do not judge this; however, I do empathize with enormity of the challenges.It often appeared to me or felt as if there was no hypothetical “storehouse of good will and positive memories.” In the beginning of the relationship, I felt as every day was starting the relationship from scratch. With this in mind, I can appreciate the issues you raise in your questions.Another crucial issue that is outside the scope of your questions concerns how there was a “tipping point” when the maladaptive coping mechanisms simply withered away. The lead up to this seminal event was fraught with abstract nuance and complexity.I am virtually certain did not recognize it at the time because the changes were subtle. Nevertheless, it appeared that under certain circumstances the mask would subconsciously slip off, and it was apparent that wearing it was an onerous burden. It seemed manifestly clear to me that it was an incredible relief for her to bathe in a reality free of judgement and to be allowed to just be.Breakup and SeparationDue to the fact that non-treating women with BPD have difficulty “sitting in their feelings,” and are often pain avoidant, after a separation or breakup, they often quickly start dating again. In other words, because they often can not be friends to themselves, staying single for long is unlikely. Being single is synonymous with being alone, and that is intolerable.If she is unaware, she will not be able to come to terms with the fact that it is her inability be alone that makes her susceptible to instant admiration of those that appear to “have it together.” This often leads to bad choices and decisions; however, maladaptive coping mechanisms such as rationalization may reflexively kick in resulting in her possibly tolerating a bad choice and the abuse it generates for “a cycle.”Many NT men naturally question if their ex loved them as much as she said she did due to the fact a non-treating woman with BPD can rebound so quickly. As I alluded to above, lack of object constancy plays a role in the non-treating woman’s rapid rebound capacity. For the NT significant other, out of sight does not necessarily mean out of mind.On the other hand, even though a non-treating woman with BPD may tell an ex how much of a positive impact he had on her life, she will likely have a hard time remembering her ex when he is out of sight.If she does summon his memory, she then would be forced to confront the emotion of missing her ex. Unfortunately, I think a non-treating woman with BPD, who lives in a black and white world, may find the thought of missing an ex so painful that it simply emotionally easier to go into “ghost mode” and paint the her ex black.Often I read how a person professes that they are ghosting in order to protect the person being ignored. This is hard for me to believe as it is the “ghoster” who is concerned with protecting him or herself.Ghosting and other passive aggressive primitive behaviors constitute emotional violence. Such behavior is antithetical to emotional honesty and self awareness and seems like a feeble attempt to deny the existence of the of the “ghosted.“By cowering in the shadows, “the ghoster” is actually calling him or herself out; ironically, the implications of such behavior “scream” so loudly that the implications are “deafening” when one considers that ghosting is a learned behavior.In conclusion I think that your ex girlfriend with BPD was genuine and truthful in regard to her assertions when you and she were together; however, due to complex reasons, her perceptions and her “truth” may be subject to change from moment to moment when she is not “anchored” emotionally.I can understand how this adds yet another dimension of confusion for the NT significant other. He may wonder if, post relationship, his ex is portraying him as just another narcissist in some kind of revised narrative that is more emotionally digestible than the actual version of reality.It simply does not seem statistically plausible that not only most NT women and but also many non-treating women with BPD all have been conned by “a narc in sheep’s clothing.” One would think there are not enough narcs to go around.I can understand why it might be easier to create a polarized subjective narrative than a more objectively forthright one which might read something like “my ex was loving, caring, patient, highly empathetic, set firm boundaries ...and I love him... but I hate him.”