Consent: Fill & Download for Free

Several real problems with the argument that consent to sex is consent to pregnancy.These people obviously don’t know what consent even means. Consent by definition must be (a) explicit (meaning for the actual act occurring), (b) be positive (yes means yes, not a lack of a no means yes), and (c) ongoing (consent can be revoked).Ask them if consent to sex with a man today with penis-in-vagina sex means I’ve consented to anal sex. Ask them if a man asking me for sex and me not telling him no means I’ve told him yes. Ask them if consent to a man for sex today means I’ve automatically given him consent for sex tomorrow. Obviously to any sane person the answer to all these is “no”. Thus consent to sex cannot be consent to pregnancy, since the woman consenting to sex is not consenting to anything but giving that man permission to put his penis in her vagina today; she is not giving a third party that doesn’t even EXIST at the time of consent permission to use her entire body for a completely separate act from sex, for forty weeks, at great physical risk to herself.Honestly, that’s like saying that if I give consent to give a man a ride to work today in my car, that’s the same as consenting to give his kid a ride to school every day for a year, while the kid trashes the upholstery and scratches the paint. For that matter, since there are risks to almost everything we do, by this person’s logic smoking a cigarette is consent to lung cancer and the person cannot remove their tumor. Eating junk food would be consent to diabetes and the person shouldn’t be able to get insulin. This is the logical extension of their ridiculous assertion.Second, point out the fact that 80% of women who abort in the US were using contraception or condoms at the time of conception. Quite obviously if someone is deliberately taking steps to prevent conception, they have no agreed to pregnancy. They have in fact explicitly said “no” to pregnancy.Third, consent as I stated can be withdrawn. Even if someone is ridiculous enough to claim consent to sex is consent to pregnancy, the woman’s body is not surrendered at the moment of conception. She can say no at any time. This is just LIKE sex actually- if a woman consents to sex with a man and then becomes uncomfortable, she can tell him to stop. Consent is revoked- if he doesn’t stop, he’s guilty of rape.Fourth, you can point out that a landmark SCOTUS case after Roe v. Wade stated explicitly that no person may use another person’s body without express ongoing consent, even if that first person would die without its use. In McFall v. Shimp, 1978, SCOTUS determined that a man could not be forced to donate a kidney even if the other party died without that donation. This was not a narrow ruling, but a wide one: not only can no one be forced to donate organs, but no tissues can be taken from a corpse without express prior permission and no parent can be forced to donate blood or tissue to their own dying child even though they were the ones that deliberately created that child. If a parent cannot even be forced to donate their body to a living, breathing, conscious, sentient child that they created even if that child will die without it, why do they believe pregnant women and pregnant women only do not possess the rights to their own bodies that even corpses possess?

So I’ve traveled all over the world talking about relationship ethics and affirmative consent. I keep hearing people say that asking for consent makes things “awkward” or “ruins the mood,” and I gotta say, I scratch my damn head every time I hear it.Why on earth would asking for consent make the mood awkward?When people say asking makes the mood awkward, I think what they’re really saying is “the other person might say no and I can’t handle that.”Because I gotta tell you, I ask for consent, and it makes the mood hot.Some of the things I’ve done when I’ve asked for consent include:Her: What are you thinking about? Me: I’m thinking about how much I’d like to put my hands on you. What do you say? Her: Mmm, what are you waiting for?Me: (Leaning close to whisper in her ear) You are very attractive and I’d love to kiss you, but I’m not going to unless you tell me you want it. Do you want it?Her: *Sits on my lap and starts wiggling to the music* Me: If you keep doing that, I am so going to kiss you. Her: *Leans over and kisses me*All those are ways of asking for consent. Asking for consent does not have to mean stammering and stuttering, like “Um, I was just, uh, you know, I’m, like, uh, wondering, can I, uh, kiss you?” Asking for consent can be fun, flirty, playful, and hot as hell.

Being married does not suddenly remove the need for consent.Let me repeat that for people in the back: Being married does not suddenly remove the need for consent.You always need consent. Always. 100% of the time, regardless of what your relationship status is.A husband absolutely, unequivocally, needs consent from his wife to touch and have sex with her. However, most long-term couples will have developed enough rapport that explicit consent is generally not needed, but that does not mean that consent is not required, and consent can still be revoked at any time. If the husband continues after his wife has revoked consent, that is rape. Period.