Oracle Project Manager - Texas Woman'S University: Fill & Download for Free

I should add some perspective on this. I came from a bad background… not the worst (there’s always worse)… but from a family that is more interested in control, physical abuse, and mental abuse.From an early age, my mother was never truly a mother. She only wanted to be a mother when she was feeling good. The rest if the time it was early naps and anything to get me out of her way. She also married one abuser after another. My biological father and her met in the military and he would do things like leave me outside for the mosquitoes to get me and other stuff I’m sure that wasn’t spoken of to me (who knows what to my mother). Then she married this real piece of work who isolated us down to Guatemala on “church related business”… He came home one day so hopped up on drugs he ran through the screen glass door and the police told my mother to take me and leave the country asap! She sometime later married her online fling in England who later cheated on her… but I never went with her for all that. Maybe I should have… hindsight 20/20 and all that.But before she did all that, she job hopped from place to place… never staying longer than a few months somewhere. In that meantime, I kept acting out in school, which I think is normal given how un-motherly and un-loving she was. I eventually got expelled from whatever school I was attending. She decides then that it would be a grand idea to drop me off with my grandfather (a person whom she tried to get away from so desperately because he was an abusive, rage-fueled person - So she joins the military to get away). He was just as abusive to me, though my grandmother was at least some sort of love (though a very 1950’s woman). When it finally came to schools saying “we should listen when kids say they’re being abused” that’s when the physical abuse turned to mental abuse.Fast-forward some time… life at home was hell, kept getting bullied in school, my only coping mechanism was video games. LOADS of video games. Then my grandmother became too weak to take care of herself. I was still in middle school, my grandfather was still working, my grandmother needed someone to help take care of her. So my grandfather asked all 3 of his daughters who could help. The eldest said she couldn’t (she’s a very selfish person in general), my mother was busy becoming a nurse in England after marrying her online fling, and the youngest (who was in severe debt, working 2 minimum wage jobs, and an apartment that was filled with useless crap) said “yes”!So she comes, quits her jobs, and is a full-time care giver to my grandmother and me. Meantime she and my grandfather never get along and there’s constant fights. She was also a hoarder. So over the years, what started as a small pile of junk in the living room is now a household of junk with narrow pathways (to this day). She’s been out of work for around 15+ years. my grandmother still keeps hanging in there, my grandfather retired, and I… well…During all this I go through the motions of school and escape to my video games at home. I had no real social life as my folks never trusted me being around people my age and would always say “just be friends with them at school”. Eventually, I graduate high school… but I don’t know what to do… I have zero self confidence after years of being told I’m too stupid and naive and how I don’t know anything of the “real world”. I got a scholarship “Bright Futures” (LOL IF ONLY!)… And was immediately thrust into college! Why? I had no idea what I wanted to do… where I wanted to go… I started with Computer Science but later switched to Information Technology. Why? Well, it’s the only few degrees my folks approved of… they paid for the parts the scholarship didn’t cover. I live in Florida which is very car dependent, but never have had a car of my own. My grandfather tried to teach me once, but was such a terrible and impatient instructor that I ended up in an accident. Since then I’ve been too afraid to get behind the wheel of a car, and my grandfather has forbidden me from ever using his (new) car. I eventually paid for lessons and got my licence, but without a job I couldn’t afford a car.I asked if I could have a job too… when I was a teen I got mocked about how I’d just get fired because I’m too lazy / stupid / take your pick… And my grandfather still worked so I had no ride to said job and the bus system here is terrible. Most of Florida is just a miserable hotbox of a place to live in, but that’s another discussion. By the time he did retire and I was going to get my degree, I asked again but was told “there’s plenty of time to work, work will always be there, just focus on school”… even though countless career advisers said “employers want to see job experience PLUS a degree”. It also took my near 7 years just to get my degree because of the switch I made, and because I wasn’t doing full-time school load… I didn’t have enough self confidence in myself, I didn’t enjoy the degree I was going for (just the supposed promise of a good career prospects from doing so), and the classwork at part-time still felt overwhelming. Most classes I just skirted by with pure dumb luck, not because I actually knew what was going on or even cared for that matter. The only other problem is, I didn’t know what else it is I wanted to do… I couldn’t think of any major or career path that TRULY interested me… I knew going to college was a waste of my time and scholarship… but what was the alternative? dead-end jobs I guess? Plus I was being told from every direction that college was “the way to a better life” … be it from college advisers (who are paid to tell students that), from the talk radio my grandfather listens to religiously, from my own folks, from the news at that time… so, if that’s what society wanted, who was I to say otherwise? I was just the dumb “kid” who knew nothing about the “real world”… so there I sat… going through class after class…During my last year, I finally begged and pleaded with my folks to let me get an internship, as it was the smart thing to do… they finally relented and I was able to get an internship through the school with a company. I worked there and went to school for the remaining year and graduated. They eventually hired me on as a consultant since they couldn’t create a position within the company itself. Well… The place I worked for was toxic! TOXIC! But I preserved because… who else is going to hire a mid-twenty something who took 7 years to get a lousy piece of paper and only 1 year worth of work experience to their name? Oh yeah! That internship was the ONLY work experience I had! Most normal people worked in retail or other odd jobs to help pay for school, and parents encouraged it for creating responsibility and work ethic! But I never came from any of that… I was mostly forbidden from work, and even if I got a job somehow, there was no easy way to get to work (unless I wanted to wait 1 hr 30 min just to go down the street).So at that company I rotted away for another year as a consultant, still living at home because the pay really wasn’t up to being able to live on my own. I had no best friends I could roommate with like others, and I had no other family I could turn to… no cool uncle, no close cousin, no god parents… in fact, I still know very little of my family. My grandmother cut off communication with hers LONG ago (before I was born), and my grandfather’s side… I can see where his evil comes from! And normally I don’t generalize… but they’re ALL like that! This is from several “family get togethers” which really just involved my great-grandmother’s birthday (once she died so did the get togethers). But even the other kids around my age were spoiled, unruly, brats! Not that their parents were any better. Most were church cons, others were downright swindlers, and all had attitude problems so far gone that I wanted nothing to do with any of them (I can still only recall a handful of names, but couldn’t place a face to save my life).It also doesn’t help that when you’re depressed and lack self confidence, the one thing you NEED is positivity and a good support group… but because you’re depressed, no one positive wants to be your friend or support because “you’ll just drag them down with you”… so there goes that. And there I stuck in that same house, in the same room, and too scared to leave, too scared to believe I’d make it on my own, and my folks always telling me “it’d just be a waste of money, you can save more by staying here, besides, you don’t know how to take care of yourself! Most places around here are just too bad to rent from.”At the end of my year as a consultant, I quit… I had no plans, no nothing… but my depression kept growing and I felt like a fraud at that place. Sure, I passed with an IT degree… but most of the work I was given was so simple that I could never get any real IT position with it. I was also all over the place in that role… web content editor, trainer, quality assurance tester, technical writer, front-end developer… and I kept getting piled on all this work for not enough pay. Then I was getting harassed by my supervisor. I had gained about 90 lbs being there, and he always had to make some sort of fat remark. Other co-workers treated me like crap and like I was too stupid to do anything even though I did just as much work as they did… sure they got the REAL IT jobs, the REAL coding experience, while I was getting piled on with just misc. busy work from every direction. I even asked if I could shadow the “real” developers so I could learn, but I was told that they needed me where I was. Which was essentially a dead-end spot with a fancy title. So, I quit… I thought about maybe teaching English in Japan, or go back to school (…..for….. something……), or even just move to another state.Yeah… none of that happened… I was to full of self-doubt to go any of those routes. Then I started panicking about being out of work for 9 months. I reached out to my old contract agency. They got me a job back at (surprise) my old company but with a different team… and this team was one with a nasty reputation. But I was desperate so I agreed… I was wrong… so wrong… If I thought I had depression before, I really had it now! Days spent being unproductive and just crying in either my cubical or in the bathroom. Doing the most boring and repetitive of tasks, while also being treated like less than a person. The money (still better than minimum wage) was seriously not worth the aggravation. I begged my contract agency to place me ANYWHERE else! They hesitated because they’re “not in the habit of taking one consultant away from a client and give to another because it looks bad”, but they finally relented when I told them the situation I was working in.After about 6 months I was placed in another company. A better company. One with an international name to it and with a work load that was REAL IT work! No more copying and pasting pre-written articles into a content management system. I was finally going to code! … Oh, that was a mistake… I finally get hired on board, and I start with a team, and everyone is *gasp* nice to each other… no wait.. upon reflection it was really just cordial… but I’ll still have taken that over the last place. I got to do front-end development using HTML, CSS, jQuery and all the stuff I felt comfortable with… what I was hired on for…… WHAT. I . WAS. HIRED. ON. FOR!Plenty of times in the interview I mentioned that my skills were front-end web development, NOT back-end development. I was not a full stack person. I had said that I wouldn’t mind getting up to that point, but at that time I was still only good with front-end! Well… they had a habit, it seemed, where they would hire on consultants saying their position was one thing, while in reality they ended up in something unrelated. This lead to a high turn over rate. One I would learn about later.We were essentially building a new web portal from the ground up. Fine! I was to handle the front-end portion of it. Fine!…. it was a VERY small team handling a HUGE project… *red flag 1*. One of the 3 people on my team had a superiority complex and was difficult to work with (even had problems with other people and had been constantly reprimanded for it). He was the type of person that made you think to yourself, “I would have fired him LONG ago!” The only reason they kept him, and I quote “he may be difficult to get along with, but he knows his stuff”… He was the type of person that made you think to yourself, “I’ve always been told hiring managers would rather hire someone who may not know everything but was able to get along with everyone *raises hand*, rather than hire someone who knew their stuff but was a complete @55! But I guess that was yet another lie we all have been told and as my previous jobs have pointed out with someone else I knew from my first contract position”. *red flag 2*Eventually the other team mate left (they were put on the project with me but they were originally hired on for a different position, so they applied elsewhere and got the job), leaving me with just the above mentioned team mate. Then, I was starting to get the back-end work they used to be taking care of while they “searched for a new team member to help me”… that never ended up happening *red flag 3*The team member who was impossible to get along with, eventually moved off the project to do some other project and left all the work in my lap (still searching for that other team member I guess…) *red flag 4* So now, I’m left with the whole project in my lap, and as per company policy, if you’re an employee, we’ll train you on what you need to know and help you in any way we can! If you’re a consultant *raises hand* then apparently you’re an oracle! Come speaketh with me and I shall raise up into the air with white cloths flowing all around me like a scene out of the movie 300! I shall gaze into my crystal ball and consult with the stars to give you the answers you seek! And if said raising into the air and crystal balling just doesn’t happen, then I’m given the look like “well then, why did we hire you?”… I guess consultants aren’t the same thing as a regular person who just couldn’t find a full-time position at a company but could still use job experience and training to actually get ahead and be able to assist. Apparently, consultant is synonymous with “know-it-all” in the literal sense. You can’t have a “specialty” or “area of knowledge” … nope! ALL areas of knowledge are now your knowledge! And it wasn’t just me experiencing it either. It was another part of the high turn over rate.But I stood my ground and did what I could, feeling like a fraud yet again, and getting help from every corner of the office I could think of. sometime later, one of the co-workers that got hired on later than me knew just how to play the office politics game and get “promoted” (if that’s even possible as a consultant) and eventually became one of my leads. When he was at my level, he was nice enough… but once he got in power, his true colors showed through. it was verbal assault in private so he could easily deny it, it was constant berating, if I did anything on my own or asked another team for advice, he’d be there telling me how I’m making everyone look bad and that he didn’t tell me to do that, etc. etc. … what was once a cordial place was now becoming JUST as TOXIC as the place I left before. Eventually it was getting so bad, I was once again left with fits of depression that had me running to the bathroom and crying most of the day. Not that I felt confident in what I was doing before hand. I felt like I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere and as much as I tried to get the parts working that I didn’t understand, I just couldn’t! I didn’t know the previous code that had been written, I never even dealt with some of the coding languages like AJAX and Angular.JS. I tried… but it never felt like it was enough.Eventually, I knew I was either going to get fired (by the guy who seemed to have it out for me) or have a meltdown from depression. The boss I had who used to seem pretty nice to me, she started looking and speaking to me like “why did we even hire you” though never said those exact words… and this was after I was promised they’d hire some extra people on the team so it wasn’t just me trying to do every single part! Either way, I had to go… so I quit… the official reason being, “I was going to go travel the world and do some freelance work during down time”… If only that’s what had happened.In the beginning, I just cried for many days… feeling lost at 27, now nearing 28 in about a few months. I started up an ebay page and started to sell off most of my possessions. My video games, CDs, DVDs, t-shirts, collectibles… I basically put everything of high value to me on one book shelf… and that’s where it remains today. I still have some stuff to sell off, but I sold quite a bit of my things, and was honestly happy to be rid of them. I’ve lived in a house surrounded by junk and stuff for around a decade and I had just grown so sick and tired of being surrounded by stuff, Stuff, STUFF!! I eventually made about $2000 from everything that had been sold off (still more to sell) in about 3–4 months time. Not bad, but I was hoping for more.However, there was also a 3 month period I took to help a friend I had made who I thought cared about me. (Long story about how I met them during the year). They had hand surgery, were on the more elderly side, and needed help while their spouse was at work. They lived far enough away that I basically had to live in their guest room. They knew about my background and family life, and even suggested if things got too bad I could always move in with them. But I knew their spouse didn’t quite agree (though they never verbalized it). And at one point, I had moved in a bit of my things thinking I might make the break finally away from my horrible family life. That is… until things went sour with the two of them. I had been helping for 3 months and even house sat / dog sat for them while they were on vacation. I even cleaned their house top to bottom to show my appreciation. The one who usually always seemed to not really like me was even impressed and thankful (though it didn’t last long). Eventually they started going through a rough patch too. They had bought an extra house that they were going to use as rental property. They even offered for me to be the first tenant. Which in general wouldn’t have been bad, but I had no job, and they were looking to rent it as soon as it was renovated (which I also helped with). They insisted I could get a job “easily” at Disney (which was very near where they live). But for what they wanted for rent, I’m not sure even a full-time position as a ride operator (their thought) would have covered it plus general living expenses. They even offered to have me roommate with one of their friends, a friend I knew too well and knew I would not have gotten along with even if it did help cut the rent in half.Plus, I wanted to travel, it was the whole reason I quit and sold off stuff right? Well… I didn’t travel the world like I had originally intended to… But I did go to a place I had always wanted to see: Japan! I had finally booked a flight and was going to be in Japan for 2 and half months! (If I have to pick a good side to living at home, it’s that I was able to save quit a bit of money too). Japan itself wasn’t as expensive as I thought it would have been either! I loved it! I spent one month in Tokyo, one month in Kyoto, and 2 weeks in Osaka. Along the way, I also fell in love with someone who was going to grad school there. We hit it off while I was in Tokyo and we “honeymooned” during my final days in Osaka. I never wanted to leave them… More than that, I didn’t want to go back “home”… home isn’t the right word… home is where the heart is, and THAT place… Florida, those family members, that life… that wasn’t where my heart was at all. I loved bumming around Japan. I already knew enough Japanese to get by (been teaching myself since high school), but not enough to carry a basic conversation or to even get hired (by passing the JLPT at an N2 or higher). I learned how to live VERY frugally and enjoyed it! Don Quijote (a discount store) was one of my main go to stores! Supermarkets at half price deli time were ways I could eat on the cheap (one time $10 got me breakfast and dinner for 3 days - I mostly always skipped lunch as I was never really hungry then anyways). Slept in hostels that were very reasonable in price. I felt the most relaxed I had EVER felt in my whole life… I felt calm… I felt what being in love was like… I felt like I had actually found a place where life sort of made sense. Public transportation that got to places on a reasonable time and affordable still?? Food that was cheap AND healthy?? A variety of things to do in just one city alone?? Festivals and events taking place almost every time you turned around?? It was like finding heaven! Sure, the country still has its own problems and issues, no place is perfect… but I’ve always been told since I’ve been back that my whole demeanor lights up whenever I talk about the place.I never wanted to leave! I still want to go back! If it were easy to move, I’d go this second! But there’s always the pesky issue of a work visa isn’t there? … And while I’ve looked into English teaching again, it seems like it’s harder than ever to get a job in that these days. Most big companies have fierce competition to get into (and why on earth would they hire me amongst many others who are probably far more suited than I? Sure I may want it more than any of them, but wanting something doesn’t mean jack in this world - or to hiring managers). Other lesser known companies wouldn’t mind hiring people…. provided they ALREADY have a work visa, because they don’t want to spend the money and sponsor some foreigner without one… and then you have to be aware of the scam places… the ones that want you to work on your tourist visa waiver (illegal). But, leave I had to… crying as I kissed my love goodbye, the two of us heartbroken at the departure at the bus stop taking me to the airport. We still are in contact, and in fact, we’ve Skype chatted almost every single day since I had been back (for about 3 months now).Which then leads me to: I finally came back… And I almost immediately fell right back into the deep depression I had suffered before leaving. Though I had fun, learned new things, got more familiar with the culture I had always read about and the place I dreamed about visiting… I was still lost… I had no idea what I was going to do next… I wanted so badly to hop back on the next plane and go see my love again. To just go back, stay as an illegal, and be their house-spouse for the rest of my days… or until they graduated and will probably go back to their home country of Malaysia…After about a month being back, I finally got readjusted from the grand adventure I had experienced, to the same depressing life that I left behind… I slept most days, cried others, and all around felt like I was dying inside. I put on a brave face for my love when we chat, but sometimes it’s like sticking a dagger in my heart knowing I’m not with them. When the adjustment period was done, and the pain subsided, I reached back out to my old consulting agency and they said they’d see what they could find and asked how my “world travels” went… I lied a bit… said I saw the world (something I still want to do), that I started in Europe in the Scandinavian countries and worked my way down, went over to India, and finally over to South East Asia and ended my journey in Japan for 2.5 months. I still have every intention of traveling the world, but it wouldn’t sound nearly as impressive if I said what had really happened. It also doesn’t help that we live in a world where taking time off of work and having a gap in work history is so shunned and looked down upon so harshly! Unreasonably harshly! So, I didn’t travel when I was in my early 20’s… I didn’t have ANY MONEY at that point in my life! I don’t think most normal people did! Many probably didn’t mind going into debt to pay for the traveling / got help from mommy and daddy / were rich / had family that also liked to travel and not stay in one State forever!So while I did lie about having traveled the world, what was the alternative? Say I traveled for 2.5 months but before that was a caretaker to a friend, and sold off most of my possessions? Unfortunately, the truth just doesn’t sound as impressive to a hiring manager / HR … in fact, as I’ve been learning through the few interviews I’ve been getting, even taking a year to travel (real or not) is still something of a negative! Sure, you get told the “wow”s and “I wish I could have done that”s and “oh cool!! where all did you go?”s… but there are still plenty who feel that world travel and broadening your mind to other cultures is impressive but um… “so, what have you been doing to keep your skills relevant?”… um, what do you expect someone who had been traveling … to do? My thought would be “broadening your horizons and seeing the many wonderful sites of the world” NOT “well, I saw Shibuya for a day, but otherwise I holed myself up in the hostel taking online courses in X coding language for the rest of the week!” …. I mean, what would be anyone’s expectation of someone who had just been travelling?However, there was some truth to it… ok, I wasn’t traveling the world the whole time, but during my down time before hand, I had actually been watching online tutorials, learning to create my own website, and seeing if this is truly a career path I actually want to pursue. But as soon as Japan hit, I just took that time to simply enjoy myself.The consulting agency said both places I had worked for were looking for people again so I said I was interested (I wasn’t, but I wanted to get rid of the gap in work history with more work)…. They eventually said both positions got closed but they would be on the lookout for another position elsewhere (haven’t heard from them since)… I took the job search into my own hands, applied to jobs on LinkedIn, posted resume to Monster, Indeed, Career Builder… Got a lot of emails from a place called idctechnologies that sometimes feel scammy… I also told another branch of my old agency I was interested in positions outside of Florida (in most any state for that matter)… Got calls from from a few such as Virginia, Texas, and Iowa… Most never went beyond a call from the recruitment agency. A handful I got an actual interview with places (phone interviews and two in-person ones), none of them have lead anywhere… And I don’t know what it is I’m doing wrong… the only thing I lie about is my gap year, when it comes to experience, I’m 100% honest. I feel like I’m pleasant and nice to the one interviewing me… I don’t know if it’s lack of skills, lack of work experience, the two gaps on my resume, my age (now 29), etc… I don’t know what I keep doing wrong… or if I’m doing something wrong… we’ll never get an honest answer… either I never hear back, or I’m told “we went with someone more qualified” whatever that really meas per instance…But apart from that, living back at home with this highly toxic and negative family makes me want to take just ANY position so I can leave! Heck, I’ve applied to retail places! I don’t even care at this point if I can barely make ends meet and I have to find a roommate online! I can’t keep staying here! Things here are soooo bad and they just keep getting worse. The hoarding, the constant put downs, the heat of Florida, the lack of good public transit, the cost of living, everything it seems! My grandfather was given maybe a few more years left to live by his doctor because he has some sort of blockage build up in one of his main throat arteries that I guess would be too risky for surgery. My grandmother has had so many near misses with death it’s not funny. From blacking out, to not breathing, to a bleeding ulcer that almost wasn’t caught in time, and now my aunt who’s uninsured (same as me), is having god knows what going wrong for almost the last year and some odd now where her hand feels numb, her feet are in constant pain, and she always feels exhausted and says “everything on me just hurts”… she keeps reminding me every chance she gets that she doesn’t feel she has “that much longer to go” and she only just turned 49.On top of all this… I don’t even know what it is I REALLY, TRULY WANT to do in life… I’ve always been an over-analyzer. I’ve always been told “do it right the first time and then you wont have to go back and do it again”, I was never allowed to join clubs or try out various activities. I was always given a video game or some other Disney movie to keep me occupied and out of their hair, and they were the only worlds I could escape to growing up. I wish I had spent more of that time looking up skills online and stuff, but… I didn’t… didn’t have the self-confidence… didn’t have the motivation… most days even as a pre-teen to teen to young adult I just kept thinking “I’d be better off dead… I’m too scared to kill myself, but maybe a freak accident will kill me and take me away from all this… maybe I’ll finally get the courage to kill myself…”. There were times I’d plan it all out too, but in the end it was just suicidal ideation. If I’m honest, I never even thought I would live to see today! Of all the freak accidents, or people who got cancer, or some other unfortunate event, I thought that the grim reaper would hear my pleas with him at night and come take me away while I slept or would arrange one of those accidents for me. I would even “bargain” and say things like “don’t take someone who loves life and has a bright future ahead of them… take me in their place… I don’t belong here, but they do!” … I still feel that way honestly… From a young age I’ve felt my birth was a mistake… that I’m not supposed to be here… that my mother should never have had me… that I don’t fit in… that I’ll never find what truly makes me happy and where I belong.Even now I wonder… why am I getting upset at not finding a job? sure I want to move far away from here as fast as I can but… say if I got that job in another state… what’s to say it won’t end up like the other jobs I’ve had? Toxic environment aside… I don’t even know if this is a career path that make me happy… I don’t enjoy coding… I don’t spend my free time studying it… I don’t even care what flavor-of-the-month coding language is out there now! But… what else would I do?… Even if I had an idea of career path… go back to school? for how many more years? draining my savings and then what? compete for entry level jobs with people about a decade younger than I? And HR is going to choose who again? So would it even be worth it?And if not continuing this career path and not going back to school… then what? start my own business? doing what? freelance? doing what? retail/dead end jobs until I die? maybe… if I don’t keep getting rejected for being overqualified… or even the work gaps! … keep applying for places until my immediate family is dead, I run out of savings and end up homeless on the street? This is most likely what will happen actually… in fact it’s a reality I foresaw many years ago, but everyday it keeps coming closer to a reality. It terrifies me… but I don’t know what to do… some say follow your passion….what is my passion? do I even have one? … other say follow the money because it gives you security… I’ve followed IT for money… I would probably end up being fired eventually because of my lack of interest… despite what people say, I do believe there needs to be SOME enjoyment to what you do, and the size of a paycheck just doesn’t do it for everyone… I guess I’m one of them… But, in this economy and world you’re either rich and have no worries or you forever struggle and will never know joy until you die working because you can’t afford basic needs like high rent, insanely high insurance, and have no money left over to put into a retirement account so you can never retire! However, if you’re working something you enjoy, that’s not all that bad in the grand scheme of things…But I swear I wasn’t built with a passion… or a drive… or ambition… or maybe that was a result of my nurture, who knows… but I feel empty inside… Sure, people will say “everyone’s got a passion”, and I guess that might be true of me… there are paths I think are interesting… they’re just the creative paths that don’t pay well, and unless you’re famous are “better left as a hobby”… I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a comedian, an actor, a voice actor, a cartoonist, a novelist, a writer, a polygot, a script writer for movies / cartoons / video games… If there’s one activity I do enjoy doing it is writing… and thinking… and reading random articles on the internet and learning what, in a normal directed path in life would be great starting info for a career, is useless patches of information from various subjects from psychology, philosophy, life hacks, finance, etc. you name it! About the ONLY class I enjoyed in college was Basic French 1–3 and Intermediate French 1 & 2 (I didn’t even NEED to do intermediate! I just like languages, and grammar, and words).I also like coming up with stories. I’ve written anything from poetry to short stories, to scripts, to poorly drawn but funny written comics (at least they were funny to the other kids in high school). But none of that stuff pays the bills unless you’re SUPER lucky! Heck, there are people who got books to best sellers’ lists but barely made a dime off of them! Every now and then you get a freak happenstance like J.K. Rowling or Stephen King, but even other very famous authors of the past didn’t actually live off of their writings. And to break into any of the other fields like script writing, comics, etc. is damn near impossible! I’ve read about med students and engineers having a tough time finding work, and they’re in society’s precious STEM fields… What chance would I even have breaking into a creative field? Heck, I might not even be as good as I think I am at that… Or I might be, but I don’t have the right connections! Who knows! But knowing my luck … it’ll never work out… and I don’t mean that to sound pessimistic, I mean it to sound realistic… sure someone could pep talk and say “you never know!”, but probability says otherwise.Which leaves me with no career direction, no clue what I even want to do in life, no job that I’ve been able to pretend I’m happy in without eventually causing a breakdown, living at home at 29, will probably never even see the inside of an office again because of a stupid gap in work experience, and will most likely end up homeless and dead at a young age because of it… now I ask you… what hope is there for me? what would you do in this exact same situation? I’ve bared my soul… save for identifying names and details, shared all that I could about my life… I’m at a point where I just feel like I’m ready to check out, because why keep going through all this? Why keep torturing myself being here when it’s clear any hope for a bright future is just not in my cards and probably never was?What is your honest life advice?