Strategies For Children 3 12 With An Fetal Alcohol Spectrum: Fill & Download for Free

Photo courtesy of Sterling Clarren, M.D. (Brain on the left: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome aka FAS. Brain on the right: not alcohol exposed.)Frankly, I have been avoiding answering this question because the answer is bone crushing for both the parents and the child… and for me. Raising a child who has a FASD to adulthood can put unbelievable stress on a marriage, can crush those who don’t know what they are doing, and crush the child whose parents believe that love is enough. Parents have written books to answer this very question.A very important piece of information to know is that this is a spectrum. Only 10% of children born with a fetal alcohol syndrome disorder have the signature facial traits, lower I.Q., (but usually not retarded) and small head. They are frequently beautiful children so people don’t notice these traits. The other 90% who have FASD, which is not a diagnosis, have no distinguishable physical traits so it is a completely hidden disorder. However, whether a person has FAS or the FASDs, all still have the same core problems that include cognitive and behavioral disorders and learning problems.As a parent you will need to learn strategies to help them to conquer the overwhelming hurdles they face. Our daughter failed pre-school and kindergarten twice. She desperately wanted to be with other children to interact, but was too afraid to be left alone. So, I sat in the back of the room at the teacher’s request for one year. When she finally got into first grade, she had a nervous breakdown. I had to drive to the school to carry her limp body home. These children are extremely fragile. It took a year for her to recover.Major life changes to accommodate our childrenSince there was no appropriate or safe school for our child, we sold our home and relocated 3000 miles to a state that had specialized private schools funded at 100% by the state. Out-of-pocket expenses would have been $40,000 per year until 12th grade in our home state. This was all part of raising a child with FAS. If the child can’t make the adjustment, the parent has to. Or as we usually say: Since you can’t change the child, you have to change the environment.Medical and other issuesSevere medical issues can cause an additional neverending rollercoaster for the entire family. These are not just financial concerns. Watching your children, teens, and young adults suffer physically will break your heart. My heart has been repeatedly broken as a mother and a counselor for parents raising children with FASDs. Only recently I dared to ask the question: What is the average lifespan of individuals with FASDs? Studies conclude: thirty-four-years-old. Our daughter just turned thirty-four. As parents, we already see the signs. And here we thought our biggest fear was how will our adult children navigate their lives without us? Who will manage their finances?Are there those with FASDs who make it in life?Only about 5% of adults who have FASD will ever be high functioning. I have seen a few unicorns who beat the odds, but they emotionally paid a very high price. Remember that their central nervous systems have also been compromised so good luck finding a real career that isn’t stressful. They, too, have had to conquer learning disabilities that made learning so over-the-top difficult.Parents be advised. Always keep the future in mind.Keep a detailed paper trail of all records, especially school and medical records. You will need all the ammunition you can muster to fight for S.S.I. when your child reaches 18. Keep duplicates when you do file because most of us have had the experience of having the government somehow lose this mound of records at least two or three times. Know that S.S.I. is retroactive to the date you filed. Also, I never hired a lawyer. Waste of money. I knew I would fight harder than they.Parenting Advice:For the first 6 years, I had to give up my career. These are 24/7 babies, toddlers, children, and teens. Once they were in school, I went into teaching high school so I could have the same hours. Even with one child, my husband and I lost date night. We couldn’t leave this child with just any babysitter. It took quite some time before we found an adult who could handle such a high maintenance and frighteningly fearless child. When we moved closer to family, my mother gained expertise with FAS by babysitting our child. She was a nursery school teacher and mother to 3 rambunctious boys. She adores her grandchild. But when we went away for our first weekend in 7 years, on the first night we got a phone call. He had gotten an earache, heard the word “doctor” and then began to flail his legs and hands at my mother. She was so frightened that we had to come home.You can’t just be a good parent with these kids and adults. You have to be an expert. Be willing to sacrifice your entire life. Our strategy was to buy one year at a time. Also, we had better outcomes by keeping our young adult at home until at least age twenty-five or even thirty-years-old.You have to be able to ignore the teachers, family members, and neighbors who say you are a bad parent because the usual parenting strategies just don’t work. Always keep in mind: they won’t get it so you will be blamed. Learn to blow off those who haven’t walked in your shoes.Know that if you don’t know what you are doing, things will definitely spiral completely out of control. And even if you know what you are doing, you can still lose control during the teenage years when their friends are more important than you. That’s when my hair began to show signs of white streaks.It is also tough to realize that for most of our children with FASDs that they need us, but don’t love us. They have very low empathy. The good news is that they don’t hold grudges for long. Yesterday’s crisis or what happened an hour ago is history, even though the parent is still reeling from the event. Their attitude is, “Oh, that. It’s over.” Meanwhile, the parent is trying to recover from the shockwaves before the next crisis.A parent learning for the first time about his son’s FAS diagnosis. This conversation sums up outcomes with FAS.I had a recent phone call from a very articulate father who had just gotten custody of his 3 children from his ex- wife. He told me that his one son has a definite diagnosis of FAS. That immediately told me that the mother is an alcoholic. This was probably the only time that I made the mistake of telling a parent more than he could hear in one call. Usually the mother calls. He thought that he wanted straight answers to his questions and did not want to be coddled.His first question: “Will my son be able to go to college?” Answer: No. Pause. “Will he be able to support a family?” Answer: No. “Should he parent a child and have a family?” No.Long pause and then: “ Can you give me some good news or hope?”I asked, “Were your other children exposed to the same levels of alcohol?”His answer, “Yes.” A very long pause from me and then the worst blow of all. “You need to consider the strong possibility that the other children have FASD.”This man had just remarried. I am still grieving for the entire family. The diagnosing doctor probably didn’t know enough about FAS to tell him anything useful.M.D.s and mental health professionalsI spent eight years doing grand rounds at hospitals in New York City teaching doctors, psychiatrists, and other health professionals about FASDs. They received continuing education credits. Most of them were dumbstruck at the end of the grand round. Some realized that they had patients who demonstrated the behavioral and cognitive problems described. I had hired a techie who has FAS to help me with equipment. Many doctors surrounded him to ask questions. They didn’t see all the facial and body traits I had just taught them. It takes a trained eye to spot FAS. The doctors all enjoyed this young man’s fast wit and humor, but their questions were deftly left unanswered.My experience is that most doctors and mental health professionals will not be able to give you accurate information. That is why you, as a parent, must become an expert.Parenting AdviceBabies: Let them sleep with you at night if necessary. They need your body contact. Avoid loud sounds, strong smells, and bright lights. Be aware that these babies -some even beyond their teen years-have sensory problems. Shampooing their hair might hurt. They will find food textures annoying to the point that they won’t eat. Have them wear soft clothing with tags at the back removed. Don’t let them out of your sight for a second. Our 13-month-old climbed up our backyard trellis to the top of our roof before he could walk. He also climbed over the wall that was supposed to be a barrier for a large pool that belonged to our next door neighbor.My best advice? Stimulate them from the very beginning: This is an opportunity to begin to strengthen their brains. Tickle them. Play airplane. Have them use all their muscles in play activities. At night use a calming technique of gently stroking their prone bodies from head to toe with your fingernails. This will soothe them and calm them down. In fact, use this technique whenever you see their stress levels begin to rise. One young man, in his late teen years, taught his girlfriend to do this for him.Older children: the danger years.At ten he had a friend come over for a sleepover. I always did this so I could observe the other child. I needed to know that his friends were safe influences. This one wasn’t. For fun they decided to throw rocks at a Mercedes in our neighborhood to see who could put a bigger dent in the car. Of course, our insurance didn’t cover this. By the ages of 12 to 13, they are fascinated with matches. My child and a friend set a waste paper basket on fire and ruined the rug. I did warn the other mother to keep a good eye on them. She was very gracious. Caveat: you are responsible for anything destructive that your child does until the age of 18.At twelve, he climbed to the top of a huge tree in front of our house while balancing on a swaying limb. He was waving to me while I watched from our third floor. This wasn’t fearlessness. It was lack of judgment. I stood there for a second in horror and then ran. I ended up having to call the fire department to get him down.For babies, toddlers, and children: Watch out for their stress levels. They will bang their heads extremely hard on a floor or cement wall because they don’t have coping mechanisms.CHILDREN: Be on guard that this is when they begin to steal and lie. Now, this is when the parenting paradigm shift really occurs. Stay calm. Don’t criticize. Never scold or yell. Those strategies will only escalate what is happening or the child or teen will rage, flight or flee. Once they have calmed down, you can talk about what happened. Role play such as asking “How would you feel if Johnny took your favorite toy? Let’s give it back to him.” (Be aware of how the other child's parent will react.) Finesse as necessary. Very important: Make it safe to tell the truth.We always let our child know that there wouldn't be any punishment for telling us the truth, and we kept our word. But we now knew what to look out for. Know that they have a keen sense of fairness, especially when it applies to them.ADHD: I know of very few cases in which a child or teen with FASDs doesn’t have what appears to be or is ADHD. If Ritalin or Adderall etc., works, then do it. If the pediatrician doesn’t cooperate, find another M.D. who will prescribe it. You will see a real difference if the medication works. Appropriate age? About 7. You will know within 3 days if it works.FAS: Ear infections. Most M.D.s are unaware that children with FAS have deformed eustachean tubes, so their ears can’t drain when they have a cold or water in their ears. Screaming babies can’t tell you what is wrong. Antibiotics should be kept on hand in your refrigerator at all times if you see this pattern or you will end up in the emergency room for hours unattended with a baby or child in excruciating pain. When they are older, consider tubes in the ears to keep them off antibiotics.Avoid triggers: What you want to avoid is anything that can escalate into a full-blown temper tantrum or rage. These rages can be frightful.Triggers: Stress, fear, schedule changes, frustration, criticism, the word “No”. Going to the doctor can be a huge trigger. Doctors equal shots. Dentists? Find one that specializes with children and forewarn the dentist. Be there in the room. Surgeries? Insist on being in the room! We lost an entire year because of one surgery. All the behaviors regressed.What works? Quiet time-out; redirect; distractions; bribery. You need to be imaginative or know what your child really wants so you can achieve your goal.How do these children learn? Repetition, repetition, repetition. Positive rewards for real successes. Good role modeling. One direction at a time. Be concrete. Know that they will forget everything tomorrow. So repeat. Be patient.What do they need? Structure, structure, structure and many social opportunities. They crave friends.Questions parents often ask:Should I seek out a therapist? Remind yourself that these children and teens are very good manipulators. You will end up being the bad guy. My advice? Read everything you can get your hands on. NOFAS is a good site. If you can find a real FAS counseling clinic, you have a rare find. FAS only recently got in the DSM V so it is barely taught in psychology graduate programs or M.D. programs yet. It depends on what state you live in. Minnesota and Washington state? You’ve hit the jackpot. For unbelievable disability benefits, the best kept secret for people with FASDs is Wisconsin. (Mothers from different states can be a great resource.)If the child has suffered trauma, then you need to deal with that. Be aware that there are very few real FAS or trauma experts out there. In my experience professionals say they have experience in FAS or trauma. When vetted properly, they can’t even answer basic questions.Any advice about school? If your son or daughter has real trouble with the multiplication table, cursive writing, homework, etc., ditch it- especially if he or she has a FAS diagnosis. The math part of the brain has been badly damaged with FAS, so even simple math is a real problem. Don’t fret. They can learn how to use a calculator. Fine motor problems? It’s not worth the stress to learn cursive writing. Stress levels too high because of homework? Tell the teacher why homework wasn’t finished. Many parents refuse any kind of homework. It really depends upon the child. Do teach your child’s teacher and school counselors about FASDs. They need to understand why you are digressing from the rules. You will also need a comprehensive I.E.P. that addresses your child’s unique problems. Know that school districts don’t want to pay for services you are entitled to.What should be my goal? Your goal is to teach your child life skills, how to socialize with other children, to be a person with integrity, and to survive the teenage and young adult years intact. All the rest will be the wonderful surprises that can occur with Neuroplasticity. There are some spectacular cognitive re-wirings that occur somewhere around the age of 25-years-old. Also, you also do not want to be a grandmother. In all likelihood, you will be raising your own grandchildren.We now know that these grandchildren have damaged DNA, even if your daughter did not drink during that pregnancy. There is an epigenetic effect that grandparents are now seeing with their grandchildren and scientists are seeing in mice.Your goal is also to avoid secondary disabilities. Know that these children are “moths driven to the flame” when it comes to alcohol. They need to self-medicate to calm down their central nervous system. Once they are 18-years-old, you can’t force them to take medications. I wish we could have kept our teenager on Zoloft. There was much less anxiety and stress while on this medication. We are concerned that she may self-medicate. This is why we insist that he not work more than twenty-six hours per week based on previous work experience. We are paying for most of the living expenses. No one can live only on S.S.I. It doesn’t even cover the cost of a basement apartment.Are there any co-existing disorders that can be part of the FASD picture? If adopted, watch out for trauma and/or RAD. Other diagnoses that can co-occur adopted or not could include ODD, OCD, bi-polar or others. Be aware that there is a degree of what appears to be obsessive behaviors and oppositional defiance within the FASD diagnosis itself. It doesn’t mean the child has OCD or ODD. If the child does have a real Oppositional Defiance Disorder, I have never had any success with these children, so I didn’t take on more cases. Also, these children/adults have broken circadian clocks. They want to stay up at night and sleep during the day. Factor that in. Part-time night jobs seem to a good solution.Will my child have any special talents? Yes! Absolutely. Our “child”, who is now an adult, has an unusual artistic bent. She can look at a painting and analyze exactly why it does or doesn't work. Her photography is exceptional. Problem? No follow-through without structure. Try to build on these talents if possible. If you can raise a confident child to adulthood, you may have a FASD success story. We do.What do you as a parent need? Respite. If you are not in good shape, the entire family will falter. Prioritize. A clean house is not a primary or even a secondary goal.Where can I find a support group? There is an excellent support group on Facebook called “ Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Support.” Join and ask questions. There are experts usually available. These veteran adoptive mothers have raised their children to adulthood. They are also frequently FAS advocates for their respective states.

This post is a draft, as time permits, I will do my best to edit so that the material allows the reader to efficiently define the scope of required background knowledge to understand ASD and beyond…If there was a booger of high viscosity, dull green in color with near white perimeter concealing a solid crusty spherical core placed inside my cheeseburger, I’m the type who would rather not know during or after I eat it.Philosophically speaking, the booger exists ONLY if I see the booger or exists if I was informed about the booger. My booger laced cheeseburger story is a metaphor for my experience as a man at age 38 years 11 months with high likelihood of having undiagnosed high-functioning autism[1] (currently called autism spectrum disorder, ASD[2] , DSM-5 ).This Novel of an answer is writen with the intention to convey my experience during 4 phases. I borrowed Jared Tendler’s material from his book The Mental Game of Poker: Proven Strategies For Improving Tilt Control, Confidence, Motivation, Coping with Variance, and More[3] . I credit studying No Limit Texas Holdem Poker as THE primary reason I became the person I am today, completely present in the moment with highly elevated intuition.http://www.pokerbooks.lt/books/en/The_Mental_Game_of_Poker_%20Jared_Tendler.pdfLevel 1 — Unconscious Incompetence. You don’t even know what you don’t know. A person in the state of being unaware.Level 2 — Conscious Incompetence. Now you’ve become conscious of what you don’t know. But that doesn’t make you skilled, it just means you know what skills you need to improve. Becoming conscious happens from either your own insight or insight that is shared with you by someone else.Level 3 — Conscious Competence. If you’ve reached this level, it means you’ve done some work and/or have had enough repetition to gain some skill. The only catch is that in order to be skilled, you need to think about what you’ve learned … otherwise, you return to being incompetent.Level 4 — Unconscious Competence. At this level, you’ve learned something so well that it is now totally automatic and requires no thinking.Unconscious Competence is the Holy Grail of learning, and by far the most important concept in this book.Imagine for a moment if you will, being unable to communicate without the necessity to analyze if your thoughts are socially acceptable in nearly every interaction.In order for me to be socially accepted, I’m not allowed to be myself 98% of the time because of the influence resulting from others. I’m a Canadian Citizen born and raised without freedom. Freedom is granted to society governed under a particular set of rules. From observing society, it seems the majority’s way of thinking is naturally programmed without objection over their lifetime. “Normal” people, making up the majority, share a set of common traits deemed appropriate and expected. I belong to a minority group of people whose traits are often interpreted as inappropriate and unexpected making me more difficult to control. Through observation and imitation, I tricked members of society, and my self I suppose, that I too was “normal”. I got really good at adapting my image depending on the environmental socilly acceptable manurisms, quickly and accuretly (Level 4 — Unconscious Competence)determining how to induce a sense of feeling understood by those I interacted with, for the purpose of my genuine desire to form meaningful relationships with any and all people. There’s no greater feeling for me than after I successfully can help another human being feel noticed and understood.Origins of my uncommon desire to participate as a socialite despite the instinctive stress and anxiety during Level 1 Unconscious Incompetence devided between personal choice and manditory obligational componentsPersonal Choice Component:From birth, my desire was the love of my mother. Only she was capable of triggering my mental reward system with a surge of OXYTOCIN. To this day, I’ve come to realize my relentless desire for Oxycontin secreting experiences. Subconsciously I realized I was in competition for my mothers attention. With three boys to raise, full-time work waitressing at a local popular franchise restaurant, writting letters/telephone conversations with family she missed dearly overseas, time for R&R on the couch watching Indian programs, time she invested as a religious woman praying in her homemade shrine and regular temple visits, regular family obligations inevitable living in a 2 family household, my family and my dad’s older brother’s family; my aunt and my 3 cousins (2 boys and the lone girl Preeti), along with extended family functions and Calendar holiday celebrations. The most relevant fact impacting my life is my mother’s lifelong battle with manic depression. I have countless memories of seeing my mom sick in bed regularly crying for long stretches of time, parimedics coming to the house to transport her via ambulance many times accompanied by the police who would question my father investigating possible domestic abuse. Comicly, if there was any domestic abuse it was my father on the recieving end. This was all very confusing as a high-functioning autistic child.My only memories of feeling a bond between us was after I was bad and was punished. Due to our cultural influence and the way things were in the 80’s for 1st generation indo-canadian boys with parents immigrating from Punjab India, discipline for misbehavior was typically being slapped by your father, but in my household, my mother was the disciplinary. The pattern was thisI throw a tantrumget threatened and verbally attacked by my mom(she would have these ragefull eyes, cheeks would be sucked inward while her right hand raised signalling a upcomming smack)She would take out her frustration out by holding up my left hand with hers thus exposing my body so she could slap me with her right handWhen free, i’d run to my room, place the covers over my head an cry, gasping for airNot too soon after, the room would light up as she sympathetically entered my room to console me, appologize, kiss and hug me, then tuck me inMy tears would be whipped away and I would feel safe and loved (Oxytocin release)This was the only time, from memory, that I was able to quickly fall into deep sleep.Two unforgettable experiences of being lost crying terrified unable to find mom. Once in a shopping mall wandering off after my mom let go my hand to look through clothing rack first thing as you entered the shop. We were within view of the children mall playground. I started a tantrum wanting to go but my mom wasnt done shopping. Somehow I mistakenly walked out into the mall thinking a stranger was my mother, I believe. When I turned to realize I was alone, panic set in. The noise from people’s steps, sound of the crowds conversations all mashed as one noise signal, the lines created from grout inbetween the floor tiles, the blinding glare from the lights overhead when looking upward in search for my mother. Meanwhile i’m crying clearly lost. I ended up near the children playground when a security guard took me into his protection. While strangers are attempting to calm me down, I see mom frantically running toward me. As we walked off, she was really mad that I wandered off. and the other entering the elevator of our family doctors building oblivious that my aunt was not behind me only after the doors had shut. Alone with echoes of me crying watching the floor numbers light on and off until suddenly the door opened before my aunt squished me in relief that I was safe and back to her.You may ask what this anecdotes has to do with answering the question at hand…Like I stated above, the typical catalyst for being disciplined was after throwing a TANTRUM. Recent understanding of myself has revieled the source for said tantrums was because I had undiagnosed high-functioning autism. Memories and stories from family w.r.t. my childhood is filled with tearfilled tantrums, especially in public, because I want a toy. Runner-up would be getting in trouble after just having fun in my unique way (mostly involved making a big mess). Inevitably the sequence detailed above would follow.On my very first morning of kindergarten I recognized a familiar sight. I noticed a kid, coincedtly of the same cultural background, crying standing alone. Simultaneously my mother was conversing with an elderly woman who turned out to be the crying kid’s grandmother. I completely empathized with the scared kid because I was that kid the year previous while enrolled in preschool. I cried everyday after my mother left before preschool class began. I had an unusual feeling of accomplishment not crying this day. I approached the kid to introduce myself. Instantly he stopped crying and soon both of us were laughing as children do. This was the start of the friendship between my bestfriend and I throught our school years, 5–18 years of age. To this day we still call each other best friends but our lives have drifted apart sadly. He was a chubby kid, scared of everything and everyone. He was an easy victim to bullying. He lacked confidence and had low self-esteem. But he was the funniest, naturally talented person who had something special. He just needed someone to protect him until he was ready to become the man he was destined to become. He looked up to me, so I had the motivation to not disappoint.ENTER THE ERA OF CONSCIOUS INCOMPETANCE, MY SILENT DAILY BATTLERefusal to fall victim to physical and emotional abuse outside of home I endured a mentally gruelling lifestyle. I now know why I suffered insomnia throughout elementry and highschool. My mind never stopped with thinking about stress from the past and anxiety of the future. Equally as detrimental was my Sensory Processing Disorder. I could hear every little sound, extremely sensitive to light, temperature variance caused constant bouts with illness. I could not stand to feel the slightest varience in the thickness felt by clothing and beddings. When I would finally fall asleep, suddenly I’d find myself smashing the snooze button before finally being forced to get up as everyother sibling was in the car. I’d rush out miserable, great way to start the day. I’m called lazy, inconsiderate of others, covinced i’m selfish and not good enough.I lacked the ability for MINDFULNESS during this time. As a result, when watching people act the way they did in a specific environment, I never comprehended the ability to understand the WHY for their actions, I just accepted them. I new I was different. I understood that if I wanted to be accepted by others, I had to learn the pattern of behaviors that defined a person; nerds, victims, bullies, cool popular, weak, feared, etc. My “class” was the school playground, characters from television sit-coms, and hollywood/bollywood movie stars. During elementry school, i was quite, the nice guy, I was popular with friends from each grade level despite being in the 1st grade. My parents allowed me freedom to go out to play without supervision. The neighbourhood kids all spent free time in our local park, 1 block from my house. I got oxytocin and attention more from my friends than from my family. I was comfortable socially only when with 1 friend at a time. It allowed me to block out everything outside of our fun.Highschool was very difficult. Social skills are extremely important for success. I discovered a substance that transformed me into a social butterfly, ALCOHOL! Alcohol allowed me to dominate socially. The only time I left the house was when drinking. Otherwise what was the point. I drank to have fun and allow me to be social, never for any other reason. Recently I came to understand the main reason alcohol served me so positively. I was allowed to be myself because we were drinking. I was accepted for the real me when alcohol was involved. Without it, if I attempted to be myself, I was rejected. Even though I said the same things and acted the same with and without booze, booze made it ok.I was anti-drugs, purley never imagining my mother’s disappointment had she ever found out. The thought of her seeing me sniff a line of cocaine was unbearable, so I was the drunk guy, no drugs. At 26, after an emotional break-up, I was introduced to MDMA. For 5 years, I popped M nearly every single weekend while partying at a local club playing underground progressive house music. I credit MDMA as being responsible for transforming me, from the typical stereotype of an Aspie lacking empathy, into a Highly-Sensitive human, with extrordinary intuition, nearly identically described by how one defines an Empath. I became a different person after my MDMA era. I was nicer, empathetic, mindful, and capable of making others and also feeling loved. The club was filled all kinds of people, people who previously I judged, looked down on , showed hate toward. All of that changed. I never witnessed a fight in 5 years. I met so many different people, and realized we are all the same. To this day, I consider every human being as trully equal. Prior to MDMA, I was unable to be mindful of others. We fear what we dont understand. Now, I have learned an unusual Level 4 Unconscious Competence to quickly understand people regargless of how long i’ve known them. I’ve been working toward my purpose in life, spread awareness to as many people as possible so they may benefit from my wide-range of lived experiences from the point-of-view of both an Aspie and a Neurotypical.Anyone is capable of learning most any material available. What I now understand is no answer to this question will have any impact on any person who reads it without sharing personal lived experience with the author of each answer. My experience indicates that if anyone reading my answer or any other will gain no benefit until they put in the effort to search for answers on their own. I have provided personal experience to potentially shift the reader from Level 1 — Unconscious Incompetence to Level 2 — Conscious Incompetence. That is the most anyone can expect to gain from my post. It is up to you if you have motivation or curiousity to achieve Level 3 — Conscious Competence thru time and effort. I promise you, if you reach and exceed this toward the ultimate gift of Level 4 — Unconscious Competence you will have risen your frequency on the Pursuit to Happiness.Let me warn you, nothing in life is free. Below is a small list of the repurcusions I faced on my journy. In 3 short years, I progressed from Level 1 to Level 3 with many specific abilities now at Level 4 resulting from hardships faced. I do not wish any other human being ever put themselves at risk. Please trust my advice by having faith in my recommendations on the order to take the leap (work in progress… details will be added as time permits).I became aware, at 36 years of age, that I have un-diagnosed ASD. This discovery is the #1 reason for the last 3 years of my life being highlighted as follows:Dependence on hard drugs truthfully as attempted self-medicationThe accumulation of traumatic details of my life personally contributed to my susceptibility to addictionGabor Mate[4] is the single most accurate professional in the field of mental illness, chronic disease and addiction whose opinion regarding the root cause are verified in my opinion based on lived experience.Losing my family mostly due to cultural beliefs and image7 different nights incarcerated in prisonSigning a Peace Bond after alleged assault against my mother, concurrently while a 1 year duration released on bail with court ordered list of restrictions, failure to comply punishable by up to 4 years imprisonmentExperiencing 3 years’ homelessness after my mother knowingly had me arrested, barred from occupying my fathers house, with claims she fears for her saftey, despite the fact she was not even living in the household with my father and IBeing refrained from calling the woman who gave birth to me mom, before she stated how she regreted giving birth to me, she pointed out how I had nothing, I was nothing, and anything I achieved to this point was due to herThree long years experiencing daily rejection from all members of society, victim to police harrassement, discrimination from every business whose services I requestedThirty pound weight loss, unable to afford nutritional requirementsAbandoned and judged by everysingle human being that at one point called me a friend, family, collegue, aquentence, student, teacher, mentor, a role-modelVictim of false accusations of criminal activityVictim to physical assaultBear mace without warning or reasonSuffered fractured facial bones needing plastic surgery unprovoked and yet to have justice served despite knowledge of assalients name and contact informationTwice unnecissarily bitten by police K-9, hospitalized for stitches in both casesFirst infraction facedown wearing tank top and boxer briefs, handcuffed at 3:30am in the backyard of my families property after 10+ officers surrounded me with one announcing “get the dog…” I was in disbelief that any human being could do such an act, suddenly the K-9 and it’s handler charged toward me… The animal licked my leg as I turned my head to the right as far as possible allowing me to see the handler violently yank its leash triggering the German Sheppard to maul me for a full minute with the only sound louder than my screams was hearing my flesh torn from my bodyThe second attack occured again while wearing the same attire, approximetly the same time, but this time I wasnt first punched and thrown to the ground placed in cuffs while the attacking officers knees and elbow crushed down against my spine… unlike scars left from the first attack containing 2 long markings from the K-9’s firm clamp into my flesh, this time my limbs were free to curl into the fetal position resulting in the dog unable to bite deep into me, but his repeated attempts left over 50 puncture wounds covering my left leg this time instead of my right leg like beforeThree experiences suffering overdose from Opiode ingestion1st experience intentially provided unusually potent fentynal without warning despite person involved having knowledge of the threat on my life2nd OD self induced after consuming excessive opiods to knumb sadness stemming from not permited to visit newborn niece, daughter of baby brother3rd life changing experience unkowingly ingesting pshcydelic DMT with memories of hearing my screams in terror before an outer body experience accuretly described by what is called the INFINITE VOID TRIP.Invaluable experience meeting our cities large population of the homeless, mentally ill, addicted members of society who are nothing like the preception provided by the media, hollywood, the government, and the education system.I can go on and on, but I digress… If those of you who have invested interest in this topic, let my post serve as a starting point to a journey of research and education… Links are provided sparingly and bold faced words can be googled to dig deeper in understanding.This post is a draft, as time permits, I will do my best to edit so that the material allows the reader to efficiently define the scope of required background knowledge to understand ASD and beyond…Footnotes[1] High-functioning autism - Wikipedia[2] Autism spectrum - Wikipedia[3] http://www.pokerbooks.lt/books/en/The_Mental_Game_of_Poker_%20Jared_Tendler.pdf[4] Addiction Expert, Speaker and Best-selling Author Dr. Gabor Maté

I am reposting this from a comment that I made to an answer of a similar question. Prior to the 1970’s, gender identity was believed to be a product of social influence. This led to the practice of assigning gender at birth to individuals who were born with indiscriminate sex organs or who were involved in accidents at very young ages, such as botched circumcisions. It was believed that with surgery and hormones any child could be successfully raised any gender. Only after they ruined the lives of these individuals did anyone realize that this was a dangerous and consequential misconception. Since then extensive research has found NO evidence that social factors play a role in our gender identity. Rather, gender identity is a product of our brain sex, which is determined during fetal devel(more)