Co Parenting Agreement: Fill & Download for Free

I believe that my ex husband was a covert Narcissist. I had no information about NPD in the early 1980s when our daughter was born. As both my parents were Narcissists and I was expected to meet their needs, its not surprising that I would feel comfortable in a relationship where I was the nurturer/caretaker and he was unavailable and uninterested in my needs. Our daughter was born in 1981. His brother decided to visit when our daughter was a few weeks old. We lived in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and I was having a difficult time breastfeeding. The baby was crying and his brother started yelling that he couldn’t sleep. I asked my husband to tell his brother to get a hotel room. His response was, “Im not going to choose between you and my brother.”I was expected to take care of all her needs and worked from the time she was 3 months old. He held a low paying telephone sales job during the day and would often play guitar with his buddies at night. He was a 24/7 stoner and lived in his marijuana hazy world content with not taking any initiative or looking beyond the next 24 hours. He was passive aggressive and presented an easy going friendly personality outside the house but once home, had nothing to say and strummed his guitar and stayed stoned. If I asked him to do something that required a little effort, he made it so difficult that of course, I did it myself.Finally, I told him I wanted a separation and that he needed to move out. My daughter was about a year old. He refused and said that I needed to move out. I was so physically worn out from the stress of my relationship, working and staying up at night with a cholically baby, that I didnt have the energy. I finally moved out with my daughter when she was 2.He refused to back up my consequences and discipline as she grew up “Im not going to be the bad guy.” We had a separation agreement whereby I had sole physical custody and shared time with her. I was the one who chauffered, took her to lessons, doctor appointments, cultural and outdoor activities, healthy meals. He was the junk food, 24 hour TV, Dad. She was a willful, Narcissistic child who became an at risk teenager culminating in her landing in juvenile hall. She was in a path to destruction and went to live with her enabling father. I tried to save my daughter who had dropped out of school at age 14, doing drugs, having unprotected sex and having been evicted from their apartment, was living in a seedy motel with her Father. I begged him to help me get her back on the right track. He said “I’m going to let her do whatever she wants, she’s never coming back to you.”This is what a true Narcissist will do. They will sacrifice their child’s life over their anger and resentment of you depriving them of their Narcissistic supply.I had a friend with a similar husband and a young child. She moved out of state. At the time, I thought it was a mistake and that her child might miss her Dad and be resentful when she got older. I didnt realize the repurcussions of staying in the relationship and that I would be resented by my daughter and her father would remain the good guy.I dont know your situation-if your child’s father is NPD-malignant and vengeful or the age of your child. I shared these experiences, in the event that they were similar to yours.There are a number of helpful videos on co-parenting with a Narcissist, Melanie Tonia Evans has great information. Its about setting boundaries and as little contact as possible and its a hell of a lot of work, especially without support.If I had the opportunity to live the experience again I would move away and use the energy to work on discovering why I allowed the Narcissist to be in my life rather than how to deal with the Narcissist. Co-parenting is a nice concept but as you know co- anything is not in a Narcissist’s realm of realty. Life is an individual proposition for them and your child’s well being will never be a priority.Best wishes and take care of yourself.

My now ex wife got caught having an affair with her married co-worker. His wife sent me graphic evidence, and once I knew to look the evidence was everywhere. She proceeded to burn his world down, he moved into a friend’s vacant studio apartment and it wasn’t long before my wife joined him. It didn’t take long for that to fall apart and my wife asked me if she could come home and try to work things out.Why did you forgive your cheating wife?I said yes because we have kids. That’s it. For them, I was willing to give it a try. I set out some conditions and we tried. After two years of trying, we were essentially roommates going through the motions. When I figured out she was seeing her old boyfriend again, I asked her if it wouldn’t be better if we peacefully separated and focused on co-parenting our kids? We could live close and share custody and parenting time equally. Even if she want back to that guy, no grudge on my part, we had tried, it just didn’t work out.Was giving her a 2nd chance worth it?No. When we first separated, I essentially had primary custody, and my relationship with our kids was safe. When we separated the 2nd time, she went back on our verbal agreement to sharing custody and equal parenting time, and went for full custody. She then proceeded to use access to our kids as a tool to improve her divorce settlement. In the end, I had to bribe her to get 30% parenting time. There’s no getting back what she took from me. Had we divorced the first time, I would have had the leverage to force equal parenting time and an equal financial settlement. With no incentive to “win”, it would have been a significantly more peaceful divorce and we probably could have actually co-parented. Something that is nearly impossible now.

No contact. Period. Unless you have kids together and then very limited contact. The co-parenting agreement should be very firm and deter any kind of negotiations or changes, except in the case of an emergency.