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My first reaction to the biggest failure of my life was a combination of anger and numbness. As time went on, I fought to find meaning and purpose in what happened.I’ll get to how I found meaning and purpose later. First, here’s the story of what happened and my initial feelings.February 4, 2014.My life was over. I was entering my living hell.Driving to work today was surreal.I talked to Steve all the way to work, just I like I normally would, but I was in a fog.I went into Starbucks to get my coffee. People are walking around, and they are a blur.Nothing has changed, but everything has changed. I have the same feeling I did when my Dad died. The sun came up just it like it normally does. People are doing what they normally do. And, I think to myself, “How can this be? Touchstone will have to shutdown today. How can you people be normal?“Can’t you see I am dying from the pain!!!”Tucker called me around 8:30AM when I was at Starbucks. He had just found out from Robbie (not his real name) that Robbie was pulling the term sheet. Mind blowing that Robbie didn’t tell him last night!The first words out of Tucker’s mouth were, “Brett, I just spoke to Robbie, and I just want to say thank you.”All I could think was “wow.” I said, “Thank you as well.”“You won’t believe the conversation I had with Robbie. Robbie asked me if I thought he was doing the right thing!”“You’re kidding me. What the hell is wrong with this guy?”Tucker just laughed. “I asked him, ‘Robbie, are you telling me there is still a chance you guys will do the investment?’ Robbie thought about it for about a minute, and then he said, ‘No, I can’t get my partners to move.’”“I am blown away. Who is he kidding?”“Then, Robbie asked me why you and Gill were so mad. I told him that you being mad is obvious because you’re the CEO. I had to explain to him why Gill would be mad.”“This guy is either the most naïve VC ever or the stupidest!” I am really starting to get fired up now. “Who is he kidding? My god, he screws us over and he screws Gill over, gives us no alternatives but to shutdown, and he costs me millions and Gill $10M of his money! Come on!”“You’re right, Brett.”“Well, if he hasn’t hurt himself already with your group he will now.”“Well said.”“Tucker, I appreciate the call. I really enjoyed working with you, and I hope there is some way we can work together going forward.”“Me too. You’ve been great to work with. You are honest, forthright, and I really appreciate your help with understanding Touchstone. If I can ever be a reference, just let me know.”“Thank you. I have a call with the liquidator in a few minutes.”“Well, I know you have to hop off this call, but I agree. I hope we work together as well, and I will call you in a few days.”I am sitting in the parking lot. I get out of my car, and I go into the office.People were packing up their stuff by the time I got in at 8:50AM. It was surreal. This vibrant company, that had been growing revenue and customers at a breakneck pace, was about to dissolve. Everyone involved deserved a better result.We had been fighting with Raul (not his real name) and his venture fund for over one year. Raul and his partners, for reasons I still do not fully understand, blocked every term sheet (five in total) we received.The week prior to Robbie pulling his term sheet, we had stared down certain death. Raul blocked a term sheet that didn’t require any of his money. We were going to shut down the company unless Raul changed his mind.The night Raul blocked the deal, I worked with Silicon Valley Bank showing them why we were going to default on their loan. SVB told me they would call Raul. It was a Hail Mary pass, and I was not optimistic.The next day, during our emergency board meeting to shut down the company, we received word that Raul was backing down. I screamed, “Yes!” at the top of my lungs. Touchstone would survive.Yet, here we were, one week later, dead.Legally we were “suspending operations pending the acquisition of the assets.” I was calm. Maybe that’s what an hour of sleep does; it makes you calm because you are so tired you can’t feel anything.I walked into Barry’s office. Tina was in there already talking to Barry. I put down my briefcase and Tina left. Barry and I talked for a few minutes, and I told Barry that Richard was supposed to call any second.We waited, and finally Richard called. It is the first time I had spoken with him. Barry was right; Richard is a curmudgeon. You can just hear it in his voice. Richard loves to talk, and he explains the process. Barry and I already know the process, so this is kind of worthless. But Richard loves to talk, and he just kept talking and talking.9:15AM. Richard arrives. He looks like a curmudgeon too. He looks to be in his late 60’s. He is about 6’, and he appears to be packing about an extra 50 pounds around his large frame. His fingers are like meat hooks. He is wearing a V-Neck sweater with a tie under it. It’s way too formal for the Silicon Valley, but probably perfect for his role.Richard hands me his business card: It reads CEO, Diablo Management Systems. Even the name fits – I am working with the devil.This is my living hell.How I feel now: Finding meaning and purpose.It’s been nearly four years, and I have now found a purpose again. First, and it’s taken me a long time to get here, it is my fault we failed.No one forced me to do a deal with Raul. I knew his reputation before I signed the term sheet. But still, I signed the term sheet.I think we would have needed perfect execution if we were going to keep Raul’s fund in the game. And, not surprisingly, our execution, while really good, wasn’t perfect. That’s my fault too.You own every mistake your company makes as CEO, and the biggest mistake was choosing the wrong investor (for more read: What Are The Five Fatal Mistakes That Will Kill Your Business? - Brett J. Fox). Raul was 78 when we signed the term sheet. I thought we would be okay as long as Raul didn’t die. Raul apparently got into a fight with the Managing Partner of his fund, and he (metaphorically) died.Raul took everything down with him. Our other investor, the really supportive Gill, kept saying to me, “My partners don’t understand why Raul, with his track record in semiconductor investing (Raul was arguably the most successful semiconductor investor ever) is backing away now.” I could only tell Gill that Raul’s actions didn’t make sense to me either.And Raul scared Robbie and partners into backing out of the deal at the last possible second by telling Robbie the company should be recapitalized. I’ll never know why Raul did this.None of this answers how I found purpose in dealing with failure. My purpose turned out to be one word: Avery.I discovered a lot of coping mechanisms during the end of Touchstone and after Touchstone went away. I’ve always loved writing, so I started writing and journaling every day. I found the writing and journaling cathartic.I started reading a lot more. Somehow, the reading led me to discovering meditation.Meditation helped calm my nerves and improved my focus. I started becoming more creative again.Ideas started popping into my head. I started seeing glimmers of hope and opportunity. Then, one day completely out of the blue, I realized the purpose in what happened: Avery.I was determined to show my beautiful daughter that failure, no matter how bad the failure, is only temporary. And, more importantly, you can overcome any failure.I remind myself every day that my greatest achievement, my opus, is overcoming the failure of Touchstone. I am showing Avery that you can overcome adversity. And I know that Avery will inevitably, like all people, have adversity.I want Avery to say, “I know my Dad went through some really tough times. And I know that my Dad succeeded. Most importantly, I know that if my Dad did it, I can do it too.”Avery drawing inspiration and strength from my struggle will make everything I’ve been through worth it. So being a role model for my daughter is how I’ve chosen to deal with, and overcome, failure.For more, read: What's The One Trait All Successful Entrepreneurs Have? - Brett J. Fox

Graduated in biochem broke. I moved between industries and excelled in all my jobs but they were all lacking in making use of my abilities. I am lazy. I do not want to work 8–5 for 30–40 years of my life.Started an online business doing ghostwriting for international students. The profit per year after cost fluctuated between 30–50k usd. However it did not require too much of my time (less than a 8–5 job) and I was learning a wide variety of knowledge from different disciplines of studies, to online marketing, customer service, problem resolution, good bookkeeping, accounting, tracking progress, using wordpress etc. I did this for 5–6 years.During the above time, I made sure to spend little and lived lean. I invested my savings into my family (parents and siblings) and into myself. I understood that:My ghostwriting business had problems with scaling, it was too hard for me to scale it up (not able to explain at length why here).I understood that rich people had money making more money for them, investing.I used what little capital I had, over 38k usd and played stock market. Specifically I bought ATVI but at 100 leverage because I was an idiot. Lost 90% in 2 weeks. The feeling was terrible, like I had the word ‘loser’ in bold on my forehead. Got some sleep first and then grieved later.It was 2 years later that I managed to save up another 20–30k usd of savings before I entered the stock market again. During the time, I read more, learned more and invested into siblings who are both doing great today. This time it took me a year to lose most of my investment.So far along my journey I learned:I thought I was disciplined enough to handle financial markets. I was wrong.I thought I can learn discipline. I was wrong. I can only learn some, but financial markets required way more.I accepted that I cannot learn the required discipline for my current strategy.So it came to me that my strategy has to change to require less discipline and more of my other strengths.The following year, this was in 2016, I started to break even. In early 2017 I was doing well and closing 2017 with 40% ROI. Within the first quarter, I realized that my strategy required me to micromanage my position very little. Maybe adjust Stop Loss once a month. I therefore used my time to learn about cryptocurrencies.With crypto:I learned that apparently the golden years to buy BTC cheap were many years ago and we hear about their millionaire stories.I tried to buy some mining equipment for DASH from Shenzhen but they ran out of machines.The first exchange I deposited 200USD scammed me and they were promoted on a review website.I don’t like giving up so I kept poking around for more information and finally found a legit exchange.Crypto market was way more forgiving than stock market or Forex. Yes, I tried Forex and it was brutal, it required max level discipline. My mistakes in crypto was less forgiving. I started with only 10k usd over 3 months deposit into crypto.By the end of 2017, I had made over a million usd and was managing a small private fund for my family and relatives. All investors in the fund already withdrawn principal plus 1–3 times profit and they only had profits in the market. I did not take commission, it was just a gratitude thing.Throughout my journey, the few things I did were:I spend a lot of time alone in solitude to figure out my problems, rat race. I was willing to sacrifice dates, family, relatives, and dropped many friends.I ensured I did not give up on exercising to maintain my stress levels. I did yoga, light gym, some swimming.I read a lot. I read fiction, non-fiction, materials related to investing, forums, telegram, slack group, discord. Eventually when you read enough, you have the ability to filter good info and bad info.I was the only person that believed in myself. My family did not believe in my path because I had to stay by myself, with little socializing and be self-employed. My mom wanted me to work for a bank.I ensured I recorded everything. In the last 6 years, I have excel sheets of all my expenses with great detail, have excel on my ghostwriting business, I plot my own growth, have excel to keep track of if I am out performing the market growth. Yes, I had to outperform BTC growth. If all my work, I cannot outperform BTC, why not just hold BTC and don’t manage it. Since BTC did not go 100x from Q2 to Q4 2017, I think my work was productive.In 2018, so far my stocks are 60% ROI, but I am spending less time on stocks. I am also spending less time in crypto. Crypto has been in a bear market for 5–6 months since January. Most people have suffered over 50% losses. My current ROI for crypto since Jan 1 is between 30–40% gain.This year, I plan to go out more, be more extrovert to grow differently. The extended solitude has made me weird.I have a very different concept of risk taking than what is taught in the books.When my mom asked me why am I risking so much? I told her if I do not do what I do, I am risking 30–40 years of my life working in a 8–5 job that chances are won’t be satisfying but yet I must tell myself I am satisfied because it pays decent. Because that amount of loss time is priceless, I understand that I must spend every drop of my brain hacking life.I am very lazy, I want to have the option to just wake up anytime and read my book at home. I own no cars and no property. I do not live in the US so over a million usd goes far in my country. I do not tell my dates how much I am worth, most run when they see I have no car and no property. I want my date to see value from the conversation that I can give and realized through her own intelligence that a person that can hold a certain type of conversation, should be fairly successful in navigating life and put that trust in me. This is another investment to find a suitable lady.I am in my 30s. My goal for 2018 is to hit 10mil usd. The more I climb, I see things differently and I get to learn. I want to know what it means to make bigger and heavier decisions in life. I do not need a private jet, I do not need a mansion. I am not stingy or too frugal, I eat healthy and spend on memories and experiences.I read about philosophy, economics, and psychology. Hopefully, one day I am 9 digits worth and I can use what I have learned about life to make a big enough impact on humanity.I am doing what I am doing because I look at life differently. I know I am different since I was a kid. I know humanity can benefit greatly from me, so I must take the road less traveled and I must sacrifice a lot so that one day I can give back. Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle all agreed that the supreme virtue of all men should be ‘power.’ I do not know how to get power but I think it is tied closely with money. Elon Musk can do a great deal of benefit to humanity and that is because he is a billionaire.One last note. When I graduated broke, all I wanted from my life was actually to work in a simple job and to play mmorpgs. Even though I had a different thinking I was still very lazy. It was one time, I was arguing with my old housemate over a bottle of soy sauce and I was upset he will buy a new one every 3 days because he used so much of it. I felt it was costly. I was upset for one full day and I complained about this to my exgf at that time who came from a very privileged background. Her response was “because you are poor.” She did not mean it in a snobbish manner. She just stated a matter of fact without any intention to hurt me. It was a great revelation to me. It was an indicator I have made little use of my abilities/opportunities. I know I am more capable but I have allowed myself to succumb to complacency, procrastination, escapism, I have ran from the right way to do things and it was because the right way is always painful with suffering and great difficulties.Ironically, it was because my exgf wanted an 8–5 husband eventually that I left her to fulfill my potential. She meant a lot to me and I gave her everything I can (shifted countries for her even) but I cannot give her my ambition. It broke me, I was depressed. She was with me when I was broke. After one year of depression I finally told myself, I left her for something more important, if I ended up a bum from self-pity, I should have stayed with her. She gave me a good 5 years of her life and I wanted her to know she did not date a loser. It is in no intention to hurt her. Those 5 years are beautiful to me. She is married today to a 8–5 man and is happy with a kid.How much are you willing to sacrifice to reach your goal?PS: No I am not selling any strategy guides, not affiliate with anything, do not need followers on a blog, do not need you to clickbait on some website.

My first reaction to the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life was a combination of anger and numbness. As time went on, I fought to find meaning and purpose in what happened.I’ll get to how I found meaning and purpose later. First, here’s the story of what happened and my initial feelings.February 4, 2014.My life was over. I was entering my living hell.Driving to work today was surreal.I talked to Steve all the way to work, just I like I normally would, but I was in a fog.I went into Starbucks to get my coffee. People are walking around, and they are a blur.Nothing has changed, but everything has changed. I have the same feeling I did when my Dad died. The sun came up just it like it normally does. People are doing what they normally do. And, I think to myself, “How can this be? Touchstone will have to shutdown today. How can you people be normal?“Can’t you see I am dying from the pain!!!”Tucker called me around 8:30AM when I was at Starbucks. He had just found out from Robbie (not his real name) that Robbie was pulling the term sheet. Mind blowing that Robbie didn’t tell him last night!The first words out of Tucker’s mouth were, “Brett, I just spoke to Robbie, and I just want to say thank you.”All I could think was “wow.” I said, “Thank you as well.”“You won’t believe the conversation I had with Robbie. Robbie asked me if I thought he was doing the right thing!”“You’re kidding me. What the hell is wrong with this guy?”Tucker just laughed. “I asked him, ‘Robbie, are you telling me there is still a chance you guys will do the investment?’ Robbie thought about it for about a minute, and then he said, ‘No, I can’t get my partners to move.’”“I am blown away. Who is he kidding?”“Then, Robbie asked me why you and Gill were so mad. I told him that you being mad is obvious because you’re the CEO. I had to explain to him why Gill would be mad.”“This guy is either the most naïve VC ever or the stupidest!” I am really starting to get fired up now. “Who is he kidding? My god, he screws us over and he screws Gill over, gives us no alternatives but to shutdown, and he costs me millions and Gill $10M of his money! Come on!”“You’re right, Brett.”“Well, if he hasn’t hurt himself already with your group he will now.”“Well said.”“Tucker, I appreciate the call. I really enjoyed working with you, and I hope there is some way we can work together going forward.”“Me too. You’ve been great to work with. You are honest, forthright, and I really appreciate your help. If I can ever be a reference, just let me know.”“Thank you. I have a call with the liquidator in a few minutes.”“Well, I know you have to hop off this call, but I agree. I hope we work together as well, and I will call you in a few days.”I am sitting in the parking lot. I get out of my car, and I go into the office.People were packing up their stuff by the time I got in at 8:50AM. It was surreal. This vibrant company, that had been growing revenue and customers at a breakneck pace, was about to dissolve. Everyone involved deserved a better result.We had been fighting with “Raul” and his venture fund, “Donald Ventures,” for over one year. Raul and his partners, for reasons I still do not fully understand, blocked every term sheet (five in total) we received.The week prior to Robbie pulling his term sheet, we had stared down certain death. Raul blocked a term sheet that didn’t require any of his money. We were going to shut down the company unless Raul changed his mind.The night Raul blocked the deal, I worked with Silicon Valley Bank showing them why we were going to default on their loan. SVB told me they would call Raul. It was a Hail Mary pass, and I was not optimistic.The next day, during our emergency board meeting to shut down the company, we received word that Raul was backing down. I screamed, “Yes!” at the top of my lungs. Touchstone would survive.Yet, here we were, one week later, dead.Legally we were “suspending operations pending the acquisition of the assets. We ended up selling the company to a strategic (a public company in our space) investor that was part of our syndicate. I was calm. Maybe that’s what an hour of sleep does; it makes you calm because you are so tired you can’t feel anything.I walked into Barry’s office. Tina was already talking to Barry. I put down my briefcase and Tina left. Barry and I talked for a few minutes, and I told Barry that Richard was supposed to call any second.We waited, and finally Richard called. It is the first time I had spoken with him. Barry was right; Richard is a curmudgeon. You can just hear it in his voice. Richard loves to talk, and he explains the process. Barry and I already know the process, so this is kind of worthless. But Richard loves to talk, and he just kept talking and talking.9:15AM. Richard arrives. He looks like a curmudgeon too. He looks to be in his late 60’s. He is about 6’, and he appears to be packing about an extra 50 pounds around his large frame. His fingers are like meat hooks. He is wearing a V-Neck sweater with a tie under it. It’s way too formal for the Silicon Valley, but probably perfect for his role.Richard hands me his business card: It reads CEO, Diablo Management Systems. Even the name fits – I am working with the devil.This is my living hell.How I feel now: Finding meaning and purpose.It’s been over six years, and I have now found a purpose again. No one forced me to do a deal with Raul. I knew his reputation before I signed the term sheet. But still, I signed the term sheet.I think we would have needed perfect execution if we were going to keep Donald Ventures in the game. And, not surprisingly, our execution, while really good, wasn’t perfect. That’s my fault too.You own every mistake your company makes as CEO, and the biggest mistake was choosing the wrong investor (for more read: What Are The Five Fatal Mistakes That Will Kill Your Business? - Brett J. Fox). Raul was 78 when we signed the term sheet. I thought we would be okay as long as Raul didn’t die. Raul apparently got into a fight with Donald, and he (metaphorically) died.Raul took everything down with him. Our other investor, the really supportive Gill, kept saying to me, “My partners don’t understand why Raul, with his track record in semiconductor investing (Raul was arguably the most successful semiconductor investor ever) is backing away now.” I could only tell Gill that Raul’s actions didn’t make sense to me either.And Raul scared Robbie and partners into backing out of the deal at the last possible second by telling Robbie the company should be recapitalized. I’ll never know why Raul did this.None of this answers how I found purpose in dealing with failure. My purpose turned out to be one word: Avery.I discovered a lot of coping mechanisms during the end of Touchstone and after Touchstone went away. I’ve always loved writing, so I started writing and journaling every day. I found the writing and journaling cathartic.I started reading a lot more. Somehow, the reading led me to discovering meditation.Meditation helped calm my nerves and improved my focus. I started becoming more creative again.Ideas started popping into my head. I started seeing glimmers of hope and opportunity. Then, one day completely out of the blue, I realized the purpose in what happened: Avery.I was determined to show my beautiful daughter that hard times, no matter how bad the hurt and the pain, are only temporary.I remind myself every day that my greatest achievement, my opus, is how I live my life going forward. I am showing Avery that you can overcome adversity. And I know that Avery will inevitably, like all people, have adversity.I want Avery to say, “I know my Dad went through some really tough times. And I know that my Dad succeeded. Most importantly, I know that if my Dad did it, I can do it too.”Avery drawing inspiration and strength from my struggle will make everything I’ve been through worth it. So being a role model for my daughter is how I’ve chosen to deal with, and overcome, the hardest thing I ever went through.For more, read: What's The One Trait All Successful Entrepreneurs Have? - Brett J. Fox