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We will assume from your question that an executor was named by the decedent. If you are a “beneficiary”, then the executor has a duty to provide you with what has been bequeathed to you. That you are next of kin or otherwise related to the deceased does not automatically make you a beneficiary.It is the executor’s duty to settle the estate of the deceased in the manner prescribed in the last will & testament and any codicil(s) attached. If nothing has been specifically bequeathed to you, then it is left to the discretion of the executor to determine how the deceased belongings are handled.So - in short: no the executor may not ‘throw away’ the personal belongings of the deceased without telling the beneficiaries’ without just cause or reason. However, you should not assume you are a beneficiary of the deceased unless you are named in the will or state law dictates.

That would be my brother when our mother died. From here on I will refer to her as my mother because he does not deserve any claim on her. My parents were in their late 70’s when they decided to sell their house. They wanted to move into subsidized county housing so they needed to get rid of some assets because you aren’t allowed to have more than a certain amount in available cash assets. They talked to my sisters and me about “gifting” the majority of what they got for the house to my brother, who seemed like the most trustworthy of us at the time. My sisters and I have never been good with money and I have tried very hard! We agreed that it seemed like the best option. The money would be placed in two money market accounts, one for him and one for his wife, with the stipulation that if they needed money it would be available to them and it was our inheritance.My dad died when he was 82 and mom had a rough few weeks when she got things a little confused. My sister and her daughter helped keep her on track so her bills and things were taken care of. My brother, on the other hand, tried to portray Mom as being incompetent. She moved from the apartment where she and dad lived into one of the county apartments that they originally wanted to get into and she flourished. Until one day she had a gall bladder attack and had to have emergency surgery. She developed a post-op infection and nearly died. On the worst day, my sisters and I were gathered around her bed and she kept asking for my brother. It took hours for him to get there. Weeks later, after she recovered and was at home she got her bank statement. She and my brother had a joint account so if anything happened to her he could take care of arrangements without problems and could pay her bills if she was hospitalized. He had cleaned out her bank account except for a small amount and an investigation showed he had moved the money to an account in a new credit union in his and his wife’s name. She immediately took his name off her account and wrote a new will. The old one had been written when I was a child and he was the executor as well as my guardian. The new will made my niece executor. That started a war that went on after she died. She added a codicil weeks before she died explaining the “gifted” money she and my father had given him and her desire that it should be divided between the four of us. When the will was read by her attorney my brother sat there and said, “No, the money is mine.” Then it came out that the two money market accounts were closed and the money was in an annuity. He had effectively stolen it from his three sisters. One sister took his side and agreed that the money was his, even though my mother said it wasn’t. I don’t care about the money. There wasn’t enough to really do anything with it. What upset me was the years of abuse Mom suffered from him and then he committed the ultimate act of disrespect to her.

Get rid of the burden of your junk. Keep only what you need and what means most to you. Do it now rather than wait for family to have to do it for you. They will thank you. Everyone accumulates useless “stuff”. Get rid of it! You will feel FREE!Select a home that you can stay in as you get older. That means preferably one floor, no stairs, not too big to manage in terms of cleaning and maintenance. You may love your 3 storey rambling country house but insisting on staying there can make you a burden if you have mobility problems.Make sure you are living where you can manage if you cannot drive anymore - so, in town, on a bus or transit lines, where you can get a cab, where you can walk to the store.Be open to locations near family. Insisting on staying 400km away can make you a burden. Your adult children will not appreciate having to drop everything and go so far when you need assistance. Move where help is available.Accept help! I could tell you stories about relatives who had to leave their homes because they would not allow family to hire help for them. This despite their desperate and obvious need for household assistance. If you will not accept help, you make yourself a burden, and you will end up in a facility instead of your own home. One relative of mine kept firing housekeepers her children hired - despite the fact she couldn’t clean, do laundry, shop, bathe herself, cook adequately, and kept falling.Do not try to exact promises from your children about your future care. They will try and do the best for you. Don’t lay guilt trips on them by insisting you stay home or go live with them. It may not be the best option for anyone. Don’t be stubborn. It will make you a burden!Keep an open mind about seniors communities and complexes. A lot of older folks get isolated in their own homes, and it can be lonely. I’ve got relatives who are really happy in a community - suddenly they have better social lives than I’ve got. There are lots of options out there. One might suit. One friend in her 90’s has her own two bed apartment with kitchen in one of these communities. She is busy all the time!Look at your space with an eye to safety. It’s better to prevent falls than try and recover from them. Get railings and grab bars put in. Get a frame and raised seat for your toilet. Get yourself a lift chair. Get a proper step stool with a railing to hold onto. Get rid of things you might trip over - loose rugs, little footstools, books or other things on the floor, electrical cords running across the passage. Make sure you have good lighting. Set the scene for personal safety.Get your affairs in order. Don’t refuse to discuss wills, powers of attorney, end of life care, funeral preferences. Put it in writing and sign it. You are trying not to become a burden, so don’t be a stubborn cuss. The more your family knows about your wishes, the easier it will be on everyone. If you have valuables you want left to specific loved ones, add a codicil to your will and be specific. That way everyone is clear. Joe gets the painting, Sue gets the tea cups.