Direct Deposit Authorization: Fill & Download for Free

Yes but it was a lot of work. Here goes:SCOTT FREEwritten byJaron Summers© 2010Scott , a Canadian plumber (sans green card), ranged the west coast of the USA; boring out the pipes of bored housewives. The bright yellow tool chest of the pleasant pipe fitter was packed with fine tools, plus an extensive inventory of recreational drugs. The ladies booked Scott for months in advance. He laid a lot of pipe from Seattle to San Diego in those golden years.All in all life was good for the snowback.Then, the California cops nailed Scott at a routine traffic check, and because of Homeland Security jitters, he was held in detention. The authorities may have missed the underwear bomber but they had Scott by the shorts. It didn’t take long to figure out he was living illegally in the States and there was an old felony conviction for “a few grams of coke.” What followed was the nightmare of Scott’s existence. Everything he had acquired over a quarter century was ripped out of his life. Gone were his muscle trucks, his delightful apartment, his designer wardrobe, his books and his music. His world of beach babes and 85 degree Christmases was toast. The lawyers exhausted what little cash Scott had left. Scott got a one way ride to the Canadian border.In his early 50s, he stood shivering in the wet British Columbia cold. He possessed little more than the clothing on his back. He headed to Alberta since he had family there – a family who he had left behind and who didn’t want much to do with a peripatetic plumber. Not to worry. Scott rolled up his sleeves, snared some used tools, leased a truck and found there was work aplenty in Alberta’s oil‐driven economy. He didn’t have a plumbing license but his prices were too good to pass up and he knew how to change a hot water heater in a heartbeat.That is when I met Scott, and I was charmed by his vagabond spirit. I paid him for his work on our rental home and I, along with many others, was impressed with his expertise and neatness. He never left a mess behind. As a matter‐of‐fact, it would turn out Scott never left anything behind, especially a clue as to where you could reach him when things went wrong.Since we rent our home to grad students in Alberta but we live in California, we were delighted to have someone who could deal with the odd plumbing problem our Canadian tenants might encounter.And now we come to the part where things start to go wrong.After we flew back to our home in Los Angeles, our tenants phoned to say they had plumbing problems in Edmonton. Thank heavens for Scott. He took care of a pesky sewer drain for our tenants, and I sent him a check. Two days later he said he needed money and he needed it right away. I had a friend pay him. A few days later my check landed in Scott’s mailbox. He had promised to tear it up. Instead he cashed the check; then disappeared.People who live “off the books” and exist in a Craigslist world of “cash only” transactions are difficult to find when they go to ground. And having lived as an illegal in the States for a quarter of a century, Scott was more adept at disappearing than David Copperfield. I had been stiffed for $400 and the only link I had to the elusive plumber was an e‐mail address that was somewhere in Canadian cyberspace. Maybe.I wrote Scott three polite e‐mails. I said I knew he was having a hard time and would be happy to work with him. Originally I had felt sorry for Scott, but now I realized that the employees at Homeland Security where probably a fine bunch of fellows.I suspected Scott was still in Canada and had probably gone to Calgary, 175 miles from Edmonton. Scott had let slip he might move there because he had met a terrific gal.For $400 it was not worth it for me to hire a lawyer or a detective. And I was a couple thousand miles from the scene of the grime.Casting aside my nice guy façade I fired off an ultimatum. See if you can follow the bouncing ball. To: [email protected], Scott,It's been a couple of weeks since I sent you my last note. You ignored it. I'm not sure where you are(Edmonton? Calgary? Did you move back to California? Maybe you are in Vancouver, I don't know).Anyway, I paid you $400 twice. And instead of tearing up the second check you cashed it and bolted.For the record: the work that you completed was excellent and I appreciate your efforts.I know you have some problems with the immigration authorities and had to deal with felony charges and were in fact arrested for using a controlled substance. I don't use drugs myself—I make a lot of other errors with my life—and, for the record, I don't consider you a criminal ... in my opinion drugs for adults should be legalized. In fact, at this moment society is moving in that direction. I think the government can make a lot more money out of licensing drugs than conducting a billion dollar war on people who use them. We could talk about the problems of prohibition ad nauseam—but we have other fish to poach.I have a hard time believing you ripped me off. I think you fell in love and moved out of Edmonton. I am not that distressed about losing several hundred dollars. I am much more distressed over losing a person I thought was my friend and for whom I relied on to do some work.At this moment I have a new renter moving into our home on Thursday. We need to complete the installation of the fans in the bathroom, bedroom and kitchen and fix the taps downstairs. Please complete that now or refund the money you owe me so I can hire someone to do the work. Simply deposit my money in any TD account.Now maybe I am being harsh with you—maybe you have not been receiving any of my emails. Maybe you are in a place where you cannot access your emails. If that is the case I am sorry.On the other hand, nobody likes to be played for a chump.I am far more devious than you; I have a large brain; and, I labor under the inane illusion that God is on my side. So, Scott, I DEMAND you contact me and set things straight within the next 48 hours or I will take measures that will absolutely fucking astonish you.You are to be guided accordingly and cautioned that any unhappiness you suffer will flow from your own making. jaronI re‐read my email. If I had been Scott I would be frightened. But of course I was not Scott, Scott again ignored me and probably had a good laugh.So I decided to kick things up a few notches. If a tough guy couldn’t get to Scott, maybe something with curves could. I became Kathleen.(I was careless with grammar and spelling. I even spelled my own name wrong once. Hoping that would throw Scott off the scent. The following happened over a seven day period. The only thing I altered were some actual names and phone numbers. I began the game with a cold email, out of the blue, to Scott.)From: [email protected] <[email protected]>To: [email protected]: help — I need a plumber!When are you free? How much do you charge an hour? Can you do hot water heaters?Kathleen.Bingo! One hour later “Scott” responded. Full disclosure: Scott is not the plumber’s name.From: [email protected]: [email protected]: Re: help — I need a plumber!Hi Kathleen, I've forgotten how we met. Or have we? Was it the Totem in Calgary? Or a Craigslist ad? Anyhow, yes water heaters are a snap, and at 60 bucks an hour I'm sure you'll be satisfied with my work. I hope you're having a good New Year, hopefully the core on your tank hasen't gone, and it's an emergency? If this sounds OK you are welcome to call at 403‐555‐7675.By the way the Totem is a hardware store. As Kate, I wrote back a few hours later. See if you think I hooked him with my attempt to flirt and be a trifle mysterious.From: [email protected] <[email protected]>To: [email protected]: Good! I thought I might have written down the wrong e‐mail. Hi.Dear Scott,You forgot me already? I will give you a hint and tell you it was not at the Totem in Calgary. But you're getting warm. I was very impressed with your knowledge of plumbing and the States. It is not often a gal finds a plumber who understands philosophy... As a matter of fact I was amazed. Where were the guys like you when I was dating?You gave me some good hints on renovations. It was kind of an emergency with the hot water I guess — but a friend of a friend fixed it — and it didn't take him long — about ten minutes and he charged me $100 freakin' bucks. When you come here you can tell me if I got taken. (Hint: I got taken.) Anyway, Scott Dear, the other reason I wanted to catch up with you is that I've decided to really redo my master bathroom. Since my hubby left I'm going to start treating myself right. I've always wanted a big tub. And by God I'm going to get it and I just may do our other three bathrooms at the same time. I am not a good artist — but I have photos of what I want and some drawings (Hint: they are crude) of what I want to have you do for me. If I pay you in cash maybe you can give me a good deal. How about a really good deal. tee‐heh. I can mail the package to you tomorrow and you can look at what I have and what I want done. I have some brochures of large tubs. I want one in pink. But they sure cost a lot more than white. As far as I can tell the only thing we would have to do is knock out the wall for the linen closet and we could almost double the size of the present bathroom. And some pipes have to moved.My girlfriend's friend said I should put in copper. I don't know about that. But I bet you could do it. I have rambled on way too long. Hint: I should learn to shut up. But I like to talk.Can I send my pictures and drawings to you? If you can't do it or don't have time, please send it back to me. I will enclose a self‐addressed envelope and a map where I live.warm regards,KPS ‐ and yes, thank you — except for the hot water heater I am having a fabulous New Year. Hope you are too !!!Scott went for the hook. Goodie!From: [email protected]: [email protected]: Thu, Jan 21, 2010 8:14 pmSubject: Re: Good! I thought I might have written down the wrong e‐mail. Hi.Good God, you have me curious now. Honestly, I'm ashamed to admit (I've met so many people), I've forgotten who you are and whether it was Calgary or Edmonton! At any rate, yes please do send pictures (drawings and an address), And we'll get together for a bit of brainstorming and design/cost specifics.Obviously he was anxious to meet "Kate" — so anxious that he forget to give me his address. So I fired this back, hoping to set the hook:From: [email protected] <[email protected]>To: [email protected]: Re: Good! I thought I might have written down the wrong e‐mail. Hi.Dear Scott,Don't beat up on yourself. It was awhile ago and it was in Calgary — and I'm not that memorable. Until you get to know me. Then you can't get me out of your mind. Hint: I wish. Where do I send the package and please if something goes amiss I want you to promise to return the package to me — OK? I will have my address with stamps on an envelope. The package contains a slice of my dreams and design fantasies.Warmest regards,KPS — I think you were going with someone that you had just met. Or maybe you just like to flirt. The important thing is you know your way around a gal's plumbing. And if you really are curious what I look like I'll send you an old photo from an ad I did five years ago for a soft drink company.And then early this morning I got the following back. It had taken me less than 12 hours to game Scott out of his new phone and address. He is living I think with a new girlfriend — and now he sees Kate as his next sucker. A hot and older chick with too much money on her hands in dire need of plumbing services.From: [email protected]: [email protected]: Re: Good! I thought I might have written down the wrong e‐mail. Hi.OK I promise. Midglen Gardens SE. T2X1R7. Looking forward to "The Old Picture". Scott.Now that I have his phone, his address and know I have his correct e‐mail, it gets interesting. Scott wants to meet Kate. Certainly wants to look at her photo. Certainly wants to do some work for her. Sounds like she is good for about a 100 grand. Does Scott have a license to do what he is doing? No idea. But I think not. Does he intend to cheat Kate too? Don't know.I decide to play Scott a bit more. I become Susan. She is standing in for Kathleen. I learned a long time ago that two people telling the same story are much more convincing than one. So: Hi Scott,Kathleen asked me to mail a package of her drawings to you. (She had to fly to New York at the last minute to meet with some people from her former husband's company.)It looks like you are going to do quite a bit of work for her in her master bath in the zoo house. We call it the zoo house because it's close to the zoo. Both she and her husband were big contributors to the zoo. You might have read about them when they helped rescue an albino ape named Snowball.Kathleen told me that her drawings and sketches were the only copies she had. I said I would make some duplicates and then I thought — why not scan them — ? I have a computer that does that. This way there is no danger of misplacing the sketches. Kathleen had an estimate for the job she wants done. You could buy a small house for what the contractor wanted. I said it was important that whoever did the work was licensed and had good references. She said she was sure you could supply both. Would it be possible to give me the names or two or three people you have done work for in the range of a $50,000 bathroom renovation in the Calgary area? And, are you licensed? Sincerely,Susan WhitePS — Kathleen wants to meet with you a week from today when she gets back. I am a bit worried about her flying with all the bad weather.From: [email protected]: [email protected]: Re: a note from susan white re: Kathleen's work —Susan, I am flattered that Kathy would consider me for a job that is obviously both upscale and contained within her prmary residence, here in town. (Especially after such a short meeting) I will enclose a few shots (taken with my camera) from a modest basement (in eEdmonton) Unfortunately they only show in some cases final results (in all cases, the work, exclusively, (all trades, Plumbing, electricalf,framing, tile, etc.) was performed by yours tru;ly. As I say this was less than expensive. Very basic flooring, ceiling, cabinetry, lighting, etc. Although it encompassed over 300 square feet. With material it only came to approx. $18,000 So much to say on the subject. Enjoy the pictures Needless to say, as a one‐man show, I can offer the kind of personal service (in my experience) that is unheard of. And the pricing is.....well, far beyond her wildest dreams.. I am still a licensed plumbing contractor in California. Sadly , my license has expired (#7728), and have MANY years of constructiopn erxperience on homes within California, Nevada, etc.. That would (I'm sure) amaze most people, but hold no local credentials.... If Kathy is still interested in conversing, and brainstorming, I'm always available. Thanks again. Scottander (Scott)PS I apologize for some of the spelling(and or syntax) am having trouble with my monitor!..PPS. Please don't let these examples limit your thinking regarding my talents. I am capable of much MUCH moreSusan counters and appeals to his greed —Hey Scott!Thank you for the reply. I was MOST impressed with your use of language. (I taught English in a different lifetime.) It is REALLY refreshing to find someone who is so articulate. I think that's what attracted me to Peter, my boyfriend. He does a lot of construction and when he saw your photos, he said: " WOW. Where has this guy been? I could make a fortune with someone who can do that kind of work." He was blown away with the price.Then I noticed that you had been in Edmonton so maybe you just moved here.Peter figures the job at Kathleen's would take about a month and would require about $15,000.00 in material. Maybe $20,000.00 He said he would do it for $95,000 but to tell you the truth I think it would be better if you or someone else did it. She and I are tight but she is very particular and always spends more money than she thinks she is going to and after a few months she sometimes starts to bitch. (Shh, our secret.) I don't want the possibility of that happening in my relationship with her. She is too generous for her own good.I will tell Kathleen that Peter is impressed with you and since you are (or were) licensed in California you are real FIND. Plus you are familiar with all those other trades. I did a little checking and found a reference to Bih PipeDreamers — was that you? Please forgive me but I also googled you in Alberta and found a terrific write up on some landlord's website in Edmonton. Apparently he lives out of town and rents to students. You saved him a ton of money when he had a sewer problem and you suggested that the city do the work. They did if for free. I tried to show the article to Peter but for some reason that website is down — I KNOW Kathleen would like to talk with him.Let me try to find the write up again as he was SO impressed with you. Hold on.I'm back.I must be getting dopey, I found the website (I think) but the note about you isn't there. When Peter comes over on Friday, he can find it for me — I'm not very good on anything complicated with the web. I have to get a new computer I think.I will be talking with Kathleen tomorrow — and I apologize for not getting her package to you. Sorry.Sorry. Sorry. It's been one of those drinks and I need a day. Giggle.Best,SusanScott has a problem now because out of nowhere there is a reference to me and I seem to be an ally. He tries a little damage control with Susan:——‐Original Message——‐From: Scottander Romalo <[email protected]>To: [email protected]: sorry. sorry. sorry —Susan, thank YOU for your reply. The landlord you mentioned is Jaron ? something ‐or‐other.Unfortunately he lives in Arizona throughout the winter and you may have difficulty contacting him. Be that as it may, Since moving to Calgary (4 months ago) after 3 1/2 years in Edmonton He was one of many absentee owners with whom I did some small business. Furnace upgrades, plumbing etc..He may (if you are able to contact him) make mention of a small rebate (400.00) I I owe him plan to take a trip2 weeks from now and drop the check in his mail box at the Edmonton address (since I have no means (other than email) of contacting him. I wasn't aware that he was able to post something anyway. That was nice of him. Glad your boyfriend is so impressed with my talents. As I say, that's nothing compared with some other past work. Sadly no pictures exist for the majority, since only recently have I branched out into these other trades.. Looking forward to hearing from you os Kathy or whomever. Thanks again.SCOTTNow at the same time he writes to me — not knowing that I already know what happened since I have been writing to him as both Susan and Kathleen.Jaron, a thousand apologies for not contacting you sooner. Been acquainting mysrelf with my new digs in Calgary. And my computer has been on the fritz as well. Won't be able to complete the work in Edmonton. Am planning a trip in 16 days back to your little house there, will certainly leave a check for400.00 in the mailbox. If you have a more convenient method, can forward monies anywhere you wish.Sorry, can't/couldn't be helped. SCOTTAnd I write back:Hi Scott,Thank you for responding to my note. And 1,000 apologies on my end that it was a bit "over the top." (I really had no clue how to find you and I was worried that something had happened.)Right now workmen are busy at our place. As you know I paid you for that work .... but it did not get done —— please deposit $400 in my account now as I need it to pay these guys. (Like right away.)I will continue to tell anyone who contacts me that you're a wonderful plumber and I will re‐post the positive comments about you on my website that I erroneously deleted.Next time you're in town, let's have coffee. Where are you, if you don't mind my asking? cheers, jaronPS —My TD TRUST acct and routing numbers are: (here I put in my personal info.) And thanks again for taking care of this. I knew you would not let me down.And now he thinks we are friends and I will give him a great recommend. And he will make lots of money. I forward him a note that “Susan” sent me asking about his abilities.Scott to me:I can be reached at 403 555 7675. (My new cell. # That's "Cellular) #, not prison cell #. Thanks again. I'll do the first 200.00 tomorrow. And as quickly as possible the remainder. I'm sort of stuck in a remedial plumbing job full time, at the moment, so perhaps a stiff drink would be better. Thanks again. ScottHi Scott,Funny joke about cell … but too close to the truth, huh? That must have been horrible for you. I don't know how I could deal with something like that. Prisons or the thought of dealing with cops terrifies me.If possible could you deposit the entire $400 either later today or early tomorrow? I need the money to pay these guys who are just finishing working on our place. As you know I paid one guy before you to finish the work; he skipped out. It's getting a bit expensive. I have an email from some people you are working with or going to be working with and they want a reference. No problem. Sounds like you are into a huge job. Good for you! You deserve it. Say hi to Lisa. (He had called on this number in Calgary. His girlfriend’s I think.) cheers, jaron ps — and when you show up in Edmonton we'll make the coffee a good stiff belt.He can almost taste the deal he is going to make with rich Kathleen – but I could screw it up if I talked to his hot new prospects.Scott to me:Thank you for all the good karma. (If that's the word?) I haven't yet even spoken with the people you are talking about. But like most people in the modern world they'll beat the reference thing to death, talk 'til they're blue, hem and haw, and STILL not hire me. But who knows, perhaps they're serious. It would be a welcome change. No offense intended. Since meeting you, (and well before) I've spent more time with people (Iours and hours) threw out unheard‐of great prices, and still they balked. So, who knows. My direct deposit from my underemployed plumbing gig comes due at about 2 AM tomorrow. Just just sent away a check to my new insurance company for that pretty Ford you saw. (Paid the year in advance), cross my heart, you'll get every penny I can spare deposited tomorrow afternoon. Talk to you soon.. SCOTTExcept there's a problem. As Susan, I write the following:Hey, Scott !!!This is just between us. I got 4 emails and 6 or 7 phone calls from K. Can you see now why we don't want to do her remodeling for her? I luv her like a sis but she's skating on the rings of Saturn. Tell that writer — if you have his email — to open up a link to the stuff I read that he wrote that was so positive about you. K. said she thought I made it up and she's pissed with me. I SAW it. I'm sure. Well, I'm almost sure. Fuck !!!! Do you have a number I can call him at? Can you? What city is he listed in in Arizona?What she wrote: "I looked on his website but I couldn't find anything about Scott. Not a single mention! What gives? I thought you said he wrote a rave review about Scott saving his ass !!! You sure it was that writer??"Something wrong with my scanner. I'm going to go to Staples and make copies. Do you have a fax?What's wrong with your phone — I left two messages. Fuck!Later,SusanNow for an example of how devious I am. At the bottom of the page is the rest of the note that“stupid” Susan included – I was hoping that Scott would see it. This is that note:From: [email protected]: [email protected]: Fwd: bitch to bitch /CONFIDENTIAL(I leave a large white space here, hoping Scott will scroll down and find some incriminating evidence.And he does)——‐Original Message——‐ kathleenTo: [email protected]: bitch to bitchS —I went to the party of my life last night. You and Peter have to meet the Jenkinbergs & I thought I had some loot! Jesus — who knew you could make that kind of cash shorting oil ???? A total gamble that pays off. I wish I could find someone who knows how to do it. All these brokers want is your cash so they can churn it.Guess what? I know Jaron Sumners. A crazy & somewhat brilliant writer. Hint: I should have fucked him when I had the chance. Anyways, Alice and Dwight & I went to Edmonton and took one of his seminars about 25 years ago. He was a pretty wacky guy but he sure knows the film business & he saved me a fortune (well not my money) when he warned me about a couple of English producers who were film flam artists.I looked on his website but I couldn't find anything about Scott. Not a single mention! What gives? I thought you said Jaron wrote a rave review about Scott saving his ass !!! You sure it was that writer? I sent him an email from his web. Zip response. lovya,Kps — I might have to help some friends with an animal rescue. Lucky you got my passport renewed. You're the best !!! Hey, are we going to get botoxed or what? Come on !!! We should go for it again. & while I'm at it I might get Ms. Perky tightened. tee‐heh.Time for Scott to meet a true nut case. I become Caroline – a whacky chick who is into spas.Dear Mr. RomalomMy name is Caroline Rasin. As you can might guess from my email address I promote and create spas. I found your name a while ago on Kijiji. How is your time over the next month of two?Could you built a waterproof chamber large enough to hold a 100 pound monkey that contains a conventional toilet? I know that sounds strange but I have a client who is rather eccentric.I was talking with a general contractor here in Calgary and he says he knows of your work and you can do things nicely and at a reasonable cost. He said for about $20,000 you could rebuild a bathroom that most would charge $40,000 or more for. He says you are working with his girlfriend and her assocaite who has a mini‐mansion near the zoo. She would give me a very strong recommendation. Sincerely,CarolineHe bites ‐‐Hello Carolina. Yes I would be willing to take a look at this one. Sounds pretty unique. You may call me tomorrow, I'll be at home. 403 555 7675. Scott.Now out of the blue I complain about the emails and trouble these chicks are giving me and make it seem like it’s all his fault.My Dear Scott,As you can see by this note we are in the middle of the night here in California. I am working on a writing project and I'm on a deadline. I have not had much sleep for a couple of days.The bloody phone keeps ringing. I can't turn it off as my wife is dealing with her mother 100 miles away.Her mother had a tumble and is 90. She broke nothing but is understandably frightened and worried. My wife wants me to be available so I am.In the last few hours I have had to listen to my phone ring. And ring. And ring. The answering machine comes on and records the voices of the callers. There are two. One is your friend, Kathleen or Cathy. The other is Susan. They want to know about you. They are demanding. Cathy appears to be calling from the east coast. She is drunk or stoned. I recall her from a class I gave on writing many years ago. I am not saying she stalked me but she was persistent. Her parents are Eatons and Cathy had access to lots of money and married some character from the middle east who could buy and sell Alberta. Well, not quite the entire province, maybe just Edmonton.From what I can tell this Cathy seems consumed with some upbeat things I wrote about your skills as a plumber and then accidentally deleted. She said you said you had talked to me and I promised I would put these things back up. She's nuts. You and I have not talked. Did you tell her we have been talking? If so, why? I've been trying to finish this novel and the agent wants it yesterday.Cathy and Susan are friends and apparently they fight a lot. As a matter of fact they both called me at the same time on a conference call and got my answering machine. They had one hell of squabble. It sounds like they are lovers or something and something has gone amiss. I did not talk to them nor willI.Apparently it absolutely essential for me to re‐post the article on my website about you. If I don't they are going to scratch each other's eyes out and you will miss out on a hundred thousand dollar renovation in the zoo house. Yeah, I know about the zoo house. I have seen photos. I bet the joint cost five million. It has a bomb shelter. I wish I had one.As stated I am not going to talk to either one of these crazy dames. However, out of consideration to you, as soon as I can I will re‐post a glowing report on your abilities with a pipe wrench and hot lead. Except it's really been deleted and I can find it and I have to write it over. Dang. I must have it someplace. Maybe on my back up. I will check later.How you got mixed up with this pair I don't know. And, apparently you gave one or both of them my unlisted phone number here in LA. This was not helpful.Cathy has a lot of money and she does some outlandish things. But if I were you I would not get involved with her. You might make some heavy money but is it worth it? She does not seem stable or right in the head. By the way she likes to screw football players so watch out that some linebacker does not deck you.Please, keep me out of this cat fight. I have to get back to work. (If it were not for you, I would tell them both to fuck off.)Oh, I just got another call from Susan — she has some company that wants to hire you and she feels you insulted her. I think she may be drunk too or taking some kind of meds that cause hallucinations. jaronps — please, do not give out my numbers to anyone else. Tell the truth — are you being straight with me or is this some kind of a game? If it is, it is not funny. Or maybe it would be if I were not so tired. The phone is ringing again and I see the call display is from back east. Boston? I have the volume off. I'm going to leave it that way. By the way, have you been calling my number and hanging up? It sounded like you did a day or so ago. You said fuck. Maybe it was someone else from Calgary. But you're the only one I have dealt with there for a long time. Am i going NUTS????? The call display showed a gal’s name. Is that your new girlfiend? If so why would you give her my phone number? Makes no sense.And then he writes the following to me — having read the note that Susan accidentally included at the bottom of her last e‐mail to him.From Scott to me:I'm sitting here drinking my morning coffee, trying to imagine what a bored , rich, drunk idiot does on Thurs. night? Now I know. Please believe I had no clue what I was getting involved? with!! Yes, it was me! My girlfriend does not have your #. Unfortunately I said spoke, but meant corresponded. My mistake. I take no responsibility for the behavior of anyone who contacts me through my Kajiji ad. But I dam responsible for them having your number. I'm sorry now. It won't happen again. Going to the bank...TD today to settle us. Hopefully in a sober moment one of these bimbos may call, and get the info they seek. I don't blame you for thinking it's a bad joke. It may be to them but not to me. If I attempt to call again this after. .....I will be certain it's on a phone with a sufficient battery charge..Not like the last time!! SCOTTAnd he keeps calling and imagining what is going to happen if the authorities are brought into this. He stole my money so he needs to fix that up. And he also realizes having read the note that was accidentally left in her email that Susan and Kathleen are mighty strange. And he's got to think they are well connected and crazy and may accidentally or on purpose ruin his life —And an hour or so later he puts $400 in my account and he phones me and tells me that. I check and he has.And I assemble the following email. I will send it to him when I am sure his check clears the bank. I think he deposited $400 in cash to my account but I can’t be sure.Scott,Thank you for depositing the $400 that you owed me. You are a bright and charming rogue. You scammed me out of that $400. And of course the only way to get my money was to scam you back.I was Kathleen; I was also Susan. I was Caroline.They exist only in my mind and in the series of e‐mails I sent you. Even the personal note between them alluding to a sexual liaison with me was pure fiction, left for you to discover. And discover it you did.You fell for it and I think you were also worried that a can of worms was about to be opened that would cause you problems and grave embarrassment with the authorities.Now we are even.I do not wish to communicate or deal with you again.It's over. Leave it alone. Respectfully, jaronI don’t send the above letter to him just yet. If he put a check in my account and he finds out I tricked him out of the money, he’ll stop payment.On the other hand, maybe he deposited cash. I have to keep him on the hook a bit longer. Kathleen is out of town. She is some kind of animal activist. An idea forms in my tiny mind. If I can find a story linking Kathleen to a zoo – I scour foreign news services and discover at that instant some tigers are on the loose in a huge zoo in India. Perfect!“Caroline” will use that story ‐‐Dear ScottKathleen flew to India and is there now. It is in northern India and I was texting her. Really angry that I "went around them" to hire you. I tried to explain but in the middle of our discussion she said that something went wrong and a bunch of tigers were going to attack them. She is in a place called GUWAHATI. I never heard of it. There is some kind of zoo there and "Krazy Kate" went there to do something about a tiger. She was arrested a couple of times for letting lab animals free. It was in the news five years ago. Susan is with her – went by private jet, long story.Talk later. OMG !!!CarolineFrom: ScottTo: [email protected]: Sat, Jan 30, 2010 12:38 pmSubject: Re: Something horrible has happened! I will call you later !!!Check that! I've not been "Hired" by anyone for anything,. YET. Though I am intrigued by this crap.PS Watch out for Tigers! I've been forwarding your emails to all my friends.(At least the ones with really deranged senses of humor). We concur. You guys are nuts! Funny, but nuts.I, as Caroline, write back – I appear to be unhinged and a bit dangerous.How dare you make light of Kate's sacrifice??? It will be on the news shortly. One of our sisters just called me from India on a sat phone. The police have arrested 3 of our sisters and they are detaining Kate. Turn on CNN !!!!Two beautiful tigers have been returned to the wild. Thank God !!!I am a bit cross with you.Do not make jokes about our cause.Carolineps -- and please don't ever tell Kathleen I called her Krazy Kate. Please. Keep your pie hole shut and you can make some serious money. We know you are broke and living with a new squueze. I promise you anything Ms. L. can do I can do better. You know what I'm talking about.From: ScottTo: [email protected]: Sat, Jan 30, 2010 1:02 pmSubject: Re: Something horrible has happened! I will call you later !!!Oh my, nasty aren't we. You play with fire/governments etc..... you sometimes get burned, eh? My "Pie hole" responds only to CASH. Certainly not threats from you, or anyone like you. Find someone less sane than I to do your bidding. May I suggest one of your "Brothers"ScottCaroline under a pile of troubles pulls in her horns and writes back:I'm sorry for what I said to you. Please forgive me. I'm really upset. They have Kate in custody. They don't want the public to know what we are for. I can't get hold of Susan. THIS IS AWFUL!!!!Have you been to India? We need to find some lawyers there. Right now. I hope they don't torture Kate. She will spill the beans. WOW !!!Look what is on the news:10,000 INDIAN ZOO VISITORS FLEE AFTER TIGER ESCAPE AFP10,000 Indian zoo visitors flee after tiger escape AFP – Indian officials carry a tranquilised Royal Bengal tiger to a cage at Guwahati Zoo. Around 10,000 frightened …52 mins ago.GUWAHATI, India (AFP) – Around 10,000 frightened visitors were evacuated from a zoo in northeastern India on Saturday when two Bengal tigers slinked out of their cage to mingle with the crowd, officials said.The tigers opened the door to the iron enclosures and sneaked out while keepers disinfected the cage at the zoo in Guwahati, the main city in the state of Assam."Fortunately the two cats remained inside the zoo complex and did not try to venture out in the streets," zoo warden Narayan Mahanta told AFP."We immediately evacuated the visitors and tried to locate the cats before tranquilising one of them relaxing by the side of a pool inside the zoo," he added.The second tiger was tranquilised shortly after.None of the estimated 10,000 visitors was injured but many ran for their lives upon seeing the tigers stealthily walk by.The zoo, the largest in India's northeast, was packed with families and students on a weekend break. In 2007, a 50-year-old man was mauled to death by a tiger in the same zoo when he scaled a barricade to take photographs of the cats.The above is the actual news story. Scott falls for it. (There is a god in heaven.)From: ScottTo: [email protected]: Sat, Jan 30, 2010 2:01 pmSubject: Re: Something horrible has happened! I will call you later !!!You are forgiven. Apparently we got off on the wrong foot! My name is Sacha. Once upon a time I was a licensed plumbing contracter in Calif. Not SO long ago really. But still, since coming back to my native country (Canada) I have been working for other people, sadly, not myslf. (With one or two exceptions). Make no mistake, I like cash as much (if not more) than the next guy. But with that, understand that my customers are not friends (Generally), they speak highly of my abilities, treat me with the requisite respect due ANYONE with the expertise I possess,They make plans and follow through! Yes, I can certainly be bought. But also make no mistake. The work and attendant relationships are ethical, businesslike and VOID of chaos. If this sounds agreeable, so be it. But please, don't assume that I give a flying rats ass about the plight of anyone that isn't(and probably won't be) directly attached to me.. Either through business or personal relationship.Krazy Kates extracurricular activities don't interest me in the least.She will have to rely on the attention of others. And no, I have never been to India. Though would perhaps like to visit one day. I do hope you find someone to help though, sincerely. I'm sorry, but with all my presumed talents, extricating people from Indian jails, is not one. Perhaps we can be serious and do legitimate business one day. ScottI write back as Caroline and send Scott a really sexy photo of chick with large breasts and lots of tattoos.Dear Scott,Thanx 4 being understanding. Things are falling apart in India now. They caught the tigers -- and that is sad.The government has Kate but they are hushing things up !!!!! I guess they don't want tourists to know that someone is giving these beautiful creatures their freedom. We must all learn to share the planet. I don't even kill the ants in my house. It's a personal thing.They have sent me some emergency money and I should have a ticket to India in a few hours.Are you free to drive me to the airport and I can give you Kate's sketches and drawings? I have made copies. Please say yes.I want to be your friend.CarolineThese tats were made from vegetable products.No animal protects were used.If I were Scott I would be careful. And he is:To: [email protected]: Sat, Jan 30, 2010 2:47 pmSubject: Re: Something horrible has happened! I will call you later !!!If it happens in the next 10 minutes, yes. But no later. I have a dinner date and a full evening. Nice breasts. Too bad about the scars.ScottI (Caroline) fire off a final note:Dear Scott,After I take a taxi to the airport should I have the driver deliver Kathleen's package to you? It's going to take me about a day to get to India. I am very worried. If Susan or Kathleen call you, tell them I'm sorry about everything and I love them. They took Kathleen's sat phone away. I will be out of touch for awhile.CarolineScottAnd then he thinks she is gone out of his life. Along with those other two fun loving friends of hers. The next day, fairly confused – Scott writes to me:Well, this HAS been an interesting 3 days! Got an email last night from some chick who claims to be an associate of those 2 broads. Apparently (according to this woman) they are now claiming that I have done work for them already! It gets weirder.She wanted (according to her email) a contractor (me presumably) to build a tank?, or something, with a functional toilet. Get this! "To accomodate a 100 lb. APE. No shit, hands down, the weirdest request I've ever gotten. So of course, I'd offer to help out anyone who might be friendly with my favorite filthy, stinking rich alky friends/aquaintances. Needless to say, I haven't yet received a reply. You were right. Only a fool (or someone with far more time and patience than I), would consider working for these drunken space cadets Again I apologize for all the bullshit. Phone calls, etc.....Hope life has become less unnerving. Scott.He calls me several times. I don’t answer. I’m afraid I will spill the beans – an email will have to do:Hi,... I am under the gun here and have to meet with a producer later today. My phone is turned down, my cell phone is off.STAY away from those women. Kathleen has been sending me insane emails about hiring me to write a movie about how she and her vegetarian buddies are going to release wild animals back to nature. This was the same group that freed about 1,000 wild mink -- that cost her family big bucks to keep her out of the pen. It is a Boston based bunch of nutters and they have private jets and boats and underground bunkers. DO NOT DEAL WITH THEM !!!!I can't prove any of this but I bet those things with toilets in them are for people. They are building some kind of cheap space ship -- it won't fly. Probably blow up and kill everyone.STAY AWAY. DO NOT ANSWER THEIR EMAILS. DO NOT SPEAK TO THEM.Have you met any these people? Or seen the zoo house? i can't believe the money that went into it.Gotta go.... let's chat mid week.cheers,jaronPS -- thanks for deposing your check, I'm sure when it clears I will have some much needed cash in my account. Much appreciated.Scott writes back to me -- with of course a fib. He still wants to get in with the rich dames who he can make some serious money from.No Jaron. Not so much as a phone call. Sorry, I lead a pretty boring existence, This shit is worthy of Kubrick. (It's truly a mad mad mad mad world, eh? I'll admit being intrigued, but no, when they come to see me with 20,000 in cash, I'll be willing to listen. No, I haven't seen the house yet, nor hide nor hair of these nutballs.Hugs and kisses. ScottPS No Waiting. I deposited CASH at TDWhen Scott checks the internet he will find that the tiger story is all for real. It will be on CNN.So Scott stung me and I stung him by becoming several loony women. Women who had more money than sense and needed a great plumber.The money is in my account. I have won. Time to send the letter to Scott and let him know I outsmarted him and want nothing more to do with him.Revenge served cold is the best, and so.My finger hovers over the send button—Writers are in the game because they want to be loved and they want to create a story so convincing that the reader believes it.Although both Scott and I have been lying to each other through our teeth we have re-bonded. Scott has compared me to Kubrick. Quite an honor. And he says he loves me.Besides, what’s the point of rubbing his nose in my victory?Let sleeping dogs lie.And of course I know that I’m going to have plumbing problems with my old home in Edmonton. Scott happens to be one of the finest plumbers in the world. I need him.So I do nothing. I miss the game. Life is no fun. Two days pass; the following arrives from Scott:I hope things are going well with your meetings with Louis B. Mayer. In the meantime (down on the farm) I am pleased to report, after stating my intentions toward honest buisiness dealings, neither Kathy nor Susan (the 2 idle-rich drunken bimbos who verbally accosted you), have suggested any further dealings. I suspect that idiot Kathy is hold up in an Indian jail as I'm typing. I hope things are going well and you'll soon be filthy stinking rich and able to live life as you please. Sadly, I'm not there quite yet, but I do have prospects, Thanks again for all your consideration, and the heads-up regarding the "criminal element".My God! I realize the game is on again. Those poor Canadian gals now languish in an Indian prison with only Scott to rescue them. They have only one way to contact him. Through D-b Sing, a young and beautiful and slightly dishonest Calcutta attorney working without a license.I become D-b Sing. That first name is pronounced Dnodashb – her mother is goofier than all of the women Scott has met so far. If I (or rather D-b) can convince Scott to fly to India he will meet Mrs. Sing. She has revised many stale passages of the Kama Sutra; and, a fortune awaits Scott.….to be continued