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My Pandemic YearI started keeping a journal in February 2020, shortly after losing a parent in January. Little did any of us realize how historic the year would become. In mid-2020 I started committing those handwritten pages here, in hopes that this journal will become part of the social recollections of one of the most momentous years of our lifetime.Journal entries are posted in blocks by month, separated by a photo, with the most recent month at the top of this page. I am intentionally posting in retrospect rather than real time. Some months are longer than others…October 1, 2020 – Trump tests positive for COVID-19COVID-19 numbers today:Global cases – 1,022,957US cases – 7,278,285US deaths – 207,808 / 949 Americans died today.Trump tests positive for COVID-19 and is spending the day golfing at Bedminister. Dr. Gupta wonders why Trump went anywhere today if he was positive. I wonder how his base will react, now that Trump has contracted a virus that he said was a hoax.NYT reports COVID-19 cases have increased by 25% since September. COVID-19 has eliminated snow days in NYC, now that students attend class from home.October 2, 2020 – Trump is hospitalizedCOVID-19 numbers today:Global deaths – 1,026,717US cases – 7,331,784US deaths – 208,693 / 885 Americans died today.Today Trump was airlifted to Walter Reed Hospital, out of precaution, after he started to exhibit classic symptoms. He’s being treated with an experimental antibody cocktail. I do not wish for his demise but hope that his case is severe enough that he takes this pandemic more seriously.Later in the day, reports hint that his condition is worse than originally announced, and there is some speculation that he may need to transfer his power to VP Pence in the short term. Trump is in the high risk morbidity group due to his age and weight. His chief of staff convinced him to be airlifted to Walter Reed while he was still able to walk to the chopper without assistance. Near midnight, he stars taking Remdesivir for ‘sudden onset’ symptoms. Hypoxia is a term making the rounds on Twitter. Dr. Gupta says Remdesivir is usually given to people who are already on supplemental oxygen.The Rose Garden event (where Amy Barrett was introduced as the SCOTUS nominee) was apparently a super-spreader event. Two senators and three journalists are among the newly infected. The Secret Service are not amused.In other news, I prep for my 1st virtual art show October 10-11. I’m turning my sewing room into a mini show boot after working out the kinks on the online platform. Vicki is coming over tomorrow to spend time with the cats so I can build out the rest of my ‘booth’ and get a few more hats thrown together, especially the Kraken.October 4, 2020Today the doctors gave a more detailed account of Trumps condition, which is substantially worse than we were first told. He’s now on 3 heavy-duty medications – antibody, antiviral and a steroid to improve his lung function. He wants to be released tomorrow because he’s bored, but the treatment will take another 2-3 days and he needs to be in quarantine for an additional 8-14 days beyond that. He says the White House doctors can take care of him. Doctors at Water Reed oppose this plan.Vicki ended up spending much of the day here yesterday, and returns today with videos. Her keeping the cats busy is really helping me get ready for my show. The Kraken is progressing nicely and a NewsGirl / Apple Cap is on the boards for today. We also took 3 turns around The Res today which is about 1.5 miles. I end my day with a dinner of salmon and chermoula stuffed delicata squash, and a temp spike of 99.1.October 5, 2020COVID-19 numbers today as of 9:30 AM: US cases – 7,423,328, US deaths 209,857. Since October 2 we have lost 1,161 Americans.Fall has arrived – the trees on the street have turned gold virtually overnight. My temp is back to normal but I had serious insomnia last night which will hamper my day today. I get actual clothes on for a staff meeting and a mid-day walk, and try to build some planking and stretching in to the end of my day as a transition from desk to sewing machine.Trump returns to the White House tonight. “Don’t be afraid of COVID. Don’t let it control your life” is his most damaging Tweet thus far. He has received thousands of dollars in treatments that regular Americans will probably never have access to, especially if Congress and SCOTUS succeed in cutting the ACA. Doctors also warn that the steroids he is on make him feel invincible (Day 1), followed by agitation (Day 3+) and anger (Day 5+), followed by severe depression. Stuff to watch for in the coming days…I need to strategize on how not to let this stuff derail me. Stress eating and lunchtime doom-scrolling continue. I break away from the news, take 1.5 hours of vacation time away from my work desk, and start a new cuff for the Kraken cap.October 6, 2020I slept in this morning and wake up feeling like crap, but don’t have a temp, so I chalk it up to stress. The extra hour in bed helped me to resolve a design flaw on the Kraken. I realize that the show this weekend is East Coast time, so I need to be “live from my studio” starting at 7 AM, and stay there until 5 PM for my West Coast customers. I’m really glad now that I’m taking Monday off.In COVID-19 news:Trump’s “no fear” statement is being widely criticized.New COVID-19 cases are up 25% per day since September. NYT estimates that today’s cited 210,000 deaths from COVID-19 is probably closer to 275,000, which would include deaths outside of hospitals that have now reached capacity.UW Medical Center is studying long term and rebound effects, some of which are occurring months later in seemingly healthy people (fatigue, anxiety, depression).There are now 30 new cases in the White House, but the White House refuses to do contact tracing from the Rose Garden event.Trump’s doctor, Conley, plans to confine Trump to the residence and a temporary office which has been set up for him in the basement near the medical suite and away from the West Wing. Dr. Conley wants Trump quarantined there unto October 12.White House says all precautions are being taken to protect the 100 staff that serve the residence, many of whom are in high risk groups (age, Latino, Black). I wonder how it will compare to the 1918 flu epidemic when Woodrow Wilson was in the WH.Anand Giridharadas, editor of The Ink, supplied this quote today: ” He hosted a super-spreader event to honor a justice who would have the government control your body but refuse the duty to care for it – and when the virus he helped to go around came around, availed himself of the healthcare he would deny others, financed by the taxes he refused to pay.” Which pretty much sums it up…In other news, SCOTUS now threatens to overturn same sex marriage as well as Roe v. Wade. In the category of “Unintended Consequences,” Dune and Batman releases are now postponed until October 2021, resulting in Regal Cinemas closing all locations in the US and Great Britain until further notice.October 7, 2020 – COVID-19 at Pentagon, Trump returns to the Oval OfficeCOVID-19 numbers today: US cases – 7,506,743, US deaths – 211,108. We have lost 1,251 Americans since October 5 and now account for 25% of the global death count.The Joint Chiefs of Staff are now in quarantine, and COVID-19 is now in the Pentagon. White House staff are very fearful as Trump breaks his quarantine and returns to the Oval Office today. He insists on flying to the debate next week, and tells Congress today to stop stimulus talks and focus on Barrett’s confirmation. NBC suggests that the heavy steroid treatment Trump received at Walter Reed might be skewing his judgement. He should be reaching the Day 3 Agitation / Anger phase of his steroid use.My stress level is maxed out today. No temp or shortness of breath, but a mild cough and very tight chest and lightheadedness, which seems to resolve when I step away from my laptop. Maybe I just need to take more breaks from my day desk.I finished the Kraken last night and am much happier with the redo. I need to get the NewsGirl prototype finished and invoices out today in case I unexpectedly get orders at the show this weekend. I still need to wrangle up some charisma and dust off my elevator speech. I’m as ready for this show as I’m going to be.October 8, 2020The Pink Elephant Car Wash is being demolished today, and its iconic sign taken down. It was my landmark for locating the bus stop after a day at the Seattle Center. I’m sad.The first presidential debate was a train wreck, with Trump dominating the airtime. Trump has bowed out of the next presidential debates, now that the format is virtual and there’s discussion about muting the mikes when it’s the other candidate’s turn to speak. He acts as though he isn’t contagious (and has said he is now immune). The VP debates were mostly civil. I didn’t watch any of them, will read the analyses and fact-checks today. Also saw that Seattle is at risk of losing federal funding after being designated an “anarchist jurisdiction.” We don’t know what that means exactly…Ran out of cat food (where did the week go?) so Vicki took me to the store and then for a walk at The Res. The skyline was once again hazy from the ‘giga-fire’ on the CA/OR border that has so far consumed 1.4 million acres.October 9, 2020Trump is still on steroids and off his rocker. He’s called for the arrest of Biden and others. Pelosi is assembling a 25th Amendment Commission – “not to target Trump specifically but to have a system in place for future issues” (i.e. Trump specifically). There’s some speculation that he’s really angry today at not being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize that he was certain he deserved.I’m working on the Newsgirl hat with a lace overlay, trying to get it far enough along to show tomorrow, which starts at 6:30 AM for a technical check. It’s going to be a really long day.I had to cut my Dragon Tree down today. It’s one of my oldest houseplants and a signature piece of my living room. I hope I can get the tip to root so I can replant it.October 11, 2020Woke up at 4 AM for the second day in a row. Up at 5:30 for the second day of my art show. My stock from Tubac arrived just in time so I had a full booth for the weekend. I sold 2 hats yesterday and had almost 300 visitors to my website. Vicki has spent the weekend in the other room, with the cats so they wouldn’t interrupt me during my show. She’s been a tremendous help.Next week I’ll ship hats to Yreka and Peters Valley, and deal with medicare enrollment. I need to schedule a trip to the vet for routine vaccines, and check in with my doctor to let her know I have survived COVID-19 thus far. My tight chest has now mostly dissipated. Staying off the news cycle definitely helps with that. But like a lemming to the sea, once the show ended, I was back to scanning the news.Trumps first post-COVID-19 rally was at the White House yesterday. 2000 invitations were sent, about 500 showed up, and it turns out they were already in DC attending an unrelated event. ABC News reports that many of those rally goers had their expenses paid in order to attend the Trump balcony “Protest for Law and Order” which is how they skirted the pandemic restrictions on group meetings (protests are exempt).Trump is now at a sixfold increase of his original rhetoric. He wants Biden, Hillary and Obama to be arrested. The transfer of power in January is going to be a bloodbath. His own party doesn’t seem to fully support him but is not reining him in either. I wonder if Pelosi’s 25th Amendment Commission will be on standby to remove him after the election in November. Pence would need to be on board with that as well as Trump’s doctors, who we now suspect were forced to sign NDAs at Walter Reed, like they did during the mystery hospitalization in November 2019.You’d think a virtual art show wouldn’t be much different from a regular WFH day, but I’m almost as exhausted as I would be had it been a physical show. Which at this point, I don’t think I am physically capable of doing. But I remember that I’ve been up since 4 AM. It’s now 7 PM and I’m ready to end my day. I’m asleep by 8:30 but awake again at midnight. Damn sleep cycle is all messed up. I answer emails and Facebook hat order queries until 2 AM. My first custom Kraken order comes through, with a 30% tip!October 12, 2020COVID-19 infections near 40 million globally, the US has had 214,000+ deaths as of today.SCOTUS confirmation for Amy Barrett is pretty much a done deal unless a miracle happens and she withdraws. Her religious sect is a bit of a sticking point but I’m sure the GOP won’t have a problem with a ‘handmaid who submits to her husband’s opinions”.Stellar jays visit my patio today. A fuschia and my Russian Sage are in a second bloom. My cedar tree is trying to die. My Dragon Tree is holding its own. Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend reminded me that I forgot Chuck’s birthday. He would have turned 54 on October 1.October 13, 2020COVID-19 deaths today are 1,082,928 globally, and 215,439 in the US.I wake up with generalize anxiety. We’re expecting 50 mph wind with rain today.Barrett confirmation hearings continue. Hope springs eternal that a handful of GOP will cross the aisle and vote against confirmation, though that is pretty unlikely. Most of them are so intent to ram this through that they are putting off getting tested for COVID-19 so they don’t test positive, which would prevent them from attending the vote.A third wave of COVID-19 is now active in 13 states. We’re back to square one on hospital beds. A second governor was reportedly the subject of a kidnapping plot by a far right militia group who were unhappy over the lockdown in their state. Fifteen people were ultimately arrested.October 14, 2020COVID-19 deaths today are 216,734. We lost 1,295 Americans since yesterday.Another morning of generalized anxiety. Every little thing stresses me out now. I plan to take more cat breaks, and look for more immersive projects at my desk. Boredom is as bad as burnout. A suddenly sunny afternoon spurs me to take a walk to mail a hat order.Trump continues his rallies, continues to say he’s immune, and now says a cure is on its way, which is a fallacy. Herd immunity is now the current WH plan. COVID-19 cases are increasing in several states. I wonder how many people will die before the election, and if that is part of the master plan.SCOTUS confirmation hearing is going as expected, with no real questions being asked by GOP and no real answers being given to the Dems. Her evasion technique is masterful and I can only hope that she is as open-minded on the bench as she claims to be during these hearings. But I doubt it.The next presidential debate has been replaced by separate town halls, which ABC and NBC will broadcast simultaneously. I won’t watch or listen to either of them.October 16, 2020 – 390,000 deaths forecast by February 1…It’s 3 AM. I had zero productivity today between 5:30 PM and bedtime. Fell asleep watching a movie but was wide awake two hours later. Up and out of bed at 8:15.COVID-19 deaths in the US today total 218,556, with 652 deaths in just the last 12 hours. We are nearing 8 million cases, with most states now recording new cases in double digits. Contrary to Trumps claims of immunity, second infections are now being reported (1 global case last week, 20 this week), with the second round being much worse than the first. A variant emerges. Models predict 390,000 total deaths by February 1 in the absence of a national mandate.Biden’s town hall last night had 1 million more viewers on his single network, than Trump had on 3 networks. Trump now has 3 rallies scheduled every day until the election. QAnon are now openly avid supporters.October 18, 2020 – Pumpkin shoppingI wake up tired, it’s foggy both inside and outdoors today. I shouldn’t be this tired, and can barely abide the thought of climbing into real clothes for our field trip today.I made pretty good progress yesterday, having gone from zero orders to 10 hats and 5 custom masks in just a matter of days. I pack some things to work on while Vicki takes us to Snohomish.The town of Snohomish is lined with clear tents outside of restaurants, all the same style – clear sides, white roofs, about 10′ x 20′. I’m not sure how enclosed outdoor seating is safer than indoor seating, maybe it just increases their seating capacity. We’re looking for Vicki’s favorite pumpkin field which we never do find, but we stopped by the Yakima Fruit Stand in Bothel on our way home. It was pretty crowded so I try to stay outside. Vicki rarely buys things on these various missions, I often do, but this time we just admire the wide variety of shapes, color and varieties, especially the celedon ones.October 20, 2020Insomnia hits again last night. That probably explains my frequent fatigue. I introduce Vicki to Goodies, my favorite Turkish grocer. I had forgotten how much I miss that place. It’s sunny but expected to frost over tonight, so I’ll bring my fuschia indoors to see if I can get it to bloom over Dia de los Muertos.I get 3 months of expenses done at my work desk, and make progress on selecting a Medicare plan. I devise a plan to make staff birthday cards from old travel maps, and purchase bookstore gift cards since the Starbucks near our office are now closed. I end the day with a full dozen hat orders and feel productive at long last.October 21, 2020 – China and TrumpA very quiet day at work. Marie drops by to deliver a parcel I had shipped to her house since packages are no longer secured here and thefts are more frequent.NYT breaks a story about Trump having a bank account in China and has paid $200,000+ in taxes, vs the $700 or so that he paid in US taxes last year. China paid him $17 million on his inauguration, from which he withdrew $15 million in cash for his personal account. Iran and China have information from voters in Florida and are reportedly sending threatening emails to Democrats in the guise of Proud Boys. It’s a wacky and yet somehow predictable episode in the continuing election saga.Also today, Netflix sends me an episode of Mr. Robot (Season 3, disc 1) which talks about China backing Trump for president. The episode was produced in 2017. Which leaves me pretty well freaked out for the next several days…October 22, 2020 – Appliance shortageCOVID-19 deaths in the US are now 223,032, with 1100 new cases. A “dark winter’ is forecast. The EU has also had a dramatic increase. Deaths are still low but long term health care is an issue that no one seems to be talking about.The unintended consequences of COVID-19 now include a shortage of appliances (dishwashers, refrigerators and ovens) as well as a shortage of people to repair them. Stay-at-home orders mean appliances are getting heavier usage. Repair people are now booked a month out. There’s a shortage of parts. We’re expanding the definition of “essential worker”. Families are reporting ‘being broken by having to wash dishes by hand” and are now buying more disposables. God forbid they ever have to wash their own clothes…October 25, 2020COVID-19 total deaths today: 225,001. New forecasts predict 500,000 deaths by February 2021. The WH officially gives up on containment and focuses on vaccines and therapeutics. Dr. Fauci says a vaccine might be approved as early as December but will not be widely available for six months after that. Pence’s chief of staff tests positive but Pence continues to campaign because Trump considers him an essential worker.Trump signs an executive order which changes the civil service to political appointees. MSNBC says that Dr. Fauci (and every other doctor and scientist who are not loyal to Trump) can be fired at will.October 26, 2020Amy Barrett is confirmed by the Senate and is sworn in almost immediately. The hypocrisy is astounding. MSNBC publishes a list of people Trump intends to fire during his second term, which includes the heads of the FBI and the CIA. An interesting move for a “Law and Order President.”Hat orders are progressing and my achievement today aside from abstaining from most of the news cycle, is ‘perfect pancakes’, fluffy with a crunch from the cornmeal. Ayran might be my new secret ingredient, and my never before used cast iron skillet, my new favorite cookware.October 28, 2020There are 73,200 new COVID-19 cases in the US today.My fuschia is blooming. I set up an ofrendas on my desk today, with pan du muerto and paper banners I procured on a mid-day shopping trip with Vicki yesterday. The paper banners make me very happy. I finished a hat order last night, just have masks to make and shipping labels to process for a run to the post office tomorrow.Stock markets drop again today for the third time, after the Senate goes on recess, having confirmed the new SCOTUS pick but ignoring the next COVID-19 relief package. Eviction moratoriums have now expired in several states. Happy HolidaysNever have I seen a Congress who holds in such low regard the very people they are elected to serve. If every one of them loses their seat in the upcoming election, those losses will be well deserved.October 29, 2020COVID-19 numbers today:Global cases – 44,684,011 / global deaths – 1,176,726US cases – 8,881,087 / US deaths – 227,986US cases and deaths have nearly doubled in the past 3 monthsA case has been confirmed in our building on Floor 2 (we are 1 of 2 tenants in our building)There are still concerns about long-term effects and health coverage should the ACA fail.My election anxiety is getting bad and I’m back to stress eating, I must have had 6 meals yesterday, and slept badly as a result. A treat bag arrives and I try to eat half of it over the course of this ridiculous day. Too stressed out to touch hats, a stack of Vanity Fair magazines takes up my evening.October 30, 2020COVID-19 numbers:US cases – 9,036,678 (155,591 new cases since yesterday)US deaths – 229,585 (1599 new since yesterday)The spread is significant along the US/Canada border and along the entire West Coast and Alaska. Canada is doing a much better job at containment.I garbed up as a modern day Catrina for a Zoom happy hour. Vicki showed up at lunchtime with long stemmed marigolds, and off we went to the graveyard across the street for a quick photo shoot. In the absence of having a family grave, I decorated the mausoleum of a local founder with bird-friendly offerings for Dia de los Muertos. It was a fun and needed break to the week.October 31, 2020COVID-19 US cases – 9,122,144 (85,466 new) / US deaths – 230,502 (917 died today). Sean Connery also died today.Germany shut down their bars earlier this week. The UK shuts down today for a month. Mexico is shutting their graveyards November 1-2 so families are trying to visit graves today to honor their dead. November is anticipated to be awful on nearly every level. Trump is back to calling COVID-19 a hoax which will vanish on November 4.A custom order, years in the making (or at least in the finishing)September 1, 2020I had incredibly vivid dreams last night. Chuck (my deceased husband) was standing in full dress Regimental Scottish, minus the hat, telling me he was going back home, and checking to make sure I took care of some task or other with our kids, a small boy and girl who were sitting at a table in the background, playing rather than eating. Both had brown hair, the boy was in a white formal shirt, I couldn’t see much of the girl, they appeared to be about 8 years old. Except that we never had kids…In the same dream, I see my grandmother Hughes standing in front of me, trying to hand me a fabric mask, but she wasn’t speaking. I was woken up by my phone, which wouldn’t stop ringing for about 45 minutes and I couldn’t even power it off. Later that morning, I would find that my neighbors had moved without saying a final goodbyeThere’s so much news today, more shootings, more “tell-all” books being released. More shenanigans at DOJ with Barr dismantling intelligence briefings on voter interference. USPS claiming that everything is OK after LeJoy has started to mess with staffing, scheduling and mail sorting machines. There’s a rush to get the U.S. vaccine out before it is fully tested. “Herd immunity” becomes today’s lethal catch-phrase.“Insurrection Act” surfaced briefly on Twitter last week but does not appear in mainstream news sources. The injustice in this country is becoming more blatant as black men continue to get shot, and white boys with AR-17’s roam free…Trump is now openly citing conspiracy theories. “Dark Shadow” and “a planeful of thugs from a certain city are coming to wreak havoc on the RNC”, spoken as though it was a first-hand account – so either Trump is flying commercial now, or he mistook his own Secret Service for thugs or Dark Shadows. We are in a weird f***king world today.Local news reports draw a picture of downtown that is really sketchy. Bartells is closed. Starbucks is closed. Kress grocery closed today. There is literally no place on our block to buy a coffee, a sandwich or a bandaid. My only choice for outfitting our office is Target which is about 3 blocks away. Whenever we have an operating office again…September 3, 2020COVID-19 deaths in the US near 190,000. UW Medical forecasts 400,000 by January.100 nights of protest in Portland, OR.Trump disparages fallen military by calling them “losers for dying”.Trump encourages his supporters to vote for him twice to test the mail-in ballot system. Barr follows suit. It’s a FELONY to intentionally vote twice. I plan to write Congress this week.Vaccines are being rushed by the Trump administration to be approved by November 1 (3 days before the election). The medical community is really skeptical of this deadline and warns again that releasing it before Phase 3 trials are complete, will erode public trust in vaccines.In odd news, LA pilots encounter a guy in a jet pack at the airport, and a performance artist soars for 5 miles on a bundle of helium balloons before parachuting back down to earth. The balloons are presumed to still be up there somewhere…September 6, 2020 – Vacation and survivalist spendingVacation is weird when you can’t go anywhere. I use the time this week to work on hat orders, masks to donate, and Kate’s dress.I’m now so stocked up on food and supplies that I feel like one of those survivalists preparing for the zombie apocalypse. Now I need to stop buying things and start building up cash reserves. I haven’t had to dip into my savings since the pandemic started, one of the slivers of silver in the elsewise very cloudy landscape. I have been goaded by my neighbor to schedule a flu shot for the first time in a decade, part of our preparations for that zombie apocalypse. We enter into a pact that if one of us (she, her sister, or I) fall ill with COVID-19, the other one or two will become the support system.No stress there … just what has become our normal, daily mindset…I bought a black pansy yesterday on one of our shopping expeditions. It’s the first one I’ve ever seen, and a nice addition to my Mom’s memorial garden. I also bought a variety of heather that I had never seen before, and maybe a variety I won’t manage to kill off.There are a lot of UHaul trucks in the apartment complex this week, mostly people moving out. I wonder if it aligns with college, in spite of most of them being online now, after in-person classes resulted in another string of COVID-19 spikes. Another spike is expected after the Labor Day weekend.Hat orders progress at a much slower rate than I expected. Even with my system of white boards listing daily and long term priorities, I am hard pressed to garner the interest in doing any of it. I’ve even stopped checking Facebook. Between Zuckerberg being an ass, and a lack of empathic capacity on my part, I just can’t deal with that level of social connection right now.September 7, 2020I fell asleep in my clothes last night and woke up draped in cats. It’s not the best of days. Everything makes me cry. Holidays are going to be weird this year, and a gloomy mood may be a more significant issue this winter than it normally is. I’m freaking out a little about my flu shot which is scheduled for Friday (I’ve reacted badly to them in the past which is why I stopped getting them). The news wasn’t even worth reading today.September 10, 2020We’re waiting for a smoke and ash cloud from the CA and OR fires, arriving tonight for the weekend. My lungs still hurt from the walk we took at the Res two days ago. I wonder if the sky will turn red like it did in San Francisco.This week’s ‘bombshell’ outlined in Woodward’s new book doesn’t seem to make any greater dent in the Trump saga than anything else. Trump is truly teflon and Congress is truly useless. I still need to write them to request presidential censure for the continued voting disinformation.Things feel really weird today, again. Everything feels so completely f***ked up. Is this depression? Burnout? COVID fatigue? I’m so tired of being tired…September 11, 2020My first flu shot in a decade is a non-event so far, so Vicki and I treated ourselves to a visit to City Mercantile. Haven’t been there in years. Bought trinkets.The fires:10% of Oregonians have had to evacuateThe smoke and ash plume has arrived. Seattle, Portland and San Francisco currently have the worst air quality of any city in the world, which reached “Hazardous” this afternoon.A fire map I saw yesterday showed that the entire Western half of the country was on fire, not just the West Coast.Not one word of support, condolence, thought or prayer from Trump, who claims the fires are due to mismanagement of Federal lands in Blue states. Every day proves him to be the eternal a-hole.September 13, 2020We’ve had an ash-overcast with a yellow-grey sky for two days, and the cats are confused by the lack of an open window. I start work on the next 50 masks. At 2 PM I develop a low grade fever (99.1) which I hope is just from the flu shot. A very mild ache in that arm but none of the passing out or marked inflammation I’ve experienced with other vaccines. Turns out I’m allergic to egg-based vaccines…I have to open a window briefly and sporadically in spite of the ash cloud, which is worse today than yesterday. But the stale indoor air is worse than the ash. I really wish they hadn’t removed our ceiling fans during last year’s renovations.September 15, 2020I have a temperature spike of 99.7. And my dragon tree is trying to dieSeptember 17, 2020 – A really angry day, and thoughts of martial lawIn COVID-19 news:US death toll is expected to reach 200,000 by this weekend.Fauci and Birx are now sidelined from the COVID-19 Task Force and are replaced by Scott Atlas, a radiologist touting herd immunity.CDC Director Redfield is starting to stand up to Trump, but it may be too late, as he lost some credibility earlier in the year, presumably in order to keep his job. I wonder how long it will be before he is fired, now that he is not towing Trump’s party line.Even the vaccine is now politicized.In other news:The US Census is now in limbo as a court order strikes down Trump’s efforts to end the count early (in an attempt to gerrymander the numbers to re-allocate congressional districts and funding based on state populations), and the deadline for completion is now really unclear.Hysterectomies are being performed on ICE-detainees, harking back to forced sterilizations in labor camps in WWII. A whistleblower was being ‘rush deported’ before Congress intervened, as said whistleblower was a key witness in their investigation.Chad Wolfe ignores subpeona and is found to be holding his Homeland Security office illegally.Trump is lying so fast that fact checkers can barely keep up. Some of the media in the WH press core are finding spines and calling him out, which usually ends up in shouting matches and shortened press briefings.I’m wondering how soon Trump will try to declare martial law, or a war with Iran. I cannot believe where we are now. Even AG Barr lies on a daily basis when he’s not threatening protesters with sedition (an executable offense). He’s now suggesting taking legal action against Seattle’s mayor Durkin for allowing CHOP to happen. When do all of these ‘last straws’ become big enough to break a camel’s back??? God help Biden and the next ten presidents after him. It’s going to take decades to undo this damage.Building management called and instructed me to remove my VOTE sign from my window. I did, but I gave them an angry earful as I was ripping it down. My blood pressure stayed elevated for the rest of the day. But the day ends on good news, with Federal judges stepping up to “not pause the census” and “restore the USPS”.September 18, 2020 – Justice GinsbergRosh Hashanah. Justice Ginsberg dies. Mitch McConnell decides, no time wasted. It’s up to the GOP to decide just how hypocritical they can afford to be. I spend 2 hours sending emails to Congress, requesting that this seat remain vacant, now that we are in an election year. But I know those letters will mostly fall on the deaf ears of the GOP controlled Senate.How much worse are days going to get before January 20, I wonder.September 19, 2020Justice Ginsberg is not dead for 2 hours before McConnell calls for a floor vote to fill her now vacant seat. Trump managed to say something nice about her last night but puts his full force behind McConnell’s decision. Happy Jewish New YearI have another temp spike today of 99.5, with body aches and other complaints. I wonder if stress is starting to manifest itself in these physical symptoms.My long weekend starts today but mostly I just clean house and make masks. I make lists but they only help marginally, as I mostly ignore them once I’ve made them. I really need to make better use of my time, if for no other reason than to distract me from the state of disrepair and disregard that we seem to be living in now.On a brighter note, the first heavy downpour of the season is knocking the ash out of the sky. All of my windows are open for the first time in a a week.September 21, 2020US passed 200,00 on Monday according to the Johns Hopkins dashboard, which is the only source I record here. Other media sources cite numbers about 2,000 higher.Fever spikes decreased yesterday and temp today is back to normal. But I still feel like crap. I try to stay off the news for the rest of the day because it is leaving me shell-shocked. I finish up a short list of adult commitments in hopes of devoting the remains of the weekend to creative time.Sept 22, 2020The Washington Cathedral tolled their bells 100,000 times on Sunday to honor those lost to COVID-19.US death toll has doubled since May and is expected to double again by the end of this year. It will be interesting to see statistics on how many people die after casting their vote (i.e. if those votes will be contested).Four of the largest casualty events in the USA are the Civil War, WWII, the 1918 flu pandemic, and now the COVID-19 pandemic.The CDC appears to be run by political operatives now. The coronavirus is now said to be airborne (as I assumed from the very beginning) but that guidance was removed from the CDC website 24 hours later.Democrats may lose the ability to postpone Justice Ginsberg’s seat on SCOTUS. The next nominee will be a woman, both of the women under consideration are currently (conservative) judges which will smooth their way to Senate confirmation. Trump has said he needs a full conservative court to litigate a questioned election.Seattle, Portland and NYC are back in Barr’s crosshairs for our stance on defunding the police (which actually means realigning police with social service agencies rather than deleting the police force entirely). The DOJ is working hand in hand with the White House to divide the country in every way possible.I read an interesting article about millennial burnout, including the lack of downtime and “errand paralysis” which leads to piles of tasks and errands left undone. I can relate to that. I use vacation time now to force myself to booth through those piles of tasks and errands and ‘clean the slate (white boards).I’m making about 50 masks per month now. On one hand I’m trying to scale back, but on the other hand, braiding the ties is a mindless thing to keep my hands busy while I’m watching movies or the news. I don’t know how long I’ll be in the hat business. I stopped marketing when the lockdowns started, and my galleries have not requested stock for the holiday season. Maybe this is just the break that Marie suggested that I take (last year).Guardians of the Galaxy arrived Saturday, my reward for a day of cleaning house. Sunday I walked into my sewing room and found a small black and orange googley eye firmly adhered to the corner of my sewing table. WTH? I have no idea how it got there, but it looks like a Baby Groot eye. Payne will make me a Baby Groot on his new 3-D printer. I can hardly wait.Taking some vacation days offers a good mental reset and a snapshot into what retirement might look like if we survive the current administration. But it takes me a full five days to get to that reset button. I need to buy more journals. I wish I could go thrift store shopping.September 23, 2020 – Ginsberg in repose, no justice for Taylor, democracy in perilCOVID-19 cases in the US are now 7 million, we are nearing 40,000 new cases daily. Our cumulative case count is on an upwards trajectory, and has not plateaued as the White House claims.COVID-19 death toll in the US is 201,909. 1,432 died today, and about 500 of those died within a space of 4 hours.Death numbers doubled between May-Sept. Average daily death rate is now 930 according to Statistica. There will be 42,000 fewer voters by November.Global death count is 1 million, the US accounts for 20% of that, with 4% of the total global population.The economy continues to tank, including farms which threaten the US food supply.Airlines announce they are laying off 100,000.126 retails stores and services have now shuttered in downtown Seattle.Trump is back to holding rallies and replays of his rhetoric. He’s pretty much gone fascist at this point.Justice Ginsberg went for the final time to the Supreme Court, where 100 of her former law clerks met her casket on the steps. She lies in repose at the US Capitol today, the first woman to be accorded that honor. I spent an hour watching C-SPAN coverage. Two women served as pallbearers. It has been pouring rain here for two days but is sunny in DC today.Breonna Taylor was shot to death 170 days ago, as she slept in her apartment. Today the officers were acquitted. The country now braces for riots. I don a black armband and paste “BLM” to the back of my coat, and am at a loss as to what else I can do. There is No Justice. And now there will be No Peace.It is now after noon and this damn task paralysis persists. I wish I could shake this feeling of needing to prepare for the end times. My temp is back down to 97.1, lower back pain and really tight chest from anxiety. I’m getting really tired of this. Of all of it.Tonight, Trump suggests that “ballots are a fraud and should be thrown out” and that there won’t be a transition, just a continuation of his power. Barr echoes: “Get rid of ballots and there won’t be a transition.” “Civil War” has now entered the landscape of commentary. Trump is stacking the courts to win the election (if the results are contested and go to SCOTUS), and then will force every law he wants. We are in unfathomable danger as a democracy, and NO ONE in Congress is standing up for us. Winning reelection is the only way he stays out of jail unless a Democratic Senate can impeach him.Seattle is now on the “Defund the Anarchist Jurisdictions” list but we don’t know what that means exactly. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do if Trump wins or takes a second term. We will live in a country where only white people who tow the GOP party line will be safe.September 24, 2020COVID-19 deaths total 202,762. Deaths since yesterday – 853.It’s pouring rain again today. My tight chest, lower back pain and generalized anxiety are now chronic conditions.In a surprise turn of events, McConnell and other GOP members rebuke Trump in his response to hedging on a peaceful transition. Biden: “He says the most irrational things. I don’t know what to say. Pelosi: “He’s not worth the trouble at this point”. Coons: “Believe him” (issued as a warning I think). But the GOP say one thing and then do the opposite.Trump now says he would accept a hypothetical Supreme Court ruling” in Biden’s favor. He’s still intent on making the election an issue determined by the courts. He also spoke yesterday of tossing the popular vote and assembling a new Electoral College.Payne drops by to deliver a Baby Groot, which took 18 hours for his 3-D printer to produce. My mystery googley eye is just the right size. It cheers me up immensely.September 25, 2020As of 8 PM tonight, US COVID-19 cases are 7,033,268. Total deaths are 203,704. We lost 942 people today. Florida lifts all COVID-19 restrictions today.Downtown businesses that have now closed include:MacysBergman LuggageBartell Drugs (next door to our office)Kress Grocery (across from our office and the only full service grocer south of Belltown, since Amazon never opened).Aaron Brothers (art supply)Payless ShoesTJ MaxxIvars on the waterfront and at South Lake UnionHungry & Harried (also across the street from our office)The only businesses on our block are Wild Ginger Restaurant, the jeweler next door, a Subway shop and the Gelatiamo. Our office building remains boarded up.The GOP continues to assure the public of an orderly transition, but do not rebuke Trump directly. Flags fly at half mast over the Supreme Court Building for 30 days for Justice Ginsberg. Trump issued a national order for 8 days, though I’m pretty sure that he was prompted / goaded into issuing that order.September 26, 2020US COVID-19 cases today total 7,065,019. Global deaths are 990,738. US deaths are 204,249.A slow start to my day ramps up to hatmaking and prep for my first virtual art show through Peters Valley School of Craft. Polenta and chevre make a quick & easy lunch today. I need to find ways to use polenta after ‘stress-stocking-up’ on that foodstuff.The word of the day is HYPOCRACY as the GOP forge ahead with their plans to fill the SCOTUS seat. Democrats struggle between throwing hammers into the gears or boycotting the vote altogether. I hope they fight. Some GOP may still be dissuaded from confirming the current nominee. Fight while you still have a chance to.September 28, 2020 – A million global COVID-19 deathsWe reached 1 million COVID-19 deaths globally today. US deaths are now 205,031. On May 26 I recorded 98,294 deaths. If my math is correct and we averaged 26,684 deaths per month, we will reach 280,000 deaths by December 31.NYTimes releases pieces of Trump’s tax returns which show tax evasion in the guise of severe business losses over the past 15 years. Trump owes $73 million to the IRS and $410 million in personal loans that come due in the next three years. (Al Capone was ultimately nailed on tax evasion, we’ll see if that’s the card that folds Trump’s hand.)The ACA looks like it’s on its way to being repealed by SCOTUS, fears that Roe v. Wade might be next as conservatives take over the majority vote in the court. We are breaking as a country and some fear for what is coming next.CNN reports that a lack of exercise not only affects muscle mass, but also lung capacity and brain function. So I went to the parking garage at NW Hospital where I climbed 8 flights of (exterior) stairs today. I vow to do so every other day (at minimum).September 29, 2020Politico reports today that the US needs 660 billion doses of vaccine to inoculate half of our population (at 2 doses each), and that COVID-19 might not be under control until 2023.Smoke from the CA fires is returning but isn’t supposed to be as bad this time. The first presidential debate is tonight. I’m definitely avoiding it.I’ve been late to work for the past two days (8:30-9 AM). My temp is normal but I’m losing simple words. I’m completely unmotivated in spite of my upcoming art show. This depression is insidious. It’s still sunny, I shouldn’t be this depressed. I’m fighting the urge to go shopping – I Do Not Need More Food. So I spent $60 on mask and hatmaking supplies instead.It feels weird to not be hip-deep in hat production. Normally I’d be preparing 5-6 dozen hats to ship to galleries for their holiday sales, but even the galleries that are open, have not requested new stock. Which is just as well, since I have very little ambition for it anyway. All I want to make right now are masks – simple, fast, using up a lot of textile that I cannot use for hats – instant gratification. I’ve had zero mask sales since the first wave when I introduced my couture line back in May. They’re probably too expensive now that you can buy a mask for $5 pretty much anywhere. Shipping a single mask alone is nearly $4. But that price will come down when I switch from braided yarn ties, to black elastic. I’m just waiting on that order.Vicki kidnapped me for a midday walk at Golden Gate Park. It cut the boredom of the day for both of us. Days have become Blursdays again. One day just like the next and no different from the last.I’m sort of surprised at the lack of news stories about the effects of COVID-19 on the environment, now with all the masks, gloves and single serve to-go food bags and containers that are now littering streets and filling trash bins. We’re nothing on any front but a steaming hot mess.September 30, 2020Today’s COVID-19 numbers:Global deaths – 1,011,282US deaths – 206,859 (20% of global deaths)358 deaths in the US show a slowdownUS cases – 7,229,319I woke up angry again, and late for work again. The upstairs neighbors are getting pretty noisy but nothing that is reportable. Just heavy walking and playing with dogs. I pretend I’m living under a Roman Legion on maneuvers, with wolf hounds and war elephants…The ash cloud has arrived and is more dense than I was expecting. This one is from fires in North CA so the plume had less distance to travel and dissipate.The Met has closed until 2021. Disney laid off 1/4 of its workforce today. Mnuchin meets with Pelosi today to work out the next COVID-19 relief package before Congress leaves for campaign season. I guess people have given up on Turtle McConnell.The debate last night is being widely panned. “A hot mess inside a dumpster fire inside a train wreck.” Trump was off the rails disruptive, wouldn’t let Biden speak, and the moderator, Chris Wallace from Fox News, was wholly ineffective. There are calls to cut the mikes so only one candidate can speak at a time during the next debate.Trump also called out the Proud Boys (a white supremacy group) during the debate last night, and told them to “stand by”. Today he tried to walk that back by saying he didn’t know who they were. There seems to be some attachment to Roger Stone (who’s sentence Trump commuted today) but there’s only so much Trump news I can digest in a 24 hour period.At 8 PM I’m still at my desk, watching the news. I hope I can get back to more normal activity after the election November 5. I’ve signed up for a slew of political action lists but have yet to do anything meaningful aside from my Ginsberg letters to Congress. I wonder what the point even is. Maybe I’m just too overwhelmed.Vanity Fair reports that Trump is fearful that Pascale will talk while in custody (he tried to commit suicide after beating his wife up on September 27 and was taken to a hospital for evaluation). Pascale was Trump’s campaign manager until the Tulsa rally fiasco, and may open up for a plea deal to reduce any charges he may get hit with in his own fraud investigation. “We only hire the best people.” Is it evil for me to laugh out loud…Introducing Fancy Face Masks for Kids!August 1, 2020 – Ghost town, murder hornets, and BlursdayVicki and I drove to the Seattle Rep yesterday with a trunk load of food and masks to donate to WASHMask, who was collecting for agricultural workers. Of all the essential workers we have, our field and packing house workers are among the most essential and the least supported.Then we went to my day office downtown, a place I had not stepped foot in since early March. Third Avenue is a ghost town, with businesses boarded up for several blocks as a precaution against the continuing BLM demonstrations. There are very few people walking around and I don’t see any of the regulars. Vehicle traffic was still pretty heavy. Buses remain infrequent. Our building is among the ones that are boarded up and I had to use the call box to be let in. Once upstairs, I grabbed everything I thought I would need for the next six months, cleared out several dead plants, and grouped the remaining plants together to make it easier for the solo staff person to water. I don’t know when I’ll be back.Federal troops have been withdrawn from Portland, and (surprise surprise) the last two nights have been peaceful. There has been a focus on the number of black people getting arrested in spite of the majority of the demonstrators being white.The Michigan State Capitol was stormed by armed white militia, I think to protest the COVID-19 lockdowns. The White House seemed to condone the behaviorAlso this week, Trump suggested postponing the election. Analysts surmise that his goal isn’t actually to postpone, but to delegitimize the results of the November election. It’s like he senses that he’s not going to win this time.Murder hornets arrive in Washington State. I’m now waiting for locusts, and fireballs to fall from the sky, and for the waters to turn red…Feelings of being trapped have picked up again this week and “Blursday” has set in. I have to check my laptop to figure out what day it is, and I’m ‘losing my words’ more frequently which is a little distressing. I think it’s a lack of stimulation. I need to shake things up a bit and find some immersive projects. “Is this what retirement is going to look like” has become a recurring, nagging question.So I applied to the Betty Bowen Awards (for the third time in as many years) and accepted an invitation to participate in a virtual art show in October through Peters Valley School of Craft. I think about starting some new hats for Brookfield Craft Center now that they have re-opened their gallery (with COVID-19 precautions in place). Tubac Center and I have come to a mutual agreement that my hats are not a good fit for them, so they are shipping their stock back, which I hope arrives in time for the Peters Valley show. The “Seattle Krakens” was announced as the name of our new hockey team, so now I have an excuse to make that kraken cap that’s been on my design board since my steampunk days.I go on a spending spree, buying new dishes “not from the thrift store’, an outdoor carpet to cover my ugly cement porch, and too many videos.I would normally be writing travel journals right now, so I’m now going back to old travel journals and extracting museum visits for my company newsletter, and sent a sample to the Mainly Museums website. If I’m accepted, the two projects would dovetail nicely.I subscribed to the Disney Channel and finally got to see Hamilton. A friend suggested that I turn on the closed captioning, which was the only way I could understand the dialog. I was not expecting 2 solid hours of rap, which grates on my nerves. The script was good but the acting was patchy. I loved the actor who played Jefferson, but I was disappointed in Lin-Manuel Miranda, whose performance seemed flat. I’m really glad I didn’t pay big bucks to see it in a theater. Now that I’m on Disney, I’m watching all the Marvel Comic franchise. The Avengers Affinity Wars was hard to sit through but it led to End Game which is good, but sad since it really is the End of the Game for Tony Stark. Green Arrow on Netflix also ends this week. So now I’m all melancholy…August 2, 2020I receive a spur of the moment invite to spend the afternoon at Payne and Marie’s house. We shared a socially distanced meal on their deck, and Payne guided me through the proper sequence for watching the Marvel franchise. I returned home to two very hungry cats whom I had forgotten to feed before I left … oops…August 8, 2020 – Travel journal projectMy first submission to Mainly Museums was accepted last week, and it appears I will be a weekly contributor. I have a list of about 40 museums and 15 exhibits to write reviews for. I’m excited at having something new to do, even if it is just rehashing stuff I’ve already written. It also launches a retirement project of converting my travel journals and photo collections – currently scattered across various websites, USB drives, photo discs and CDs – into a series of hard copy books. When I die, my websites die with me, and I’ve sorted through enough of my deceased friends’s photos and files to understand the value of leaving behind a more cohesive and organized record. It’s a sizable project that will probably keep me busy until the world ends…August 10, 2020Vicki and I visited a garden in Bellevue today. We walk a couple of times a week, usually at The Rez (a nearby park named after a reservoir), or just take a drive to break up the monotony of apartment living during a lockdown. I spend my days in a 10×10 foot room, sitting in front of a laptop, and my evenings in my other, somewhat larger room, sitting at my sewing machine, churning out masks. Blursday. Blursnight. Whatever.August 28, 2020 – Chadwick BosemanChadwick Boseman died today, age 43, from colon cancer that he had been battling since 2016. His death was a shock to nearly everyone in his social circle, many of whom wondered how he had managed to keep his diagnosis and chemo schedule secret from them. The Black Panther franchise has now been thrown into question.I have not done well with keeping this journal. Perhaps I’m either too tired, or too overwhelmed. There’s a dichotomy between how slow my daily life is and how fast the news cycle continues to be. Some days I cannot keep up, other days I simply choose not to…A custom order. All of my hats ship with a free mask through the end of 2020. Maybe longer…July 10, 2020I haven’t felt well for the last few days, dizziness and a temperature spike (100), and decreased appetite, though the latter is probably a good thing. I’m back up to sleeping 12 hours a day.Day work is back to boring but at night I’m back to making hats. A 3-day weekend starts tonight and I’m determined to not fritter it away like I did on the July 4th weekend. Plans for this weekend include getting caught up on back orders for hats, and another shipment of masks for Yakima. I also started upgrading my “hat office” with the purchase of a new postage scale, and setting up my own accounts at USPS, UPS and Office Depot. Retirement from my day job is still 2-4 years away, but it never hurts to start planning early.July 11, 2020 – Roger Stone commutedTemp is back to normal this morning, and my weight has dropped below 165 for the first time in months. I’m still vaguely nauseous and this tight chest will not go away. It feels like stress.Trump commuted Roger Stone’s sentence today. He’s trying to force schools to open. He’s trying to get the CED to revise their COVID-19 guidelines. He’s trying to get the FDA to re-authorize hydroxychloroquine, which the FDA withdrew approval from after finding it ineffective at best, and in some cases, downright dangerous. Trump wants to be the savior but is actually the destroyer.July 18, 2020 – John LewisI woke up at 5 AM, too early to do anything other than design work in my head.John Lewis died today. He was a civil rights icon and one of our few remaining moral compasses in the Senate. Pancreatic cancer took him at age 80.I’m now watching a Milan fashion show video, which includes behind the scenes stuff with a designer I’ve never heard of, in a combination of interview and Zoom formats. It feels like talk radio in video format and I lose interest in it pretty quickly. Some things just don’t translate well to Zoom format.I hope to finish masks today for agricultural workers in Yakima, and start on Karen’s Topkapi (a painted linen crown to overlay on her straw broad-brim hat). I’ve got a pair of caps that I need to finish before January but the design just isn’t gelling.Vicki and I end the night at the Edmonds Bluff, watching the Neowise Comet. It wasn’t much more than a smudge, but I watched it through my binoculars for about half an hour. We walked around town a bit afterwards, and found the historic district – four blocks on one street – but it was too dark to read the placards. We plan to come back during daylight hours.July 19, 2020 – Portland riotsThe riots in Portland are getting really bad. “Feds” in camo uniforms with no insignia are loading people into unmarked vans which is seriously escalating the situation. Locals are calling it kidnapping rather than arresting, and no one knows where the people are being taken to. Oregon state senators are trying to stop the practice. The whole thing looks really suspect, like vigilantes ’rounding up liberals’ rather than Federal officers protecting life and property and attempting to maintain some semblance of order.Fires inside the police union building are being set by the police, who are blaming protestors, according to first hand accounts on Twitter. It’s dystopian.July 26, 2020The riots and ‘kidnapping/arrests’ in Portland continue, and the “Feds” have now arrived in Seattle. Solidarity marches are now being held in several cities across the country.John Lewis’s casket is taken by horse & carriage past several civil rights monuments, and across the Pettus Bridge, that we hope will be renamed after him. The pavement was strewn with red rose petals for much of that span. He will lie in state at the Capitol Rotunda Monday and Tuesday.Olivia deHaviland died today at age 104. She was the last surviving cast member from Gone With The Wind. That film has recently become a point of contention in the BLM.I spent the weekend at Virtual San Diego Comicon, which was a fun diversion. I am finishing 50 masks for the WASHmask mask & food drive this weekend. The collection point is at the Seattle Rep Theater at the Seattle Center. Vicki offered to drive me there, we both hope the protests don’t put a dent in that plan.July 27, 2020 – John Lewis lies in StateIt’s 11 AM and I’m watching the arrival of John Lewis’ casket at the rotunda for a private service for Congress (televised on C-SPAN). He will lie in state tonight and tomorrow on the Capitol steps for outdoor viewing, in keeping with COVID-19 guidelines. It ‘s really something seeing the process of carrying his coffin up that huge flight of stairs leading into the Rotunda. I wonder how long they have to practice in keeping the coffin level going up and down those stairs. His honor guards are all wearing black masks, which adds to the mournfulness of the day. How difficult it must be to stare at that casket without crying, especially at night when you’re pretty much the only one there.The Senate has lost its Lion’s voice and moral compass with this passing. I don’t know if those shoes can even be filled right now. Or ever again.Vice President Pence will pay his respects tonight but Trump appears to have no plans to do so. Yet Another Fail in a year of constant fails.The view from my sewing bench.June 1, 2020 – Protests continueProtests continue, with looting. This isn’t about George Floyd or BLM anymore, it’s been co-opted into something else. Renton and Kirkland are suggesting city-wide closures at 1 PM today. Alderwood and Lynnwood Malls are closed after Southcenter Mall was targeted this morning. Cops are beating protestors and journalists but are leaving the looters to their own devices. This evening, Trump tried to declare martial law by using threatening to send the US military to every city where rioting is out of control, using the Insurrection Act as his legal stance. But according to the Posse Comitatus Act, governors need to invite that level of federal assistance to their state. It cannot be forced upon them.June 5, 2020 – BLM Plaza in DCNightly protests finally turn peaceful in Seattle, after the curfew is lifted and conversations are held between the protestors and the Mayor (Durkin) and the Chief of Police (Carmen Best). Our office downtown is broken into for the second time in as many weeks. Nothing stolen, as we had already secured everything of value after the last break-in.The Pentagon and the Mayor of DC are bucking Trump to disarm military personnel in DC, many of whom do not have identifying insignia on their uniforms. The Mayor renames a 2 block section of 16th Ave “Black Lives Matters Plaza” and paints huge yellow lettering on the pavement leading up to the White House. The White House and grounds are now surrounded by an 8′ tall metal mesh fence, behind a 3′ tall barricade which is behind a concrete barrier.I’ve had crying jags several days this week and gained 3 pounds overnight, which I attribute to elevated cortisol levels from near-continuous meltdowns. Insomnia last night means that mental fatigue rules my day today. I hope to finish a project this weekend. Any project will do…June 7, 2020 – Protests go globalProtests continue and have now gone global, in spite of the pandemic. Local protests continue to be more peaceful as curfews lift and the protesters police their own against looters. Teargas is now banned in Seattle. Elsewhere, officers are now being charged with assault for using excessive force resulting in broken bones and stitched up heads.Trump withdraws the National Guard from downtown DC, some think he was bullied by the Black Female Mayor, but the official reasoning is based on fewer-than-expected numbers of protesters (one million were expected, about 10,000 showed up). Protests have not diminished but I guess he’s feeling safer behind his wall now. The question about the ‘secret police’ remains unanswered. It is rumored that some of the military units were actually civilian militias (i.e. Proud Boys and their ilk), although we will probably never know.And now, years after Colin Kaepernick took a knee in 2016, the NFL apologizes to its players and now allows them to kneel during the national anthem. I can only hope that this maelstrom of actions leads to lasting and meaningful change. “The Best Things White People Can Do Is Listen.”June 8, 2020 – Protests continueI should be recording more about the most tumultuous times we have had since the 1960’s, but the news cycle is so fast that it’s been difficult and stressful to absorb all of it. We are now into 9 days of daily protests. Demonstrations cover much of the city, stretching even to Northgate. There are growing concerns about COVID-19 spikes (which is one of the reasons that tear gas has been banned here). We’ll see what next week’s numbers reflect.Trump appears to be losing footing with his generals and at least one former president (Bush). Biden might turn Texas blue during the election, which is said to be one of the political death knells for Trump’s second term. WE SHALL SEE.Asians are handing out paper cranes of peace. Quakers sit nearby with a sign that says “End White Silence.” The Amish and Wiccan are said to have joined forces earlier in the week. Strange bedfellows heralding the end of things as they currently are…June 10, 2020 – 2 million casesWe reached 2 million COVID-19 cases in the US today, and 112,000+ deaths.Confederate flags are banned at NASCARConfederate statues are being toppled in both the US and UKWhite people are trying to do the right thing. I hope it is sustainable.June 13, 2020The most descriptive Tweet of the day so far: “I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTF’s per hour.”I am listless today. AGAIN. But at least my house is clean now. I started a new eating plan called “The 8 Hour Window” which restricts your eating to 8 hours a day, and abstaining from the other 16 (fluids OK). It may help me to curb my stress eating and boredom grazing. Current weight is 166.2, affects should kick in in about 2 weeks.I’m still musing on early retirement, but if this is what retirement is going to look like, it fairly well sucks. I do much better on days when I can submerse myself in a project, elsewise my news-scrolling continues with every breaking alert email that crosses my work desk. I know I should be doing better but I’m having a heck of a time getting myself over this hump.June 21, 2020 – Tulsa rally and doom-scrollingToday is Father’s Day, but in the absence of a father, I’m not celebrating. I try to stay off of social media on holidays.The political pendulum seems to be swinging back to a more reasonable world as BLM protests continue to shed light on police departments, which are now being evaluated, defunded in some cities and re-organized in others.Trump’s 1st post-COVID-19 rally in Tulsa was a phenomenal flop. Trump was expecting 1 million people, but only 6,200 showed up. Fox News reported that 5.3 million viewers tuned in, but that didn’t seem to lighten Trump’s mood any.Kpop (a Korean boy band and activist group) was credited with convincing their fans to reserve tickets. Pascale, Trump’s campaign manager, failed to include an “I’m over 18” checkbox on the reservation form, which not only enabled the teens to do this thing, but also resulted in Pascale breaking a law about collecting personal info from minors. The teens said no laws were broken, since “TikTokTeens” and “Kpop-stans” are smart enough to provide burner phones and fake emails on forms. It did make for delicious reading for a couple of hours last night…Today I’m back to mask making, this batch for Yakima which is now the COVID-19 hotspot in the state. Seattle is opening back up but I’m seeing fewer masks on people, especially outdoors, though perhaps it is because the risk is though to be lower. Most businesses require masks upon entry. Theaters and restaurants will re-open next week, but I’m not game enough to go back to those yet.My bank account is improving from lack of daily spending. I’m now saving up in hopes of a trip to Africa next year, and also a potential move if my rent here increases.Doom-scrolling has become a commonly used phrase to describe “checking social media relentlessly for apocalyptic updates”. People are getting swallowed up by the fast-moving news cycle, myself included.June 23, 2020 – 4000+ daily COVID-19 casesMy sleep was disrupted by muscle cramps and knee pain. Today is off to a groggy start.All indications in the news point to serious trouble in Trump’s campaign. Every step he takes turns even his supporters away – DACA, Tulsa, COVID-19 and now the firing of the Attorney General for New York. The Voice of America is also being dismantled and re-crafted as another mouthpiece for Trump, with the firing of staff and board members globally on Friday night. The purge continues but maybe momentum is building behind the curtain to stop it. (Friday night firings have become a thing for this administration.)Coronavirus has hit the largest single day case count on record (4,000+) and is now being described as a forest fire rather than a series of waves. It’s also gaining credence as a main contributor to the Tulsa rally fiasco. From the headlines in the Seattle Times today, people remain hesitant to resume “life as normal,” including me.Police reform bills continue a fight between House and Senate. Six black men have been found lynched over the past several days. A noose was found in the garage of the only black driver on the NASCAR circuit. At some point, white supremacists need to be tagged as domestic terrorists.June 24, 2020 – Mask mandate and travel bansGovernor Inslee mandates mask wearing by Friday in all public spaces, both indoors and out. Non-compliance is a misdemeanor although I hope they hand out masks rather than tickets.The EU is considering banning travel from the US as we now account for 25% of worldwide COVID-19 cases, and our daily totals are going back up. Cases in some states (TX, AZ, CA) have more than doubled since Memorial Day, which I think might be a harsher uptick than was expected. Yakima has now run out of ICU beds.Dr. Fauci and followers are growing concerned that the mix of COVID-19 and seasonal flu are going to be lethal this fall.US daily cases are now 36,000+US total cases – 2,280,065. Brazil is next highest with 1,188,631. All other countries are below 600,000.US deaths as of today – 121,965Global cases now past 9.4 million, global deaths – 482,105 with a continued upward trajectory.Dow Jones dropped 709 points today. The global economy is forecast to shrink by 4.9% which is worse than expected.Stress eating has resumed after 3 days of the 8:16 eating plan made me sick.Nooses, lynchings and threats towards people of color, continueJune 26, 2020 – The Memorial Day surge beginsUS has 40,000 new COVID-19 cases today. The Memorial Day surge has started.Texas and Florida are panicking and are considering going back into lockdown.US is pretty much out of control regarding COVID-19 mitigation.There is no good news today on any level. I’ll try to stay off the news this weekend. I need to be at my sewing machine, churning out masks for another shipment to Yakima.I’m using a folding patio chair at my work desk, which I tried to pad out today after feeling like I’m being electrocuted every time I sit down. My right hip and left knee are problematic and at one point today, every nerve ending felt like it was on fire. My bad for sitting at my computer for 14 hours a day with very few breaks over the last two weeks, but it was the only way I could get about 1,000 pages of grant applications uploaded to a .gov system by deadline. I miss my proper desk and chair at my proper office.June 27, 2020 – ShoppingWe set a new daily record of COVID-19 cases today of 45,942. Fingers are now firmly pointing at Memorial Day gatherings.Florida is closing bars ASAP and beaches on July 4.US cases now at 2,507,874. Deaths are 125,504Global cases – 9,949,767. Deaths are 498,100Mortality rate in the US is currently 5.1%, ranked 5th in the world behind the UK (14.9%), Mexico, Ecuador and Indonesia.It is estimated that 1 out of 10 Americans are now infected.Americans are now banned from travel to the UK until further notice.I don’t think I’m traveling anywhere this year, and 2021 is starting to look doubtful.Vicki (my upstairs neighbor) and I went to Third Place Books today. We waited in line as the bookstore was limiting the number of customers to about a dozen at a time, with masks required and a 30 minute limit on shopping. It’s not enough time to properly browse at a bookstore, and I was hesitant to even pick volumes up to flip through them. QFC was a similar experience but we were able to stock up on vodka and gin. There was such a long line outside of an Uwajimaya that we didn’t even try. Swanson’s Nursery was shopping by appointment only. Don’t even think about shopping at Home Depot on a Saturday, again, long lines and controlled capacity inside the store. It’s crazy.June 30, 2020 – Travel bans and bountiesThe US is now officially banned from travel to Europe (not just the UK).Some US states are now banning travel to selected other states.Openings are now being rolled back.Fall is now expected to bring COVID-19 Round 2, a new seasonal flu, and a new H1N1 swine flu. There is still no national plan.Our office has reopened on a voluntary basis, with a limit of 10 staff per day. We are strongly encouraged to continue to work from home.Following my boss’s suggestion, I ordered an office chair today, as I suspect I may be working from home for a few more months yet.COVID-19 cases are now rising in 36 states. We’re a steaming hot mess due to the inactions of this administration.Today’s other news trauma is the Russians paying bounties to the Taliban for American soldiers in Afghanistan. The issue apparently dates to February/March 2019 but the White House denies knowledge of it and blames the press. (?)The Supreme Court rules on Trump’s taxes in the next week or two. There’s special interest in Russian deposits in Trump’s accounts with an implied tie-in to the Taliban bounty issue.Shipped masks to Yakima today and started embroidery on Kate’s dress (the commission I’ve referenced earlier in this log) which is due in September.My couture line of Fancy Face Masks is bornMay 1, 2020 – COVID dreamsAfter a week of insomnia and several weeks of no dreams at all, I experience what might be described as a COVID dream – spending my night making a chainmail camail from soda can pop-tops, while having an animated conversation with a coworker that I rarely interact with even when our office is open. It felt so real I woke up with sore fingers. Kate reminds me that it is Beltane, and the veil is as thin now as it is at Samhain. SCA events have now been cancelled and two projects I was working on have now been put on the back burner. I feel badly for their royals. This must be the worst reign ever.May 2, 2020I’m finishing the last of my donation face masks for awhile. I’ve now donated 300 to various organizations though I am still far short of the 450 that I committed to for the Masks4Millions project and Days for Girls. Today I’m shifting to my “Fancy Face” line of masks – a couture line of brocades and silks, with most of the selling price benefiting food banks.I need to attend to commissions and get my hats back into public view. Peters Valley School of Craft has now announced that they will be closed through 2020 and I expect zero holiday sales there now. Creative Minds is still tentative since the owner is in a high risk group and plans to be home-bound for a full year. I’m now waiting for my other galleries to follow suite.Washington State has extended lockdown through May 25 or May 30.May 5, 2020I noted on April 19 that as Trump was tweeting to “liberate states” from lockdown and that in 14-18 days there would be a spike in cases. Sure enough – 2,418 deaths today, reversing the downward trend from April 28.I had a really productive weekend, but I’ve had a pair of unproductive days at my desk. Today I am tired of everything. I contemplate early retirement, although with grant writing season starting soon, I’ll have plenty of work to focus on.My government stimulus check arrived ($1200) so I donated about $1500 to charities today on “GiveBig Tuesday”. A check for Mom also arrives, which I promptly void. I add the letter, signed by Trump, to her archives. Maybe it will be worth some money when it becomes a historical artifact.May 8, 2020 – Reopenings and disappointmentsToday is the 75th anniversary of the end of WWII in Europe. I wake up with a scratchy throat and a mild fever.Businesses are starting to reopen but are disappointed by the lack of customers. Fear and lack of money will keep things shut down for awhile, I think. Unemployment rate is 14.4%, and 20.5 million people lost their jobs today. Hospitals are now considering bankruptcy since they have had to postpone the elective surgeries that are their biggest profit center.Total US deaths from COVID19 – 75,852Total US cases are now 1,259,777The Senate is still trying to dismantle ObamaCare. Because they are idiots.There’s a noticeable decline in Facebook posts, and Twitter trends are mostly sports and K-Pop. The news remains focused on COVID19 and I’m not reading as much of it now. I’m still musing on early retirement. I’m also musing on why I have so much to do outside of work, but so little motivation.Tonight, Vicki and I went to the Target rooftop parking garage to watch the rising of the last Super Moon of 2020. I’ve never seen this part of Northgate from this rooftop perspective and think someone should have built a restaurant here instead of a parking lot. I’ll try to come back for the next meteor shower as it is a nice, unimpeded view of the night sky.May 9, 2020Still having temperature spikes and some other physical complaints I won’t detail here. I’m super listless and angry, although a walk with Vicki helped to modify that mood. I’m hoping my evening is more productive that my day was.May 10, 2020 – Mother’s DayIt’s my first Mother’s Day without a mother. I plan to stay off of social media today. My fevers have mostly gone away, and I wonder if the fatigue and anger from the last couple of days were the result of whatever malady was I was fighting off, or if it is a symptom of cumulative stress.May 14, 2020 – Up, down, and sidewaysIt’s not a bad day, not a good day, every day seems to be the same as the last. I’ve barely left my desk today, and now its 8:30 PM and I don’t have any motivation to do anything but continue to scroll through the news. The only thing that seems to change is that politics are getting more perverse, and people in general are getting more stupid.It dawns on me that my lack of motivation might be linked to my inability to make plans for the future – no travel, no vacation plans, no new hat sales. I’m having troubles reading books, I just re-read the same page over and over before putting the book down. The only thing I’m doing now is charity work. I wonder if Mom spent so much time doing the same thing (knitting scarves, making candles for church bazaars), because it was the only outlet available to her to break up the tedium of life alone at home.Court rules today that emolument case can proceed against Trump.Wisconsin court overturns the governor’s stay at home order, and a bar fills with a crowd of unmasked patrons in about 45 minutes. I’m now setting a COVID19 timer for a spike in cases in Wisconsin.Epidemiologists predict a bleak winter, one that the US is not prepared for.And today there’s news of a nurse in Snohomish who may have had COVID19 over Christmas. I still think that Mom may have been an early and undiagnosed case, though I will never know for sure. But news like this certainly makes me wonder.May 15, 2020 – Today’s trendsHogs are being destroyed because packing plants are closing, so the hogs cannot be processed into food, and farmers can no longer afford to keep them fed.Disruption in the food chain are starting to occur globally because of logistical issues. There are fewer planes flying which has decreased cargo space.Food producers are geared to supply the restaurant and hotel sector (HRI) and are having problems re-gearing to the retail sector (mostly a packaging and distribution chain problem). Food is getting dumped, food banks continue to cry for donations.7 million gallons of beer were destroyed in the UK today because it expired while bars were closed.Trump wants to cut ties with China – our largest trading partner.Today’s top of page headline in The Guardian: “World looks on in horror as Trump flails over pandemic, despite claims that US leads the way.” Countries who were angry with us, now look at us with pity.We will survive this fiasco but God help the next five presidents…May 17, 2020Vicki shares an article with me today on the effect of the pandemic on mental health. Basically, although we have more time, our brains are not shutting off, which leads to stress eating and lethargy (among other things).I started on the postponed SCA projects today. After several hours on one of them, I reverted to my original plan (thus negating the “fix” that occurred to me in my dreams a few days back). I’m trying to decide whether I should work on hats in case I have any galleries open this fall. I still haven’t heard from a couple of them.May 21, 2020I really need to start getting out for a walk mid-day.Today I receive a delivery of my mail and fresh chard from a garden, and news that “we aren’t reopening the office any time soon, and when we do, it will be voluntary.” I want to come back at least part time, but there are still concerns about mass transit, which has cut occupancy to 12 people per bus and has dropped some routes. The buses are fogged with disinfectant twice a day, but that doesn’t seem adequate against this contagion.So at home I stay. Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise, now that I’ve grown accustomed to waking up at 7:45 instead of 6:30, and having cats nap on my desk while I work. But I miss going to museums and accessing my PO Box and the bank, and just walking around downtown. What started as a moment of calm is now upended by another panic attack. With things looking so indefinite, I wonder if this is what retirement is going to look like.May 22, 2020 – A homeless man seeks a bathToday I adjust my focus and stop waiting to go back to the office. I stop waiting for any previous “normal” behaviors or habits to return. I start another round of masks to donate, and expect to make my 400th mask this weekend.At 8:30 PM, there’s a knock on my door. It’s dark but the profile looks like my youngest brother. But when I open the door, it’s a young homeless man, holding a Home Depot bucket, and asks in halting English if I can fill it with hot water so he can take a shower. Neither of us are wearing masks and we’re not socially distanced because I can barely hear him. I take his bucket to my bathroom, where I rinse it out in the tub and fill it with hot water, and return it to him with a bar of soap. After he leaves, I scrub and disinfect my tub and wash my hands twice, and highlight this entry in my log in case I’m sick 2 weeks from now.Global cases are now 5,213,557 / global deaths are now 338,232US cases are now 1,601,434 / US deaths are now 96,007Our trajectory has not leveled off yet.I wonder if we will hit the 100,000 mark by Monday – Memorial Day.Trump demands that churches open today as “essential businesses” and threatens to override governors, raising 10th Amendment questions. I guess he’s still unhappy that churches were closed for Easter. He announced that flags be flown at half mast for the next 3 days to honor those who have died from COVID19. If I had a flag, I’d be flying it upside down.May 25, 2020 – George FloydGeorge Floyd was killed today, strangled under the knee of one of three arresting officers in Minneapolis. The event was captured on a bystander’s cell phone. It dominates the news cycle today.May 26, 2020 – Memorial Day weekendI immerse myself in a non-hat commission, which had the effect of a mental vacation. It gave me a better sense of what my retirement will look like, when I will have more control over what fills my day, and I won’t sit in front of a computer for 8-10 hours with no place else to go.Washington State cases now 20,000, death count is 1,070US cases are 1,666,852, death count is 98,294Chicken and beef shortages are now feared, due to packing houses shutting down.Trump lays his hand on a wreath that had already been placed for the ceremony at Arlington, and then he went golfing.Dr. Birx appears to defend whatever Trump says and has become useless. We’re now looking for Dr. Fauci, who has not been at the recent COVID task force pressers.UW furloughs 4000 medical and admin staff for 8 weeks due to budget shortfalls. They will retain their medical benefits.Washington State Employment Security Office announces they have lost “hundreds of millions” to the Nigerian Canary scheme, which took advantage of holes in our system that were created when the ESD started bypassing steps in an attempt to speed up processing unemployment checks.I gained 2 pounds overnight and feel feverish but I don’t have a temperature. Another work from home week begins, albeit a short one. I realize today that it’s not work that is stressing me out, it’s the constant barrage of news that comes into my email when I am at my desk. Every single thing seems to be a “Breaking News Alert”.“Fear is the mind killer.” Face it, and let it pass through.My timer is now set for the week of June 8 for a second wave as party goers failed to follow COVID precautions over the Memorial Day weekend. Public pools and coastal towns were packed, and newsmakers include Lake of Ozarks in Missouri, the Boardwalk in what I think is San Francisco, and Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. The World Health Organization (WHO) forecasts another spike as businesses continue to open too early. Another headline today was that Trump’s “Cut the Red Tape” actions in 2017-18, gutted the Obama-era regulation that would have required hospitals to prepare for airborne contagions and epidemics.“The Year of Unintended Consequences” is now a hand written notecard on my refrigerator door.Creative Minds Art Gallery on Orcas Island closes until further notice. Nature’s Kitchen in Yreka CA reopens today but I still haven’t heard from the gallery in Tubac, AZ. Brookfield (in CT) and Peters Valley (in NJ) remain closed tentatively for the rest of 2020.May 27, 2020 – 100,000+Today should be proclaimed as a day of mourning, and will be recorded in history as a day of infamy. The US death toll is now 100,411 and makes up one third of the total global death count. Cases are 1,699,073 and the mortality rate is near 6%, which is closer to what I originally estimated for March.May 28, 2020Another up and down rollercoaster of a day. I cannot get myself off the computer this week. After a productive weekend, it is disheartening to have such an unproductive, slacker week. I want to do everything. I want to do nothing. I should have gone for a walk today but couldn’t even muster that.May 29, 2020 – Dumpster Fire DayThe China / Hong Kong / Taiwan mess is going to affect trade in a bad way. I wish Trump would just keep his mouth shut and stop making things worse.Riots in Minneapolis today may have resulted in the arrest of the officer who killed George Floyd during a botched arrest. Finally.I’ve been having temperature spikes and weight fluctuations over the last few days, but I wonder if those are linked to fits of depression and today’s total melt down. Fever dissipates by mid-morning, but my mood is still unpredictable.May 30, 2020 – Protests in SeattlePeaceful protests here and in several other cities turn ugly when police fire teargas and flash bangs into the crowd. George Floyd is the subject but the end result has little to do with his death. In Seattle, Proud Boys and other white anarchists torch cars and loot stores. Nordstrom on Fifth Avenue appears to be on fire. Starbucks are targeted in several cities. Bus and ferry service is cancelled to the downtown core at 5:45 PM and a curfew is now in place until Monday. We’ll see if tomorrow’s scheduled protests proceed.In other news:Major thunder storms and flood warnings are issued for Chelan.Murder hornets make their 1st appearance in Washington State.COVID cases rise, so between that and last night’s damage to downtown retail, our reopening will probably be further delayed.It’s weird being an office manager without an office to manage, and I brace myself for a reduction in hours if our firm starts to lose contracts because of the ongoing trade war with China. (In retrospect, this fear would turn out to be completely unjustified.)It’s been another totally non-creative week, and even the simple things I try to do today take four times as long as they should. I finish 4 face masks in the time I usually complete 20. I’m still not sleeping well. I wake up angry, and I want to eat and drink everything in the house.I don’t like this new normal. I want a new one.My first masks, in linen with ties from whatever I can find in my stash.April 1, 2020 – All I do is sewI read news way too late last night, which led to a meltdown, and finally falling asleep blanketed by cats. But I wake up badly, and with a sore throat that I would treat with ice cream later in the day.It’s Payne and Marie’s wedding anniversary today. Newspapers cancel April Fool’s stories. Trump is now going after drug cartels for some reason. Some news sources seem to indicate Congressional backtracking on a COVID-19 relief package. Stay at home order is extended to April 30. Trump seems more somber this week.Today’s news is also focused on PPE and medical equipment, which hospitals warn will soon be in short supply. There are reports that Trump sent nearly 18 tons of medical supplies to China last month. He boasts of a 1 ton shipment of supplies arriving from China today. We sent a 1 ton shipment to Thailand, which confused them because they had just shipped us the same amount. Things are pretty screwed up on the supply front.The Johns Hopkins COVID-19 dashboard figures for today:World cases – 932,605 / World deaths – 46,809US cases – 213,372 / US deaths 4,757NYC deaths – 1139 / King County deaths – 150China cases – 82,361 but has leveled off. But they forecast a second wave.US forecasts 100,000-200,000 fatalities (I think by Christmas, maybe by January, I failed to record the timeframe)I pick up a little steam and then the ground seems to drop away. Anger from yesterday morphs into depression today. I need to figure out how to stop over-reacting to everything.April 2, 2020I make my 100th mask today. The very next mask results in an injury when I try to sew through my finger for the first time ever…Global cases today – 1,013,157 / deaths 52,973US cases today – 243,453 / deaths 5,926NYC deaths – 1,562 / King County deaths – 175Seattle stay-at-home order extended to May 4April 4, 2020CDC now recommends that people wear masks when they are in public, and are pushing homemade cloth ones to ease the strain on surgical and N95 masks which are now in desperately short supply.World cases – 1,141,900 / deaths 60,960US cases – 278,942 / deaths 7,174NYC deaths – 1857 / King County – 188US case count is now significant. The next closest country is Spain with 124,736 cases and 11,744 deaths. Our cases are not as lethal as Europe, but twice the numbers of China.April 5, 2020 – Palm SundayGlobal cases – 1,274,923 / deaths 69,479US cases – 337,620 / deaths 9,643. We now rank 8th in the world.NYC deaths – 3,048NYC expects to run out of ventilators in the next 48-72 hours.The Feds are not assisting in any capacity in procuring PPE and equipment.Congress continues to backtrack on financial assistance, and stimulus checks may not arrive until August-September.“Fire Fauci” trends on Twitter today, thanks to the InfoWar / anti-vaxxer / MAGA crowd.My concerns are mostly economic, as I watch for a dramatic increase in homelessness if evictions ramp up in 3 months. I have nightmares about Trump declaring war in the next few months, and wonder if he will try to declare martial law in order to postpone the November elections.April 7, 2020I’m working with Charlene’s group to fill a request for 350 masks for a naval destroyer. The crew is in quarantine, they have no PPE and they deploy next week. It feels really weird to be working as a civilian volunteer to supply PPE to a military unit that should be getting PPE from the government. Ultimately my masks didn’t arrive in time, so they will be shipped off to the next group in need.There are more shakeups among White House staff today. Every day is a new drama.April 9, 2020My daily routine is very routine – I wake up at about 6 but don’t get up until 7:45. At 8 AM I’m at my desk, forwarding the Seattle and New York E-Times to staff to signal that I’m at work. At 8:05 I feed the cats and make coffee. And so another day begins.KNKX Radio (whom I have done business with) and my bank call to see if I need anything, which was pretty cool. Fewer people are checking in on me this week, but I think that 30 days in, we’re all settling in to the “new normal.”I close Mom’s bank account in Yakima, an easier process than I anticipated. I lose a little steam today but recoup later in the evening and start a batch of masks for the Fred Hutch Cancer Care Alliance.Global cases – 1,502,618 / deaths – 89,915US cases – 432,554 / deaths – 14,829 (Spain cases are the next highest at 152,446)King County – 244 deaths. Cases are still on a significant upwards trajectory.US unemployment rate is now at 15% – 16 million people are out work, it’s worse than 2008.Drivers’ license renewals have now been extended by 90 days. It looks like we’ll be on lockdown for longer than we first thought.The Saudi / Russia oil war is pushing crude prices up to compensate for the dip in global consumption. The US considers applying tariffs in response.Hospital staffing is down because they are starting to sicken from COVID-19. NYC hospitals are now being staffed by volunteer medical personnel.NYC death toll is 4,571 and now exceeds the death toll from 9/11.Staffing shortages are also affecting the IRS, which is delaying tax refund checks and other business. It’s a mess.Trump wants to mine the moon and thinks it’s part of Mars, which he also wants to mine. The news that isn’t awful, is so ludicrous that I just have to laugh.April 11, 2020 – Holy SaturdayTrump had wanted the country to be open by now, with churches filled for Easter services tomorrow. Churches and sports continue in spite of recommendations by CDC and Dr. Fauci, so I’m now setting my clock for another spike in cases in about 2 weeks. We have now surpassed Italy and Spain in both cases and deaths. The Hopkins dashboard shows a continued upwards trajectory with no sign of leveling off.Global cases – 1,776,157 / deaths – 108,804US cases – 529,740 / deaths – 20,602 (Spain cases – 163,027 / deaths – 16,606)WaPo reports that 1 in 10 middle-aged people don’t survive their hospital stay.Relief monies are still stalled in Congress.Distribution systems of all sorts are not working. PPE is sitting in warehouses and not getting shipped. People are hungry while farmers are dumping milk and produce because they can’t sell it. Some food is getting to food banks but we lack federal and state systems to match supply to need, and to transport it to where it can be used.COVID-19 is unmasking a plethora of issues. I have a bad stress headache and nausea, and can barely focus. All I can do is make masks and try not to get too angry.April 12, 2020 – Easter SundayToday marks my first major holiday as an orphan. Mom would have turned 90 tomorrow. It’s a dark blessing that she is gone, it would have been heartbreaking to not celebrate that milestone with her.I make my 200th mask today and return to hatmaking between masks. I anticipate the need for masks will continue as they are now required in a few cities.Trump declares that he is the 1st president in US history to sign emergency orders in all 50 state. He seems to think that is a victory / win / good thing which completely baffles me. Every time I turn on the news today, another 500 people have died. The Guardian cites the global death toll surpassing 110,000. Nursing home deaths surge to 3,321, up from 10 days ago when that count was 450.April 13, 2020 – Mom’s birthdayI’m not as depressed today as I expected to be. I had planned to write a blog about Mom, or pay taxes, but became absorbed by an epic on-air tantrum from President Man-Child, during which he rebuked a NYT in-depth report detailing his failings in dealing with the COVID-19 crisis. Governors on both coasts made pacts to work together on a re-opening plan. President Man-Child claimed total authority over those decisions in spite of telling states that they were responsible for most everything else (including PPE procurement and lockdown guidelines).Hatch Act and 25th Amendment start to surface as topic in media banter.April 14, 2020 – PPE price gouging, if you can find PPEToday Trump compares himself to Captain Bligh from Mutiny on the Bounty. Tantrums, denials and blaming continues. A Twitter user wrote in words what I was thinking – he knows he’s losing so he now wants to destroy as much as he can on his way out. It’s hard to imagine how much worse he will get before someone, anyone, in the Senate will stand up and do something.Also in the news yesterday were reports that the Feds are now confiscating PPE shipments from the states, and at least one state is now sending military escorts to meet chartered FedEx planes in order to safeguard shipments arriving from China.Masks that usually cost less than a dollar are now selling for $7. I’m shopping for PPE for our office and am aghast at both the prices and the lists of things that are out of stock (hand sanitizers topping that list). States are suffering price gouging while the White House does nothing.April 17, 2020 – Redefining “These United States”Days have become tedious. I wake up. I walk 10 paces from my bed to my desk and open my laptop, where I sit until 5 PM. I close my laptop. Then I make masks. Or I eat compulsively. Or I drink. Some nights I just give up and curl up in bed with the cats and watch a movie.Vicki and I went grocery shopping on my lunch hour. QFC was a little scary, most (but not all) shoppers were wearing masks, very few checkers were wearing masks, and social distancing was difficult. It was unexpectedly exhausting.President Man-Child (PMC) now turns the state re-openings over to the governors after being informed that he isn’t actually King. The governors on both coasts continue to work to form regional coalitions, and are redefining what “these United States” actually stands for. PMC cedes both authority and responsibility after issuing 18 pages of vague and useless guidelines, and announcing we are “past the curve”. Except that we had 5,000 deaths yesterday and our mortality rate is now over 4%. Nursing home mortality is much higher.Global deaths – 154,215US cases – 701,610 / deaths – 37,055Seven weeks ago, our death count was 0. We now have the highest mortality rate in the world.And now, PMC tweets for three Democratic states to be “liberated” and mentions Second Amendment Rights in all caps. Still no one in Congress is interceding…April 19, 2020A fairly productive day today. I’m now alternating between making masks for the Cancer Care Alliance and the Masks4Millions project, and am looking at scaling back in May so I can return to some outstanding commissions.Today there are right-wing protests against the lockdown orders in Maryland, Texas, Ohio, and also Olympia, WA. “Fire Fauci” and the “Liberate” tweets from PMC are the themes, PMC has expanded his tweets to elude to a ‘loss of gun rights.’ More protests are scheduled in the coming weeks. So again I set a clock to check for an uptick in COVID-19 cases in 14-18 days from now.US cases – 759,696 (1/3 of the global total) / US deaths – 40,683April 20, 2020 – Oil goes negativeAt the beginning of 2020, US oil price was $60/barrel. Today the price is $2/barrel. There are no buyers and no place to store it. At 2 PM today, the price drops to -$15. It now costs more to store it than it is worth. Your Move, Mr. PMC…April 21, 2020 – Immigration banAll immigration is banned by Executive Order – which is mostly moot since Canada and Mexico have also closed their borders, and most flights are cancelled.Seattle is still on track to re-open for business May 4. I will need a wardrobe of masks by then.So, I’m sitting here, listening to “The Doomesday Book” by Connie Willis, written in 1992. It’s about time travel in the year 2050, and transporting a historian back to 1348, the year of the Black Death. And as I listen to the details about a virus that is passed on by respiratory droplets and physical contact, and we’re several weeks into COVID-19 quarantine, and I’m making masks for friends, hospitals and non-profits, I start to wonder if all this is actually happening – a new “surreality”.I’m not hearing accounts of corpses on US streets (as was common during the plague in medieval Europe) but reports from hospitals are bad, and we’re losing bus drivers, doctors, and parents. Elsewhere (Afghanistan and Brazil), the COVID-19 dead are buried in mass graves, and NYC is now burying bodies in city parks because the morgues are full.Wise governors are refusing to lift stay-at-home orders and are subjected to protesters waving confederate flags and carrying assault rifles. Not-so-wise governors are lifting restrictions for “essential services” defined as barbers, golf courses, bowling alleys and tattoo parlors. What the absolute f***.I only worked 4 hours today, took the rest as vacation because I just could not function. I keep stress eating my way through boxes of crackers, knowing that I need to get a grip and figure out how to deal with whatever this is. I will remember April as a month of lost time and nearly continual meltdowns.April 24, 2020 – Disinfectants and anti-malarialsUS death toll is now 50,024 – double what it was 10 days ago.Trump suggests people ingest disinfectants (Lysol or bleach) to kill COVID-19. Both the makers of Lysol and the medical community immediately issue warnings that doing so could be lethal. Notably, Dr. Brix did not respond during that briefing. (Trump would later walk back his statement, citing that he was being sarcastic).Trump has also been pushing anti-malarial drugs which has prompted the FDA to issue warnings that hydroxychloroquine has killed people. Rumor has it that the Trump family has invested in this drug and pushing it will increase their profits.Trump is sending ventilators to Latin America in spite of our continued need for them. “States need to find their own stuff” he says, and hints that Democratic states are not faring as well as GOP states. Everything is politicalTrump announces that he won’t fund USPS unless they quadruple their postal rates on packages, he aims that at Amazon (USPS delivers ‘last mile’ for many carriers).Businesses in 16 states reopen, but now people have no money to spend and many are too fearful to leave their homes.April 26, 2020Washington State cases are now 13,000 / deaths now 723.I reconcile myself to this new normal, this surreality, and that I need to plan accordingly, starting tomorrow with a walk through the graveyard and the residential areas I used to traverse on my way to visit Mom at her nursing home. I need to do taxes tomorrow (the IRS extended the deadline for filing to June 15). I need to get back to making hats by May 1. I was making a dress for Kate but her trip to Greece is now cancelled. I still need to finish it, and make a plan for my galleries.April 28, 2020 – One Million CasesUS cases pass the million mark today, 1/3 of the global total, deaths pass 57,000. We’re still Number 1Rural cases start to rise now. With restrictions having been lifted in 16 states, a spike is anticipated within the next 30 days.I spend 3 hours gathering every brocade in my sewing room, and make plans to start selling couture masks on my website as a fundraiser for food banks and meal programs aimed at medical staff and first responders.April 29, 2020 – Couture masksI take another vacation day and finally finish taxes, which took half the day. I’m waiting for the Friday announcement of a continuance in the lockdown, which I suspect will be extended for another 30 days. A friend sends payment for masks in the form of a 24-count box of dark chocolate Hershey bars with almonds. I do my best to ration them, although rationing them, or vodka, or in fact anything, proves futile.Walks are helping. Getting back into creative work is also helping. I spend the evening making couture masks and ponder a catchy name. Covid Coutures? Remnants of the Plague? Fancy Masks? I settle on “Fancy Face Masks”.Global cases – 3,194,663 / global deaths – 227,681US cases – 1,039,909 / US deaths – 60,966We had expected to hit 60,000 deaths in August…April 30, 2020Panic attacks continue to rule my days and insomnia my nights, though for the sake of brevity and reader sanity, I have not detailed most of those here. I’m waiting for the next extension of lockdown, the next gang of AK47s to ‘demonstrate’ inside a state capital building, the next BS to tumble out of the mouth of the PMC. Why is No One In The GOP Stopping His Spewing I Wonder.My brain is a maelstrom today. I toss around the idea of early retirement. I think about doctor visits that are overdue but which I don’t want to schedule. An appointment with my financial advisor. The memorial for Mom in Yakima. Travel anywhere. The fact that my galleries are now closed for the remainder of this year, which effectively shuts down my hat business. I rethink and double-think and end up in mental paralysis.Make it stop…Coronavirs – a hatmaker’s interpretationMarch 10, 2020 – Thus starts my DecameronCovid has arrived in Seattle. The epicenter is a nursing home in Kirkland but cases are now confirmed within a few blocks of our office downtown. We have spent the last 2 weeks preparing for staff to work from home, and I have spent the same amount of time stocking up on food and supplies. I spent the weekend testing a company issued laptop and VPN to make sure I could actually work from home. I still cannot answer the phone remotely but I’ll try to remedy that this week.Today feels a little like the zombie apocalypse. It’s my last day downtown before I move my office home and become a telecommuter. Stress today includes having to close Mom’s bank account before I was ready, so now final disbursements are coming out of my account instead of hers. Taxes will be interesting in 2021.And once again, s*** happens and hat production grinds to a halt. I’m having serious thoughts of bagging this business altogether.March 11, 2020 – The pandemic is officialAt 9:35 AM, the World Health Organization (WHO) declares coronavirus as an official pandemic.At 11 AM, Governor Inslee bans public gatherings of more than 250 people.Airports remain open but cruises are being cancelled.Schools are starting to close (optionally rather than mandated).Restaurants, grocery stores and theaters are still open.City buses are being disinfected (fogged) twice a day.My personal lockdown begins.March 13, 2020Schools across the state are ordered to close as of March 17.Libraries and most community centers close.Canlis – one of Seattle’s 5 star restaurants – closes but sets up a burger and bagel drive through in its parking lot in a bid to keep their staff employed.Trump declares a national emergency for COVID19 which he described as a hoax two weeks ago.Stock market dropped 2500 points Thursday but rebounded 2000 points today. Trump takes credit for the rebound but not for the drop.White House continues its play of a thousand errors as governors and mayors take over the decision-making process.Hope springs eternal that Trump has lost his re-election bid as cases and death toll rise.I decide not to record a lot of detail here as the news shifts about every two hours, and historical archives and news sources will no doubt fill the gap.Four days into working from home (WFH), I take half the day off today to manage my stress level. I move my office to my sewing room, where I can sit at a table and look out a window. It might be less stressful than standing in my kitchen, which is my least favorite room. I also resolve to take more breaks next week.I threw caution to the wind last night, and went out to dinner with Marie. Indian food at the Masala on Northgate Way. It was a good break for both of us. (In retrospect, it will also be my last visit to a dine-in restaurant for the foreseeable future.)March 14, 2020As of last night there were 388 cases and 35 deaths in King County. Cases are now expected to double every 5-7 days.National numbers are 1629 cases and 41 deaths across 46 states and D.C.Death rate world-wide is 3.75% as of today, though more comprehensive testing would lower that statistical rate.There is now a concern about the lack of testing, and confirmed cases overwhelming our hospital system.Trump finally gets tested today, after days of refusing. His test would come back negative, which I’m sure is a relief to everyone he shook hands with this week.Hatmaking resumes.March 15, 2020Washington State now has 769 confirmed cases, double from what we had 4 days ago, which exceeds the scientific predictions that numbers would double every 5-7 days. Gun sales soar. COVID19 takes out our elders, guns are the 2nd largest cause of death among children in the US. Looks like millennials will rule after this is all over.March 16, 2020We are now following the trajectory for Italy – but in the absence of adequate testing, we have not much info to go on. Governors are now taking the lead, shutting down all but essential businesses as of today. They are pissed off and are not fooling around.Grocers, pharmacies and medical providers remain openRestaurants are restricted to drive-through with pick-up at a socially distanced 6 feet.Theaters, coffee shops, barbers, fitness centers are closed.March 17, 2020St. Patrick’s Day in the Time of Isolation. I do nothing to mark this holiday. I’m losing interest in hatmaking again. I doubt there will be customers this year anyway.March 18, 2020Today starts the second week of The Great Isolation. Things are better. I have established a new routine, starting work at 7:30 and immersing myself in projects that keep me off the news.Europe COVID-19 cases are now in double digits.US cases are 7,786 which is about a thousand more than yesterday. An hour later, cases went up to 9,345.US deaths were 145 but went up by 5 an hour later. Washington State still leads at 68 deaths, twice as many as yesterday.Economy is tanking at a rapid click. Mnuchin is now voicing the possibility of 20% unemployment by fall.My boss checks in on me and offers to bring me whatever I need, which is super nice and unexpected. I’m stocked up for about 30 days so the only things I may run out of are fresh vegetables and vodka.March 19, 2020The president of the United States is a whiney b*****. He blames China. He blames the media. He can’t keep his stories straight. I had to turn off the radio during the Q&A of today’s press conference because his rhetoric became intolerable.March 24, 2020 – Face masks beginI posted to Facebook yesterday that I was thinking about making face masks, if only I knew where to send them. Up pops a recent customer within minutes… Charlene, who had recently received her purple phoenix hat, is the director of a non-profit in Stanwood-Camano. She asked for 450 masks for a hospital and 2 nursing homes in the Anacortes area. I expect to be working on those for the next month or two.My galleries are now closed, hat sales are now zero.March 26, 2020POTUS is still blaming, arguing with governors and telling them they don’t really need all the things they’re asking for. He wants all the churches to be filled on Easter.Today we have more confirmed cases than any other country, including China. Death rates are starting to climb. Governors have been locking down their states all week. PPE supplies for hospitals are trickling in and not coming close to meeting needs. Hillary Clinton was right. Trump is determined to kill half the population.It looks like I won’t be going back to the office before April 8 at the earliest. Working from home is overrated and I don’t know how families are managing it. My routine now includes mask making every night, it’s a mindless task that keeps me from deep diving into the news cycle on the web.As of today I’ve made nearly 200 masks for friends, coworkers, the Navajo Nation, NW Hospital, Skagit Valley farm workers, the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, and my local UPS store, who donated shipping boxes when I refused to accept payment. I don’t profit off of pandemics…Mom’s teddy, horse pull toy and baby shoesFebruary 1, 2020 – First journal entryDivorcing myself from the emotional impact of Mom’s demise is clearly not working. It was a very hard day at work yesterday after staying home in bed for 2 days with the cold I’ve had since January 6. So I went full-bore Victorian today, filling my patio planters with black feathers and draping black lace over my patio chairs — my equivalent of a black wreath or black drapes on my front door.I’m angry that every time I gain momentum with my hat business, s*** happens. After a ridiculously busy fall, receipts total more than the previous year but I didn’t recoup advertising costs. Sales from my website more than doubled, but gallery sales are very low. I don’t think I will ever make more than supplementary income from my craft.So I do simple tasks today. Laundry, and shredding mounds of paper that Mom’s medical providers produced, and organizing things that I usually attend to over the holiday break. And I wait for Trump to disband Congress and declare himself King at the State of the Union address on Tuesday, after the GOP failed to even pretend to hold an impeachment trial. I did not expect him to be removed from office, but the absence of any form of censure is startling. They have just given him license to do whatever he wants.Palindrome Day – 02/02/2020It feels weird not having to be anywhere today. So, since I didn’t get to celebrate my birthday this year with a movie, today is that day. 1917 at the Oak Tree Plaza. (In retrospect, this would be my first and last movie for the year…)February 5, 2020 – Mom’s Life Celebration at Foss Nursing HomeCongratulations Mom, you finally got your roommate to leave her room. Everyone on your floor attended your Life Celebration today. I cried the entire time and couldn’t talk to any of the people who knew you. The chaplain did a really nice job though, incorporating almost everything that I gave him from your journals. You made people laugh and feel happy. You lived as full a life as you were able to.Afterwards, I got a massage at Umalina Spa, and dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. I’m still exhausted. We scatter your ashes tomorrow in Kelso.February 6, 2020 – Ashes to AshesOn this grey and rainy day, Kevin and Heather, and Payne and I set out for Kelso, to scatter ashes at a spot where the Cowlitz River meeds the Columbia, which in turn runs out to the sea. It’s not Ocean Park but its the closest we could come in respecting your final wishes. Kevin thought to bring mud boots, so after Payne dropped Clara’s ashes into the water (Mom’s dog), Kevin waded out so he could drop Mom’s ashes into the current. Most of Clara’s ash sunk but some stayed on the surface. Mom’s ashes floated back towards us and touched Clara’s ash, before drifting back out again…February 10, 2020It’s Monday. I literally spent the entire weekend rearranging knick-knacks and sorting photos for this family history blog. I cannot tell if this continuing soul-crushing fatigue is grief, the lingering head cold, or SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Whatever the cause, I hope it resolves soon. It’s pretty damn irritating to be so unproductive.February 22, 2020 – First notes about coronavirusI finally picked up a hat 2 days ago and am back in full production mode today. I think I’m mostly recovered from this cold that I have had for nearly 2 months. I’m still super fatigued and my temperature is still pretty low (95-96) but my coughing has finally stopped and I’m back to sleeping 6-8 hours a night instead of 10-12.