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There’s no way to start this perfectly.I’m a 15 year old Chinese girl that was born in the USA. I’m going to start from the beginning, because it’s the only way that this will make at least some sense.I was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. I moved to China at around 3 months old. I came back to the U.S. at around 3 years old. This time, it was Florida. My parents bought a restaurant around the early 90’s or late 2000’s but they never specified the exact date. This restaurant was in Florida. When I moved there at around 3 years old, I was normal. Decent looking, normal ABC. I easily made friends with the customers and I even became friends with the waitress that had worked there for 20 years prior to my parents buying the restaurant. Her name is Falcon.(fake name) She was funny, she was great, she made me happy because she was funny. I can’t remember anything about my relationship with my parents at that time. All I know is that it was normal. Fast forward two years. I start kindergarten. I learn faster. This was in Florida. The school I was placed in had little to no Asians or Hispanics. Even if there were, they either a.) moved very quickly or b.) were popular and well-liked.“Eugh, I heard your parents own a restaurant that sells cats. Do you boil or fry them?”, as we’re sitting around in a circle.“Why are you so fat? I thought Vietnamese people were skinny.”, as we run our lap.“Why is your lip so crusty?”, as I wait outside for my father to pick me up, awkwardly standing there, awkwardly fidgeting.“Guys, you know Lucy eats dogs and sells them on the streets??”, as we watch a video on different cultures.“Ugly ass Chinese. Go back to fucking China. We don’t want your kind here.”, as I just sit there.“Those pants don’t fit you, are your parents poor?”, as I subtly fidget to make them fit.“You’re not pretty, you know. You’re ugly.”, as I twirl around in my frilly dress for the school picture.I go back to the restaurant.It’s not great. School wasn’t great. But that’s okay, because I have my parents to cheer me up. I get to the restaurant, and I start crying. I cry and say it’s unfair, that it’s mean, and that I hate it there.My mom says“Aish, just ignore it. Something so small, Chinese people are not sensitive. Ignore it.”Okay.I tell Falcon after that. She reassures me and says that it’s okay, that they’re just kids playing around and that they need a spanking.I’m better after that. I feel more confident the next day, and my brain is thinking “They need a spanking, if they be mean to me again, I’ll just tell the teacher!”Okay.Same routine.“Why are you so fat?”“I think it’s the dogs she eats haha.”“You got a big ass nose.”“Yo, watch her run. Boom, boom.”I don’t feel good at all.I go home to the restaurant again, and it’s the same thing.“Chinese people are not sensitive, just ignore it. Why is that so hard to do? Just ignore it. Mom doesn’t have time right now. Neither does your dad. Stop bothering us, we’re trying to work.”I feel even worse.I talk to Falcon.Same thing.I go to school again.It’s the same thing.5:00 a.m. I wake up.6:00a.m. Go to school.6:30–3:00p.m. Same cycle.4:00p.m. I go home to the restaurant.4:30p.m.-9:00p.m. I talk to the customers, I eat, I occasionally help out, I read the books. I talk to my parents when they’re not busy.9:10–10:30p.m. We start cleaning and preparing for tomorrow. washing the dishes, cleaning the silverware, stacking the booster seats and high chairs, etc.11:00p.m. We arrive home, I shower and brush my teeth.11:30p.m. I can’t go to sleep, so I stare at the ceiling.I repeat. And I repeat. I repeat for 2 more years. I grow angry. I grow bitter. I start to argue more frequently. I get hit. Nothing hard, just a hit with the fly swatter. I start becoming physical. My grades are still perfect. Screaming starts to become one of my best friends. My dad joins in. A hit with the fly swatter as well. But he still treats me better than my mom. My grades are still perfect. I argue more and more. I get hit more and more. I cry more and more. I can’t understand it. Why were people mean? Why did they have to be mean?Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe mom was right about Chinese people. Maybe this is just tough love. It’s 4th grade. My grades are still perfect. I get a 6 on the FCAT writing. I get the highest number of A.R. Points. I get the Presidential Award from Obama. I get honor roll. I get a card to go to Sam’s Fun City. I get multiple cards for free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. I want to go. It looks fun. But I’m fat, and the waiters will laugh at me. And I’ll have to wear a swimming suit. My fat will bunch around and jiggle.“Lucy, if you were only skinnier, you would look so good in this. You don’t look half bad you know. Just go on a diet and you’re perfect. Your face is pretty, and that skin condition will go away when you’re older. You just have to lose the fat. See how your stomach is bulging? And your jeans. The big jeans don’t fit you because they’re too long. The perfect length of jeans won’t fit you because they’re too small. You’re too fat. You need to lose weight. Then you’ll be perfect.” -Mom.I stare at the mirror.Oily, dirty skin.Bulbous nose.Half of my stomach hanging out.The hems of the jeans bunching up around my ankles.Lumpy arms.My shoulders too wide.I stare into the face.There’re brown eyes, and a crusty lip. There’s a big face with greasy skin, surrounded by dandruff infested hair.I feel ugly.I feel confident.I’m confident that no one will possibly love me in the future.But it’s okay. I have my parents. It’s absolutely okay. Even if I get hit, it’s okay. Even if I have to get smacked or punched, it’s okay. At least there’s someone who cares.I have a customer ask me if I know what porn is. I jokingly put up a front and say “ewww” when I search up the definition in front of him as he laughs while his wife nudges his arm.But I still don’t know what it is. I search for the videos.I watch my first video. I’m still in 4th grade.I search more. This time, it’s BDSM.“Oh my god! Did you hear?”I hear of a God.God is the ultimate being. He can fix everything.I try to pray as I have heard people do. But how do they do it? I don’t know, so I think. I think‘God, if you’re there, please make it better. Make my parents love me please. Don’t make them be mean to me. Don’t make the people at school be mean to me, please God. Please, if you’re real. I love you God.’I get into an argument with my mom. I think it’s because I ate too much food. I get sent to the back storage room.It’s a Sunday.I remember it’s Sunday because that’s when they go get their weekly groceries from Patti’s. They lock the door and I cry. I can see a roach in the storage bathroom.It’s probably dead, but it still scares me.It’s not dark, but I’m scared.It’s the morning, and they leave in the afternoon. They come back around 3 p.m. They let me out at 6 p.m. They rub my back and ask me if I learned my lesson. I’m so happy that I’m out of that place. I jump and nod my head excitedly. I am allowed to eat more food.It is 5th grade.Puberty has already hit. I can’t shower with my mom anymore. My dad can’t see me naked. I am growing. But I still feel the same. I’m so angry, I’m so bitter.There’s a new customer. I forgot his name, but he was a former Navy. He said he was 60. He has long white hair nestled beneath a cap. He has a old green Mustang car. He brings a record player to the restaurant and shows me how it works. He orders rib-eye steak, and gives me half of it. Falcon doesn’t trust him. I think he’s fine. He’s just an old man.This goes on for two months. He now comes on Sunday’s. He’s brought a photo of him when he was younger. He still gives me half the steak.The next Sunday.He offers me to go look at the new car he just bought.I think to myself that he’s a nice guy, but I still remember Falcon’s warnings. I say that it’s okay and that I can see it from the inside.My mom finds out.Whenever he comes now, my mom ushers me into the back and tells me to ignore him.I feel guilty, then confused, then angry.That was the last time I saw or talked to him.I meet more people, I become mean. I start to act haughty and arrogant. My hair becomes longer. I’m called the Grudge. I don’t know what that is, so I search it up. I am scared of the picture. I am embarrassed because of the picture. How dare this kid call me the Grudge when I am obviously smarter than he is. He shouldn’t even talk to me. Has he gotten awards like me?Part of me knows that I’m bullshitting myself. The other part of me is in denial.My grades are still perfect. I still get more awards. I give a speech at the school. Rumors become worse. P.E. Every year.I feel nothing normal.I feel angry, and then I feel sad, and then I feel relieved, and then I feel hollow. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, was something wrong with me? Maybe I’m not Chinese. None of them would be sensitive or like this, right. Why do I keep changing? Why am I becoming a carbon copy of what I originally hated? I tell a black kid to go back to Africa. I get in trouble. I’m reprimanded for my actions by the counselor. They call my parents. They don’t care.The restaurant is their sole purpose for being here in America.I hear of my cousins.Perfect scores, got into Princeton, got into Stuyvesant,got into NASA, got an internship, got so many things. They take care of their parents well. They’re not bad like me.They’re amazing. I’m jealous. I want to be like them. I want to become even better. I want to be the best.I get hit more. My grades are still perfect.It’s middle school now. We have 8 periods now.I get perfect grades. New waitresses are hired, new waitresses are fired. Susie,Anna,Ryan,so many waitresses. Never waiters. Why? Because males are bad for business.There’s so many pretty girls here.So many handsome boys.Middle school sure is something different.I start listening to Jeffree Star, BTOD, Simon Curtis, etc.I become more exposed to things.I start searching up about random people from ads, and YouTube, and eventually get to murder cases. It’s interesting, so I read more about it.More girls than I count in the gym locker room. It stinks and there’s pee stains on the walls. There’s rumors that the head coach is a lesbian and will peek in on girls.I’m more self conscious than ever. I start putting up a facade of a shy helpful nice girl. They want answers. I give them the answers. They need me to do cleaning duty today. I’ll do it. Maybe if I’m nicer, they’ll ignore me.It works. A bit.But I’m still known as the fat ugly Chinese girl that sells dogs and cats and told someone to go back to Africa.I’m still called the same things behind my back because they now have something to use me for.I get tired of relaying my experiences to my parents.Why are you angry?“I don’t know.”How can I explain it to you in such a short amount of time? You’re running the restaurant. How can I explain it to you? And I’m sensitive. I’m too sensitive for you. You’ll push me away again. How?Stop putting on such an ugly face. You’re scaring away our customers.Fuck the customers. Fuck the business. Fuck you, and fuck everything associated with you two.Of course, I don’t say it. There’s too much to say. There’s so much I feel, and there’s so much I’m not feeling correctly. How can I possibly describe it?My Mandarin isn’t even that good.You sent me to China for 3 years.I’ve been around Americans for nearly all of my life because of the restaurant.I barely talk to you two because you both are too ‘busy’ and you now expect for my Mandarin to be so superb to the point where I can accurately translate what I feel into words?No, I can’t.CPS comes. Customers reported it.My mom is being oddly nice to me today.I welcome it.I feel happy, I feel so happy. She finally loves me.She offers me banana pudding, and says that I can eat however much I want.I falter for a bit.Why? Wasn’t I fat? Didn’t she just call me a pig three hours before?But I still welcomed it.Then a lady came.She talked to my mom and I.I can feel my mom subtly place her hand on my back and I stare back at her.I know what she means now.There’s no love in those damn eyes.There’s only concern and safety for herself.Now I know why she was kind today.Now I know why she allowed me to have the banana pudding.I don’t remember much of this. I want to suppress it. I hate it.All I remember is the lady writing down something, and murmuring “happy…eating pudding…smiling..”I felt horrible. Why did I have to lie? Maybe it’s for the best. After all, my parents came all the way here to America for me. Maybe it’s okay. Maybe I’m just being selfish. They’ve done so much, maybe I’m just being unfilial.I find a new library book. It’s by Dave Pelzer. I read all 3 of his books. They’re different. He’s strong. He’s different.Anna has been working here for a year now. The other waitresses have been fired. She and Falcon are the only ones here now. I know Anna hates my mom.I talk to Anna. She tells me her father used to abuse her. She tells me about her boyfriend. She tells me about her Japanese boyfriend showing her hentai. She tells me how her old life was like in Virginia.I don’t feel pity.I feel disgust.Why was she telling me this? Keep your private business to yourself. I don’t need to know. And you look like a drug addict.I call my mom lazy as she’s wrapping up the Krabragoons. She quickly turns, and punches me with her fist balled. I can feel the blood trickle down and see Anna, and Falcon out of the corner of my eye.I don’t cry because I am embarrassed.But I can still feel the stinging sensation of the tears forming.I quickly get up and go to the sink to wash my nose.I don’t say anything but I can feel my anger boiling.I start to retaliate.And I start to hit back.I punch back.I tear off my moms necklace.I jingle the gate until it opens and I run outside to the double trash cans behind the restaurant and crouch there.I start crying.I start hating myself so much.I hate myself.I hate myself so much to the point where I can’t even describe how much I hate myself.I know I’m a shitty person.Hitting my own mother, screaming at her until my throat becomes hoarse, screaming until it feels like I can’t breath out of my throat, screaming until it feels like I’m gasping for air, punching her, crying until I can’t see straight, crying until my eyes feel sleepy while I’m smacking her.I’m fucking disgusting. And yet, I did it.Why did I have to do that?Why did I have to hit back?If I have a roof above my head, food to eat, it should be fine right?After all, you’re so damn fat it’s obvious you’re not missing any meals.I sit down on the concrete and see an ant.I think of what their life could be.Insignificant, and only here to be a small part of a huge organization.Then I think of myself.One human among billion others.Did my failures and experiences really matter?There’s people that are starving.What about the people who are homeless?What about the children with no parents?They can do it.Why can’t I?3 weeks later, Anna loses it. She causes a commotion in the kitchen. She’s yelling at my mom and telling her that she’s a bitch, and that she should go back to China.I don’t feel anything.I just watch.She storms out the kitchen and into the dining room. Customers are surprised and confused. Anna starts screaming and cursing. A customer gets up and tells her to stop. He has a baby in his hands.She stops after a minute. And then she leaves.A month later, I see a file on the office desk.It’s a contract between my mom and a lawyer.I talk to Falcon and ask what happened with Anna.She tells me it’s because my mom hasn’t been giving Anna and Falcon the tips that customers leave on the card receipts.I still don’t understand, but I pretend to.Tension between my parents and the remaining waitress grows.I watch more porn. I’m still at the restaurant, so of course I have to go somewhere private. I think to myself“If only I had someone like this.”I think it.And then I feel disgusted.And then I feel guilt.And then I feel anger.And then I feel lust.Who cares?Really, truly, who cares?If I decided to suddenly leave and go with a random customer, would it change? How much would need to change for them to acknowledgme me?I’m selfish.I get in trouble with the dean for kicking someone and leaving a bruise. The dean knows my parents. Everyone in this town knows the restaurant. It’s been there for 60 years. I get sent to ISS. It’s my first time that I’m here. I see other kids eye me.*snicker*“Bro, it’s a chink.”I’m so self conscious.Every move I make makes me cringe. I can’t sit still. I can feel them eyeing me.But I still have the reputation of a sweet nice girl. The teacher on duty allows me to go back to my classes to get my missing work. I see a teacher drop a sticky note. I pick it up, and hurriedly run after her. She says thank you, and I realize she’s never seen me before.I then realize I can use this to my advantage.New people, new impressions.I get sent to the counselor. I don’t open up. I’m stiff and tense and on guard. I give half assed truths. I don’t tell her what’s going on. Meetings with her become frequent. I tell her I don’t want P.E. and she changes it. I don’t talk about what’s happening at school. Home becomes more turbulent.I used to talk about the students being the main ones to treat me horribly, but it’s now the opposite.It seems as if God didnt grant my promise.7th grade.Same school.Everything’s getting worse. I start to seriously contemplate suicide. So many external factors, so many things going on, how could I describe it, how could I relay all of my experiences, how can I lay them all out for people to understand? There’s still going to be issues that have occurred that I won’t touch on even in this answer. It’s too long and I’m sure no one will read that far.It’s impossible.Everything that is going wrong is because of me.Because I am sensitive.I am not Chinese.A disgrace to my country.I don’t care about my grades.Maybe if I do horribly, they’ll treat me better.But I do care.It’s the only cushion I have.What else was I good for?I get into more and more arguments. I hear from Falcon about my parents.“They shouldn’t be treating you like this.”Then why you don’t do something? Or is it because this is normal for Chinese people?We get a new fryer.He is called Frank(fake name).He’s from my aunt’s Louisiana restaurant.He lives with us for free.They both see.But they don’t say anything.Maybe this is normal.Maybe it really is tough love.Maybe it’s how Chinese kids are treated.This is just normal, and I’m just too sensitive to handle tough love.It’s getting worse.I get more bruises.But it’s tough love. They’ll eventually fade away.I’m still told the same things, from both students and family.The latter becomes more aggressive.I feel no love for them and none reciprocated.I don’t remember if I ever told my parents I loved them when I was 3 or younger, but I have never since then. Even saying the word ‘love’ makes me flinch for a split-second.I become more sarcastic, my humor becomes dark.I start to retaliate.And I start to hit back.I punch back.I tear off my moms necklace.I jingle the gate until it opens and I run outside to the double trash cans behind the restaurant and crouch there.I start crying.I start hating myself so much.I hate myself.I hate myself so much to the point where I can’t even describe how much I hate myself.I know I’m a shitty person.Hitting my own mother, screaming at her until my throat becomes hoarse, until it feels like I can’t breath out of my throat, until it feels like I’m gasping for air, punching her, crying until I can’t see straight, crying until my eyes feel sleepy while I’m smacking her.I’m fucking disgusting. And yet, I did it.Why did I have to do that?Why did I have to hit back?If I have a roof above my head, food to eat, it should be fine right?After all, you’re so damn fat it’s obvious you’re not missing any meals.I sit down on the concrete and see an ant.I think of what their life could be.Insignificant, and only here to be a small part of a huge organization.Then I think of myself.One human among billion others.Did my failures and experiences really matter?There’s people that are starving.What about the people who are homeless?What about the children with no parents?They can do it.Why can’t I?Feelings have become the bane of my existence.I start internalizing everything.2 months, and everything’s significantly better. I now know for sure that if I was born emotionless, none of this would have happened.Then it gets worse. My father becomes worse than my mom. Now it’s my mom holding back my father. That’s surprisingly funny.It used to be the opposite.I sneak to the kitchen one night to see if there’s food.Frank is there. I’m surprised, of course I am.I stand there awkwardly, and I remember him hugging me, with his left hand on my waist and the other near my left buttcheek.And he says in broken English“I don’t like seeing them hurt you. You be okay.”I say ‘okay’ and I move back a little to edge out of his hold.It’s weird and it’s fucking disgusting.I hate it.I don’t want them touching me.I tell Falcon the next day, I tell her I sense something weird from Frank. She says that he’s just worried about me, and doesn’t know the formalities.He’d been working at my aunt’s restaurant prior to arriving here. I’m pretty sure he knows the basic boundaries of personal space.I start to distrust everyone. I start to hate it when people touch me. I start to flinch, and reflexively say ‘sorry’ and refuse anything.“You can sit down you know. Roll call doesn’t start yet.”No it’s fine.”You can have some tissues. They’re in my drawer.”No, thank you.“Lucy, it’s a mile run. Sure you don’t want to grab a sweater?”No I’m fine.“I can keep this book on hold for you.”No it’s okay.Everything is okay.Now it’s what I automatically say if people ask if I’m okay.It’s become a daily ritual.Family becomes more fragmented, if possible.I get into a huge ‘argument’ with my father and it stays with me for the next week.More words of shame.More words of comparing me to customers children.Why can’t you be more like them?See, you don’t see them treat their parents horribly.If I knew you were going to turn out this way, I would have aborted you.I can’t take it.What can I do for everything to stop?I want to cry, I want to cry so I can distract myself from the words being said to me.I can’t cry anymore.I start to look for pills because I am a coward. I can’t kill myself normally because I am afraid of pain, and I’m a coward.I find Tylenol pills. I find 15 of them. It’s in the restaurant office. I grab a small cup of water and lock the door. I down the pills and I feel so much relief. I feel so giddy.It’s going to end.It’s finally going to.Except it doesn’t.Nothing changes. I don’t feel anything. What’s going on?I sit on the chair expecting to die in around 30 minutes and when there’s nothing, I start to look for more. I didn’t care what pill it was anymore. If it was a pill, I could use it. I find Chinese pills that I can’t even read and swallow 7 of those. Still, nothing changes. I grow panicked and I search online.I read that possible effects are possible liver damage.I read that effects may not be as evident now, but can affect much later on in life.I grow angry.I grow so angry at that point that I just want to grab a cleaver and hack off my hands and scream. I want to stop it. I grow increasingly angry at God.Why? Why hadn’t he granted my wish? Was it funny to watch me from above? I understood if he didn’t want to grant me a perfect family, but why wouldn’t he let me die? Why? Was it funny to see me struggling? Was it so funny? Just let me die. If you want a show, I’ll give you one when I’m dead.Cruel. Cruel. Just cruel.Whatever faith I had in any deity disappeared on that day.Fast forward 3 months. My grades were becoming increasingly worse. I start to half ass everything I’m doing.Hygiene, work, entertainment, anything.My counselor gets reports from my teachers.She calls me in.“What’s going on?”“Nothing. I’m just tired.”“Tired.”She’s apprehensive.I don’t say anything.My mind starts to drift elsewhere.It’s not until she says these words that catches my attention:“How are things at home?”I’m instantly on guard.Why was she prying into my personal affairs? What did she want? I don’t believe that a single counselor is there to actually help.Probably got a shitty deal and ended up working here.“It’s fine.”“What’s fine?”I grow irritated. I wanted this lady to get out of my space. Why did she want to know so much? Go counsel other kids.“Our…relationship. It’s normal.”“Your relationship.”“What’s your point?”This repeats.Multiple and multiple times.Until I snap.“Why do you want to know so much? Does seeing me like this make you happy? I’ll tell you what I think, I’ll tell you so stop asking! I get so angry to the point where I want to kill myself and my parents! I hate every single person in this damn town! I hate myself. I hate everything.”I start crying.I had exposed myself again.I hated crying.Why why why did I have to keep on crying?She says“Yes, that’s exactly what I was waiting for you to say Lucy. That’s exactly what I was waiting for. I can help you. You don’t have to be scared.”It’s scary.It’s scary.She had stood up and came toward me as if I was a rabid animal, holding up her hands, palms outward, as if to placate me.My thoughts are going all over the place now.Mom and dad will find out. I’ll get in trouble.Stop looking at me. STOP IT.Fuck her, why did she have to bother with me?I can’t kill myself now. They’ll know for sure.How can I describe it? It’s scary, coming toward me like that. I’m not crazy, why are you treating me like that? Why are you coming toward me slowly? Get away.I hide my face and run from her office. The other counselors from the other grades see me, but don’t say anything as I run out of the counselors suite. I run until I reach the outside of the cafeteria. I start breathing heavily and in short gasps. Every breath I take is guttural and dry. I hate myself. I hate it. I curse my body for being fat. I curse my sensitivity. Better yet, I curse my parents for conceiving me.I can hear her behind me. I run and hide in the bathroom.I can hear her outside and her footsteps stop for a bit and she says “I’ll wait.”I grow scared and angry.Why? Why?? Leave me the fuck alone.Just let me die in peace.Why did everyone have to meddle?I grow tired of waiting and I slowly walk out. She’s outside the door, and she tells me to call down. I have calmed down.But I’m still on guard.She takes me into the main office, and I see a police officer.My senses are going off at this point.Had this counselor lied to me again? Maybe they’re all lying to me. She said she’ll help me. Help me how? How are you helping me?She tells me I have been Baker Acted.I don’t know what that is, so she explains it.The police officer is just standing there.I don’t want anyone to know.I don’t want to.I don’t say anything at this point. I don’t trust anyone. She’s talking but I barely listen.They take me to a facility. I have to take off my clothes and stand on the scale. I see a 130. I want to throw up. Why was I like this?I’m taken into a space with cots and a TV. I’m so tense, so jittery, I don’t feel comfortable.I have a lady ask me why I’m here. I said the police guy brought me here. She asks me if I know why I’m here. And I say no.She explains it again.I don’t care. I’ve heard enough.She brings brocolli, an ice cream cup, and a hotdog. I don’t eat it. I politely refuse. She comes back. And she sees the plate still full.“You can eat, you know.”No, it’s fine.She starts talking to me.She starts asking me questions.I evade each one, and give half truths.She calls my parents.They say “Ah,ah.okay. Ah, I see.”Then they hang up.I don’t know what to feel at that point.I should have been sad. I should have felt sad.But all I felt was an empty void. I didn’t care if they didn’t care about me anymore.I was used to it.I wait 2 more hours.I’m taken to a hospital this time. Only it’s one for the “crazies.”I’m taken in. Everyone looks friendly on the surface. But I can see the gaze they revert back to once I’m not looking at them.Pity, disgust,concern,everything.I take off my clothes once again.I’m given a pathetic excuse of a gown.I have to take off my shoes.I have to remove my bands, anything.I ask why.The lady taking my weight again stares at me.“To ensure your safety.”Tell me the truth. Stop sugarcoating it.I’m shown to my room. It’s cold and I have a roommate. I hate it.My first night.It was cold, there was only one bedsheet. It was thin. I could feel the air blowing down. I start to panick and cry. The windows were boarded up. The door was always ajar. I didn’t feel safe. All I could see was the sliver of the moon. The beds were tiny. I could only stay in one position. I’m woken up around 5a.m. Someone is taking my blood. He tells me to lie down and relax, and I do. But I’m still panicking.I am panicking but I am relaxed.The second day.I have the lady from yesterday ask me if I prefer talking to a man or a woman. I say a woman.There’s a new lady now. She talks to me. She asks me how I am. I say that I am normal. She probes further, I shut her out.This continues. The second day, we are allowed to call our parents. I watch as the kids call their parents one by one, and I have never felt so hollow in my life before. Never, ever.My parents arrive an hour later. They have McDonald's for me. And they look concerned about me.I feel a sliver of hope.And then I see two people come out of the office, a man and a woman this time, both holding clipboards. The meat in my mouth seems to turn sour, and all I felt was a sense of..what? I was disappointed. But that’s such a timid word. I was worse than disappointed. I was worse than devasted.It felt as if someone had grabbed a hold of my heart, wrenched it, twisted it, yanked it from side to side until it became shriveled and barely pulsating.It’s the same routine.I know what my parents want.In order to not cause trouble.In order to be filial.I have to lie.I tell them I’m fine. I put on a lighthearted smile, and I even crack a joke about being here. I tell them I’m the one who caused everything. I’m the reason for everything that’s gone wrong.They have no facial expression. Their lips are pressed into a thin line. One woman has her mouth slightly parted as if ready to scold me. But they just watch and listen.I’m sent out along with my parents. None of us says anything.I hate it.They leave, and I go back to my room and sit there on the poor excuse of a bed.I’m so empty. So empty. It’s horrible. Why. Just why?I hate myself.If I wasn’t sensitive, this wouldn’t have happened.I could have laughed along with their ching chong jokes.I could have ignored it as my mom wanted me to.I could have prevented a lot of things.But I couldn’t.Because I allowed them to hurt me.So it’s my fault.My fault for feeling this.If I wasn’t born like this, it would be better. So much better.Third day. Everything repeats. There’s a weird girl.We have a circle where we participate in group activities.They are laughing and joking. I can’t comprehend how.One of them comes closer.She has her hands out and says to “come here baby.”I get angry, repulsed, and scared.I hurriedly scramble up and yell at her to fuck off.I get in trouble.I’m told to go to my room.Fourth day.The head doctor talks to me.My parents are there as well.He asks me if I want to kill myself.I smile and I confidently tell him“No. I want to become a lawyer when I’m older. I want to attend Harvard, and I want to make my parents proud of me. I have so much things to live for. I don’t want to die.”Poof.You’re out.Congrats.What a joke.1 night and 4 days.For what?It’s actually so shitty that it’s funny.For me to be released.Was I that good of a liar that they couldn’t even tell how I really felt? Or was it because I’m truly the bad one?Maybe I really did deserve this.I don’t know what to believe anymore.I can’t even believe myself.Everyday, it feels like there’s someone talking to me.What is it? I don’t know.We go back to the restaurant.After 5 more hours, everything reverts back to normal.We start arguing again.I wanted to give up.Again.And again.It’s raining that day. I grab a knife from the kitchen and run outside to finally do the deed.I can’t.I falter again.I’m scared of the pain.Why am I scared of pain? You’re already in pain. More pain is fine.But I can’t do it.The next door bar customers see me.They start to come toward me, and I run away.I’m in a neighborhood now.I go up to a house and falter again.What if they call the police? What if it repeats again?A part of me foolishly wishes that maybe somehow, the person opening up the door will take care of me.I knock, and an old lady comes to the door.“What is it?” She says apprehensively.I must look like a mess. It’s raining, and there’s a young Asian girl with oversized jeans and a stained T-Shirt.I timidly ask her what time it is.She says it’s 4:00. I was out for more than an hour now. The rain is still pouring.I thank her.I go back to the restaurant from the front.I hurriedly go to the restroom so they don’t see.I put my feet up on the stall so they don’t see me.My mom comes in 30 minutes later, and gets angry again. I don’t remember her exact words, but the most memorable were:“If you wanted to kill yourself so bad, do it somewhere else where the customers won’t see. You’ll affect our business. Go! Go do it! What are you doing sitting there?! Go! I fucking told you to go! Go kill yourself like you wanted to!”I must look like an idiot. My feet are nervously planted on the floor, ready to take flight, and I can feel tears forming behind my eyes. I remember walking out hurriedly.There’s a lawsuit on our heads. Falcon and Anna have teamed up to sue my parents. I read the documents for my parents. I translate it, even though my Mandarin is horrible.Why ask me?$200,000 that my parents have to pay back over the past years.I can’t see Falcon anymore.I distrust everyone even more now. Was Falcon really being nice to me? If she saw what was happening, why didn’t she say anything? Did she wait for the lawsuit to occur first before actually giving a damn about me? I’ve known her since I was 3. I am now 12. Maybe I am actually the bad person. Maybe that’s why no one cares. Maybe it’s normal for Chinese children. Maybe I’m just selfish.We sell the restaurant to another different aunt.We go on a road trip around the country to pick up our little sister. Our last stop is New York. I meet my little sister for the first time. She’s cute and skinny. I instantly feel a bitter feeling. She’s playing on a scooter with another girl called 8 year old sister(八岁姐姐).We stay with our aunt, cousin, grandpa, grandma. I see my cousin’s piano as I walk up the stairs. I see the beds cramped together. I instantly feel panic. I get to know my little sister. I’ll call her Chicken. She’s nice and adorable. I feel affection for her. As the days progress, I go out with Chicken and our family. Chicken is accustomed to this place. I feel out of place. There’s so many Chinese people. We go our separate ways. Our family to a restaurant, and our aunt and cousin to another.I get angry again for some reason.I remember throwing my bowl at the wall.I remember Chicken’s face as she looked at me with fear.I feel embarrassed, and then I feel guilt. Did I really just do that?My parents just sit there and look at me with a slight, patronizing gaze.They turn to Chicken and ask her “Is sister scaring you?” She nods slowly.My parents laugh and rubs her hair.The same gesture that I am so familiar with.I get pissed. 3 minutes later, I’m sad. I’m sad about this. I don’t say anything. On the bus ride home, Chicken’s father and mother go sit at the back. There’s no room left. I decide to sit at bottom near the door.I am wearing a dress that day. The bus driver tells me in Mandarin to “watch my legs.”I pretend to not hear and feel guitly.Then I feel guilty about feeling guilty.Those two months pass by quickly. My resentment grows. My anger grows.We now move to Houston.I am 13 now.I am in 8th grade now.We start renting a house.School has already started.My mom goes with me to register for school.I don’t go for the first week.I don’t know why.Why?My parents argue with the lady who’s renting us the house.It’s something about money.I hear “Crazy bitch!”And then we move again.It’s a new school. The school looks like a prison.I think to myself that I should portray myself as a sweet girl.It’s January, and I started this answer in November. I’m continuing.After all, new impression.I make friends.I start to think of them as friends, but I’ve realized now. They were nothing more than acquaintances. I only made friends with two people. L and A. L seems sweet. A seems different. As I get to know the both of them, I realize they are both much more different than they let on.L is hard to describe, and hard to understand.A is easy to describe, but hard to understand.L has an outer facade of a sweet innocent girl.A has an unintentional mask of a quiet but not shy girl.I get along well with both of them.They are both funny.They are both quick at grasping concepts.My mom starts to work at my aunt’s Louisiana restaurant.I’m alone with my father and little sister.Father becomes more emotionally attached and available to Chicken as we now have no restaurant nor work.I am jealous. I’m so jealous. The days I am alone in my room, I can hear both of them laughing and singing karaoke.A invites me to a group chat.I’m ecstatic and shocked. I feel genuinely happy, even flattered.I join, and I meet more people. I don’t know what came over me that day, but I initiated the first call. I invite A to a video call. She accepts.We talk and I get to know her much better.She tells me things of her own, things that she has gone through, and how it was like for her growing up. I learn things, I tell her things that have happened to me.As the days progress, I find a new comfort in A.I have grown so accustomed to a new friend that I scare myself. I have become clingy and sensitive, it’s what I originally hated.A is strong and helpful.L is strong and confident.I start pushing more people away.I start to hate myself even more.I want friends, but I can’t accept it. It’s so gross.I want affection from my parents, but that’s gross too.I want people to care, but I would just be bothering them.I start pushing my burden on L and A.L is extremely bad with comforting. It’s not her fault, but I still feel hollow after I talk to her.A is somewhat decent with comforting, but I still feel pain.I realize it now. I have been bothering them.Months pass.I am invited to the mall.I feel ecstatic and flattered. I was so surprised. Words that sounded so foreign to me, were now something I commonly experienced.I’m so happy.When we arrive, it is four people, including me. L and A are there, along with M. M is a new addition. I see that M is familiar with L and A. I start to feel even more out of place, it feels strange.The truth is hard to process. In a world of billions of people, there will always be a person greater or lesser than you. No matter how hard or smart you work, there’s always someone better or worse. The world is a harsh place. People are harsh. Your achievements are lesser compared to others.I have thought about things from every angle available.I think of how I will affect people. I think of how my actions will change someone.A said they might have depression from a questionnaire this past Christmas.My heart hurts for her, I feel as if I’ve caused this. Perhaps talking of my own struggles triggered something.But it’s stupid to think that, because depression usually stems from a longer cause.But another part of me feels guilt and concern.I want to get rid of every trouble available, but that’s foolish talk.How will you get rid of these troubles if you don’t do something about it first Lucy?Stop whining and do something,I tell myself.I feel guilty for writing this out even now. I don’t know. This blame, I feel the need to pin it. But it shouldn’t be pinned on someone. Whatever I do, there’s this incessant nagging voice telling me to reevaluate my choices.How will this affect them?What if this happens?What about their friends?Or parents?How did you do this?What happens?I feel hurt when I am cared for.I feel hurt when people go out of their way to make me feel better.If you treat me badly, I’ll accept it. I don’t want you to go through any trouble.This is selfishness. I don’t want other people to get hurt.But that’s impossible.Humans learn through hard lessons.But I still don’t want them to hurt.Why don’t you want them to get hurt Lucy?I don’t know. It’s just a want. I don’t want them to get hurt.It’s because of your own desire. That’s selfishness.Perhaps you’re right, it is selfishness.I know what this is. I am poisoning my own mind. I know, but I can’t stop.But you can stop, you just don’t want to.No I do. I want to stop.Then do it. Why is it so hard? Stop being so negative.How do you do that?Don’t think about negative things.I won’t, at least I’ll try not to.But it’s hard, understand me please.It hurts a lot.I’m sorry to my parents, and people that I have gotten to know and either dislike or care for.It’s currently 7:03 p.m. on January 31st. I don’t feel like writing or explaining anymore. I just wanted this sense of closure for myself. With where I am currently at, I’m stuck. I’m just tired. Censoring myself, tailoring myself to other people’s standards, keeping up this facade. I don’t believe myself either. I think I lied. Maybe this story was fake. Maybe I’m not real. Maybe God’s still playing a game with me. I don’t want to think anymore. I’ve already tried 15 Tylenol and amoxicillin pills and I have had no result. I think someone or something is just playing with me at this point. I’m treating this as my last message. I’m sure 100 acetaminophen pills will do the trick. Even if it’s disguised as God’s blessing, even he won’t even be able to stop this. I know that’s a stupid way to go. I don’t need scolding.But you’re posting this answer, so you must be asking for criticism.Yes you’re right. I think I am. Or I’m just posting this as a last resort for my family, so they can finally do better with Chicken.I feel a sense of relief as I am writing this, yet regret. It is a resigned regret of not being able to do enough for myself and others.People have said I am selfish to want to kill myself. They say there are people here who would be pained if I left.But if I stay alive just for their sake, then that doesn’t make them selfish too? If I’m alive just to be in pain and just to please others, isn’t that the same?I guess the suffering of one person is tiny compared to a majority.I am sorry. I’m sorry for not being good enough, at least my family will have Chicken. They can do better with her. I am sorry for wasting A’s and L’s time. In the end, I am taking a route that I once considered was only for the ‘weak.’ Thank you for taking your time with me.

Laws Surrounding Tiny Houses You Must KnowMany states still don’t have specific laws surrounding tiny houses. However, this doesn’t mean that you won’t run into trouble when building one.The biggest restrictions on tiny houses will come during the building process.This is because builders still have to follow zoning regulations that are put in place by that state.One good thing to note is that even if your state doesn’t have laws, you still have options. This is because it doesn’t matter the size of the home in order to get permits to build it. All that matters is that you obtain proper permits.This way your house, no matter how small, can still be deemed safe to live in.The biggest problem that people run in to, however, is actually living in their tiny house.While you may be able to obtain zoning permits to build your home, you might have a difficult time living there full time.This is why so many people choose to build tiny homes that can be moved.Finding a permanent lot that can be lived in year-round can be tricky. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. People have found creative solutions to still live in their tiny house without breaking the law.We have written an article about why tiny houses are illegal in some states. It has lots of tips and tricks to help keep yourself safe from the law while living in a tiny house.The US States Which Are the Most Tiny-House FriendlyBefore we start we would like to point out that the information below should not be taken as legal advice. It’s simply the information we have been able to dig up. We are not your lawyers.That being said, we believe this is a great list of things to be aware of (for each state) when you want to build a tiny house.ArizonaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Pima County, tiny houses which are built on foundations are legal in any zones which allow “detached single-family dwellings.” They have also addressed regulations about tiny houses in order to accommodate people who want to downsize.Tiny houses which are built on a chassis (that is where the suspension/axle components have been removed and the chassis permanently attached on a permanent foundation) are treated as factory-built buildings.This means they are only allowed in certain areas.Generally speaking:Minimum dwelling/room/ceiling height/windows/door/fixture/accessibility dimensions do not apply.Ladders may replace a staircase to loft areas.Loft areas may have reduced fall protection.The number of electrical circuits may be reduced to reflect loads.Alternative compliance with NFPA 501 for mechanical/electrical systems is recognized.Coconino County, Arizona is another county which is trying to support the tiny house community.CaliforniaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Generally speaking, California is one of the US states which is most accommodating to tiny homes. Most of the cities allow tiny homes and classify them as “accessory dwelling units” (ADUs).Did you know, Fresno was the first city in the country to approve tiny houses (on wheels) as secondary dwelling units?California Title 25 won’t allow peoples “recreational vehicle” to be used as a dwelling unit.ColoradoThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Counties have also made some specific changes in their laws, in the case of accessory-dwelling units (ADUs) as well. Unfortunately, these aren’t state-wide changes.In Walsenburg, Colorado, the regulators have made it easier to build and own a tiny house. They have:Waved minimum sq. footageReduced the requirement for the size of the exit doorWaved stairway regulationsPark County, Colorado has become somewhat of a haven for tiny home enthusiasts and have made allowances for people who own tiny houses such as waving these specific regulations:Having a living room of more than 220 sq. ft with 100 sq. ft per occupant (in stick-built dwellings)Separate closetsClear working spaces of more than 30 inches in your kitchen including the spaces for your kitchen sink, refrigeration unit, and your cooking appliancesSeparate bathrooms with water closets/showers/bathtubs, and lavatoriesHowever, light, ventilation, and life safety requirements still have to be met regardless of the size of your dwelling. In addition, provisions for mechanical equipment (like pressure tank, heat, and hot water) will be required alsoAll light, ventilation and life safety requirements must be met regardless of dwelling size.In cases where the efficiency dwelling unit is not a component of a multi-unit structure, provisions for mechanical equipment (heat, hot water, pressure tank, etc.) will be required as well.FloridaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. However, Florida requires that any tiny home on wheels must be registered in the Florida DMV.In Sarasota County, they require tiny houses on wheels to stay at RV parks, but for no more than 45 days. If they stay for more than 45 days, they need to have foundations.St. Petersburg requires that any dwelling unit needs to have a floor area of no less than 375 sq. ft. On the other end of the scale, it can’t exceed 750 sq. ft.Orange County says that the minimum sq. ft of an ADU is 400 sq. ft.Florida hosts a large amount of RV parks and tiny house hotels for enthusiasts in order to try tiny living in their communities. They are one of the many states which are helping the tiny house and minimalist movements.GeorgiaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Decatur, Georgia has adopted an ordinance called the Unified Development Ordinance which doesn’t require that ADUs have a minimum sq. footage. This was adopted back in 2014 when the movement first started to gain traction.Talk about forward-thinking!Atlanta, Georgia is more lenient when it comes to “guest houses”, which are allowed in R-1 through R-5 zones. There are a few restrictions when it comes to the classification of “guest houses”. For example, guest houses can’t have a stove, nor can it allow someone to stay in the home full time.That would change the classification to an ADU, which are only allowed in R-5 districts.Unfortunately, tiny houses on wheels haven’t been defined or classified in most zoning ordinances and (in most zoning districts) it is illegal to rent an ADU out.Local municipalities are having to keep up with the tiny house movement because it is moving much faster than their codes and regulations can keep up with. Because of that, a lot of counties in Georgia are allowing tiny houses more leeway and showing how much, they value the movement by making tiny home living affordable.IdahoThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.However, the state of Idaho is one of the first to talk about modular, manufactured, RV, and tiny homes in the same categories. There are still strict regulations for tiny homes, but they are working with tiny home enthusiasts and minimalists to ensure that everyone feels welcome and safe.In order to comply with most of the regulations in Idaho, tiny houses must either be:Site Built (constructed like a building in a location where it will be used and cannot be moved)Modular (the components or the building itself—other than manufactured homes—must be mostly or entirely prefabricated or assembled at the location which isn’t the building site)Comply with HUD manufactured home construction and follow their safety standardsA recreational vehicle (travel trailer, truck camper, motor home, or a camping trailer designed for human habitation) with a maximum width of eight and a half ft.No matter if it is modular, site-built, or manufactured, it must have a minimum of 150 sq. ft.IndianaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. In Indiana, each county is allowed to establish its own specific building codes. Also, they exclude codes which are considered private homes that are built by the individuals living there and will be used for their own occupancy.This is called the Log Cabin Rule.The Log Cabin Rule doesn’t apply to tiny homes on wheels. They must have a foundation.This rule was set in place to help honor the traditional housing in the state.There are many different tiny home communities in Indiana. There are plenty of “regular” housing communities who are willing to open their neighborhoods to tiny houses and even offer areas for tiny homes.KansasThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. Compared to other places, Kansas allows a number of single-dwelling residential districts where ADUs are permitted.While they aren’t permitted in RS5 or RS3 districts, they are allowed in RS7, RS10, RS20, and RS,40 districts.There are specific rules for tiny houses which are built on foundations and on wheels.As for tiny houses built on foundations:One room must be 120 sq. ft other rooms–except for the bathroom and kitchen–must be at least 50 sq. ft (according to IRC 2012).The smallest single-dwelling residential district you can build a tiny home on is an RS3 district (which has a 3,000 sq. ft. min.)Solar and small wind devices are allowed as long as they don’t go over 35ft in height. The IFC regulates the use of propane.Composting toilets aren’t yet allowedFor tiny homes on wheels:Camping in tiny homes is allowed at approved campgroundsThere are no current codes which let you park your tiny home in a backyard or on privately owned land.As a whole, tiny homes on wheels are more difficult to live in (legally) in the state of Kansas). But since each county has different rules and regulations, it’s best to check with the local municipality for their rules.MaineThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Maine has made some statewide construction regulations for tiny houses. They define them as a dwelling which is less than 400 sq. ft. They allow:sleeping lofts,permitting ladder access to lofts,and approving skylights as points of emergency egressTowns are still able to approve or deny the construction of tiny houses.Usually, if your tiny house is built on a foundation, it needs to comply with the Maine Uniform Building and Energy Code.You can camp in a tiny house (which is on wheels) in North Yarmouth, Maine if:When placed on a site for more than 120 days per year, all requirements for residential structures are met.You do not build on a permanent foundation.It is on the lot existing before the date of the ordinance or larger than 30,000 sq. ft.Maine is one of the most accommodating states involved in the tiny house movement. They were one of the first states to adopt state-wide construction guidelines for tiny homes. It’s also common for people in Maine to convert old boat houses into tiny houses as a secondary home.They are cute, and they maintain the New England maritime culture.MassachusettsThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.ADUs are allowed in many towns and cities in Massachusetts. Specifications of an ADU are different in each town or city so make sure you check with the guidelines in your city.For example, Nantucket will allow you to have a third dwelling which can be up to 550 sq. ft.The state hasn’t clearly addressed or defined what tiny houses on wheels are. So, it is more difficult to live in a mobile tiny house.But, owning a tiny on foundations as an ADU doesn’t seem to be much of a problem.MichiganThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.The Briley Township in Michigan has defined the ‘Economy Efficient Dwelling’ as a new kind of tiny home dwelling.An economy efficient dwelling is more than 240 sq. ft but less than 500 sq. ft. It has a minimum side elevation of between 12 and 20 ft. An economy efficient dwelling has to be placed on a foundation which is both approved and permanent.The state has also adapted their zoning regulations to be more friendly to tiny homes.MinnesotaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.There are two types of tiny houses in Minnesota: RVs and ADUs (accessory dwelling units). ADUs must be on a foundation to be filed under the same Minnesota State Building Code as “housing.”Tiny houses are more in demand than ever but finding a place to park or build proves tricky.There are a number of municipalities which support of tiny homes as an option for:the elderly,the disabled,or those nearing end of life.NebraskaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Tiny homes which are considered to be manufactured (mobile) homes that are with the rules and regulations of the United States Department of Housing and Urban Development’s (HUD) Federal Manufactured Home Act are given a HUD manufactured home label.Modular tiny homes with applicable construction codes (the International Residential Code and the National Electrical Code adopted by Nebraska) are issued the Nebraska Modular Housing Unit label.RVs (motorhomes, park trailers, travel trailers) must be built with the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) Standard on Recreational Vehicles, NFPA 1192 or the Park Model Recreational Vehicle Standard.All of these structures in Nebraska are legally required to have the appropriate State or Federal label attesting to compliance with the relevant building codes affixed to them.Tiny houses, like all other houses and recreational vehicles, will be subject the zoning requirements of local jurisdictions which vary widely by jurisdiction.Nebraska has made a document which references these types of tiny houses. While the document states that zoning requirements are up to local jurisdictions, cities like Lincoln have been quite welcoming to the tiny home community.NevadaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Clark County, Nevada sheds over 200 sq. ft need a building permit. Also, ADUs cannot have a kitchen or cooking facilities.The code requirements don’t specifically mention tiny homes–but they can work around some of the regulations.New HampshireThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.The state now has a law which allows ADUs. Communities in New Hampshire do not require ADUs to be occupied by the owner, but they do require the owner to live on the property.Hampshire has seen great improvement after they legalized ADUs.New MexicoThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Generally speaking, most of the towns and counties that allow ADUs and tiny homes state that:It must have a room which is at least 70 sq. ft and no less than seven ft in any direction (including the ceiling).Each tiny house must have sanitary facilities (toilet, sink, and either a bath or shower).The bathroom and kitchen sink have to have both hot and cold water.The plumbing fixtures must be connected to an approved sewage system.The whole structure has to sit on a foundation which is considered permanentIt needs to meet the requirement of the New Mexico Energy Conservation Code.There are a number of things which must be included, and which need to be regulated such as:WindowsPermanent heating facilitiesWall-switch lightingBathroom windows or exhaust fansSmoke alarmsA door (leading to the outside) which must be at least 32 inches wide and 78 inches highNorth CarolinaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Wilmington, North Carolina, tiny houses must meet the following criteria:Requires at least 150 sq. ft for the first occupant, and at least 100 sq. ft for each additional occupantA tiny house must abide by additional housing ordinances.In Winston-Salem:Accessory dwelling units (ADUs) are allowed on single-family lots as long as they are occupied by relatives, caretakers, etc.Antique and custom-built vehicles presented for first-time titling and registration in North Carolina must be examined and photographed by a local NC Division of Motor Vehicles inspector.In North Carolina, the residents of the state are somewhat divided over tiny homes.Some are worried they could ruin the character (of the classic towns), while others think they could be the perfect solution to rising housing costs and high-density areas.OregonThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Oregon is one of the few states which allow titles to tiny houses on wheels. However, until the Recreational Vehicle Industry Association (RVIA) is able to assume responsibility for codes and inspections, tiny house on wheels owners will have to get a special trip permit and commercial hauler to move their homes.Specifically, in Portland, residential properties can host one tiny house or RV.While some of the rules and regulations involving tiny homes can be a little confusing and convoluted at times, Oregon still has many flourishing tiny home communities.This state is also home to the famous Tiny House Hotel.PennsylvaniaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Philadelphia, there is no minimum house size, but, tiny houses must meet the International Residential Code (IRC) 2009.A tiny house needs to have one room of 120 sq. ft or more.Other rooms must be at least 70 sq. ft or more (except for kitchens) including height to the ceiling.Pennsylvania is one of the friendlier tiny house states to date. In fact, a community in Elizabethtown claims to be the largest tiny house community in the United States. Pretty impressive!Rural areas of Pennsylvania will likely be the easiest when it comes to finding a place to park your tiny.Be sure to check with the local municipalities for specifics.South CarolinaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Greenville County allows permanent tiny houses (even on wheels) if they are 400 sq. ft or less.Meanwhile, Rock Hill, South Carolina sets the minimum sq. footage at 850 sq. ft.The rise in housing costs has added to the growing popularity of tiny houses in South Carolina. The local ordinances can be a little picky because some counties address tiny homes (specifically) but others don’t know how to classify them.South DakotaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Spearfish, South Dakota:A permanent tiny house on foundations that is building code compliant is permitted in all residential zoning districts in Spearfish.A temporary tiny house on wheels can be located on any commercial campground in Spearfish.In Beresford, South Dakota a tiny house:Must have the exterior width of at least 8.5 ft or more than 20 ft.Can’t be any smaller than 187 sq. ft with no less than 50 additional sq. ft per additional person.Which is not on wheels must be secured on a foundation.Which is on wheels must be secured to a licensed trailer.Has to be tightly secured to the ground when parked in order to withstand the weather. Learn more here (page 44, section 12.5).TennesseeThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Etowah, Tennessee, they have amended the ordinance which will now allow the building of tiny homes with a minimum of 800 sq. ft in R1 zones. There is a minimum of 600 sq. ft in R2 and R3 zones.In Dandridge, Tennessee they have created guidelines which will regulate tiny houses on permanent foundations from 100-300 sq. ft.Knoxville, Tennessee follows the 2012 International Residential Code (IRC). The regulation for a one-person occupancy requires a minimum of 120 sq. ft, while two-people require 320 sq. ft. It is not allowed to exceed three people.Meanwhile, in Warren County, Tennessee regulations require a minimum sq. footage of 138 sq. ft.TexasThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Breckenridge, Texas requires foundations (permanent) for tiny houses with a minimum of 320 sq. ft.Fort Worth, Texas says that ADUs may not be larger than 400 sq. ft. Currently, the ADU permits must be done in-person at Town Hall. No online forms.Austin, Texas allows tiny houses to be any size as long as they are on foundations. However, tiny homes on wheels are thought of and categorized as recreational vehicles (RVs) and are required to follow RV rules.Spur, Texas has been proclaimed as the first “tiny house friendly” town in America. They do not require a minimum sq. footage.The only real regulation which is special to tiny homes is that tiny houses on wheels are to be tied down, with the wheels removed.Texas is one of the states at the forefront of the tiny house movement. Since the rising prices of homes (in the area and in general) can make it difficult to buy a home, tiny living is an excellent housing option which is affordable.VermontThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Burlington, Virginia permits tiny homes as ADUs with no minimum sq. footage.Williston lets tiny houses have a maximum of 1500 sq. ft.Vermont’s major cities are strict when it comes to tiny houses. Tiny home enthusiasts and minimalists can build around certain regulations and can work with the law if they build as an ADU.There are even people who park tiny houses on wheels in rural areas and often to fly under the radar.It’s a bit like dispersed camping but with your entire home.The LEAST Tiny-House Friendly StatesDeciding where to live is such a personal choice. There are a ton of factors to consider. Many people who are looking to downsize their life are not interested in picking up and moving cross-country.However, not every state is suited for the tiny house living.Here are some of the laws by state to help make your decision a little easier:AlabamaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In the state regulations, tiny houses are never specifically addressed. However, Jefferson County does allow ADUs in districts that aren’t more than 200 sq. ft.According to Alabama Tiny Homes, tiny houses are in the process of being widely accepted in the public.AlaskaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Anchorage, Tiny houses on wheels are treated like RVs. They are restricted to R-5 zones.If they are on foundations or built as manufactured homes, tiny homes face fewer restrictions on location. However, they will need a “conditional use” permit.If they are on municipal property, tiny homes must be connected to water and sewage.There has been a lot of interest in tiny homes, through Alaska. However, there aren’t many in the state. Tiny houses aren’t “officially” allowed in the city of Anchorage. Areas near the cities are flexible, but there aren’t any specific tiny house building codes set.ArkansasThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Walnut Ridge, the city voted on restricting homes to a minimum of 600 sq. ft.Rogers, Arkansas only allows tiny homes in a residential area if they are built on a foundation, from the ground up, on the property.They also rezoned a portion of lots (around the Bella Vista Lake Park area) in order to allow a tiny house community there.While Arkansas has made it somewhat difficult to build and live in a tiny home, there have been some areas who have been trying to help the movement. Included in these are areas which view tiny homes on wheels as RVs. While that restricts them to mobile home parks and RV parks, it is a start to—hopefully—a bigger chain of events.ConnecticutThere are no discussions or proposals which indicate that the state of Connecticut is willing to open themselves up for tiny living. They are strict about their land use and housing developments.The zoning regulations don’t allow for tiny homes.As such, tiny home enthusiasts in the area are looking for an advocate to speak up for them.DelawareDelaware does not have any specific regulations for tiny homes but there are organizations which are trying to make tiny houses available as an option for people who need affordable housing.As of the date on this article, the state requires that the people who own and live in tiny homes (on wheels) need to get a title within the month after they purchase it.Also, anything that is eight feet by forty feet (or has more than 400 sq. ft) are considered mobile homes by the Delaware DMV.Anything smaller is considered a trailer.HawaiiThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. People who own tiny homes in Hawaii can:Purchase a plot of land for their homeFind private property from someone who will allow their home on their landMost likely NOT be in areas where there are “restrictive covenants (like CC & Rs)Register their tiny home on wheels with the DMV as a “travel trailer”(if they have their home on wheels) be subject to zoning restrictionsIn Hawaii, there is a Tiny House Initiative which is hoping to help solve the farm working housing challenges on the islands.Since the state relies heavily on tourism, there is a rise in the prices of housing and land, which is not great for the farmers who are under strict housing codes.Fingers crossed that the tiny house initiative will bring some positive changes for the farmers and those affected by the rise in housing prices.IllinoisThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. Tiny houses are allowed in:Mobile home parksCampgroundsPrivate propertyOtherwise, it is the law of the counties which have authority on whether you can or can’t live in a tiny home.They are illegal in Chicago. However, as you get into more rural places, it becomes more of a “gray area” to live in a tiny home.If they are on wheels, they’re classified as recreational trailersIowaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.For example, the Council of Iowa Falls made changes to the City Code which reduced the minimum size of a house from 600 sq. ft. to 500 sq. ft.It’s still difficult to build your tiny home in Iowa but it is catching on in places where the housing and land costs are so high.The biggest pitfall has to do with the local zoning ordinances which dictate how small your sq. footage or lot needs to be.KentuckyThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.If they follow the necessary codes, tiny homes are allowed in the Louisville Metro area if they are considered:Permanent or site built (built on a foundation, and are reviews and processed like any other home)Prefabricated or modular (fabricated off-site, assembled on-sit, placed on foundations with documentations and reviews after this process)Portable (home on wheels would fall into this category but it would need to be moved to an area for permanent placement, not to mention, it is still subject to zoning requirementsLouisianaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. All cities, however, are required to follow the 2012 International Residential Code (IRC), which states that:One room must be at least 120 sq. ft in sizeLofts must have windows and stairs (ladders don’t count)Three feet for stairs, doors, and hallways, and ceilings need to be at least 7 feet tall.Because of that, the tiny home enthusiasts in the state are hoping that the 2015 IRC will take into effect soon, which will negate the specifics which make building a tiny home difficult.MarylandThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. However, they aren’t acknowledged by the state at all.Laws are slightly friendlier to tiny houses built on foundations but there are still zoning laws which restrict people from living in those tiny houses. It is easier if tiny home enthusiasts want to go to a more rural place, however, big changes need to be made.MississippiThere aren’t any laws in place which govern tiny houses. While tiny houses were used after Hurricane Katrina (as emergency shelters), the local governments haven’t taken any action which will make those tiny home considered as permanent housing.MissouriThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. If they are on wheels, tiny homes are considered to be travel trailers. This term is defined as a “portable vehicular unit mounted on wheels, which is designed to provide temporary living quarters for camping, travel, or recreational use.While they don’t require special highway permits (when they are being pulled by a motorized vehicle), that only works if there aren’t wardrobe, closet, kitchen, bath, or toilet rooms.Other than that, they aren’t allowed in the city. It is considered unlawful to park your tiny home on wheels, on the street or anywhere which is considered public property. But they are allowed in the case of disasters.MontanaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.You can register a tiny home (self-built) but it will need to be restricted to the term travel trailer or RV.New JerseyThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. Regulations are in the works, but many counties are working against them. The Tuckerton Land Use Board (for example) denied a tiny house community for veterans. The Rockland town only allow the storage of a recreational vehicle on a residential lot, if it is unoccupied.Haverstraw, New Jersey allows caretaker’s cottages if the lot is larger than two acres.New YorkIn New York, temporary structures like as tiny houses are not allowed.You can register a tiny house on wheels, but you will not be able to live in one full-time. If you live further away from major cities, it is more likely you will be able to live in your tiny home under the radar.North DakotaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.The regulations in Burleigh County are:The minimum size requirement of 965 sq. ft,can be placed on agricultural lots.houses on wheels must be placed on a foundation.must have access to water, sewer, electricity, and gas.must meet standard building codes.does not currently allow accessory dwelling units (ADUs).Meanwhile, North Dakota Century Code and the Burleigh County Ordinance does not prohibit any tiny home which is placed on a lot of 40 acres or more.OhioThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary. Most of the areas in Ohio don’t know how to classify tiny homes so they end up falling in the “variance” category in a few counties.Cleveland requires at least 950 sq. ft for a home.ADUs are permitted if they are not a primary place of dwelling.OklahomaThere are not yet any regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.If they are placed on foundations, they have a better chance of meeting building codes and zoning requirements. Houses on wheels must be in the same category as RVsRhode IslandThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Make sure to check with your local municipality for building codes and zoning regulations.More recently, they have passed a law (state-wide) which allows owner-occupants of a single-family home to build ADUs for seniors they are related to if the senior relative is at least 62 years old.UtahThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Washington County, Utah allows a minimum sq. footage of under 300 ft for a tiny home as long as they are on foundations and hooked up to utilities. Tiny houses on wheels are defined as “park model recreational vehicles.”Salt Lake City, Utah, allows ADUs which are either 50% of the sq. footage of the main structure on the property or 650 sq. ft, whichever is bigger.Eagle Mountain City, Utah lets tiny homes on wheels in R1 zones.VirginiaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Staunton County, Virginia allows you a tiny home with a minimum of 200 sq. ft.Virginia Beach does not have specific ordinances for tiny houses. They do, however, treat them like any other residential space as long as they meet the Virginia building codes.WashingtonThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Woodland, WA allows ADUs to be between 300 and 800 sq. ft.Tiny houses in King County must be on a permanent foundation.It is much easier to live in a tiny home in Washington State if it is on a foundation and not in a place where you need to park it.West VirginiaThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Jefferson County, West Virginia allows ADUs which have a maximum of 1700 sq. ft.WisconsinThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.Madison, Wisconsin won’t allow tiny houses on wheels less than 150 sq. ft. If they are bigger than that, they are considered “portable shelters”.Dad County, Wisconsin says ADUs can’t be more than 800 sq. ft.WyomingThe regulations and codes in each of the towns, cities, and county vary.In Casper, WY, tiny houses must be/have:on foundations (and then are defined as “efficiency dwelling units”a living room of 220 sq. ft. or more (if both the living room and bedroom are joined)120 sq. ft. if they are separateDefined as a trailer if it is on wheels and must be put on an R6 zoning districtFinal ThoughtsWhile it is easy to follow the trends when it comes to where to build your tiny house, where is the fun in that?Don’t be discouraged by outdated state laws. Instead, try to change them!The only reason why certain states have better laws to allow for tiny houses is that someone pushed for them. So, if you find that your dream state is not ideal for your tiny house, push to be the change!Chances are you can find plenty of like-minded people in your area that want to do the same.Good luck.